I'm doing good :) Hanging in there and just finished my workout on this, day 14 of the 2nd stage of my weight loss in 2008. And the biggest thing is that I figured out why I was not losing this past week. TOM showed up more than a week early yesterday. NOT a welcome visitor ever, let alone that freaking early! But at least it explained away why I wasn't seeing the scale move this past week. So, hopefully I can get it out the door asap and see a loss this coming week :)
I feel good. My eating is good, my exercise is good. Still not huge, long workouts, but at least I'm working out consistently. In the 14 days I have only missed working out 3 days, so that's a good thing. I know that soon enough I'll see the scale moving downward again. I have a doctor appointment the day before Thanksgiving. I'm hoping to be down to 215 by then. If I'm lower I'll happily take that :) But I'm just shooting for 5 lbs because I know myself well enough to know if this plateau doesn't want to budge fast before then I will become discouraged if I set my goal too high and it can cause a major backslide. I don't want that. I have maintained every pound of my weight loss and I'm actually completely happy with that. It may take me forever to lose all the weight I need to ultimately lose, but the fact that I'm losing and then KEEPING that weight off for months at a time is a great thing.
I'll make it. And I'm enjoying actually getting to a point where I can truly feel smaller. I'm not content to stay at this weight by any means, but just the fact that I have days where I actually feel thinner is a major accomplishment all on it's own. I can't remember the last time I actually felt positive about myself, even when I weighed 100 lbs less than I do now.
I'm still plugging away getting back into the workout routine. In the past 10 days I've only missed two workouts so that's great compared to where I had been. Still not able to get very long workouts in, but at least I'm getting them in every day that I possibly can. I'm afraid tomorrow will be another no workout day, but there's just not much I can do about it. Life is hectic right now and I'm just trying to cope the best I can and not gain weight. I'm accomplishing that part and that's my biggest priority so I won't allow myself to feel defeated just because I can't workout every day for an hour a day. That just flat out isn't going to happen in my life any time soon.
Tomorrow I have to get up at 4 am. Yuck. And leave the house by 4:30 am. Yuck. In order to drop my oldest DS off at his high school 20 miles away so that he can attend the National FFA Convention in Indianapolis. Not so yuck. LOL He's really enjoying FFA so it makes all the extra effort I'm having to put in getting him from meetings and giving up weekend sleep at least somewhat worth it By the time I get back home after seeing them off it will be about time to wake up the younger two (don't worry, I won't be leaving them home alone LOL DH works nights so he'll be home if they need someone but they'll sleep like logs til the older one's alarm goes off) As soon as I get them off on the bus I'll have to get myself ready to head to the elementary school and help out in DD's kindergarten class. She likes to ride the bus so I head in later once the teacher has the class all settled in. Friday's are only 1/2 days for her so I just stay until class is over at 11:30 and bring her home with me. By the time we get home it'll be a little after noon, I'll have to catch lunch for us and DH. Get the things done around the house I haven't had time to since I've been on the road all morning and then when middle DS gets home from school we have to head BACK to his school and help out with the Harvest Festival. When it's over at 7:00 I'll have to run and grab something for them to eat somewhere so we can be at the high school by 8pm to pick up oldest DS.
That's pretty much how all of my days are lately. So, like I said, I'm just remaining positive about getting any workouts in at all and not gaining. I know the losses will return soon enough if I keep plugging away. It's frustrating to say the least. It's annoying to be one of those people who just can't lose any significant weight unless I can work out for an hour or so each day and that just isn't in the cards for me. I don't have the money for a gym membership by any means and even if I did I couldn't afford the gas to travel to one every day or even 3 days a week. And if I could join a gym, just exactly when would I go with days like these??? Sigh. I'll make it work. I always do. I've lost 55 lbs and kept it off, 35 of those just this year. It may be slow, but it sticks and that's the most important thing.
That I will never, ever in a million years like exercising I will do it, but I do not believe I will ever enjoy it.
I believe part - and only part - of the reason right now I can't/won't/don't (pick your contraction of choice ) is that I always feel I have too many things to do. And I DO have too many things to do. The entire time I'm exercising I'm looking around thinking "Man, I REALLY need to get to that." or "I can't believe I left that sitting out." or a million other things and I cannot focus 100% on the workout. I know it's working. I know it's what I need to do to lose weight, but I don't like it and you can't make me.
