Don't I hate to admit it, but here I am again, sick of what I have become and wondering whether I have the ability to make a change that will stick.
We are away on holidays at the moment so the camera comes out more often and let me say that I was horrified at what I had become! I know I am overweight and I know what size I have to buy, but there is nothing like a photo to bring it all into the clear in big way (pardon the pun!) I look so blown up and uncomfortable it makes me shudder. Just thinking about how I look in those family pictures, makes me less hungry, at least at the present moment.
I will need to get off my big fat behind and do something about this, otherwise I KNOW that I will just get bigger and bigger. I know myself well enough that if I am not watching what I eat, I just eat everything that isn't tied down. I just am so annoyed at how ridiculous this is that I have said the same thing over and over again. And how if I had done something or stuck to something sooner, I may have not been in this position. But I suppose the only time is now, and I can control now but yesterday is dead and buried.
I want to pray to big diet god in the sky that this is my time and by some miracle things will be different this time. That someone will come down and inhabit my body for the time being until I am at a weight I am much happier with. Why is it so easy to put on and so damn hard to get off? I suppose if I want it badly enough it won't seem hard at all. When I am this size, I feel conspicuous and uncomfortable. I feel out of control and slovenly. That isn't me. I need to find that me under all these layers of flab. I keep telling myself that it isn't so bad because I'm not up to where I was at my biggest. Who am I kidding? I want better for my children's mother. I do love the person I am, but I sure don't like the body I have right now. Please let this be the time I get it right.
Have made my weigh in day Sunday and am happy to log a loss! 1.4 kg (about 3lb) to be exact. And the great thing about that loss, is that I didn't ge the chance this week to do my really strict plan, so this coming week I am really looking forward to see how I go. I think Sunday is a great weigh in day as it means that if we do something special with the family etc, it won't impact my loss as I have another week to be back on plan. I do feel far more positive that it will happen for me this time - it's like I can see it happening where I was just hoping last time. I was watching a show about the human brain and it was saying that just visualising something teaches your brain the right pathways so that when you actually physically do it, it is more automatic than if you hadn't pictured yourself doing it in the first place. Don't know how this works for weight loss, but maybe I should try to picture myself eating well and looking slimmer and see how I go? Worth a try... We have had a really lovely Father's day and the weather has been glorious. Happy Sunday to all.
I am so happy that the weekend is finally here! At least in Australia anyway. We had fantastic weather today and my kids have been really lovely. We have father's day on Sunday so tomorrow is all about finding a present for my dad. Most of the time he doesn't know what he wants, so buying the perfect gift can be pretty difficult. I think we will just have to go for a DVD. Predictable, but at least I should be able to find something that he likes.
My eating has been pretty good this week. I haven't been able to go exactly as my diet plan says (weights of foods etc) but I have chosen the healthy thing everytime. No chocolate since Monday as well, so I am very proud of that! I am going to be slightly less obsessive with the scales and not blog my weight until Monday. That way I get to see a more real idea of my weightloss patterns. I am feeling really calm about my eating which is great. Sometimes when I start to diet, I get a bit tense about missing out on food and then start to feel sorry for myself. I just have to think past the craving to what I really want out of this. And that is to feel more comfortable with myself. You know, that great feeling of not actually thinking so much about your body - not pulling your shirt down to cover your lumps and bumps - that hopefully people aren't looking at your fat! It frees you up to take more interest in other people and be a better friend. I have thought about the weekend meals and know that I won't have to stray to far off plan.
But boy did I do it hard yesterday! I went through some detox - throbbing headache most of the afternoon. But I can feel the cloud slowly lifting. I have been doing quite well with the water and not eating between meals. So I will try to add another good day to that tomorrow. I think if I can keep it a day at a time and not get too into how many days/weeks/months it will take me to get to goal, I can do it! Happy losing to you all.
So glad to see all my friends back on here. And just the motivation I need to get me going. Although the fact that the scale has gone up again should be motivation enough. I have been eating enough chocolate by myself for my whole family!! I told my husband what I weighed, and he said that I'd probably eating 4 kilos of m&ms over the last month! Just so you know, it was very much said in good humour - and he is right.
I just want to feel healthy again instead of all stodged up with loads of crap! I have been thinking about being serious about my diet again, and realising I would rather be strict for the short term, than keep feeling bad about how I look. I do spend alot of time judging myself by what I think other people are thinking, particularly having lost weight before. I am always thinking that others must think I am lazy, undisciplined, a pig and that they must feel sorry for me. I am actually a very happy person apart from the weight thing hanging over me.
