Got back in last evening at 5:30 P.M. and went STRAIGHT to the gym. I even persuaded the parents to come with me rather than lazing around at home. I was really proud of myself.
Of course, I have to admit that I absolutely HAD to go to the gym because of all the eating I did the night before at my aunt's home. She is a fab cook but one of the worst food pushers in the world.
BUT, not too long ago, I would have eaten badly and thought nothing of it. I wouldn't even have gone for a workout. Instead I would have told myself that I'd failed completely so I could take the rest of the week off. Instead, I've not only worked out, but I was back on my meal plan immediately. So I have to say that's a kind of a victory. (Hey, don't laugh, I have to take them as they come!)
Tomorrow is my second wedding anniversary. Can't believe it's been so long already! G was just bursting to give me the gift he got me so I got my fabulous new LV bag last night. It's absolutely gorgeous - and best of all - he picked it out all by himself!!!
Now I'm in a soup. I had JUST come up with the idea of a weekend away at a really beautiful hotel. Unfortunately, my sister shows up on the 2nd and here only for 4 days - we'd really love to spend a lot of time with her and her husband so we can't go away this weekend. Shravan also starts on the 2nd which means I won't be eating meat or drinking anything for a month starting saturday. I really wanted this to be a fabulous surprise for G and I can't help thinking it's not going to be as special if we can't go on the anniversary itself. Did I mention that he may be working tomorrow evening? :-p
So what does one do?? The problem with getting gifts for G is that he is really designer and fashion oriented whereas I don't give a damn. Anything I own with a brand name on it, he's got me. Whatever he wants is SO out of my budget, it's ridiculous - and this is a terrible time to take the money out of the stock market anyway. I'm really in a dilemma and it is making me SO crabby, I want to scream.
I'm also really crabby because everyone in our families wants to have a dinner for us and I don't want to do anything. I just think an anniversary should be intensely personal and I am in no mood to share it with anyone, even the family. Problem - how do I tell my mom and mil to bugger off and leave us alone? Sigh...
I'm gonna have to make the best of it and be glad that there are wonderful people in my life who want to make things special for us. (I think I am just not used to it because G and I tend to run away on all special occasions)
Note:- The hotel we stayed at has actually installed a gym. I was so thrilled, but managed just one workout
Thank for the comments, people! I re-read that post and I still feel so powerfully about it. Think I am going to read it once in a while :-)
I'm going back to Goa after ages this afternoon (assuming flights will take off, the monsoon has arrived). I'm a little concerned because travelling is really my weak spot. It's when I'm off my schedule and all over the place. This time I am travelling with my parents and that is an extra blow because they really stress me out and often lead me to make choices I would not normally make.
This time they have chosen to stay at a hotel that is all indoors (most hotels in Goa have lots of open space - it IS a beach destination, after all) and DOESN'T HAVE A GYM! Sigh. They do however, have stairs and, if there is no gym, they will just have to deal with me going around and around each level and running up a down the stairs. lol!
This morning my kickboxing instructor and I were chatting after my work out and he told me that he had several very slim clients who were totally obsessed with their weight. He told me it was good thing I wasn't obsessed. But really... I am, but not for the reasons his other clients have (one girl weighing like 55 kgs sent him a message that she wanted to up her workout levels because she was a fat blob).
I've really been thinking about this since my grandmother passed away. My genetic legacy sucks. My grandmother passed away of a diabetes related stroke and several years of self neglect. My mother - her daughter - has cholesterol issues (and she is not fat), heart palpitations, a bad back and a general unfitness about her despite her boundless energy and enthusiasm (that's grandma's care-for-everyone-but-yourself legacy).
My father, whom I take after, has had two bypasses and an atherectomy - he has the works, diabetes, high cholesterol (both under control thanks to obsessive food watching), sleep apnea, circulatory problems and now, lowered kidney function. His father passed away of prostrate cancer before I was born and his mother, at 85, has recently been operated for cancer of the jaw. Her life is even tougher considering she has been confined to her bed for the past few years because of crippling rheumatoid arthritis. My mother's father, arguably the fittest of the lot, passed away of a massive coronary when he was 60 - that was 21 years ago.
My obsession is NOT with losing weight (though it would REALLY help) - it's with getting fit. It's with having the energy to wake up at 6:30, work out, run the family business and my home, commute three hours a day, cook, be a good wife and daughter and, at some point, mother. It's about feeling accomplished and cheerful despite not having absolutely everything. It's about finding joy in life. It's about being the best I can be without breaking down. It's about my body being as strong as my mind.
THAT's what I want. THAT's what my goal really is, even though I express it in terms of kilograms and the amount I've eaten today.
I think Hemal was a bit taken aback when I expressed myself so strongly, but it was really a revelation for me - or rather I said out aloud thoughts that have always lurked in the back of mind. Sometimes I look at this journey through the figures on my scale and choose to be happy or depressed when the it's path that matters.
