update from the morning: just got back from a 3 mile run, but now have to run to work. hope everyone has a happy monday and wish me luck at weigh in. =)
this from last night (EP was down!): I just got back from the gym. I had planned to go 45 mins on the elliptical today (the swim yesterday was good, but it is hard to motivate myself to get in the pool very often unless it's hot outside!), but unfortunately after 37 minutes or so, my right calf muscle cramped up and started really hurting. This never happens to me! I stuck it out for another minute, but then decided I should not injure myself so I got off. Oh well - still counts as a workout. I then went and got my hair cut at SuperCuts - don't laugh - I do have a woman there who is super good and I really like her. I just ate dinner - my last JC entree (the turkey dinner) that I had left in my freezer - can ya believe it! I do still have some leftover snacks and one of the shelf items, but this is definitely interesting! Maybe at WI tomorrow I'll buy a few more. I know it's pretty much the same thing as Lean Cuisine or other frozen meals, but all the same, knowing I paid $5-$6 for an entree kinda helps me in my own way to not cheat - plus they do taste pretty good. Hm.
Keep hearing about these weight loss pills (Alli is the newest one). I know some of ya'll out there on EP are trying it, but it's not for me. I don't believe in magic solutions to weight loss (plus all the stuff about the gassy discharge and other side effects is a big turn off...). All the same, curious to see how it goes for those of you who are trying it!
Been feeling bad about my lack of control around food lately. Don't get me wrong - today has been excellent (bagel, lite cream cheese, slice frozen french toast, milk, and grapes for breakfast/lunch) and yesterday was pretty good as well, but just the general pattern for me lately hasn't been in my usual rhythm. Looking in the mirror today I felt like my arms are looking flabtacular again. I know this is totally stupid and lame but I can't help feeling that way. Would I feel differently if my eating were more consistently in control? Probably! It probably has nothing to do with how I actually look. Anyway, for the time being, I'm no longer buying ice cream (unless it is in single serve portions and I'll still have to think pretty hard about that one) since it's hard for me to do the one serving thing from a pint or 1/2 gallon. One snack left for the day and fruit if I get hungry.
finally back at home and finally got a full night's sleep last night. i got back into town at midnight on friday night/saturday morning, but then because of the jet-lag was unable to fall asleep until 6am (yes, i watched the sun come up...) and then was up again at 10am. the trip was a lot of fun but it's also definitely good to be back home again. yesterday i forced myself to go to the gym and swam for 1/2 hour. it was hard. i only managed to go to the hotel fitness center once while i was away :- ...i don't think i probably lost any weight while on the trip, but that is OK. ready to get back to the program again and i've got over 2 weeks of being in town before jluy 4th and the wedding in nyc. yay! hope you all have been doing well. =)
ps: i did have papa murphy's pizza last night because i felt like having some real american food (even though i love chinese food, there is such a thing as OD'ing on it!). the pizza did hit the spot, but i'm surprised somewhat to say that i found it really salty!
unfortunately i'm not feeling 100% (throat a little scratchy) which sucks because i do have to go to work and get some last min things done before i leave for my trip tomorrow. also, not hungry this morning - which i never feel good about. however, there's nothing like the present to take a bad mood and turn it around. here's to making it a great one!
take care all and if i don't post again before i leave have a great weekend, week, and next weekend!
but tomorrow is a new day and that's what i'm focusing on. i didn't get to the gym and my throat feels a little scratchy on top of everything else. i overate at dessert again ... it was worse than last night. i'm not at the pukey feeling stage, but i am at the uncomfortable stomach stage. i'm also really tired. more reflection tomorrow perhaps. i guess we all have these days once in a while and mine have been more often recently than before...but i did have 3 good days in a row before this and that is progress.
people stayed late after book club so this is going to be brief. i just wanted to be true to myself and check in even though today was not perfect. tonight i had a lean pocket (a pizza pocket of course... yum!) instead of the pizza i ordered from costco. however, i overdid it on the dessert again. it was not a binge (yesss!) and i did stop it before it became a binge and before i started feeling ill from over-eating (my defn. of a binge - when you are no longer eating for the pleasure or enjoying the taste).
however, i'm guessing that despite the exercise, i probably did not eat fewer cals than i needed today. that is ok. i'm focusing on the positive and here is what i did right: when i was going back for that next ice cream sandwich, i said - wait a minute. how much are you going to enjoy it? enough to feel terrible about it tomorrow morning (or maybe even tonight)? do you want to get gassy at work again? and guess what, i convinced myself to drink some water, go upstairs, and only come back down if i could answer those questions in the sandwich's favor.
i'm here instead. whoot! hope you all have a nice day-after-hump-day!
i'm actually really tired. tomorrow is book club though and am looking forward to that. my plan is to pick up a huge pizza from costco, but i'm going to eat my own healthy pizza in advance so i'm not tempted. plus, i'm getting pepperoni, which isn't really my topping of choice, but some others like it.
