counting down the pounds

it's over

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:02:12

Hi everyone. This is just going to be a brief post. B and I talked today and we are not going to continue the relationship.

He told me he didn't have enough time to commit to the relationship - he's been really stressed out with work and with trying to juggle that and start up his own company. He's planning to put in his 2 weeks notice on Dec. 1 and then is going to have to really work hard on his company to make enough money to live on. He said it wouldn't be fair to me to put me in that situation when he's going to be so stressed and not sure how well he'll handle it.

I'm feeling very sad, but I know I will be ok. I'm glad to have some resolution and no longer be in a state of not knowing what would happen.

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more muffins!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:07:23

this time i can't claim credit though, because it was my roommate who whipped up this batch of Cranberry Orange Bran Flax muffins. the recipe is from the SuperFoodsRx book. they are a regular of hers, but it was my first time trying them and really, they are SO good and so healthy! the recipe actually calls for WHOLE oranges, so we got organic to avoid the pesticides on the peels. oh, of course, we did modify it so that instead of 1.5c raisins, we used 1c fresh chopped cranberries + 1/2c raisins. SO YUMMY!

let me back up though. it's been a while since my last post, but i've been doing well. my roommate from college came out to visit me from Philly last weekend and i just dropped her off at the airport this morning. we had so much fun while she was here! we went for a hike in the Sandias, visited the farmer's market in santa fe (made some awesome pasta fagioli with locally grown beef), saw some galleries there, hung out with friends, made ice cream (i used fat free 1/2 'n 1/2 in place of 1/2 of the cream though!), and i started teaching her how to ride a bike. oh, and we also participated in muffin making, made cranberry sauce, french toast, two types of lasagna (including a roasted pepper, spinach, and tofu one), and amish bread, besides that all. yikes, there was quite a bit of cooking going on in there, wasn't there? ...we did eat it all in moderation and I tried to sneak in hidden healthiness throughout. =)

today i went to the dentist for the first time in over 5 years. apparently my teeth are still very healthy. i thank my genes for that, since i'm pretty sure i eat as much sugar or more than is average. i also went to the grocery and bought some unhealthiness in the form of toaster strudels (in my defense, they had a new flavor...), mini ice-cream bars, and single serving key lime pie/oreo pie. i did not need any of this stuff. however, now that i have it, i want to prove to myself that i can have it around the house and not go crazy (read: eat it all in one night). maybe this is a test that i shouldn't have to do... because i've done it before and it has ended badly, usually in a binge. however, it is somehow important to me to be able to prove it to myself. i've survived all the muffins i've been making while still losing / maintaining alternately. i think i can do it.

other than that, not a whole lot is new. at this point, i'm somewhat just waiting for the month to be over. i think i've done all of the thinking that i'm going to do on the issue of relationships. it was really helpful to have my friend with me and to talk things through with her too. much <3 to ya, Lisa!

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more muffins and reflections

Thursday, November 1, 2007 00:07:19

I love the smell of muffins in the oven. Between me and my roommate, the banana ones were gone by mid-week, so today we made a double batch of the pumpkin gingerbread muffins that Angela made last weekend. I can now attest to their utter sublimeness. Look at that crystallized ginger! I've been really high spirited yesterday and today, although Wednesday and Tuesday were rough, emotionally. It's funny how my mood swings day to day. I've been journaling my feelings on real pen and paper and it will be interesting to see if any patterns emerge.

Exercise-wise, I've not been to the gym, but I have been biking to and from work everyday this week. That was a fairly major accomplishment given the cold weather (35F today on my way in) and I feel good too because I'm helping the environment and saving money on gas. On the weight front, my weight dropped four whole pounds between my Wednesday and my Friday morning WI (yesterday was closer to today). I think it just proves that we should not believe any sudden fluctuations on the scale and instead go with what we know we've been putting in our bodies. Anyway, that puts me back to where I was before my business trip.

I'm happy to say that I have still not been turning to food for comfort, even though I think it would be really easy to do so with all the parties and free food we've been having at work. Having an awesome roommate, awesome real life friends, and awesome blog buddies has been a huge help. Today for breakfast I had Trader Joe's Banana Nut Clusters cereal mixed with Fiber One cereal. I am addicted to both of those cereals! They are so good together. (I also like the Berry Clusters one TJ's sells.) I just opened a new box of Fiber One though, and definitely noticed that it tastes even better when not stale. LOL.