It's been cathartic to write this down, I'm sure I'll get bogged down with the details of getting fitter (damn PMS) as one always does. I just hope these reasons stay rather more at the front of my mind than the back and that I can bring them out every now and then and recommit myself to a relatively illness free life.
Terrible day for work - blah, but what a fab health day totally ruined in the evening!!
Did a tough session of kick-boxing in the morning, had the perfect breakfast and the perfect lunch, the perfect snacks and the perfect evening walk. Then I kinda blew it by going with G to his office before I ate dinner.
I had just too long a break between meals and then, instead of having a no carb dinner, I ended up having two pieces of toast. That would still have been ok if I hadn't consumed fudge (just a couple of teaspoons!!) my mil had made followed by a sweet sticky something of the other she'd brought from her trip away.
DAMMIT! I was PERFECT right until then!!!! I have got to learn that when the break between meals is too long, I have no power resist food temptation. PMS and bloating does NOT help self control either. Sigh...
I really need to post earlier than 2 minutes before I am due to leave for the evening.
Yesterday I did perfectly, right until I had to so abruptly run mid-rant. I thought my parents would show up much later than they did and I was totally not ready. But after some really quick getting ready (in this crazy heat! Where are the monsoons???) we went to a great art show.
I enjoyed myself even though I realized I couldn't afford a single one of the damn pieces on display!! Art rates have really gone through the roof. It's suddenly gone into the investment category and people who don't know a thing about art are snapping up pieces with absolutely no idea of the actual value of the piece or if it has any potential to appreciate. And in the end, younger collectors (who are often pretty broke) can't get art they really like and would love to see on their walls!!
Ok what is it with me and rants these days?? Actually there was another painting there I really liked, I am going to go take a look and see if it available and how much it is for - it has a red tiger in it! That is, if my husband doesn't kill me first. I'm still paying off the sculpture we bought last month (which, by the way, is fantastic)
After that I met up with G at this place called Blue Frog. They had green lights everywhere green beer bottles displayed at well. Why would you call a place blue frog and have it lit in green - and have no frogs around either? It's a mystery.
G is representing Carlsberg these days and they had sponsored it so it was a work thing for him. I'd had not nibbled at the art show and there was no food there!! The three beers I had (Carlsberg of course) for the obligatory 2 hours we HAD to be there went straight to my head. Lesson learned - EAT BEFORE EVENING EVENTS!!! (Also - don't wear three inch heels to a place you have to stand all evening)
Of course, we ended up eating at like 12:30 in the morning - and really unhealthy food at that too. And I am slightly hungover. I am going to be a good girl and go for a workout now - haven't decided if it'll be a walk on the track or a walk on the treadmill yet.
Hopefully, after yesterday, I will have nothing to report today. I want to be tucked up in bed early!
So last week was not a total mess, but lots of really mindless eating. I do very well with routine, but when I don't eat according to my plan or am on a different routine, I don't do so well. I ate a lot of junky carbs last week - and I ate more than my normal portions. That part I REALLY have to work on every day.
I am feeling a whole lot better this week - especially since yesterday's Condolence meeting for my grandmother went very peacefully and very well. We still have the 13th day ceremony to go, but I am feeling more and more peaceful now.
So it is time for me to revise my bad habits of last week and go back to the wonder I was the week before that. I am going to watch my portions. Watch the alcohol intake (I am not going to cut it out because my shravan starts in 9 days and then I will be off meat and alcohol for a whole month - and I really looking forward to the detox!)
Today I was so angelic. Woke up early and had loads of energy again rather than the complete exhaustion of last week. Did my kick boxing session which my trainer is taking to new heights. Yay! I survived the session! We also tried a new heart rate monitor which allowed me to better understand how my heart rate reacts to exercise. Pretty good, if I may say so myself!!!
Unfortunately, I do most of my walking and work outs in a gym and the monitor doesn't do so well around heavily motorized exercise equipment and cell phones. So many uncaring IDIOTS who are members of the gym bring their cell phones WITH them into the gym! I mean, what is with that???
.. but I've been lurking on everyone's blogs trying to muster the energy to start tracking my progress again :-)
I may not have been blogging, but after three (!!) months of extreme stress, lots of travelling and half heartedness about following my program, I got back on the wagon about a month and a half ago. I still haven't mustered up the courage to go back to my nutritionist, but I have been working out and following my diet.
So I've lost the two kgs I'd gained over my time off and now am even down one more kg, but I don't want to log it here because it's not really my official weigh in which I try to do at the nutritionists office.
In the meanwhile, my grandmother passed away yesterday. I'd blogged earlier about her stroke and how she was pretty much paralyzed, so I know it's been a welcome release for her and I am glad for her, but I can't help but feel really sad as well. I've been trying really hard for equanimity through all incidents and in all emotion and this is really testing me.
So far I don't really feel like doing anything other than getting into bed and doing a whole lot of comfort eating. I've promised myself not to, though so I'm going to have to keep my mind on that. I'm going to the gym this evening so I can get a much needed endorphin high (instead of a sugar high). Here's hoping that works for me.