I believe a person can despise exercise and yet continue to do it. And I will be one of those people. I know for me it is the only way I can lose weight. I've tried doing it w/o exercise and it doesn't work. So I will mutter Yosemite Samisms under my breath and sweat and puff away as I exercise myself to better health and a better body.
I believe I will very soon break through and make it under 220 to stay. And then WATCH OUT because I'll be on the move again
LOL I'm happy to report I've just completed day 4 of stage 2/2008. I'll get this ball moving again, even if it is slowly. I just continue to remind myself I'm not gaining and that's something to celebrate in itself. In 2006 I was 275 lbs. So I'm down 55 lbs from my highest weight. That's a pretty great accomplishment. I have more to lose, but just the fact that none of that weight has found it's way back onto me is something I need to remind myself of - everday if I have to! - and hold on to. I'll get there. It may take me longer than others, but at least I'm not yo-yoing back and forth!!
I got a workout in already That's a pretty great thing considering this is an uber busy day and I figured this would have to be my first miss of the restart campaign. I'm just tired of being in this funk. Of not losing. Of being afraid I'm going to start regaining weight and the one (yes, one) pair of jeans I have that fit will be too small and then I'll be screwed and not have anything at all to wear. I've gotten rid of all my too big clothes, which is actually a good thing because it will force me to not allow myself to backslide. I refuse to buy bigger sizes again. Ever. And since I don't have the money to buy clothes that actually fit me now, I'm certainly not going to allow myself to have to actually buy BIGGER stuff. That's just nuts.
Re-do. No, scratch that, I'm not going to call this stage a re-do. It'll be just what it is, another stage in my journey. Stage 2 of 2008. I've held my own. Been battling going back and forth a bit on the scale, but w/o exercise that's to be expected. We farm, so this time of year is hectic to say the least. But we're finished in the fields now and I'm determined to get back with it. Unfortunately life apparently doesn't agree. I told myself that Monday I'd exercise no matter what. And I did. Today too, hence the title day two. But it has been a real struggle. My DD is sick and we haven't slept the past 3 nights - yawn. So my workouts have been short and not at all strenuous, but at least I worked out. And I'm going to hang on to that. With a freshman in high school, a fourth grader and a kinder along with a DH who works night shift my life is just in complete turmoil right now with not a moment to spare so I'll do what I can do and move on. I just want to see that damn scale budge again. And I have no winter clothes whatsoever that will fit. Not in a 'bad' way I suppose, they are all too big. But it's still depressing. DH has been laid off so much this year our income is way down so there is no way shopping is an option. I'm struggling enough trying to figure out how to deal with Christmas so clothes are on the way back burner for the near and probably somewhat distant future. Once I get more weight off I realize I'll have to purchase a few things. I have so few things I can actually wear out of the house now because I own mostly V-necks and they are not at all appropriate in public anymore LOL
Hoping to get things into some mode of order in the coming week so that I have a chunk of time to work out most days of the week. I can't commit to every day. That gets me into trouble every time because when things start to fall apart I feel like a failure when I can't get that workout in each and every day so I will say most days and leave it at that.
I stepped on the scale today and it just really pissed me off. Hoping I can use that pissed offness to my advantage. But it still pisses me off!!! According to the stupid thing I've gained 6 pounds. There is NO freaking way!!!!! In the first place, if I gained that much weight, my clothes would be getting tight. Nothing is. Not even the smallest sizes I bought. Everything fits fine, some are even fitting looser/baggier than I had been noticing. In the second place, I have hit the workouts regularly again so COME ON!!!
Something has GOT to give with this weight. I am so sick of the 220's. I thought by now I'd never been seeing a # near 220 on that damn thing again. It is so frustrating to work so blooming hard and get nothing back. I will tell myself it's muscle. I will tell myself that come Friday the scale won't be quite so damn stupid anymore and it will realize it's error. I will tell myself that I feel better, especially when I take my outdoor bike rides. I will kick the scale across the bathroom if I have to. I WILL get past this blasted plateau that has overstayed it's welcome by more than a month. I WILL NOT remain over 220. Period.
First let me state a disclaimer, just because I'm going to bitch and moan doesn't mean I'm giving up I'm just annoyed and need to get it out.