Anyway, I hope all of you have lovely weekends and I will be doing the same.

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leisurely sunday and banana nut muffins

Thursday, November 1, 2007 00:02:21

i want to say a BIG THANK YOU!!! to everyone who posted such kind, insightful comments on my last blog entry. the support that i have received from my virtual friends - who I may never meet - has been absolutely amazing to me. you have all given me so much to think about. the weekend has been hard mentally, because it's when i spend most of the time usually with B, but I have been keeping busy and went to a few halloween parties too over the weekend. i'm happy to say that week 1 of the month off is over (after today).

this morning when i woke up i noticed that my bananas were getting a bit overripe, so I decided to make myself some banana muffins (it's usually a recipe for banana bread, but I made muffins instead). they turned out fairly well other than sticking too much to the muffin liners, so next time I would either use cooking spray on the tins or I would increase the amount of oil by 1-2 tbsp. the recipe's posted below, since I know some of you might be interested!

besides baking, today was a leisurely day for me. i finished up an orson scott card book (i really love his books). one of my friends was kind enough to loan me a duffel bag full of books to distract me. then in the later afternoon i went for a bike ride with two of my girlfriends (one of whom is my new roommate!). it was really fun and definitely got my mind off of things. exercise and getting outdoors especially is always good for my soul. hope you are all doing well and have a great start to the new week!

Banana Buttermilk Muffins

1 c all-purpose flour
3/4 c whole-wheat flour
1/2 c sugar (I substituted 1/4 c splenda + 1/4 c sugar)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 c low-fat buttermilk (I didn't have so used 1c skim instead)
2 mashed ripe bananas
2 tbsp canola oil (I would probably add an extra next time)
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 c chopped walnuts - optional

Preheat oven to 375. Spray muffin tins with cooking spray or use paper liners.

In a large bowl, stir together the all-purpose and whole-wheat flours, sugar, cinnamon, baking powder, & baking soda.

In another bowl, whisk together the milk, banana, canola oil, egg, and vanilla.

Pour the wet ingredients over the dry and stir until just blended. Do NOT overmix! Spoon batter into muffin cups.

Sprinkle tops evenly with walnuts (I actually just added them into the batter).

Bake until toothpick inserted comes out clean, 15-20 mins. Muffins will keep in ziplock for 2-3 days at room temp or in freezer for up to 2 months.

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in limbo

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 21:01:11

i've been feeling up and down (mostly down) a lot lately. today's weight was 1.8 pounds more than before I left for travel, but I do think it's left-overs from the trip rather than an indication of anything that's happened in the past week. why would anything have happened in the last week? well... I don't know how to put it any other way than directly, so I'll just come out and say it: B and I are taking a break.

yeah. last sunday we had a really big argument because I hadn't seen him in 7 days at that point and started to feel like I wasn't important to him (to see me). it basically blew up, and actually i don't think the fight was over "nothing". he's legitimately been really stressed because he's (i don't think i've mentioned this before since i usually talk about me, not him...) trying to start his own company right now and has been working like crazy outside of work and on weekends in order to get stuff done for that so he can quit his day job and still make enough to live on.

that's definitely not helping, but apart from that we had been arguing a lot more than usual in the past couple of months and i think for both of us, that definitely has taken a toll. however, for me, i would not have called it quits at that point, even though it was not fun all the time and definitely a lot of work. anyway, at the end of the conversation he suggested we take a month off and re-evaluate how we each feel at that point in time. this will supposedly give him more time to dedicate to his #1 priority right now, getting his side projects and contracts more finished up, and will also allow both of us to see if we were in the relationship because we are really right for each other or because it was comfortable.

i was pretty torn up about all this all sunday, monday, and tuesday nights. in some ways i think he's right because i really do want a relationship so much that maybe i'm giving up things that are actually important to me. i do need someone who will be as committed to me as i am to him. BUT... i did not eat in order to comfort myself any of those nights! i'm very proud of myself for all this. usually night eating is a problem for me if i'm feeling bummed. i did instead read a few good books, reached out to my friends, and went ahead and had my pumpkin carving party (pictures later, maybe) and tried not to feel sad he wasn't there.

i did indulge in too many sweets at the halloween party at work yesterday, but that's a different story, and i'm fine with it. yesterday and today have actually been much better for me emotionally. i think that's why i wasn't able to post about it before then. anyway, i don't know what's going to happen, but i'm going to try as best i can to just be happy being me.

hope you all have a lovely halloween!