Bleugh.... that is exactly how I feel right now. I know I have put on weight - I can feel my trousers tighter than they were before and I know I have not exercised nearly as much as I should have.
I attribute it to the menace of the "relatives from out of town". Now, strictly speaking, my aunts are here as well and they have not forced me to eat anything I don't want to, but these are the dreaded sister in law's in laws.
Let me explain - I am married into a community where there is a great deal of extra "respect" given to (and aggrandizement of) the groom's parents. Now I thought this was just during the wedding, but actually it's a life long thing. So my sister in law's in laws live in England and have decided to visit - the last time was for my wedding. This means that my entire family - my husband, his brother and wife and my in laws have dropped whatever they are doing and have been catering to all their holiday needs implicitly.
Now I can take one dinner out, heck two dinners out, but we have been meeting up every day since FRIDAY!! Once for dinner at my place, once for drinks at my brother in laws place followed by dinner out and yesterday for a day spent shopping with lunch out!!!! Forget about the diet, my stomach is screwed over! I can't bear looking at food! Especially the heavy rubbish you get at restaurants! And these are the kind of people who say "go on, have something, Priya, you've barely eaten! Don't you like the food??" AND we are meeting them for dinner out AGAIN TONIGHT!!!!!!!!
The worst part is that they are so freaking choosy. My sister in law and I were gang pressed into shopping service yesterday. Which meant following the lady around, looking for clothes that fit her very specific tastes (her size - which most Indian stores don't keep - and always maroon or some earth tone and with a little, but not too much embroidery and a black bag exactly, but not exactly like the one she already had). The number of things she bought - three in four hours of shopping. I think I spent more money than that out of sheer boredom and lack of caffeine.
Now don't get me wrong, they are really nice people and will be happy to do their absolute best for us if we were to visit them, but why would anyone want this??!!! I was looking forward to a nice quiet weekend with G, a salsa class, a couple of walks etc and instead I have been put in situations I totally resent and have had to smile for it. I think the work week was less stressful than this!
I actually wanted to leave for Goa today but have had to postpone the trip to tomorrow... Worse than that - they are also going to Goa tomorrow and *horror of horrors* know that I will be there and have been saying that I must have dinner with them EVERY NIGHT.
On a good note, I fell in love with not one painting, but TWO and ONE sculpture. They are beautiful - all done by different young artists. I am in the negotiationg process. Hopefully I will get a good price. hehheheh (G was def not prepared for this!)
After this project is up and running and the first two inspections are done, I am going on a long freaking holiday to a place that does NOT have sun, sand, surf and food as its primary attraction.
I just came in from Goa yesterday (going back there on Monday again) and was really pleased to note that, despite my crazy schedule and lack of adherence to a PROPER diet, I have not gained any weight. Of course, that may be because all I did was run around till I felt ragged. I also immediately wished I hadn't returned because all I've been doing today is yelling at people and trouble shooting on the phone instead of intimidating contractors in person. I have two weeks to go and I really need all the luck I can get!
Ok, more later - my mom is here and I am going for a couple of art exhibitions with her because she's found a piece she thinks I'd like to invest in and G has decided that this will be my birthday present! YAY! I really didn't want the phone he was suggesting (will be outdated too soon) or the clothes (planning to be too small for them) but art - yeah - that is a GREAT idea!!
I wrote a nice long blog yesterday about how the little challenges in my life (mostly snacks) are really the big challenges, but my internet connection decided to die on me and I lost the whole thing (aarrgh). It was a good blog too!
Today I put on a shirt that my mil got me months and months ago. She'd noticed that I liked wearing kurtis with a little work on them and that they suited me so she'd got me this bright yellow one with silver embroidery. Unfortunately, it didn't fit me. A week ago, before I left for Goa, I took out all the tops that had stopped fitting me - I'd actually folded them and put them away in the storage cupboard - and I tried this one on and it looked great! It really fits nicely! I thought I had put on LOADS of weight in Goa (I'm still not going for an official weigh in till the end of March) but it was mostly bloat that is now going down again (thank the heavens).
This morning G proved his commitment to exercise by waking up at 6:30 and doing the kickboxing class again! I was very pleased. Work outs with him are always more intense (a bit of showing off helps too *grin*). Hemal subjected us to a cracker of a workout this morning and my thigh which was stiff beyond belief after Monday's session (I was literally hobbling on my walk yesterday) loosened up finally. It's a bit achy still, but another walk should take care of it.
Tonight it's salsa class again. Yay!! It's a great stress buster - and I have plenty of stress right now. My project comes up for inspection in 3 weeks and I have so much to get done, it's incredible. All I have been doing is fighting with my moronic consultants and pushing my plant manager to the limit. Wish me luck. I really need it!
Oh yeah, eating is quite on track today. It's going to stay that way!
PS: My grandmother was brought home from the hospital yesterday! She looks so much better. Still can't communicate too well and is still paralyzed to a large extent, but she is back! Am very happy to have spent some time with her yesterday :-)