This is the part of losing weight when you have soooooo sooooo much weight to lose. Well, the 2 parts I guess. The first part is the plateaus. Gawd how I hate plateaus. There is something about my body that lets me lose 30 pounds and then it's like it shuts down and says, nope, not giving you anymore, that's all you get. I'm determined to work through/past/over it whatever it takes, but it's annoying none the less.
The second annoyance, and the one that actually right now is probably bothering me the most is the fat shiftage. Here I am 55 lbs down from my highest weight, 33 lbs down from my starting weight in April and yet I feel like my fat roll (I guess technically I have more than one, but it's just the one that's bothering me) is bigger than it was when I was fatter I know it's because then it was more of one large glob rather than a (or multiple) rolls. And now that I've lost weight it's like there's this definition that has separated the glob into an upper and lower fat formation. And that upper one just hangs there. And no matter what shirt I put on I feel like I have these bulges off to the side that look horrible. And then I feel as if I don't look like I've lost any weight and it's......what's the word people?....ANNOYING!!!! Crickey I'm down to a baggy size 16 from wearing 22s and 24s in April and yet I look at myself and see that fat saggage and it makes me want to scream.
Hopefully if I can get that darn # on the scale moving in the right direction again.....finally.....I'll see a difference fairly quickly in the fat roll. I want to be proud of my weight loss again. Not sidetracked when I glance in the mirror and see those protrusions. I'm glad the fat glob is gone, but not so happy about the fat glob deciding to break itself up into two smaller entities.
Stay away for a little while because you're hyper busy, come back and everything's changed!!! LOL I'll have to find some time to wander around and see all the newness here. Cool!!
I'm still hanging in. Not losing, but not gaining so I'm taking that as a positive. I got a workout in today. I've finally managed to get through to myself - at least for now - that I need to let go of the all or nothing mentality I get when it comes to workouts. I had gotten myself to a point over the summer where I was working out many times 7 days a week. When school started and with lots of changes going on there was no way that could happen. Even one day a week for a while wasn't manageable. And I get myself to a place where I think if I can't do it all..... If you're a mom in particular I'm sure you have that train of thought many times a day unfortunately.
So I'm trying to rewire my brain and remind myself that if I have time and can work in a workout great, go DO it. If I can't, well, I'll try tomorrow. Right now we're coming into harvest season and I'm going to hit a point where there will be no workouts again for that period of time no matter what I try. But, by the same token I am extremely active during harvest running here there and yonder so I must keep that in mind when we roll into the fields.
For now, I'm just taking it one day at a time. I'll workout to the best of my ability and realize that things won't be this crazy forever (hopefully!!!) and I will get a 'normal' back at some point. Until then I'll do what I can each day.
Ok, well, obviously I haven't been HERE here, but still LOL Ugh, life hasn't slowed down for a moment unfortunately. I'm holding my own weight wise, but by the skin of my teeth I would think. I AM going to get back into an exercise routine next week. I just have to make it through this weekend and then no matter what I will get back with it.
I keep reminding myself that I'm down 33 lbs this go round. I hit near 30 lbs in '06 and got stuck so I have to keep reminding myself that I was able to get the weight loss going again. I just have to have a minute to focus and breath and get it all rolling again.
