hey guys n gals - i just got back from a week of out of town work travel... and my parents are coming into town today in two hours to visit me and road trip to the grand canyon. yikes! i made the mistake of stepping on the scale this morning after 5 days of eating out and it was really fugly. i'm contemplating drastic action. unfortunately it'll be more eating out in the coming week ... and then i'm going on a recruiting trip. the travel is really starting to get to me on the eating front and i'm sick of using it as an excuse.
i'm also worried about what my parents are going to think. the last time they saw me i was at least 10 lbs lighter, which is a lot on my body. i know they won't make me feel bad, but i know they'll notice and that is pretty much the same thing... and i know... that is i have no doubt they will love me at any weight, but i still feel like i'm disappointing myself. i no longer want to see people.
on a positive note i met a guy while on work travel who worked at the company i was visiting and i really "fell" for him in as far as one can fall for another in the matter of 3 days. of course, i'm full of insecurity because i feel heavy and i made no moves since he lives on the other freakin side of the country from me an there's no chance anyway, but i've been thinking about him. on another positive note, it reassured me there are still people out there who i would be interested in dating! the last few people i've been out with have just had no sparks whatsoever and i was starting to think i'm looking for something that doesn't exist.
lastly, i'm thinking to try to develop a cool web app or windows app for tracking food intake and other types of logging. we'll see how much time i can put into it but i think it'll be fun!
hope all you EPers are doing well and i'll see you again soon!
today after work I'm headed off to go camping with some friends and i'm pretty excited about it. except I can't find my flashlight...hm...also, i haven't gone in to work yet and i really don't feel like going, but i really must as i have some things i have to finish before i leave town (for work) on monday. it's going to be busy.
last night was bad on the eating front. i'm moving on. for some reason i felt the need to eat 3 bagels in addition to dinner. *ugh* still working on things though and progress, not perfection, right? the thing i hate worst about overeating at night though is the terrible feeling i have in the morning when i'm not hungry. i ate an apple anyway this morning because i know that it's best to eat a little tiny something, even if it's not super huge.
take care everyone and have a great weekend! i'm planning in some s'mores =)
i biked to work again... it's actually only about 7 miles round-trip, so it's not huge, but it's enough to make me feel like i didn't just sit around all day long. i'm going to try to make it to the gym tomorrow morning - if i get up in time. if not, it's ok. i also have my performance review (annual) at work tomorrow, so that should be interesting. i'm feeling good about it because work is one of those areas in my life where i am usually in control. today i gave three presentations and all of them went well.
after coming home from work, i ate dinner, watched the biggest loser, and made pumpkin raisin muffins (still have lots of leftover buttermilk and pumpkin from the waffles...). i had one muffin for dessert, but the jury is still out as to whether they're good enough to make again. admittedly i did change the recipe a bit, which is not always a good idea (I used about 1/2 whole wheat flour, for example).
i'm proud of myself that even though i've been feeling really lumpy n dumpy lately, i haven't been using it as an excuse to overeat or binge on ice cream. hope everyone else is doing well!
hey all - just about to turn in after an all-around good day. good in that i biked to work (but did not make it to the gym) and had dinner with a few friends while watching prison break. ate in moderation, but did not deprive - and above all else: no binges! whoo! sometimes i just need to give my stomach time to process those satiety signals.
for those of you who watch prison break... after episode 1, i'm left with a big, "UH OH..." this season could be really weird. And I mean in a bad way. we shall see!
it was a hard run. this morning i made pumpkin waffles (yum. i actually got the recipe from weight watchers, for those of you who do that or are otherwise interested) with a friend. after we had finished eating, friend springs this on me:
"So, I brought over my running clothes in case you wanted to go for a run. After we digest a bit, of course."
Hah! That's beyond sneaky. Anyway, he's in better shape than I, which is somewhat sad as I do go to the gym with greater frequency, but that was as much of an excuse as I needed... I like running outside especially with company and it was an excuse to do something outside rather than going to the gym!
