11/21/2007 01:51
gettin back on track
It's been a few months since I've been here and in that time nothing has changed.
I rarely exercise, I'm not watching what I eat and although I still weight the same I actually feel bigger 
I've booked an overseas holiday to Vietnam in February next year and I want to be down to 60kg's by then.
I want to be able to feel good about myself in my bathers, not hide behind huge oversized T shirts.
The thing I've struggled with most is eating right.
I have been a one meal a day person for as long as I can remember.
I was struggling with trying to eat 3 meals a day, a few months ago but will try my hardest.
Portion sizes are a struggle too.
I've consi.dered buying some meal replacement drinks, think I'll get some tomorrow to get me started.
08/19/2007 20:35
emotional eating????
B/f went away Friday night for a whole week, and basically ever since I got back from the airport after seeing him off, I have been eating 
Saturday I started OK but come lunchtime I started going overboard in a huge way.
I have a couple of corn cobs for breakfast and a cream of chicken cuppa soup. It was like I new I was going to gourge and thought it might as well be on healthy stuff.
For lunch I had 2 huge meat pies, even as I put them in the oven I knew that I was doing the wrong thing but couldn't seem to stop.
I felt guilty all afternoon but was craving frankfurts and ended up having 8 for dinner.(with melted cheese on the top)
Saturdays Calories were 2700
Sunday I woke up feeling really guilty and started the day OK.
I made up some fried rice thinking I would have enought to last me a few days BUT ended up eating it all by mid afternoon.
For dinner I was feeling ashamed of myself and ate a huge bowl of carrots and beans.
By about 10pm I was constantly thinking about food and ate 8 saltana biscuits and a handful of lollies that are b/f's.
Sundays calories were a very disappointing 2965 calories.
There goes any progress I made during the week 
I am ashamed of myself even more because I made myself throw up twice yesterday and took laxatives both Saturday and Sunday.
I wasn't going to write that in but I want to be honest here, I want to be able to learn from my mistakes.
I am ashamed and I want to be able to read what I did again and again if need be, to actually change this disgusting part of myself.
08/15/2007 03:43
Overeating
Another problem I have realized about myself is that I never know when/how to stop eating!
Last night I cooked up a sheperds pie, worked out the calories, which allowed myself a 1/4 of it.
B/f asked if there was leftovers and asked for another bowl full, so when I dished it up for him I grabbed another bowl for myself
Overall, I figured I ate about a 1/3 instead of what I had allowed for myself.
Not only was I disappointed in myself for being a glutenous pig, but I also felt really, really sick!
This is not the first time I have done this, I do it whenever there is left overs :(
Of course the simple cure would be not to make as much, so there would be no leftovers, but I like b/f to be able to have seconds if he is still hungry.
Where do I find the will power not to do this to myself?
I was so disappointed I even thought about trying to be sick, but very quickly realised that was not the answer and that I have to LEARN how to eat less. I guess you could say I was trying to punish myself by continuing to feel as bad as I did.
Eating during the day is also something I am struggling with, I am trying to eat breakfast and lunch, but I just seem more hungry and struggle to keep portions under control.
I am contemplating buying some Celebrity Slim meal replacement drinks and seeing if that will help.
They seem to have a lot of vitamins, minerals, protein and carbs in them, and have roughly 200 calories.
If anyone ever reads this have you any thoughts on these types of drinks?
08/12/2007 22:05
Will do better each time
Well, I started today off with 5kms on the cross trainer and 80 crunches.
I did the cross trainer in 1km sets followed by 20 crunches.
It only took me about 20 minutes but I was pretty buggered after so decided not to push myself too hard, still trying to shake this cold.
Coughing and sniffling while exercising is defenitly not much fun.
Tomorrow (or maybe even later today) I will have another go at it.
I am really impressed with all the people that manage to keep going for an hour or more. It's not an easy thing to do, and just shows me how unfit I really am. :(
08/11/2007 21:48
My new plan
After struggling to lose any weight/inches when I was last exercising (3 months ago) I have decided that this time I am going to go about things differently.
Monday - Friday I am going to do work on my cross trainer and crunches.
I can only do about 3 minutes at a time at the moment, but instead of just sitting around for a few minutes to get my legs working again I'm going to do crunches on my exercise ball.
Tomorrow I will try to do:
2 -3 minutes on the cross trainer
20 crunches
2 -3 minutes on the cross trainer
20 crunches
and so on for 30 minutes.
Once I can do that, I'll add weights to the crunches and also extend the time until I get up to about an hour.