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back on travel

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 23:09:22

hey everyone - just posting a quickie this time because I'm back on the road again, this time in the DC area. i hate having to travel for work on the weekends, but sometimes it is unavoidable, and actually I should really be trying to get to sleep right now instead of sitting here blogging... lame early morning meetings. *grumble* being on a plane for 4 hrs is never a bunch of fun, but they did have good plane snacks...my dinner ended up being a large honey crisp apple, a Lara Bar, and cheese crackers -- not the best ever, but it stopped the hunger.

this weekend was fun for me, albeit short. yesterday i went hiking with my former roommate, her bf, and B. it wasn't a really intense hike, but I haven't been hiking lately and it definitely filled a much-needed void. we got to see lots of pretty leaves changing. I included a pic so you can all see that New Mexico is not a barren, desolate, desert-like place!

i always have a hard time with eating while i'm on travel, so i'm setting some goals this time. i really don't want to do the late night eating -- it always gets me in trouble, so a goal is to have normal dinners, have the dessert if i want to, and end it there. also, i need to make sure i eat enough throughout the day, starting with breakfast and a solid lunch. i brought another apple and an asian pear with me as well, so if i get hungry i can eat those. yum! anyway, simple goals in theory...
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follow-up

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 23:03:15

last night I carefully wrapped the cookies beneath sheets of wax paper and packaged it up into a box to mail. this morning i walked to the post office (only about a 12 minute walk, but still) all set to mail them out, only to find the post office was closed (columbus day)! now i'm concerned they are going to be stale by the time his parents get them...i'm wondering if i should send them overnight delivery. eek. very disappointing.

in any case, last night after they had cooled, B and I got to work frosting the cookies.

they were definitely really cute. taste-wise, they were also pretty yummy. The first batch I rolled out a little thinner and they ended up being a little snappier (not my personal preference), but the second batch I reduced the oven time by a minute and rolled slightly thicker and those were nice and chewy and gingerbready. I think everyone has a personal preference as to how they like their cookies, so I'm sending about 1/2 n' 1/2 and saving a few for me and B! Comments(18)

pumpkin, gingerbread, and autumn are here

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 23:02:15

Hey everyone! It has been way too long...but I have been trying to keep up with some comments! I think the key to my posting more frequently is when I get on a roll (with the posting), I keep up with it, and then when it's been a while, I start thinking I have WAY too much to write and no way can I spend the time right now to say everything all at once. And then I never end up posting because it would be too much effort. That is a bad way to think though -- I'm going to just have to accept that I won't be able to write every last thing that's happened in my life since last post.

Anyway, I have been on two business trips since the last post, one to Keystone, CO and one to the bay area. I get to go recruiting every once in a while an that was the latter trip; the first trip was for a conference. Both were fun trips, but I do think I have a little bit of recovering to do from too much eating out and eating not-as-healthy foods! I've also been baking quite a bit since I've been in town, including a pumpkin pie squares treat (YUM!) and today I have some gingerbread pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns, complete with sprinkles, in the oven. But more on why I'm making cookies in a bit.

I wanted to just say quickly that the bike race I did was awesome (even though several weeks ago now). My official time was 1:40:26.0 (25 miles), which in my opinion was darn good. I even did well enough to place in the top 15 women overall. Pretty good for no formal training and for using a mountain bike when a lot of the fast people had racing bikes. B and I decided to bike together for the whole race which was also a lot of fun and we met up with our other 4 friends at the end. I had forgotten how much I enjoy racing was and started thinking I need to find another one to sign up for soon!