So here I am to 'fess up that I haven't been eating well at all, and asking you guys for your help and support. I will check in on all of you later today. Thanks for the messages - they really helped! Here is to a good day.
I have a cold! Blocked up with a sore throat. And it sucks because I was just getting into the swing of eating well and exercising. I have been doing a mix of the exercises I was given through school and using the bike. I was going to do some tonight, but thought better of it. I don't think it would do my cold any good. I have to hit this on the head so that I can get back on my exercising roll again.
Eating has been pretty good apart from a couple of slips on the weekend. But still no chocolate! I must still try to get some more water in. Have a good day everyone!
I am feeling much more my normal self the last couple of days. And of course it helped that the scale was good to me this morning. I had a very down day on Saturday when things just got a bit much for me. Trying to work, be a good mum and wife, plus eat well and exercise is alot to do! So I eventually got over myself and back on track again. One good thing is that even though I was depressed, I didn't turn to my usual friend - chocolate. I had a good talk with my husband and he helped me see that things weren't all that bad.
I am managing to keep up with my exercise plan. And together with that, I am going to weigh in with one of the Phys Ed teachers at school. She used to be a personal trainer, so I am sure she will be really helpful as well as strict with me!
Am I the only one who has conversations with themselves? I don't mean out loud, but the little sentences that go on in my head. I swing between being proud of my achievements (particularly my abstinence from chocolate) to kicking myself for not losing weight faster. I know that if I stick to my diet it will work, because I have done it before, but I let myself have think not doing exactly what I should will still let me lose weight. But it won't. I keep asking myself what is stopping me from just taking the bull by the horns and giving the plan a good go for 2 or 3 weeks. And I really don't know. And then I keep thinking how much better I would feel about myself now if I had committed to my plan earlier. Aaaaaaaah! And look, I am not bingeing every night on fatty take away food or lots of sweets, but my weight won't change if I don't stick to my plan properly. Jacqui, you know what I mean.
On a positive note I have stepped up the exercise. And I am feeling good for it. I want to go to the 6 week check in with the school fitness challenge, being able to do more than I did the first time. My 3 year old joined in today too, which I just thought was wonderful. I want him and my other kids to have exercise as part of their lives, which is something I never really did.
I don't want to put off feeling better about myself, and I want to be comfortable in my skin. I will work on my thoughts and try and get to that point of wanting a healthy body ahead of eating what I want now.
If I can go 10 and a half weeks without chocolate, I can definitely do some days on plan. I want to be blogging in a week and say I have gone 7 days on plan! I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. I AM STRONG ENOUGH AND I WANT BETTER FOR MYSELF.
What a week! It feels like it has been non stop. We have had work commitments and social things almost every night. I have another performance to go to this afternoon and then a 30th birthday after that. Then work again tomorrow. Don't you wish that just being busy helped lose weight? Dream on.
I had my first fitness challenge session on Wednesday morning, and while I didn't do incredibly well, I was better at some things than I thought. I managed 10 push ups (the girl kind!) and my blood pressure was pretty good! And I was the most flexible one in the group!!! The exercises they have given us are really good and I can do them almost anywhere.
I am still going well with my no chocolate thing. I am amazed at how I don't really miss it. I don't even feel like I need one of those dreaded m&ms any more. I just need to be really strict with myself for a few days to shift some weight again.
I had almost given up blogging. But I know it really does keep me alot more honest.
I had a really hard day of it today. We have just been away for the weekend and I found myself looking at the photos we took. Wow, was that sobering! I can sometimes trick myself into thinking that I haven't really let myself get that bad, but that camera DOES NOT lie. I wish it would, but that would leave me in denial.
I have been doing the whole thing where I keep saying to myself that I should have lost so much more by now. And knowing that my little girl is almost one just rams it home even more. I keep thinking that maybe I am destined to be like this. Of course this is all emotions talking and my sensible side completely disagrees with it all, but it isn't winning right now. Don't worry I will drag myself out of it.
On the plus side, I have signed up for a fitness challenge at work. We have 12 weeks to get fit and lose weight as well. We are against other schools, and if we are the fittest at the end, we win money for the school. We weigh in on Wednesday - scary stuff. But if anything can make me remain on target this is it. I don't want to be the one to let the side down.
I managed 10 push ups (the girl kind!) and my blood pressure was pretty good! And I was the most flexible one in the group!!! The exercises they have given us are really good and I can do them almost anywhere.