today marks 7 days of no-binge-eating and being back on track on the eating front. today i also hit a slump. i had a moment. i was perhaps lonely or bored or a bit of both. i saw a recent picture of myself and i just couldn't believe i had allowed myself to get back to this point. it's an interesting thing too where people gain weight... i gain it in my face (along with the rear). and my face looks decidedly roundier. :(
it's something i guess i don't notice in the mirror, just in pictures... but there's no denying that my skinnier jeans no longer fit. anyway, i know that i'm probably the only one thinking, "wow she's gained weight," and admittedly, i do hide weight fairly well such that others may or may not notice. but i did feel decidedly unattractive today, which is quite [m/s]addening.
there is a good part to all this: i did not allow my negative feelings to interfere with my eating or gyming today. i did go to the gym and did an hour of cardio and .. oh maybe 5 minutes of weights (ha).
i do know that i can handle this and that weight doesn't come on suddenly or disappear suddenly, but it's still hard to realize that i was doing so splendidly and then just spiraled off the chart again. i kinda wish i could go back and redo a few things, ya know? ah well.
question for those of you who do videos at home: what is so special about The Firm (other than they are terrible at customer service a la Leanne)? i keep hearing about it like it's way better than other exercise dvds, but i don't know why. i briefly checked it out on amazon and there are seemingly 358 different dvds/packages/combos of The Firm products (transFirmer, transFirmation system, total body something, etc.). do you guys have recommendations?
before i start on that topic... i went to a soccer practice today. my first one since high school. yikes, it's been a while! anyway, we didn't run nearly as much as i did in h.s., but it was still fun - and counts as exercise too. plus i biked in to work today. so good day on that front. there's another practice Sun AM. don't know if i can make it up in time for that one.
now, about anorexia... i'm was reading another book (from the library) called Waistland: The Evolutionary Science behind Our Weight ad Fitness Crisis. Here's an exerpt:
"...Obviously, I'm not advocating a delusional body image or starving oneself. Anorexia nervosa is a serious disorder that can kill...but...these are people who know how to take weight off. They're successful in their diet goals -- however misguided -- while most of America is failing...They know that the first couple of days of calorie restriction are by far the hardest and that sudden intense hunger usually passes within thirty minutes even without eating. They sound much like fasting religious mystics when they describe how one can learn to experience hunger as pleasurable. They are experts at fending off people trying to sabotage their diet..."
I am definitely all for the one-day-at-a-time approach, because we all know that days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, etc., but days are much easier to handle! Having said that, I'm preparing myself for a longer-term goal. I'd like to be back to 115 by the big 2-6, which is 13 weeks away (or 3 months). That translates to an average of a 1lb loss per week. This should be achievable for me. And of course, if I end up at 116 or 118 instead, it'll still be a victory.
I started this journey a year ago in honor of the big 2-5, and I would like to definitely have not ended up back where I started again in a years time. ...which is where I would be pretty much if we measured by where I am today.
Major hurdles to this challenge might occur if I have to do out of town travel for work as well as the occasional eating out / going out that happens. This time is going to be different than my first attempt though. Why was I unable to maintain the first time around? Did it have to do with an all-or-nothing approach? I was pretty strict to the diet, which at the time was jc - and passed up all kinds of social engagements to accommodate the plan.
This time, I am going to *try* my best not to do the same thing. If there is a social event I want to go to, I'm not going to pass JUST because of the food situation. Because that is something that will have to be dealt with post-diet - may as well deal with it now.
What does this all translate to? In all likelihood my loss rate will be slower and I will have to work with that and not allow it to get me down if I don't hit weekly losses the way I was able to the first time around. It will be a mental challenge for me, I know. But I think I can handle it.
had a good day at work today; as mentioned earlier, I was in Baltimore all last week - what I didn't say is we were out there giving a training class. anyway, i got some feedback today that it was really well received. yay!
i also made it to the gym this morning before work, which meant I got in a little later than I wanted, but not a huge biggie.
eating has been going well today also; for some reason my motivation is on high. if only it could be this way all the time! i went to the 40 yr anniversary of a co-worker and had none of his celebration cake or ice cream. but can you believe that?! this dude has been working here for 40 years! jeez. some of us haven't even been alive that long... hmph.
maybe i should re-evaluate what i'm doing. i don't think i have the stamina to make it 40 years in my current profession.
...from men's eating habits. was reading this article in my shape magazine and though i'd share. of course it's all very stereotypical, but i guess i must just be the model for girl-dieting stereotype since i found it very applicable!
- guys aren't sweet on sweets: women crave sugary foods as comfort, while men opt for meat. sweets cause energy levels to spoke and fall while protein in (lean) meat will fill ya up. - they dont have food amnesia: mend tend to eat less at lunch if they've had a snack. not true for women. - they keep their emotions out of it: women are more likely to seek out food high in sugar and fat during stressful times. - they don't beat themselves up for blowing it: after a slip, women are likely to soothe guilt with more gluttony; men tend to resume their healthy habits.
on a more personal note, had a good day - biked in to work (but then also skipped out on the gym). it's a 7 mile ride, which is pretty short, but there are some hills. also stayed in control of my eating, though I didn't "count" anything per se.
I'm back. Have been struggling with eating for the past two months and trying to get things back on track...with not too much success. But I haven't given up, so here I am again.
Yesterday I went for what's called a "brick" - when training for a triathlon, you go for a bike followed by a run to help build up your muscles for that sort of thing. Anyway, did this with a friend in town and pretty much died on the run part. Ended up finishing 2.5 miles of running but it wasn't pretty. ...and I hate feeling that out of shape! In a few mins I'm heading out for a hike with friends, so hopefully that won't be an unpleasant experience. =) just kidding, hiking is always fun!