I actually feel a little better after last night about the chaoticness of everything. My husband is laid off right now. We have 3 kiddos. A freshman in high school, a 4th grader and a kinder. Our 4th grader really struggles with homework. Actually, he doesn't struggle, he just chooses not to put forth much if any effort. So something that should take him 20 minutes max ends up taking us all night. Literally. I was to the point of thinking it was just because I fly solo at night and I'm trying to juggle the 3 kids and everything they need, getting dinner on the table and cleaned up afterward, getting bath duty taken care of for the kinder, reading for the required 15 minutes a night to the kinder, making sure any projects she's supposed to do are taken care of, making sure the boys both get showers, making sure that homework is done and CORRECT for 4th grader (we have to sign all his homework this year, and according to teacher she wants us to help him correct it, so I won't sign unless it's right and neat and all that good stuff), making sure he reads 20-30 minutes every night which entails asking him questions about what he says he read because a lot of times he 'fakes' reading. He hates reading :(
So, I have always just kind of thought it was just that I'm only one person and if DH were just home things wouldn't take as long. WRONGO!!! The kids get home from school around 4:45. 4th grader always goes straight to his room to start homework so that, hopefully, he'll have free time before bed. I'm finishing up dinner. We eat, oldest DS helps me clean the kitchen while DH gives DD a bath and younger DS is in the shower. Sit down to look over 4th graders homework and I can't read a word he's written :( In his defense he had a horrible teacher last year. I mean horrible. I've never disliked a teacher, but this one I disliked. She never had them write in cursive other than in their handwriting practice book. We brought it up to her several times knowing he'd be required to use cursive in 4th grade. We, and all the other parents we talked to about this, were always given "he's doing fine." Well, he's doing OK for not having been taught properly, but it's so hard for him to get the letters down right. Thankfully this year's teacher understands what we all went through last year and is working with them, but even so they are required to always write in cursive now so that throws in yet another issue for him. So he had to go back and rewrite things. Comes back out, answers are wrong. And the sad thing is, this was an EASY assignment. Read the paper, the answers are RIGHT there in what you read, answer the questions. He's filling in things that have nothing to do with what he read.....because he didn't read it. Oy vay. At 8:45pm last night we were STILL working with him on his homework!! Between the two of us working TOGETHER with him last night, we worked for almost 3 hours straight :( It's exhausting.
And DH's layoff should end Friday so he'll be back at work and it'll be all on me again. And I'm kind of thinking, how in the hell.......:(
I know I have to find time to workout. But I'm also really sick of hearing all the pat answers to 'just take time for yourself'. If I HAD time I'd be taking time!!! All summer I worked out consistently. But we're gearing up for harvest season, the school work load, stuff I just have to keep up on, volunteering at school, being involved on a committee at school.....it all eats away at the time. I may have to bump the exercise time down. May have to forget about strength training right now. I just can't devote 1 1/2- 2 hours to workout time and doing splits never worked for me. I'll make it work. I just have to find a way right now.
By the time I get back home after seeing them off it will be about time to wake up the younger two (don't worry, I won't be leaving them home alone LOL DH works nights so he'll be home if they need someone but they'll sleep like logs til the older one's alarm goes off) As soon as I get them off on the bus I'll have to get myself ready to head to the elementary school and help out in DD's kindergarten class. She likes to ride the bus so I head in later once the teacher has the class all settled in. Friday's are only 1/2 days for her so I just stay until class is over at 11:30 and bring her home with me. By the time we get home it'll be a little after noon, I'll have to catch lunch for us and DH. Get the things done around the house I haven't had time to since I've been on the road all morning and then when middle DS gets home from school we have to head BACK to his school and help out with the Harvest Festival. When it's over at 7:00 I'll have to run and grab something for them to eat somewhere so we can be at the high school by 8pm to pick up oldest DS.
I will do it, but I do not believe I will ever enjoy it. 
) is that I always feel I have too many things to do. And I DO have too many things to do. The entire time I'm exercising I'm looking around thinking "Man, I REALLY need to get to that." or "I can't believe I left that sitting out." or a million other things and I cannot focus 100% on the workout. I know it's working. I know it's what I need to do to lose weight, but I don't like it and you can't make me. 
That's a pretty great thing considering this is an uber busy day and I figured this would have to be my first miss of the restart campaign. I'm just tired of being in this funk. Of not losing. Of being afraid I'm going to start regaining weight and the one (yes, one) pair of jeans I have that fit will be too small and then I'll be screwed and not have anything at all to wear. I've gotten rid of all my too big clothes, which is actually a good thing because it will force me to not allow myself to backslide. I refuse to buy bigger sizes again. Ever. And since I don't have the money to buy clothes that actually fit me now, I'm certainly not going to allow myself to have to actually buy BIGGER stuff. That's just nuts. 
I know it's because then it was more of one large glob rather than a (or multiple) rolls. And now that I've lost weight it's like there's this definition that has separated the glob into an upper and lower fat formation. And that upper one just hangs there. And no matter what shirt I put on I feel like I have these bulges off to the side that look horrible. And then I feel as if I don't look like I've lost any weight and it's......what's the word people?....ANNOYING!!!! Crickey I'm down to a baggy size 16 from wearing 22s and 24s in April and yet I look at myself and see that fat saggage and it makes me want to scream.