The weather at bethany beach is horrible. We have been getting so much rain and its actually COLD outside! I'm so disappointed! I want to go to the BEACH but I'm stuck inside.
I have been doing okay with eating healthier the past two days. Although, I'm worried about the upcoming school year. I'm afraid to NOT get a meal plan at school. If I run out of money I'm screwed. Then, I was thinking instead of getting a meal plan to order those meals they ship to your house. Like nutri system. My mom thinks I should just go to Sam's Club to get convenience foods, and the nuti system thing is a bad idea. But, I don't get my refund check until late October. So, until then I wouldn't have any money. When I don't have money, I eat worse. I know there are a few ways of getting around that, and people have given me some good suggestions, but it just something that always happens when I'm broke. I'm not sure if its the stress of not having money, or that healthier food are more expensive. Probably both. I'd just rather avoid this situation altogether.
Hey I havn't written for a while. One of the reasons I have been gone for so long is that I had a death in my family. My cousin passed away. He was only two years younger than me, only 20. I took it pretty hard even though we havn't been that close lately. There was some kind of accident. I'm still not sure exactly what happened because my family isn't the kind to talk about it too much. I might ask more about it later when everything simmers down a bit.
Anyways, some of you know that I have a anxiety disorder. I had to start seeing therapy again, but I'm still off medication. The therapy has taken a toll on my expenses, especially because I'm seeing a REAL psychologist, not a councilor at school. And I havn't told hardly anyone about this. My family doesn't know that I'm struggling or that I'm seeing Barry. Maybe in time.
It's been a few weeks, and I have gained some. I got my car and the weather has been just BAD, so I havn't been moving as much as I used too. Just recently I started EATING really BAD, like BEYOND my usual bad habits. I don't want to make more bad habits. Yesterday I ate chinese food for lunch (the fried sauce-battered kind) then went out to applebees and had an appitizer with motz sticks, hamberger and fries for dinner, and cold stone ice cream for dessert. I felt sick afterwards. My little sister and boyfriend practically ate the same amount as I did, but I still felt ashamed.
I have gotten 3 compliments that I looked skinnier seince I've stoped doing my healthy thing. And I only lost about 10 pounds! I don't know what it is... its weird. But, I should use it as motivation... imagine if i lost twice as much!
I was letting my emotions get to my stomach. I had a goal to be healthier and lighter by the time this wedding came around. Well, I'm leaving for MD tonight. The wedding is on Sunday. I know I can't loose weight by then, but I can still have a mini "boot camp" this week to switch gears. I know I can eat right. I know I can exercise. It's just a matter of doing it. Having the willpower. Remembering what I want. Expressing my emotions in a healthy outlet.
Starting today, I'm totally not going to gain during this little vacation. I'm going to ask for help from my family, and I'm going to show them just how powerful I can be.
I'm going off to do laundry and pack. I'll try to do as much as I can on the eliptical before I hop in the shower and head off to work (at least 20min). Tonight, when I get to the beach, I'm gonna go for a walk. It's a plan. It's a start.
My scale actually read 239.8 this morning! I havn't seen the 230s for a while now! It's going to be a lot of work to keep it down there, and even if it is water weight, it's still refreshing and motivating to see that number! :-)
Sean did jog yesterday, and he said he felt sore. I told him to wait a day for his muscles to heal, and do something light today instead. And to reinforce his good behaviors I gave him a little massage to relax his aching muscles. ;-D I hope that gives more incentive.
I'm running out of money after that huge car purchase I made. It's hard to diet when all you have left in your kitchen is emergency raman noodles and such. I got a huge earfull from my mother about how I should be working more. It's kinda easier said than done to get another job in this area. There are like NO jobs in gboro. Its like out in the middle of nowhere. (My mom lives close to the city so I don't think she realizes this).