I am also considering volunteering at one of the dog shelters, so that will add a lot of walking as well as helping out all the lovable hairy homeless pooches :)
This time I am NOT gonna give up, this time I AM gonna see changes!
08/10/2007 02:49
Back to calorie counting
I thought I was doing the right thing with my meals, having crumpets for breakfast but when I look at how much fat/calories is in the butter I am not surprised I have been struggling.
The crumpets themselves have very little or no fat, and as long as I can get past the thought that they need to have butter on them I will be alot better off.
It's hard because I have always loved things like butter and cheese, I always have 2 to 3 times more than the average person.
I exercised for the first time in 3 months this morning.
I was very surprised how much harder it seemed.
I managed to do 5km on my cross trainer. I realize that's not nearly enough but I will gradually increase the distance everyday.
I read alot of blogs here and try to take in what others have learned, tried and had success with.
I know that I can do this, there are people out there that have gone through so much and managed to lose soooo much weight, they are all inspiration to me.
08/09/2007 04:32
Nothing has changed :(
I haven't been here for 3 months but my weight and measurements haven't changed at all.
I gave up when all the exercise I was doing did nothing for me, I wasn't losing any weight and my measurements weren't changing either.
I went on a self pity journey that did nothing but make me feel more miserable.
Today I am trying to get positive again, I really want to lose at least 5kgs (although that might not seem like much, that extra weight is slowly destroying me, and my relationship:( )
I have no desire to do anything, I just sit at home all day and watch TV or play on the laptop and eat even though I'm not hungry, just bored.
I want to be like I was a few years back ... lotsa energy, lotsa desire and fun to be with.
I want to be comfortable when b/f touches me, not so paranoid about the way that I look/feel that I push him away.
Tonight I will start again and this time I WILL succeed.
05/17/2007 21:52
Struggling with everything - Friday 9.30am
The scales seem to be sitting around 70 - 71 kgs no matter what I do or don't do, no matter what I eat or don't eat and I'm finding it really tough to keep focused on my goal weight of 60 kgs.
To be honest I'd be really happy with 65 kgs but figured, at the start, that I should be honest with myself with what my ultimate perfect image of myself really is.
Last week I was down to 69kgs and I was so happy with myself that after nearly 2 months of trying that I'd finally gotten into the 60's.
Then on the weekend I struggled with the drinking and ended up consuming close to 2500 calories each day.
I have also stopped eating breakfast which I've read really helps with weight loss, I just can't find the mental power to MAKE myself eat when I'm not even hungry.
Another problem is that I don't even feel hungry around lunch time and when I do eat all I want to do afterwards is sleep.
I struggle to get motivated to do stuff, I enjoy sitting at the laptop and surfing the net, but I know that I need to get up and do things if I want this to work.
I honestly don't know how so many people that are over weight manage.
What the final motivation is.
I am getting so paranoid about the way I look, I'm not even letting bf get near me. It feels like the fat around my middle is taking over my life and I HATE it.
05/08/2007 02:07
Tuesday 8th May 2pm
I'm finding it hard not to get discouraged.
I'm not losing the weight I want and seem to be going up and down pretty close to what I started at.
I have decided to drop my calories down to around 1200 - 1300 a day.
I know my biggest problem is the weekends.
I get a hot dog or 2 at the footy and then drink too much!
I asked if they could get in the Cougar Zero for me so at least it is less than 1/2 the calories in a normal can. Although you sure pay the price for it in flavor.
I keep reading 3500 calories = 1 pound
thats = to 0.45kgs
I estimate that I burn about 1800 a day so hopefully it'll work out better on 1300 a day, and closer to the 500 a day in calories.
It's hard thought cause I find it difficult to feed bf enough when I'm being so careful for myself.
I worry but I don't know what to do, he doesn't want me to cook extra stuff just for him. (though he does start eating as soon as he gets home... biscuits and lollies mostly)
I am also struggling to do enough exercise.
I am doing a minimum of 5km on the cross trainer and 4 sets of various weights, Monday to Friday.
It just doesn't seem like enough but I struggle to find the energy/motivation to do any more.
04/24/2007 05:32
Tuesday 5.30pm
It's my second day of getting on the cross trainer in the add breaks and it feels really good 
I did 10kms today and really watched my calories and managed to stay under 1500!
I'm back at 72kgs so I figured the extra weight yesterday was fluid, especially from the huge bowl of pasta Sunday night.
It still really hurts on the Xtrainer, meaning after about 1.5 kms my legs really feel worked.
I am going to keep this up for at least a week before giving up/changing to something different.
I may even add some upper body and ab exercises next week.
