Ok, so GCQmom wanted to know what "Starve for the Husband" Day was -"Starve for the husband" day aka Karva Chauth is coming up this Friday and it's a major festival for North Indian women. I'm from the west of India and my husband is a true blue "Punjabi" from the North so I wasn't brought up with it, but I do it because it's a big deal for G's family.
You wake up at eat at 5 in the morning - before sunrise and then you fast - no water even!! - for your husband's health and prosperity till you see the moon (oh and moon - on purpose, I bet - never comes out till 10 at night on that day ) through a mesh style collander and then you see your hubby's face through it and then you can drink water and eat. We often end up driving around to find the moonrise. Did I mention that, from your second karva chauth, you have to give your mother in law a gift on the day (I assume it means thanks for my husband)
I think it stemmed from a time when a woman's fate - social, economic, etc. was linked very strongly to her husband. She could only participate in society / religious functions etc. if she were a married woman and widows were considered inauspicious. If your husband died, it was very likely that his family would cast you out. So the women did all kinds of things to ensure long lives for their husbands. I don't know why they couldn't have chosen a large party instead of starvation, but who am I to say!!
But the best part is - through all this starvation you have to dress up like a bride - which means red clothes, lots of jewellery, bangles, bindis, henna, the works - and lots of shopping is involved. It's always portrayed as a very romantic thing in the movies here but believe me, by the time you see the moon, you are ready to kill your husband (which would kind of defeat the purpose, I know), but not strong enough to!!
It's pretty archaic, but the tradition is a major bonding time for the women in the family and all the ladies in our apartment building. I just try to do as little as possible. I wake up as late as possible, get a manicure / pedicure and a massage, blow dry and then watch a movie till the evening ritual starts at about 5:00 P.M. That consists of all the women coming together for a small ceremony and telling the proscribed stories and singing and stuff. And after that you can have ONE thing to drink till the moon comes up. G and his brother take us out for fruit milkshakes.
Oh, I also tell G to stay the hell away from me because he keeps asking if I am ok!! There is also a new breed of husbands who keep the fast with their wives. I absolutely oppose this. If a husband keeps the fast, all attention is on him (how sweet! how devoted!) and they get to act like babies on the one day when all the attention should be on you! Instead I cook G an EXTRA special lunch with the fond hope that he will feel hideously guilty about his wife starving at home.
Hey, I said I keep the fast, I didn't say I wasn't also evil
This year, my younger cousin who has also married a north indian boy will be coming to spend the day and evening ceremony with me. So we should have a good time!
Did I also mention that my parents and siblings laugh uproariously each year because I was always so vocal about NEVER DOING this in my vehemently feminist days? Yeah... no really... they do.
Posted By: Priya
Comments to this post:
10/14/2008 02:39
How Nice
How nice that day sounds!! Dressing up, manicure, pedicure the works!!! Sounds like fun!! Don't like the not eating part hehe!! Hope you do share some pictures!! Would love to see how pretty your going to look!
Thank you for sharing your tradition. I would hate the fasting, but I see the value of sharing the tradition with other women in your family. I totally agree about not letting your husband fast with you! : )
I love culture in general and I think it's super amazing what other cultures do. You also doing it for your hubby is such a nice thing to do as well. Do you dress up in red like a bride? If so you should share us a pic. I bet you would look beautiful.
That sounds like alot of fun... the festivities I mean. I probably would want to kill my husband by the end of the evening as well. And yes... do share pictures!
It is so neat to me that there are traditions out there like that. In America, we don't have any ceremonious traditions like that. I love being American but sometimes our culture just seems so bland. Ok...don't mean to tick anyone off with that statement. Just an opinion.
That's a really neat tradition! I'm sure it's painful as you go through it, but the bonding is always good, and a manicure / pedicure / massage never hurts . . .
Thanks for sharing that info. I learned something new. I feel for ya, though. I eat every three hours. I would have serious trouble. The dressing up part sounds fun, though.
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.
The fasting part isn't so great. I know. I've fasted (no water either) too. The longest I've fasted was for about 36 hours. In that tradition, why do you look at the moon "through a mesh style collander?" Are you supposed to actually see your husband's face?
I hope that widows aren't STILL cast out of the family house to starve. Has India changed a lot since those 'old days?' Are most women happy? Do you have the same rights as men? (I hope I don't offend you by these questions. I'm just curious to know what life in India is like. Especially for women.)
I've always loved the way your culture loves strong vibrant colors!! So full of life and passion!!
Hi, Priya. I tried so hard to not lose my comment. EP's messing up. So sorry I took up so much space. I'm just gonna' click this comment -- one time only and hope it "takes."
) through a mesh style collander and then you see your hubby's face through it and then you can drink water and eat. We often end up driving around to find the moonrise. 
Did I mention that, from your second karva chauth, you have to give your mother in law a gift on the day (I assume it means thanks for my husband)
As all the others have said, I'm sure it's a fun day - with the activities and all the female bonding.