So we ended up doing 5.4 miles in about 55 minutes (pace was 10:20 mins per mile, which is pretty good considering my current shape). I was sucking wind the first half as it was really uphill. And sucking wind at the end... for no apparent reason. :P Of course midway through the run, Chris turns to me and says, "So, how ya doin?" to which I answer, "Good," to which he says, "Got any more in ya to pick up the pace a bit?"
pfftff! I totally glared at him, but since I was wearing sunglasses it was probably lost on him. Hah! Anyway, I feel better for doing it.
Yesterday I did go out for dessert and had premium ice cream and bread pudding, but there was no binging and I did spend 6 hours doing frame building for Habitat for Humanity. So I am not getting down on myself for that.
Hope everyone else is doing well... here is that pumpkin waffle recipe in case anyone is interested.
i feel like a failure. it's really hard to have lost the weight and gained it all back. i don't know what to do and i'm having a really hard time figuring out what works for me. i know that having tubs of ice cream in the house is a bad idea, but i also don't want to deprive myself. it feels like everything is circular logic, including that last line.
when i eat too much late at night, i wake up not hungry (duh), but everything i read says that one should eat breakfast - even when not hungry - just a little bit. it gets the metabolism revved. however, cals in minus cals out wins at the end of the day, so why eat if not hungry? that's another fundamental rule: don't eat if not hungry.
or what about not eating after a certain time of day? that's another one that could lead to deprivation. yet i do have friends who skip meals and are totally skinny...and it's not like they're doing it on purpose to lose weight, they're just not hungry and don't eat!
i need something. a goal. a challenge. a plan.
[update: i just went to and got back from the gym. did treadmilling and a wee little bit of elliptical. and full house (c'mon, we all watched it!) was on tv on abc family, which i don't get at home =) of course I feel tons better after hitting the gym... at least that part of my healthy living plan is working!!]
I've been preachin', but I can't seem to follow my own advice. I caught myself just now thinking about that post that I wrote before about anorexics and thinking to myself ... yeah, why not just ignore hunger signals? Well, duh! Because that doesn't really work - I end up eating a ton later instead. Plus, my problem isn't when I eat when I'm hungry. It's when I eat way past the point of hunger.
Another problem with my thinking: the last three nights I ended up eating too much late at night, so I started thinking to myself how to avoid doing this again today. One solution that came to mind: "why not just skip dinner?" I know I'm thinking this because for some reason it's easier for me to not start eating than to stop eating. ...but that takes me back to an all-or-nothing approach. ...which I'm trying to avoid! Moderation is the key, but apparently moderation is more than moderately merciless. Why is it so hard to stop at "just one"?
I feel awful. I ate way too much last night... AGAIN. Yuck. I feel gross. Am going to the gym. Hope I feel better afterward. Food is NOT the answer!
update: I just got back from the gym. Although I feel a bit better (funny how that works), I will be late for work... and I just feel like I have some phlegm in the back of my throat that isn't going away. Hm. maybe I'll brush my teeth... again!?
Have a terrif thursday everyone! Friday is around the corner :)
I had a bad eating day today. Basically, I had too many desserts, as is usually my downfall. And although I feel badly about it now, I'm planning to move on, as is best to do in these circumstances. Tomorrow is a new day. And I go back to work. Take care everyone.
Yesterday I went on a really fun 8 mile hike with one of my friends. I'll post a pic later even though it reminds me of how much I've slipped in the past few months. Then later I went to a party to meet one of my friend's 7 mo. old - v. cute! Unfortunately, I and one other guy were the only 2 single ppl there...out of at least 10 others. Why does that happen to me more and more now?
Today some other friends invited me to go to the county's wine tasting festival and I'm totally on the fence. If I weren't on a diet, I would probably go... but is it my favorite thing in the world to do? -no. Would I feel incredibly deprived by not going? No. Not at all. I'm picky about wines, so I probably wouldn't end up liking most of them anyway - which makes it not worth it. ...but I would probably miss out on just the hanging out part. I said I wasn't going to do that this time!
Hm. Maybe I could go and not drink. But then I'll feel like I've wasted money on the admission fee. *sigh*
of course, i'm full of insecurity because i feel heavy and i made no moves since he lives on the other freakin side of the country from me an there's no chance anyway, but i've been thinking about him. on another positive note, it reassured me there are still people out there who i would be interested in dating! the last few people i've been out with have just had no sparks whatsoever and i was starting to think i'm looking for something that doesn't exist.