Anyway, I guess I'll have to up my workouts to make up for the lack of good food. I have lots of TIME, so I'll have to use what I got. We'll see what happens when school comes around again. :-)
Know what always happens to me? It's like a really bad pattern. I do well for about a month... maybe two if I'm lucky. But just really solid for 4 weeks. Then the TOM comes, and that is when I usually blunder. I think, oh my cramps hurt too much to exercise, and I crave chocolate... and I let myself. But that only brings back poor habits, and instead of doing that for the 5-6 days of TOM I end up extending it longer and longer till the whole month fills up, and before I know it, I'm faced with TOM again, ashamed.
Sean promised me that he was gonna get some good sneakers and start jogging today. I told him if he did that, I would get my activity in as well. I promised. So I gtg do at least SOMETHING.
If I loose 6 lbs, I'll be back at the weight I was last year. I really want to do this, esp if it means fitting back into that magenta Torrid dress of mine! :-D
I've been doing a lot of house cleaning, and found some pictures of me. I can't believe how thin I was in HS, and I can't believe I thought I was fat. I mean, I was still a little overweight, but def not that bad. Anyway, I think I'm going to tape some of them to my eliptical. Maybe I'll post them on here, too, if I get some time.
Wish me luck guys.... I could use an added boost right about now.
I havn't been posting as much, and I havnt been losing much either. I mean, I didn't gain, I lost some, but not at a very fast rate.
My videos got really boring, and my activity is practically at a halt. My eating has been OK, but not as healthy as I'd like.
I need to get back in gear before I start gaining again. And I need a plan.
GOALS: 1.) write down everything I eat this week 2.) drink more water... its HOT out there! 3.) activity at least 3 times this week, for 45-60 min 4.) wear the pedometer just to get an idea of how many steps I take in a normal week, so that I can increase that next week
I need to clean the house. Like, the whole house LOL! That should be some good activity.
I would love to hit the gym, but its raining all day today and I didn't get my parking pass yet. It IS Friday, and the university is closed on Fridays in the summer, so I might be able to get away with parking there. I don't know if I want to risk the $40 tickets they give out.
I need more aerobic activity, though! I should just go to the gym. And, I need to do this stuff before 4, so I can go to my car insurance agent all the way in cherry hill before they close. Can I do it? Let's find out...
NSV today! My boss asked me how much weight I lost today. She said she just had to ask after she got a good look of me from behind, walking away back to my desk. I told her about 13 lbs. Her co-worker said she thought something was different, she thought it was the color I was wearing lol! I showed them how loose my jeans were and they were proud for me. It was really nice.
MORE GOOD NEWS! I got a car!!!!!! It's a 94 Mercury Sable and I got a really good deal on it too. I don't think I could have found a car in such great shape with only 2 thou. I even got my OWN car insurance, not on my mothers plan anymore! WOOT! I'm so proud of myself! :-) My first car. It's about time! :-)
The only bad news is that I'm super broke now. All the food I have has to last till the end of august. That means a lot of trips to my mothers on weekends! Heh heh heh.
I gained about a half pound this week, but no biggie. I had TOM to worry about. I'm going to REALLY try to get into the 230s this week! I need to lose 1.6 pounds. That will make up for any mishaps I've had for sure! :-)
I started using my resistance band and I was sore the next day, but didn't mind, because I know its working, and it only took me about 15 min! That is definately someting I can do every other day! :-)
I was doing some research online for vitamins, weight loss supplements, etc. and I found out why I was feeling so sick to my tummy. I thought it was my new medication but I think it was the multi vitamins I was taking.
I remember saying how if I took the medication seperate from the vitamin, it helped. Well, I was convinced it was the multi vitamin alone when I read some reviews on amazon.com. Apparently, the increased amount of chromium in women's one a day makes people feel sick, and the weight smart vitamin has even MORE mg! I first started taking the womens vitamin, then switched to the weight smart one later. This may explain why I feel so sick when I take it.
I'll just have to make sure I eat a big meal with the vitamin and lots of water, too. I'm going to stick with it, though. My skin and nails are so much nicer, and I think it helps a bit with energy too! :-)
Today, Friday, June 22nd, 2007, I solemnly swear to ride my bike to campus, and hit the gym, despite the fact it may be crawling with new froshies and their parents. I swear to workout for a least a full hour, and not to let my efforts go in vain by eating the calories I burn there.