It does show you how everything is relative though; last week I was out in Baltimore all week for work, but I did manage to get to the (hotel) gym 3/5 days. One day after doing a 5 mile run (I love running there because I get so much more oxygen at the lower elevation!), this other guy at the gym came up to me and ask how far and fast I'd been running and topped it off with a, "Wow, you are in great shape!"
That made me feel really good, and it really made my day too because I've been feeling particularly out of shape lately. Yesterday's brick training made me realize though that I need to get back into gear.
Mostly, it has to do with (poor) eating. I have been maintaining the exercise fairly well (I also started biking to work three weeks ago), but some days, especially at and after dinner, I feel totally like binging. I end up eating a whole 'nother meal after dinner and it becomes a vicious cycle where I'm not hungry in the morning. I'm working to break that cycle.
More later, but hope everyone has a lovely Sunday.
at work so can't post a lot right now - but down 2 lbs at weigh in so very happy about that. the bad news: i'm going out of town tomorrow night for the next seven days to nyc for the 4th and a friend's wedding. i need a plan.
update: tonight i had dinner (at my house) with a really old friend from high school! it was awesome. i made bbq beef sandwiches (low fat, lean meat), green beans, corn, and watermelon, and she brought over little fruit tarts. i only ended up eating the fruit off the top and having 2 bites of the crust/cream filling, but then i did have another snack later (good guess if you thought it was one of the smart ones signature mint sundaes... i admit i'm addicted at the moment).
a good day, a little more indulgent than the last week had been, but fine by me. tomorrow after work i'm going to see ocean's 13 and then getting on a flight (red-eye) to nyc!
as for the plan for when i'm there, my number one goal is NO binging. yes, i will be on vacation, so yes, i should be allowed to have splurges, but there is a difference between eating for enjoyment/pleasure and eating until your tummy feels sick/stuffed. similarly, there is eating for the necessity of food/hunger, and i don't mind if i eat past that a little, for the purpose of pleasure, but i really want to NOT binge.
the secondary goal is to maintain my weight. yes, i would love to lose, but realistically, i'm going to be eating out. i'm going to be going to a wedding. i will be happy with myself if i maintain over the next 7 days. to this end, i plan to get a lot of exercise (walking if nothing else) in and my friend is fairly health conscious so that's in my favor. i also plan to eat a lot of fruit and veggies (and since the friend i'm staying w/ is a vegetarian, this shouldn't be too bad to adhere to either).
above all, i'm going to have a great time! take care everyone =) and happy almost independence day.
hey everyone... been quiet around here at EP lately. i've been having a good weekend thus far. finally got to do some exercise yesterday (not the gym though) - went for a 5 mile run outside by the foothills. the only bad part was the sound of traffic, but i tried to block it out with my ipod. have still been doing well on the eating front. i think i'm going to try to get to the gym today for a step interval class, 15 min abs, and some light weights today. i haven't done a fitness class in forever. i have a friend coming into town this evening, but she's just passing through and staying for the night. yesterday when i went grocery shopping i bought way too much food for someone who is leaving town on tuesday for 5 days... including a whole watermelon... hmm... anyway, just a stream of consciousness here. going to read my book for a little bit and then head out to the gym.
hope everyone has a nice and relaxing sunday.
[edit: i somehow withheld the urge to eat just now (11pm) when not hungry. i don't know why - i really felt like messing it all up right before wi?? anyway, i sat on the couch for an hour thinking about eating and what to eat if i did... but did not do it. still i feel really full right now. crossing fingers for good wi tomorrow.]
Almost time for the Isotopes game! Whoo hoo! I updated my plan on the posting below, but basically am going to just stick to eating dinner before and saving some money by not eating there.
I know the common wisdom (that I dole out at times too) is to stay off the scale when it's being disagreeable, but I just can't help myself, what can I say. Anyway, it was down a lb this morning, so that just gives me all the more motivation to stick to my plan for this evening.
[update: just got back from the game and although they lost, we did score two homers. had a really good time at the game; was glad i ate beforehand though b/c the date had 2 vouchers for a free hotdog, popcorn, and drink. since i wasn't hungry, it wasn't at all tempting to me and he ended up eating both of our hotdogs while i had a diet coke.
by the time i got home, i *was* quite hungry again though and i broke into a smart ones mint sundae (no link yet off the smart ones page - for once we get a new product ahead of the curve!). yes, i broke down and bought them the last time i was at wal-mart. anyway, two thumbs up. very tasty! imagine a thin mint girl scout cookie in ice cream form for only 150 cals. yummy! sleepy time soon... but a nice ending to a great day =) ]
whoo hoo! i'm happy about that. tomorrow i'm also going to a baseball game with the dude. i realized why it is that i don't know/really feel the sparks and that's that he's really old school. in that there has been NO flirtation, verbal, physical, or otherwise. there has been no brushing of shoulders even. he has never greeted me by saying i look nice. although as a caveat, i have pretty much stopped dressing up since he showed up the first meeting wearing adidas sport pants and a t-shirt... but moving on. we have not discussed past relationships or dating in general (what if he's never dated anyone!?). so it's hard for me to think of it like dates - even though since he's been paying most of the time. don't think i am unhappy with that though - just confused.
anyway, back to the topic at hand. my game plan (haha, all puns intended!) is to eat dinner before the game (starts at 7) and get a drink there and a snack only if they have something healthy, i really want it, and i am hungry. but i'm also going to bring along my own snack, like a 100-cal pack or a fiber one granola bar. of course, i will be hiding it since technically we're not supposed to bring food into the ball park. oh no, they want you to spend $5 on a bottle of water and $4 for a hotdog. No thanks!
today has been good eating for me again. still on track for the week (though the scale refuses to budge...but that's ok. i am actually quite pleased with myself right now).
