11/13/2007 20:41
Week 1 is over!
I'm really happy that I *officially* lost 7lbs this week, and I'm glad this past week is over. But, for some reason, I'm having a hard time. I'm having cravings like crazy and I'm so hungry. I keep thinking, maybe just one little thing? Like some scrambled eggs... even though last week I was full throttle. I kept telling myself to give it 100%, because I knew if I ate food off program I would choke. I had to remove myself from not only the kitchen but the downstairs in general. I got comfy in my PJs and lit my favorite candle. I dunno. I feel like there is a void. I feel as if I need something. I have no idea.
I hear losing weight quickly will increase the amount of estrogen in the blood system. I got my period 2 weeks early, and I'm wondering if all this is connect with weight loss and my moodiness.
It's hard when your starting out. It's extra hard, and you don't have anything to show for it yet. Yea, I lost 7 lbs, but I don't feel any different, in fact, I kinda feel worse cuz I'm tired, cranky, and hungry all the time. I know in my mind that things will get much better, but my emotions and body don't want to hear that.
I keep having dreams about food. That I start eating food, realize that I shouldn't be eating it (I litterally forgot I was dieting) and spit it out. I must have had at LEAST one dream a night concerning food. It's like constantly in my mind. I didn't realize how obsessed I was until now, I guess.
I feel overwhelmed. Things will get better. Things will get better. Things will get better.
11/07/2007 11:41
A letter I wrote for my friends and family:
This is really tough for me, I almost feel like I'm "coming out" saying this, but I think it might benefit my relationships in the long run... I am going to start in the beginning. This is a long post, but if you CARE about me, you will read it (and maybe take notes).
As some of you may have realized, I am having a lot of trouble with my health, and most of these issues are due to the fact that I am overweight, infact, I am clinically obese. I already have a condition in which my legs developed rather crooked, and flat feet to top it off. My knees "give out" my toes dislocate, and I have overall aches in my back and ankles. I cannot exercise everyday because of this condition, because I might hurt myself. Two weeks ago I said SCREW IT, did tons of speed walking, and wound up getting minor fractures/bruising in both my ankle tendants. My bone doctor and my general practitioner suggested I lose weight to take the pressure off my legs. I tried to diet (and exercise when I could), but I am not able to do enough activity to lose more than 10 lbs in 6 months.
My doctor recommended a special program for me through Jefferson University Hospital called Optifast. After doing the research, talking to my aunt who's done it before, and talking to a nutritionist, I decided to try out the orientation meeting to learn more. Once I went to that first information meeting, I knew this was something I had to do, no matter how hard it was going to be. I had to go through a series of examinations and interviews. (This program is NOT for everyone.) This included a blood test, urine test, examination with an Endrocologist, an interview with a nutritionist, interview with a nurse, and introduction meeting with a Behavioral Therapist (psycholoist).
Every person said I was a great canidate for this program. I am young and healthy. I have no history of high blood pressure (btw, my blood pressure, cholesterol, sugar levels, and rest heart rate are PERFECT as in I could be an ATHLETE). I also need to lose over 100 pounds, which is serious business. Now, I have gotten some shocking reactions from people about this alone. People told me that I look fine, and I don't need to lose that much. But, for someone my height and sex, I should be between 115-135. I am just aiming for 150. These numbers are reasonable to ME and my doctors.
What I'm trying to say is, I need support from my friends and family. I can't have people arguing about what my goal weight should be. I can't have people telling me that I'm FINE when I AM NOT. I am 22 and feel like I am getting old. My legs hurt, I have migranes and fatigue. I have to do something about this before it gets worse. I have made up my mind, and there is no way anyone is going to change that. I AM NOT FINE, but I will be.
With that said, I also want people to understand WHAT this new program consists of. There are 3 phases: Core/Fasting which lasts for 6-12 weeks depending on progress etc. Then, Transition which lasts for 6-8 weeks, and finally, Maintenance which lasts forever.
This first stage has gotten a lot of attention and concern from people. Yes, it is a LIQUID diet. No, I cannot eat ANYTHING ELSE. No, I cannot have the liquid meal you have prepared for me, I must eat the food they give me so I get the proper balance of vitamins, minerals, fats, protiens, and carbs. This may seem unhealthy to you, fasting for 12 weeks, and only consuming 800 calories/day. Yes, IT IS unhealthy, which is why it only lasts 6-12 weeks. This is why I'm monitored by a team of specialists. This is why I have to get a blood and urine test every 6 weeks. This is why there is always a nutritionist on call if I start to feel sick (I called her today, in fact). This program, as I have said, is not for everyone, but I need to do this, and I need people to support me.
The first 5-7 days I will feel overly tired as my blood sugar and calorie intake drops. I felt so much like crap today that I had to call out of work. But, by week two I will start to feel more normal, and by 10-14 days I should feel MORE energized than before. My body will adjust, my sugar levels will be balanced, and I will not feel physically hungry even with only 800-850 calories. All the while, I will be learning behavior modification to retrain my mind along with my body.
