I'm Back!!!

Hello Blogging Friends,

I'm sorry I've been away from the computer and the website for as long as I have.  I've got a good excuse though.  John and I went to Jamaica to celebrate our 10th Anniversary.  We were gone for over a week.  Needless to say dieting was the last thing on my mind.  In fact, I braved the scale this morning and I gained 2 lbs.  Normally, I would freak out but since I was away I'm not too hard on myself about it. 

Yesterday I had an appointment with a Psychotherapist my doctor suggested I see.  Apparently he things I have Adult ADD and put me on 40mg of Strattera.  I don't know much about it but if anyone at all knows about Strattera or Adult ADD I would love to hear from you.  Today was my first day on it and I feel no different.

I hope everyone has enjoyed a good Summer.  I don't know about you all but I love barbecued foods. 

I'll be in touch more.... promise.

Much Love,

~J

10 LBS DOWN

I know it's been a little bit since I've posted life has really been keeping me busy lately. 

I weighed myself last week and the scale showed me 10 lbs lighter.  So I'm happy with the progress I've made.  That being said, this weekend was DISASTEROUS as far as eating right goes.  I went to a pizza party Friday night and Saturday I had stromboli and Sunday a cheesesteak sub and fries. Enough said...

This week is going to be so hot.  Temperature for atleast three days are supposed to go into the 100's.  I am staying in as much as possible because of my asthma.  Staying in for me is equivalent to boredom.  Boredom Time = Eating!

My husband has told me when I get to my final goal weight he is going to pay for me to have a complete makeover.  I think he believes that will never happen but I totally plan on breaking the bank when I lose weight. lol

Special "hello" and thanks to my Blogging Buddies. 

Hugs,

~J

Hunger, The Scale, The Weekend

Hello Blogging Friends,

I am sitting here wondering what hunger really feels like.  I am the first one to think to myself "I'm hungry" if I see a commercial on television with some fat ladened food.  All the time knowing that I'm not hungry.  I think I look at that food and want it only to make myself feel better.  It's almost like a high.  Food = Reward.  What a horrible way to think of food.  My former nutritionist told me to think of food  as a fuel when the stomach is nearing empty.  Hmmm, I can only recall my stomach truly being empty when I had to go through 24 hrs. of liquids before a colonoscopy.  I know the fasting was 100 times worse than the actual colonoscopy.  So how do you relearn your whole way of thinking about food on your own?  I'm doing it now but why does it have to be so hard?

I have been a blogger here since July 4th and I haven't weighed myself.  I think I am scared to see the number.  I have a history of quitting diets if the number isn't right.  In my mind when you are my size, losing 1 lb is like losing nothing.  But I have promised myself to step on that scale tomorrow morning and accept it and report it to this forum.  In other words suck it up and get that number.

The weekend was good.  Hubby worked all weekend so I had some "me" time.  I went shopping on Saturday for healthy foods and some shoes.  Sunday I went to church services and came home to Zack (my dog) and watched some movies.  It's been so hot in Maryland that taking a walk was out of the question.

I thank you for visiting my blog.  I have learned so much from you all.  You all keep me strong and focussed.

With a wink and a smile,

~J

Mountain Get Outta My Way!

Thursday is the day I designated to only drink water and lots of it.  So it isn't even noon yet and I've drank six 8 oz glasses of water.  I guess I should add that I never have been a water drinker.  I'd drink one or maybe two glasses a day.  My thing when trying to lose weight is Crystal Light.  I love it!  I'm hoping that someone that reads this will email me and tell me Crystal Light is equivalent to water... please???

Work has been keeping me really busy and I haven't had much time to myself to write in my blog.  The weekend and the past couple of days have been good.  I've been eating the right foods but have not been paying much attention to portion size. <sigh>  That's one of the reasons I need the extra motivation by taking Phentermine because  I won't feel hungry and will pay attention to portion size.  You all gotta understand I was bought up by a mother who came from the South and she bought all those down South homecookin' recipes with her when we moved to Maryland. There was no such thing as portion size.  In fact, mom would be offended if you didn't ask for seconds.  Fortunately I don't like to cook so I don't try out those recipes until Christmas or Thanksgiving.  I would fill up on foods like french fries, pizza and fast food. 

Thank you to everyone that has emailed me and thank you to all that are reading this.

~J

Not much to say...

Today is Friday and it is hot and humid here in Maryland.  I ran errands this morning - took Zack to the groomer - went to the bank - went to the orthopedic doc and picked up Celebrex and came home and had a slice of PIZZA!    Not beating myself up abou the slice of pizza because I did do more walking today than usual. 

