Today I did really great with my workout, and I'm feeling really good about it. There's nothing like a job well done! :-)
I started on the track, walking for 30 min at a comfortable pace. I was thinking so much about doing a marathon, and how much I wanted to break into a run. I didn't want to hurt myself, though, and resisted. Baby steps.
There was this young mom and her kid there. I thought it was really awesome of her to bring her kid to the gym with her. He was so cute! Probably 9 years old. He would sprint around the track, and has be passed me, he kept panting stuff like "So... many... laps... must keep... going...." LOL! It must have been really fun for him to jog with the "big kids" (my gym is on campus, but the community uses it as well).
So, I was so motivated when I was done my 30 min walk, that I decided to get on the treadmill and try to complete a 20 minute mile! So, I set the machine for 3.0 mph... and off I went! At first my legs really hurt, but I got into a steady pace and kept going... AND I DID IT! It was pretty tough, and I was really sweating, but I just kept thinking about my goal. I'm really happy I hit this mark. :-)
I my DBF asked me last night if I exercised like I was supposed to. I was honest and said no. He actually scolded me over the phone! I got all mad and said I didn't want to talk anymore, and he didn't understand why I was upset. I had to explain how sensitive I am about this subject. I told him I needed POSITIVE influence, not negative. He said he was sorry, but he had to get off the phone because he was at work.
When I went to bed, all I could think about was how annoyed I was at him for scolding me like that... and for what? One thing! But I realized I do stuff like this all the time to MYSELF. It's so different when someone else says it.
It made me think of all the GOOD things I did this week: 1.) I tracked all my food, water, and exercise 2.) I journaled almost everyday 3.) I still got in at least 3 days of solid activity, which was more than what I was doing before 4.) I totally limited my "sweets" and "empty calories" 5.) I only had dessert twice this week, which is better than what I was doing before. 6.) I've been drinking all my water... and then some.
So yea, I was NOT PERFECT with what I was planning on, but heck, I made a lot of improvements this week!
My official weigh-ins are every two weeks, but I weighed myself this morning, and I'm down 3.2 pounds! So I might be doing SOMETHING right!
Yesterday was a bad day. I guess it's bound to happen sooner or later. I didn't exercise and ate poorly. It could have been worse, I suppose. I felt so bad afterwards. The combination of the bad day and being super moody lately caused me to just break down and cry for a bit. I wasn't really that upset about it, because I know it's one day and I can still make up for it and be better in the future... but something just made me have to cry. Maybe it's because the past week has seemed like FOREVER and I wonder when it will stop... and then I realize I will have to do all this hard work for the rest of my life if I want to be healthy and fit. It's all very overwhelming. I'm just so glad my Sean was there with me at my breakpoint. It was nice to have a shoulder to cry on and someone to cuddle up with afterwards.
I really want to do my Biggest Loser DVD and stuff, but again, I'm feeling so overwhelmed with all this stuff I have to do, and I'm not sure how much time I will have today, and how much privacy I will get.
In other news, I was going through some ideas to reward myself, and it's hard when you don't have much money. My first idea was to get an Italian charm bracelet, and get a new charm when I reach a goal. But it depends on the charms and it depends how much money I have.
I need to run errands and go to class... more later!
Everyone has been soooo nice commenting on my blog. It really really helps! :-) Thanks guys!
I went to Sears yeaterday and got myself two new pairs of New Balance: a pair of walking shoes, and a pair of cross trainers. I got the most padded ones they had to support my knees and ankles.
So, I decided to break in my new trainers, and went to the gym last night. It was soooooo crowded, even if it was 9 at night (this is the campus gym). I walked the track at a brisk pace for 30 minutes. My knees felt okay, but my legs and feet were achy. I think it was a muscle ache, NOT a bone/joint ache, which is GOOD! I was soooo tired afterwards that I took a Tylenol PM, took a shower, and went to bed early.
At least I know I can walk for 30min, now I just have to get to a point where I can jog that much. I'm still doing the FIRM workouts because I want to build muscle to help my legs support my extra 100 pounds of fat, and also to help with metabolism.
My second Biggest Loser DVD came in the mail yesterday! YAY BOB! I LOVE BOB! Anyways, I can't wait to try that one out, I'll just need a half hour or so alone from my housemates to try it out. If not, I'll go to the gym again and do the DVD tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone who were posting in my blog... I REALLY needed the extra push. I told my boyfriend that I was thinking about doing a marathon, and he was pretty skeptical. He is right to be, though. I can barely walk for an hour at the present moment, and I told him I wanted to sign up for a *half* marathon next year. When I confronted him and asked why he didn't think I could do it, he said he thought I could do anything I put my mind to, but he didn't want me to get disappointed and sad when I started training and my legs hurt too much (I have leg problems).
WARNING: LIFE STORY When I was little, by doctor kept telling my mom NOT to put me on a diet. I was getting chubbier and chubbier and my mom was so concerned. When puberty hit, it got worse. And by the time I was in middle school I was 5 foot and a size 24. My doctor said I was too young to be put on a diet, but my mom "snuck" me to Weight Watchers. I walked everymorning, when I thought, hey I should just JOG down this hill. So, I started jogging slowly, and before I knew it I was running around the block 3-4 times without stopping. I lost about 45 pounds in 6 months, and got a spot on the JV Soccer team in high school, where soon I could run 3 miles (but I still had to stop and walk).
