I'm Kidding Myself
So, I wrote out an elaborate update as to what has been going on in my life recently. From moving to fights with my mother and onto my weight. But, I was interrupted and decided to save the entry as a draft... BIG MISTAKE. It seems as though existence had eaten my post. And, now here I go again. A quick recap: I moved in with my mom. Its been crappy because we've been fighting like rabid alley cats. Her boyfriend is moving back in this weekend and along with him three dogs, which I'm allergic to. I applied to some colleges, and for a job at a steakhouse. Still waiting to hear back. I'm really struggling with the lack of cash, I don't have enough to pay my student loan this month, and my mom isn't even the slightest bit inclined to help me (since she's angry with me). She doesn't seem to like my boyfriend because he's into the whole meditation thing, which in her opinion is "dangerous. How is he going to make it in the world when all he wants to do is meditate? He needs to be in this reality"... blah, blah, blah. She is just extremely closed minded, which you can expect from a Roman Catholic. Last night I had an amazing experience meditating. It felt as if a thousand tiny electric blue fingers where tickling the inside of my skin. And after a good cry, I laughed for no reason and questioned my sanity for just a second. I wrote a little note to my future self about staying positive and being open to all of the possibilities in this world. And just when I touched on the subject of weight is when I lost the post. My current weight is a new high: 229.5. After expressing my desire to get down to a healthy and comfortable weight, he convinced me that by meditating I will obtain a more centered sense of self, and that I will learn to accept and love myself, and also find joy in everything I do. And that in turn I will also break my dependency on food, that I won't need food to fill that horrible void in my soul. So, I'm trying to look at things in a different light. As for the juicing and fasting... well, the whole thing pretty much fell apart with the moving. I left the old juicer I borrowed from the bf's mom in Jersey because I was planning on getting myself a much more modern one with a larger mouth (In needed to cut everything up into little pieces in order for it to fit in the older juicer). But, since I'm strapped for cash it doesn't look like I'll be able to get myself one until at least my 2nd paycheck. I just need to be more aware of my eating. I've noticed that I've been eating even when I'm not hungry, and way past the point of being full. I need to be patient with myself. I seem to think I will fail, so I give up quickly.
Anyway, I saw this program called "What the bleep do we know?". You can look it up on youtube.com. Its really long, but it really is amazing. It talks about quantum physics and what our reality really is. There is this part that talks about thoughts and emotions, and it really hit home for me. It even brought tears to my eyes. I really recommend that people who are interested in life's questions (such as the meaning of life) to view it. Its like 16 parts which are each 10 minutes long, but, it is really really marvelous.
I'm exhausted. I'll be interested in checking up on other's blogs. I hope things have been well for all.