My PCD is considering putting me on Phentermine.  We'll decide on 8/7 if she wants to go that route.  She is the type of doctor who does not like pills or shots to lose weight generally but I told her that I need the Phentermine to back me up and help me stay on Plan as far as not bingeing.  If anybody who reads this is taking  Phentermine, I'd love to get your input on the Phentermine or if you are any medicine that is helping you, please let me know.

Have a great weekend Bloggers.

Hugs,

~J

The Armour Comes Off!

I'm fat. Sometimes I want to talk about it. Sometimes it's a neutral discussion, but sometimes it's a subject that is discomforting to say the least.  Sometimes i don't want anyone to know what i'm feeling and sometimes it means everything in the world to share my feelings about being fat.  I have armour. My armour is my sense of humor. If i talk about my fattness sometimes i risk revealing a chink in my armour. So I thank the Lord for being able to be myself and let my defenses down by being able to freely write about my fattness in this blog.  The armour comes off when I log into Extrapounds.  In this blog, I am me--- a woman, a wife and a not so jolly fat person.

~J

Help! I'm Eating and I Can't Stop!

...well maybe I'm exaggerating a little but did I ever go on a weekend binge!  It was like my stomach was a bottomless pit.  I realized that the reason for the binge was Depression.  I take Wellbutrin for depression but you wouldn't know it as depressed as I was.  Nothing in the world made me temporarily feel better than food.  What's worse, I felt even more miserable when the day was done and I had to go to sleep.  It's absolutely frustrating because if anyone asks me why I was down or what was bothering me, I couldn't tell them because I don't know why.  I can only guess the trigger was that I had alot of alone time this weekend, therefore too much time to think and be bored. 

The good news is that although I am eating off Plan foods now, it is not in fthe form of a binge.  I'll snap out of it and get back with the program. 

Does anyone besides me have trouble putting themselves first?  My Mom says that I need to make myself a priority and love myself fully.  Wow, that's a tall order.  I'm a nice person and everyone that meets me likes  me but I can't feel the same way about myself most of the time.  So, in lieu of developing this deep love of myself, I am going SHOPPING for some things just for me.  Nothing like new clothes and accessories to lighten the mood.  That's a temporary fix but it works for now.

Whoever has put up with reading this, thanks for letting me vent.

In hope for a better rest of the week.

Truly,

Jonquility

The Weekend's Here

The weekend is the most dangerous time for me when it comes to eating right.  I have a husband who considers me his "eating buddy" and on weekends we would splurge together with anything we desire... calories and fat be damned!  In the past when I tried to lose weight he has been a big catalyst in my going off plan.  Now, I'm not saying he is the sole cause of my repeated failures at dieting BUT he sure isn't a help.  Weekends have always been a time for piggin' out with family and friends, shopping and cleaning the house.  Well one good thing out of three ain't bad. 

So, I hope that this weekend finds me resolved to stay on plan, stay active and keep hubby's interest in something other than food. <hehehe>  I hope that all who read this enjoy the weekend as well and finds it easy to stay on their Plan.

~J

What's The Plan?

I have been asked what Plan I will be following to diet and lose.  I have been on every diet imaginable trust me.  One major problem I have is that I get bored and lazy when it comes to following (counting grams, carbs, proteins, etc) a organized Plan of weight loss.  So what I am going to do is practice portion control by eating more of the good foods and less sweets and carbs.  Oh yes, I am a bread addict.  Now if I could only be as addicted to veggies and fruits.  I'll work on it :)    Hopefully Weight Watchers desserts will satisfy my sweet tooth now and then. 

I am happy to say that I have been eating really well since I started blogging on the fourth.  I can't say I've lost anything because I will weigh in just once a week. 

A blanket THANK YOU to everyone that has offered me support.  I am so glad I found this outlet. 

~J

My Kingdom For The Gym

Yesterday and today were good days (so far) for eating right.  Thank goodness.  But I really do want to get back to the gym.  The best health and fitness club for me is Lifebridge which has a built in pool.  Because of my arthritis, the pool is the BEST exercise for me and I love being in there.  They also assign you a personal trainer which is fantastic!  I went there over a year ago with my husband but had to quit when the year was up because of the price. <sigh>  I mentioned to my husband today that I want to go back.  He said I could if  I could get the money for it.  The price for the two of us is... $152.00 per month which may not seem like much to some but with the little money we have coming in, it's a way too much.  So, I'm getting my little brain to thinking on how to earn the money.  Believe it or not, I actually LOVE going to the gym.   This particular one is not full of hotties, rather people who really do need to get fit plus it is run by a hospital.  Anyhow, I will be heartbroken if I cannot fix this problem so we can go.  Wish me luck.

Jonquility