That was the height of my fitness career, so to speak. I feel like if I started now, I could be there again in about 6 months, being able to run/walk 3 miles. Then I could use the other 6 months to train for the mini marathon.
The thing is, I want to be able to WALK for 3 miles before anything else. I am afraid to ask my aunt about this, because if she had the same reaction my BF did, I'll be really discouraged. But, if I show them I can walk and be OK, then maybe they will think I have a chance and help me?
On a different note, does anyone else get really sensitive/moody when they diet? Yesterday was worse than TOM and I'm not anywhere near it. I really wanted chocolate at that moment. LOL. I ended up having a salad with chicken for protein... but it didn't really do much for me. I've been sleeping more too, and I'm getting worried. I see people on here eating right and losing weight... and they say that have MORE energy, and I feel so down and drained. I'm pretty sure I'm eating enough calories... I can't think of anything else I'm doing wrong.
I was reading other peoples journals and reading my new Biggest Loser book. Well, to put it short, I want to run a marathon. I know, that's totally out of the blue. I realized I miss running. Being ABLE to run at all. And I had this mindset that people my size just CAN"T and DONT run. Well, I was reading someones journal (I lost the name and page) and they were preparing for a marathon, and they were only a little lighter than me, but still in their 200s! And then I saw one of the Biggest Losers who got sent back home was still heavy and ran a marathon... and finished! Why not me?
I realized this has become a social norm... and almost a stereotype! I want to do something unbeliveable, to show people that fat girls DONT finish last! That we can do anything or more than skinny people can do. I want to be FIT. The weight will come off. It would be nice to have a goal that is not measured in pounds or inches.
My aunt is a big woman, but very fit. She has done these types of things before, and I'm going to e-mail her for some help on how to get started. She will be my inspiration.
I just completed the Firm cardio party. I feel like such a loser. This is just so hard, not just physically... but getting the moves down and combinations is just frustrating. I know if I stick to it, I'll eventually learn it... but I'm paranoid about someone walking in on me and seeing me struggle. I feel so bad.
I wish I was one of those people who felt good after activity, but this is just depressing. I hope it gets better. :-(
I just finished my fist FIRM workout. I hope that I can keep this up, I really didn't enjoy it. I wish that the "modified" versions of the moves were easier. Most of these moves I couldn't do, even the "modified" ones. Maybe these workouts wern't designed for people over 200 pounds? I'm hoping the cardio workout tomorrow will be better. I feel like sleeping right now, and I didn't even do most of the moves in the workout. Oi. I hope I don't get too discouraged.
I'm never going to be able to do this workout in front of anyone. I felt like a whale washed up on the beach when doing some of those floor moves. I am in a lot of pain doing those. Anything that has to do with squatting is painful after a while, too. I am feeling really discouraged because I was so excited about this, and it was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
My Firm Kit came in the mail today! I'm reading up on the material so I can start the DVDs tomorrow. The eating plan sounds pretty good also... I didn't realize it came with that! I might try it out at least for the first week or two until I can find something better. (These meal plans don't seem long term.)
I'm really excited that it has suggestions for eating out, and tells you exactly what you should get at certain chain resturants because I go out to eat with my boyfriend a lot, and I feel relieved that we don't have to give that up. I just have to get what the Firm suggests and I'm sure I'll be fine.
This is my day tomorrow: I'm gonna get up tomorrow and start the first workout. All my plans are in the evening, so I can still workout AND sleep in. Then, I'm going to my mom's house with my roommate to introduce them. We'll have dinner there (I'm not worried, my mom is a healthy cooker, which is one of the factors that I gained so much out in the real world) and then I'll drop off my roomie at her friends house. Then, I get to see my boyfriend!
Yay! I hardly see him during the school year, and this is both of our senior year at school, so it's been hard, but he's been really good about it all. He is really supportive about my weight loss. He doesn't try to sabotage me and keeps in mind that I'm watching what I eat. He knows to buy me flowers, etc. of getting me candy and stuff. He's so great. I'm so lucky! :-)
I've gained back almost all the weight I've lost over the summer. To be honest, without all the extra time, I don't know what to do. This is my last semester of school, and I'm worried about so many things that it's hard to stay on a diet or exercise program. Not to mention how BROKE I am.
I have the FIRM starter kit coming in the mail. I don't know how good it will be and weather I will be able to stick to it. I really don't like exercising in front of people I know. So, I'll feel the need to sneak in the workouts when my roomie is hot here, which may cause me to do them less. I kinda wish I could go to the gym to do the DVDs! LOL! But that sounds ridiculous. I have no idea where I could workout with these. All my friends live with me and I can't go to my moms house everyday. I would go nuts.
I might be getting a second job, too. It will fill up any time I have available. This is all very overwhelming to me, not to mention in less than 3 months I'll be in the "REAL WORLD" Quarter Life crisis anyone? I guess I'll just have to wing it, and take it one step at a time. For now, I have to decide what my plan of action is. Any suggestions are welcome.