Transition or stage 2 will take place after 6-12 weeks, and they will slowly incorperate healthy food along with the optifast products. I won't have to go to group as much (the therapy sessions I call "group"), unless I want to. If I lose weight too quickly, or if I get sick, they will put me on transition quicker.
Maintenance is just what it sounds like. I decide when I have to go to group, and I work with the team to decide how much product I want to use, if any. Some people who still need to lose more weight stick with their transition program. Some people even need to fast for 6 more weeks, starting the cycle again (I don't think I'll need to do this, I only need to lose 100 pounds) some people have a protein bar for breakfast and eat food the rest of the day, and some people don't use the product. We will see when I get there.
This program is very small, so I get a lot of individual attention, HOWEVER small it may be, it has the best maintenance program in the country. When people go through this program, they KEEP IT OFF longer. Its about changing your behaviors as well as your body.
With all that explained in detail, here is some information about how you can help me.
First of all, don't tempt me with "just a bite". Just DON'T. But, if I decide to have a bite on my own accord, don't badger me. You don't know the situation. If I decide to have a bite, it's because I thought about it, and planned it out. ( I may decide to have a small meal for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I may decide to have a drink on New Years. Please, don't judge, I will ask my doctor, I am not stupid).
Second, don't harp on me. Don't constantly check what I'm doing every moment of my life. I will snap and it won't be pretty. Please, listen if I need to talk. If I ask your advice, that's when you should say something, but I might not take your advice, but it's still good to know, don't be offended. Be positive with me instead. Point out GOOD things that I'm doing, not the bad things.
Third, don't question me. Don't tell what to do. I am an educated adult. Don't argue that this is unhealthy, or that this is a gimmick diet. Don't question the doctors or the hospitals credentials. You are insulting my intelligence and education by saying this, and I promise you I will get upset.
Fourth, obesity is a DISEASE. I need to go to doctors and support groups just like any other disease or addiction. Keep that in mind.
Finally, DO ask me about how I'm doing. DO try to understand the program. DO try to understand how hard this is. And please, TRUST ME.
I really appreciate all of your support and efforts, and I love you all. Please take some more time to read up on these links and articles as well...
**Here are some links about the program:
http://www.jefferson.edu/endocrinology/weightmanagement
http://www.optifast.com/optifast_home.do
**Here is an important article:
10 Ways to Help a Loved One Lose Weight
How to be supportive without being a pain in the neck.
By Colette Bouchez
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic - Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
Is someone you love battling the bulge, and you feel helpless to help them? Or maybe you're the dieter, with a partner, best friend, sibling, or parent who just can't seem to understand what you need to succeed?
Either way, it's a big club, experts say.
"It is always a difficult situation when one person in a family or relationship is attempting to change the status quo by … changing the way they always did something in the past," says Barrie Wolfe-Radbill, RD, a nutritionist with the New York University Surgical Weight Loss Program.
Whenever someone changes their behavior, she says, the dynamic of a relationship can change. That, she says, "can make it hard to know what the other person wants or needs in the way of support."
But getting -- and staying -- on a dieter's good side doesn't have to be hard. In fact, experts say, the best way to know whether you're doing the right thing is simple: Just ask.
"It sounds like such a simple concept, but everyone has different needs when they go on a diet -- some people want you to stay on their case, others need the opposite -- and you won't know that unless you ask," says Jennifer Waugh, RD, LDN, clinical nutrition manager at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore.
It's also important to realize that a dieter's needs can change as his or her weight loss plan progresses.
"As a person begins to assert more control over their eating habits, many people need and want less input from others, so be sensitive to the signs that they want to assume more control," says Wolfe-Radbill.
**Top 10 Ways to Help a Dieter Succeed
There are also some general rules of support that can help any dieter go the distance.
Nutritionists Waugh and Wolfe-Radbill, and Fordham University motivational psychologist Paul P. Baard, PhD, helped WebMD come up with a list of the top 10 ways you can help.
1. Be a cheerleader, not a coach. "You don't want to find faults with what the dieter is doing," says Wolfe-Radbill. "Instead, you want to encourage and cheer on the things they are doing right." That means applauding them for reaching goals, or even for trying. And don't dwell on goals they haven't met, particularly if they don't bring them up.
2. Become an active part of their program. "Volunteer to eat some of their diet foods with them, or at least taste the dishes they prepare," says Waugh. "If they are joining a gym and you can afford a membership, join it as well. Be an active participant in their healthy behaviors."
3. Help develop healthy incentives. If the dieter has met a goal for the week or month, Waugh advises, plan a celebratory activity that doesn't focus on food. "Do something that reinforces spending time together, and create healthy activities that can further encourage their goals," she says.
4. Show them you care about the person, not the diet. "The idea here is to pull up real close to them, but not about the issue of dieting," says Baard. "Let them see you care about them overall, and not just about their weight problems." The key, he says, is to let them know they can count on your caring and your participation in their life -- no matter what their size.
