I have sadly been a person that has let too many people and what they say affect my life.  I really put the effort forward the last time even with being severly depressed over my mom's death but well one too many people made one too  many comments and it sent me spiraling into the great black hole of depression.

 

in other places in real life and over the net when i was talking about myself and my weightloss journey i got some negative feedback and I have to admit it really pissed me off.  I mean hello we know there are MANY fat hatters, you dont have to tell me you think i am fat and gross ... your nto telling me anything i dont already knwo.  I mean what is the purpose of telling me I am fat or pointing and making your nasty rude comments ... I mean HELLO are you that STUPID do you think i dont know im FAT, OBESE and not pretty to look at.  I dont need your comments about me eating a place out of business or oh my favorite my God the earthquake is coming oh and how can i forgot the other i hear alot how the hell did you get so fat!  I am the first person to remind myself of these things I am the first person to look in the mirror and say these things to myself.  I am a Big Woman adn there is a part of me that is ashamed .. a Big Part HOWEVER my size should have no baring on anyone life ... How little is your world and your self esteem to have to point and talk about me.  GET A LIFE BOZO!! find some self esteem while I am trying to find happiness and weightloss in myself.   Accept me for who I am without the negative comments.  So next time you see a PLUS size, miorbidly obese instead of talking, looking whispering ... Smile at them like they are somebody say hello ... if you ahve a family member that is like that dont talk about their size because everythign you say is something later they repeat over and over in their heads.  We deal with many battles on a daily base ... for instance

Just getting up in the mornings is hard on me the knees ache adn scream and my back literally fills like it is going to break.  To stand at the end of the stairs I am sadly pacing my steps counting everyone with such aching agony feeling each and every step that you so easily take.  to get on an elevator adn look at the weight capaticy ... and wondering am i pushing it over.  Mentally i am figuring everyone weight in my head adn praying it safely gets to my floor and I dont kill everyone. To have a fear when i go out with my family can i sit in the booth without it hurting ... oh my lord can i sit in this chair without it breaking ... How embrassing would that be (and it has happened).  I sadly have felt horrible because i hate going out with my family because of my size.  I hate going to school events because the kids use me to make fun of my children and tease them. 

No matter how many of those small minded people have made me feel I have to do this for my family I have to find my way back to loving me again.... I have to find a way to be here longer for my kids.  I dont know how i will do this... I have no money to buy the right kinds of food ... i have no money to buy exercise stuff that would help and I no longer have my mom as my cheering section ... but i am going to try hard to do this once again ... Lord be with me through you is the only way I can accomplish this. 

Sorry was on my soapbox but well I felt the need to somehow get months and months of negativity out in the open.  I know chances are the people that said those things will never see this but i said it all jsut the same. 

Just because i a Mobidly obese I am no less of a person than they are ... I am somebody special and I am beautiful ... this is something I am going to tell myself daily! 

Well i worked really hard today to eat besides just dinner.  Funny how a morbidly obese person say she had to work to eat but i do.  I got up this morning about 7 and i walked before it got to hot and then i came home and had a bowl of raisin bran with skim milk.  After that i did some cleaning.  trying to organize myt back room and wash room.  Also trying to work my way to the room that had alot of my moms things... altho I was not successful in going thru any of her things.  She died in March and I know i need to do it I just cant bring myself to do it yet ... so there is a cluttered mess in my house until I can force myself to start going thru it.

 

Well after that I looked online for some exercises that obese people can do ... i didnt find much except for walking and well I was hoping for more.  Anyway I did walk and by the time i finished i felt like i was gonna die.

 

Well my kids are wanting my attention so going to leave off here... but would love to hear what and how some of you are doing it ... any advice is welcome.

Well let see I am so bad about not eating throughout the day and just having dinner.  I dont overeat at dinner but i have heard many times that the not eating is more harmful than the eating.  But telling that to a fat person is nearly impossible to conceive.  Simply because you assume food in adds a extra fat roll and we dont need anymore of that.  So I am going to try hard to figure out a way to make myself try to eat throughout the day small things in hope that I can reset my mind.

 

So far today I had a apple for breakfest and right now I am munching on a cucmber.  This afternoon going to a cookout at my cousins house.  We plan on a steak, grill potatoe and corn and maybe a lil pasta salad.

 

After the BBW i dont think i will eat anything else.  Hopefully it will not rain as i would like to walk this evening after the sun goes down and it cools off a bit. 

 

Not sure when i will weigh myself I really hate the scales.  But i plan on taking measurements very soon. 

Ok my cousin gave me a wonderful incenative to LOSE WEIGHT...  I know 3 years ago i weighed an alarming 482 pounds... I lost 100 pounds and then I took a stand still.  I found out that I have thyroid problems along with several other underlying health issues.  But anyway my cousin gave me a WONDERFUL incentive to lose some weight ... He offered me 200 buckaroos for every 50 pounds i lose and new clothes WOOT WOOT!!  Isnt he awesome and all because he is concerned with family being overweight.  So the task at hand was a accurate weight in .. I was weight last week at the doctor and I weighed (dare I say)  shhhh dont tell I weighed 378 :(   I know so gross and nasty but gonna work hard to get it off... I already started walking and trying to move move move my fat ass a lil bit more.  I am also eating less and less not forcing more when the tummy says full.  I am going to try to walk more and more until i can work my way up to a mile and then try to do it a couple times a day.

 

Altho yesterday I had a wonderful time with some friends we went to yard sales and shopping I know i walked a good 3 to 4 miles ... and my legs and hips dont lie ... they are screaming with the burn today ... BURN BABY BURN!!

 

 really miss mom ... when i lost the 100 pounds (over a two year period) she was there encourging me and trying to do some things right along with me.  I miss her so much... but I know that I need to lose it and hopefully with Ray's offer I will get this baggage off ... I lost the 100 and I think I can lose more.  my goodness I lost a good teenager now let me lose another person LOL. 

 

Stomach fat be GONE!!  is there a cream to wipe the poundage away .   Well anyway here we go AGAIN ...