today was pretty good - other than TOM hitting. i got stuck at work late and was starving when i got home so i ended up scarfing down dinner and couldn't wait for dessert (i would have liked to have waited at least an hour before) - so i had a 100-cal slim-a-bear ice cream sandwich... and 2 hershey's dark kisses, 1 marshmallow, a serving of teddy grahams, and a slice of light toast with 2 tsp peanut butter. hm. sounds like a lot when you write it that way, but i actually don't feel too badly about it. not a binge, and that is what i like to report. =) i also went to the gym this morning (as usual) and have been hitting the veggies and fruit pretty hard.
i'd go to sleep now but i agreed to pick up some friends from the airport... and their flight was delayed by two hours. grrr. maybe i'll do some laundry in the meantime.
i was looking over at my weight graph, and staring at it felt like i was looking at a big W on the end there. W, eh? It's not exactly your stereotypical relapse V is it? And I got to thinking... W is for winner. Yeah. That's right. Take that, weight graph!
[ps- posted photo from wedding i went to this past weekend.]
...to the question of the day: Yes, I did go to WI. I was 1/4 of the way there on my own. Your comments pushed me to 3/4 there - and Angela's call pushed me the last 1/4 of the way. TatumsMom's comment definitely hit a button for me - this is about me. If Angela (my jcc) or the world is going to judge me, so be it, but this is about me. Thanks for the wise words and thanks for the comments about me still being an inspiration to some of you=) I feel better after going - even though the scale said... 118-even. I just somehow feel more in control and ready to get back with the program. in addition to tatumsmom, I'd like to say special thanks to sas3, leanne, and chefsy for your words and support.
My short term goal is to make it through Friday on plan. On Saturday at the butt crack I'm leaving for a work trip to China and I'll be gone straight away for 8 days, getting back the following Saturday. But there are still 5 days between now and then that I can do good things with my eating!
I did buy some jc food today too - $43 worth to be exact. I think my jcc was shocked! I was laughing, but besides feeling like I could use a little crutch (although I did have a healthy homemade lunch of rice with stir-fry veggies, egg, and tofu), there's nothing to keep me motivated like knowing I spent my hard earned moolah on it!
Take care all.
[edit: i have day 1-back-on-track down! i just finished my snack (a really old jc double chocolate cake that was sadly a little freezer burned after too many months sitting on the freezer door, plus i added the 2 tbsp of cool whip and some frozen berries, so still yum). had the thai lemongrass chicken for dinner with a huge side of steamed broccoli - also very yum! now just sitting in bed and going to read for a bit before i turn in for the night. i'd somewhat forgotten how good it feels (and tastes) to really enjoy your after dinner snack especially when you're a *little* hungry for it.]
...and by home, i mean at my parents' home. things are going pretty well. for some reason i'm tired, but i'm flying back to Abq this evening and then it's back to work tomorrow.
the wedding i went to last night was fun. i only had one slice of wedding cake and i also had two cookies (which were unplanned for), but i did stop there! i'm counting it as a total success because i wanted to have more - they were calling to me, as well as the other sweets, but i said no - if you're hungry you can eat when you get back home - and when i got home i was so tired i just had some carrots and blueberries and hit the sack.
exercise-wise, have been doing really well also. have been both running on the treadmill at home (can't believe how muggy chicago is!) and went on a bike ride with my parents also yesterday. it's been a nice, relaxing long weekend for me.
i don't really want to go to my WI tomorrow (and i didn't make an appt either, so it makes it easy to not go). this is more because i feel like i'll be disappointing my jcc if i go in - it is NOT because i'm in denial about the weight gain. does that make sense? any thoughts would be appreciated...
[update: i got a call from my counselor, angela. she was wondering if i was coming in tomorrow because i missed last week. maybe i should just suck it up and do it. i know she only wants the best for me... but i know i've gained at least 5 lbs since my last official WI and i know she'll be bugging out! especially after she called me a "success story"... i dont want to be a success-turned-relapsed story! :-( ]
hi everyone. thanks for checking in on me =) i know i've been posting less lately and it's partially because i've been feeling low and partially because i've really been quite busy. over memorial day weekend i had a friend in town which was really fun. we did a lot of active things, including going swimming (wow! her initiative, i'm more of a runner), going for a 6 mile walk/run, and doing a 7.5 mile intense hike in the mountains. HOWEVER. i ate a lot too (and not all nutritious stuff either - we're talking LOTS of ice cream). and i didn't go to wi on memorial day and i don't want to go this coming monday either because ... well because i know it's going to be bad.
anyway, then yesterday i flew home for another wedding, so i'm out of town again through sunday. the travel is really getting to me. the following saturday i'll be heading out again, but this time to china for a work trip.
i've been trying to get back on plan with the eating and actually had a really good day yesterday (and managed to get in a 3.5 miler while at home), and again the goal is to just take it one meal at a time. i know the wedding (tomorrow) will be harder, and i'm also staying overnight there since it's a two hour drive from where my parents live, but before then i'll come up with a plan. =)
a little depressing: trying on dresses today didn't really feel all that great (tummy pooching out a bit too much), etc., and i know we're always our own harshest critics... but anyway, just a quick check in to let you all know i'm still here.