5. When they've had a bad day, listen but don't judge. "Ask them about their progress, and be there to listen if they have faltered," says Waugh. "If you know that the dieter usually turns to food when things go wrong, get them to turn to you instead so they can talk it out, and not eat it out, of their system."
6. Be "aggressively supportive." "And by this, I mean don't wait for the dieter to come after you for support," Baard says. "Let them know that you are there, and wanting to help." If the dieter is a friend or relative you don't see every day, call or email frequently to let them know you're thinking about them -- not their weight. "Ask how they are, how the job is going, how their life is going," says Baard. "You don't have to mention dieting or food, just be assertively there for them."
7. Find non-food ways to celebrate the small goals along the way. Be creative in finding ways to celebrate the dieter's successes. Bring them flowers, pay for a manicure, treat them to a golf game, movie, or sporting event -- just don't focus the celebration on eating, Waugh says.
8. Encourage a healthy lifestyle, not just weight loss. "By encouragement, I mean participation," says Waugh. "Don't just tell someone they need to walk more, offer to walk with them …. The point here is to encourage a healthy lifestyle overall by making it a part of the time you spend together."
9. Learn about their weight loss program. Make an effort to learn as much about their diet plan as you can -- the kinds of foods they're eating, how the plan works, and what it involves, such as attending meetings or participating in online support groups. Then, respect the time they want to devote to these activities -- and don't nag if that means spending a little less time with you, Wolfe-Radbill says. "If you learn about their diet plan you won't have to ask them as many questions, and more of their behaviors and choices may make more sense," she says.
10. Be positive! This is the most important tip of all. When you're fighting a battle, says Wolfe-Radbill, nothing beats the feeling of knowing there's someone who believes in your ability to win. "If the dieter stumbles, and feels bad about themselves, remind them of their other accomplishments and encourage them to move forward -- and whatever you do, don't throw in the towel with them, no matter how discouraged they may sound," she says.
What Not to Do
While it's vital for family and friends to concentrate on the positive things that can help a dieter, it's also important to check some negative habits at the door. Our experts offer this checklist of what not to do when someone you love is on a diet:
1. Don't tempt them. Respect the dieter's food choices, and don't tempt them with a "bite" or a "nibble." " Not only can this take the dieter off track, at the end of the week, bites and nibbles add up and can sabotage a weight loss plan," says Wolfe-Radbill.
2. Don't become the "food police." "You can ask someone if they'd like you to play that role, but I can almost guarantee they won't," says Waugh. As such, don't take on the role of reciting out loud everything a person eats, or locking away food you think they shouldn't have, or reprimanding them for eating the "wrong" thing.
3. Don't say anything to the dieter you wouldn't want said to you. While you may not be struggling with a weight problem yourself, Wolfe-Radbill says, think of a challenge you're trying to overcome, then think about how you'd feel if someone was "in your face" about it.
4. Don't use judgmental language. "Avoid phrases such as 'Did you stick to the plan today?' Or 'You should have been more careful,' or 'Why did you eat that?' You are not the umpire of their life, so remember it's not your role to criticize or judge," says Baard.
5. Don't overdo -- anything! "Don't bombard the dieter with weight loss books and articles, subscriptions to fitness magazines, or low-calorie cookbooks unless they say that's what they want," says Wolfe-Radbill. She reminds us that even when that kind of behavior is invited, it's easy to overdo it and come off as rude: "Keep a lid on the helpfulness, and when in doubt, think under-do, not overkill!
Originally published February 10, 2006.
Medically updated February 16, 2007.
10/27/2007 09:55
Binges! Oh noes!
Needless to say yesterday was a bad day. I got all upset because I went to change into a sweater and saw my body in the mirror. After cruising EP for emotional support, I laid in bed, thinking about binging. I was thinking about how I could get some sugary sweets without being too conspicuous. Then I was like, no. Then I was like, why not this one time eat whatever and how much I felt like? Then I was like, no. Then I was like, oh but your starting medifast next week anyway. Then, I was like, no.... yes no yes no yes no...
So, yea, after arguing with myself for an hour and daydreaming about halloween candy, I finally decided to just take a shower and see how I feel afterwards. I did my hair and makeup, wore black, and felt better about how I looked. Later I had a really great time with my roomie and my boyfriend. We saw a play on campus called "suburbia" it was pretty good. So, yea, I feel a lot better. I'm glad I'm minus one really large binge!
In other news, weigh in! I was all upset last week cuz I gained a lot of weight, but it must have been cuz of TOM cuz I'm back down to where I was two weeks ago! Sweet! I'm not loosing, but I'm not gaining. So I'm okay. I know when I get on Optifast at Jefferson Hospital things will get better, and I'm sure I'll learn a lot too!
Today is the big homecoming game. The last one I"ll see as a student. Prolly the last one I'll see period. Me and Sean are planning to move out to California as soon as one of us gets a job, probably this summer. I gotta get ready for my day! BUHBYES
