Okay I'm pissed I just type this long ass blog and when I went to preview it, it went away, I lost the damn thing!!!!!!
Anyway I was doing alot of venting about my mom and my hub. I don't know what to do! My mom isn't a good mom at all. I was beat and called very bad names by her growing up. I have grown up to forgive her, but sorry never will forget! We have a relationship like friends that don't talk that much ya know what i mean. i don't get to close to her cause i will end up getting hurt by her. She hasn't ever been a Mom to my 14 year old lil sis. I had to raise her since she was 5 until I moved out of my dads house. My parents divorced cause she slapped my big sis in the face causing her to move out at the age of 17. My Dad is the only person in my life that I can count on no matter what!
I met my hubby at the age of 15 and got pregnant at 16. Yeah way to young I know, but I love my son to death and wouldn't change it for the world. When I got pregnant my hubby which was my bf at the time wanted me to get an abortion. Sorry NO!! I am 150% against that. I had to fight for my sons life for 5 months of my pregnancy. My hubby never told his parents he had a baby on the way. Well of course he left me 5 months pregnant and got to go on with his life as if nothing had ever happened. Well 2 make a LONG story short the day I had my son, my dh showed up and wanted to get back together and be a part of our sons life. Well dumbass me took him back with open arms cause I did love him even after the shit he put me thru. We got married when my son was 2 and as all of you already know we had our second baby 6 weeks ago. I have been there for him since the day we started dating. I was there the day he almost lost his job for stealing money from his boss. I was there for him the day his Grandma past away. I have been there like a wife should be there for her husband. I get left alone when I need him. I had a miscarriage a year ago, well he went to work the day after it happened, his boss told him to stay home, but no he just had to go to work. Every time I have needed him he hasn't been there. He knows how I was treated by my Mom and he doesn't care. I want to be happy for once in my life. I don't want my kids to think this is how a marriage works. I want to get out of this marriage, but I also want to stay. I have talked to him about this, but he don't want to hear it. I have asked him to go to counseling, but no he don't think we have a problem. I have tried to just live with him and not talk or anything, but that's not a marriage. I know in my heart that if we split up it would not hurt him. I just want to do right by my kids and be happy. He is the only man I have ever even dated. I just don't know what to do!!!!!
Posted By: pammie_wright
Comments to this post:
05/10/2007 11:31
Wish I could give you advice
But babe, I'm not in your shoes. I can sympathize, though - I was 17 when I got pregnant and I couldn't stay home unless I got an abortion. I left. My daughter was born 2 weeks before my 18th birthday, and my dh and I got married when she was 3 months old. There have been some major ups and downs over the last 14 years, but I'm very lucky. My dh puts his kids before anything else in the world. He was abused as a child - his mother has bi-polar disorder and she just wasn't emotionally equipped to parent six children. I wasn't abused, I wasn't physically neglected, but my dad left us when I was six, my mom attempted suicide, and after that, life was all about keeping momma happy. No emotional support at all, which is pretty hard on a kid (hence getting pregnant and running away from home). It has been a long, hard road getting my life back on track because it is not just my life anymore. I HAVE to be there for my kids because I want them to have it better than I did. Sometimes I have to not be there 100% though, just so that things can be better down the road. I've been in college since 2002, though I took a year off when we had baby number 4, and I graduate next May. My dh and I have fought like cats and dogs sometimes, and sometimes we are each other's best friends. I can't tell you what to do because I'm not you - all I can tell you is whatever choice you make, life is going to be hard, because that is the nature of life. You face down one challenge after another, and with each challenge you grow stronger and wiser. I can tell you not to slip into manipulative behavior. The worst thing you can do is to act out of fear just to see how he's going to react. That is small and petty, and you are beyond that because you are a mother. Stand up straight, take a deep breath, and make your decisions out of a calm and rational place that knows no fear. You are a mother. That title is quite something to live up to, and you have already done an astounding job of it. Be proud of yourself, woman! You are so much better than you give yourself credit for. You are a mother. You put your children first, and I applaud you for that.
Wow - you've had a tough life! I don't know what to tell you, except to follow your heart. If you are truly miserable, then your kids are suffering too. Like Dr. Phil says, "It's better to be FROM a broken home than IN one."
I truly wish you happiness, no matter what you decide to do. I hope you have close friends or family members you can turn to for help in this difficult time.
I'll be thinking of you. Hugs from the Great White North.
Hiya Pammie! I wish i lived closer because I sure would take the time to hug you! I dont know what to advise you to do. I honestly think in matters like this, all situations need to weighed out. You deserve to be loved, and treated as if you were the most important thing in the world. I wish you luck..and im here if you ever need to chat!
