09/15/2009 00:54
Too fat for babies
I went to a gynacologist yesterday!!
hmmmph
I don't ovulate, so my GP referred me to a gyno, off I went with the plan of getting clomid to give the ovaries a chance to release eggs in the right direction.
All I came out with were tears.
Needless to say his bedside manner was a bit 'abrupt'
It was partly what I expected "weight, weight, weight" but to be told it's just NOT going to happen, you won't fall pregnant until you get the weight off and are under 100kg, was hard. As I said - I expected similar result, but I did expect a bit more compassion from a gyno who is specialising in infertility and works directly with a fertility clinic.
Clomid wasn't even discussed, it was just "come back and see me when you're periods are regular and your under 100kg's. So around 12 months time.
I wanted to just lean over and punch the fucker, his mannerism was terrible. He made me feel inadequate as not only a woman but a wife. If anyone is going to be making me feel inadequate as a wife - shouldn't it be my own husband - who in turn wouldn't treat me like that.
He looked at me as if I was something he stepped in from the moment I walked in the door. Just looked me up and down with this look on his face like he had motion sickness. I was so self conscious, it was like being dragged into the headmasters office.
I always cry when frustrated so true to form I burst into tears.
He asked me how much I weighed prior to lap band surgery then when I told him he said "you weighed WHAT?" so I repeated it and he let out this sigh with a slight "Whoah" and head shake.
So this afternoon I am going to see a GP wh my cousin's wife went to and got prescribed clomid, after a few tests (which we did last week) he prescribed it to her withoput giving her the 'fat rundown'. I rang them yesterday arvo and the receptionist gave me an appointment and then asked if I had been there before, when I said NO, she said "Oh, well Dr isn't taking new patients" so I asked when he would be and if I can go on a waiting list. She asked if I had a referral and when I said "only from a rellie" she asked for my rellie's name (assume she thought I was bullshitting) and so I gave it and she said "Fine, I'll let you have the appointment" so ... yay - take 2 today.
We've decided if today is a NO as well, then we're leaving it, I'll continue to lose weight, but we won't do any fertility treatment, we will leave it to mother nature, if it was meant to happen, it will. If I was a blubbering mess yesterday ... imagine me through fertility treatment, IVF or anything like that!!! No way Jose!! So if babies don't come in the next few years, we'll hit the road and travel the world instead.
I am sad, I am depressed about it all, I am slightly envious of my sister and sister-in-law that fell pregnant on cue when they started trying, I am upset with the big man upstairs who always throws me challenges and nothing is ever easy - I fight for everything. I am purely just frustrated, angry and OVER it!!! I don't have the 'fight' in me for IVF etc.
I really should sign off now, I'm getting upset again ... tears are welling and I don't need to be crying here at work!!