Yesterday, one of B's h.s. friends and his wife were in town and we went to have dinner with his friend's in-laws (wife's family is from Albuquerque). That was nice because it gave me a little more insight into his life before I knew him. Yesterday afternoon I also went to visit with one of my friends who just had a new baby boy! Very exciting to see the little ones (he has a ~2yr old sister). I actually made the pumpkin pie squares for them because I imagine it's hard with two kids to try to cook a whole lot.

Now, about the gingerbread cookies. You're not going to believe this, but B's mom sent a Halloween package and about half of it was for me! Very very sweet. Among the items were some fake tattoo skins (imagine printed dragon pantyhose for your arms ), a pumpkin cookie cutter, festive fall sprinkles with leaves and jimmies, a magazine, a pink reusable grocery bag in honor of breast cancer, and Halloween-themed cupcake liners... just to name a few.

She also sent a photo for me to see of when B was 13 holding his pumpkin -- too cute! Anyway, I really wanted to thank her and I thought it would be appropriate to make her some cookies using the cutter she sent and some of the sprinkles. They just came out of the oven and I think it's time to start frosting. Talk to you guys soon!
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wedding pictures

Saturday, December 8, 2007 22:06:01

no, not _my_ wedding, sillies... the wedding I went to in Germany. it was a few weeks ago now, but it took some time for everyone to get their pictures uploaded. anyway, what a good time we had! i will remember this trip for a long time to come.

me & B before the wedding ceremony
[moved to before pic]

later in the evening - a german wedding custom
[moved to after pic]

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gingerbread blueberry muffin recipe and other tidings

Saturday, December 8, 2007 22:04:00

Enough of you were curious about the blueberry gingerbread muffins that I decided to post the recipe, with my modifications, of course! The recipe is from bakingbites.com, one of my favorite baking websites (original link posted below).

Gingerbread Blueberry Muffins
(adapted from a Cooking Light recipe)
2 cups all purpose flour (next time I will try some whole wheat as well)
1 1/2 tsp ground ginger
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/8 tsp ground cloves
1/8 tsp allspice
2 large egg whites (I substituted one whole egg here)
1/2 cup sugar (I did 1/4 c sugar and 1/4 c splenda for baking)
1/2 cup molasses
3/4 cup buttermilk (I happened to have buttermilk, so I did 1 c buttermilk and no skim)
1/4 cup milk (skim is fine)
4 tbsp vegetable oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)

Preheat oven to 350F and line a muffin tin with paper liners (12 or 16, see times below).
In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, ginger, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cloves and allspice.
In a medium bowl, whisk together sugar and egg whites until creamy. Beat in molasses, buttermilk, milk, vegetable oil and vanilla. Pour wet ingredients into dry ingredients and whisk until just smooth, with no flour remaining. Stir in blueberries and divide into 12 or 16 muffin cups (if using 16, fill only 3/4 full).
If making 12 large muffins, bake for 17-21 minutes.
If making 16 medium muffins, bake for 15-19 minutes.
In either case, make sure a tester comes out clean before removing them from the oven.
Cool completely on a wire rack and store in an airtight container if not eating on the first day.
Makes 12 or 16 muffins.

Next time, I think I might try chocolate chips instead of blueberries to make it more of a dessert rather than a breakfast, but I think both would be good! Also, I think I'd add whole wheat flour, maybe replacing 2/3c of the white flour with whole wheat.

Yum! I gave most of them to B though as a surprise one morning so I wouldn't be stuck with all 16. That would be disastrous! His car had been in the shop the past 4 days so he was bumming rides off me over the weekend and then borrowed my car yesterday and today. Luckily for both of us, I am close enough to work to be able to bike in and the weather has been cooperating as well!

Last night, I biked to his house instead of mine after work (about 5-6 miles farther) we settled in to watch the 2-hour premiere of Heroes and heated up some leftover semi-healthy-but-not-super-healthy pizza. I won't spill the beans for those of you who haven't seen it yet and plan to. Oh, and I'll try to cover my eyes tomorrow, but I haven't seen the full episode of TBL from tonight, so no spoilers, please, if possible! I don't think this is giving anything egregious away, so I will say that when the second person made a phone call home, I got quite emotional because that person's dad reminded me so much of my own. I immediately stopped watching and called my dad... and proceeded to book a flight home for Thanksgiving!! With my rapid rewards, I was able to get the round trip for only $78.50 -- what a steal!
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