a board game that helps you lose weight!

Check this out! I may just challange my DBF to a little game... hee hee hee!

I love Zip n' Steam bags!

Guess what? New find! I love this product Ziploc Zip n' Steam Bags! Its so great for a beginner cooker like me, and it is great for people who live in small apartments or dorm rooms. I was skeptical at first, but it REALLY is so easy to use! You can cook vegetables or meats... fresh or frozen!

I just cut up some fresh broccoli and cauliflour up to the "full" line on the bag, added some garlic and basil, shook it up, and then I stuck it flat in the microwave. It has a little chart on the bag to show how long to cook it. I added an extra minute only because I like my veggies really cooked well, and in 8 minutes I had fresh steamed veggies... it looked SO good, like professional!

I'm so happy with my bags... this is the begining of a beautiful relationship! :-)

A positive reflection

It's two in the morning. I can't sleep. So, I started reading all my old posts... I can't believe how different I feel from where I began. I can't believe all the ups and downs! One thing really struck me...

"...I knew going into this program that the biggest problem for me, the biggest challange, would be the whole social aspect. I didn't quite know WHY at first, but I caught myself feeling "left out". I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to be the person who was dieting. I wanted to fit in, and I wanted noone to take notice of my eating habits..."

I realized even this is slowly changing. I didn't want that negative attention of people looking at the fat girl trying to diet. I wanted people to leave me alone, and to be left unnoticed.

Now, I want to be that person people look up to. I want to be a good influence and help others. I want to be noticed for how healthy I am being, and have people look at me and say, "I wish I could do that" and me explain to them "If I can, you can too!"

There have been so many people on EP and LDDF who have encouraged me and gave me insight. Those people who have "been there, done that". I really couldn't have gotten remotely this far so fast without them. Thank you, yes, YOU reading this right now! You are totally awesome!

I'm not going to sit back and put down our accomplisments. I'm not going to think to myself, well its only 45 pounds, and 10 of that is water, and I havn't done X, Y, and Z yet... no. I accomplished something. You helped, but ultimately, ME. :-)

I'm going to milk that for all it's worth.

OMG 100 days!

Week 16, Day 2... Over 100 days on Jefferson program! Wooohoo! :-)

I decided to have a quote of the week, and when I go to Jefferson for my weekly meeting, I'm going to sneak and write it on the white board LOL!

"He [or she] who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything." -Arabian Proverb

---------------------------------------

I have a bunch of splenda/lipton/crystal light flavor packets things that I don't particularly like. Rather than try to take them back to the grocery, I'm going to bring them to Jefferson and let people sample them. They might find something they really like, and maybe I can do my tiny part in helping people get on track with their health.

The meeting this week was SUPER helpful and informational as usual. We learned about fats and oils and how they pertain to weight loss/gain. Someone at the meeting suggested a way to roast vegetables to make em taste REALLY yummy. Everyone else chimed in and told me I just HAD TO try it! I told them I wasn't much of a cook, but they insisted that it was easy and I would LOVE it. Of course, instead of browned and crispy mine came out black and still juicy in the middle... not to mention too salty! O well, maybe next time I will get it right! LOL!

After the meeting, I took a deep breath, and approached the nutritionist about my hair thinning out. Luckily, she didn't make a big deal about it and was really understanding about my money/health insurance problems. She said the hair thing is most likely from losing so quickly and it wasn't a permenent problem. The other thing is that it MAY BE a tyriod reaction. UGH. She told me I can hold off on the blood test for a few weeks and see what happens, my being on transition already. If there are anymore problems I can call her. I'm just glad she didn't insist on doctors visits and everything, but I knew I should tell her everything thats going on and be honest... just in case a real problem does arise.

I saw this really awesome calorie counter book on Amazon, as well as another book about dieting that I got really excited about. Even though I have little money right now, my boyfriend agreed to buy it for me if he said it would help me out *YAY I LOVE HIM FOREVER* LOL! I can't wait for them to come in the mail! For now, I am keeping track (in a minimalist sorta way) of what I'm eating in a plain notebook. Later, I can add it into my super special one. :-)

I also got a new battery for my pedometer so I can start keeping track of how many steps I do everyday. I figure this was a good start to activity, and I can build on it in so many ways... like vary my speed, increase distance, using weights, etc. I can start tiny and work my way up to my ULTIMATE weight loss and fitness goal is to run (and finish) a half marathon. I will get there.

Ok, I've rambled enough for one day! Updates later...

Week 14 Day 2

I feel like everytime I go to my Jefferson meeting I become more and more liberated. I can't think of a better word. With the knowledge and guidence I get there, I litterally become free from the food and poor habits that have been holding me back! I'm so thrilled I decided to do this!!!

In other news, I can't WAIT to see Biggest Loser tonight... it looks like a really good episode and I can't wait to see how Dan reacts to his team. I hope he kicks thier ass!!! I heart Dan! MUAH!

fat nightmare

I am one pound away from losing 50 lbs!!!

I hope I can pull that off this week! :-)

That almost makes me feel better after my nightmare last night. I am always having weight related dreams. This one is a bit GROSS so don't read if you get sick easily. Basically what happened was that there were these blmishes or sores on my fingers. The inside of my hand on the lower digits. I picked at them, and instead of like blood coming out, thick white puss-like stuff came out. At first it was like poping a pimple, but it kept comming out in larger and larger amounts. It was like fat was draning from my hands. I didn't want all of it to come out, so I tried to find a bandaid. I was at a friends house, though, and for some reason they put this weird molding on the stairs so I almost couldn't get up to my friends room to ask her where the bandaids were. When I finally got up there and showed her my fingers, the bottom digits of my fingers were much thinner than the top part (only like 3 or 4 of my fingers had the problem). It was so messed up and gross, and it was just such a nightmare. I hate having fat dreams.

What Food Journal Do You Use?

I realized I need to start keeping a journal for my food. This is for a few reasons. First of all, I keep forgetting how many shakes/bars I've had durring that day.

Second, I tried to "bank" some calories this week when I was invited to a Chinese New Year dinner party. I just couldn't pass up the cultural opportunity! So, I had 2 bars and ate regular food there. Nothing fried or creamed, but I should have kept track of portion sizes.... although most of the time I didn't know what I was eating was called because the people there didn't speak english very well or didn't have an english translation. Although I ate a bit too much, I don't think I did TOO bad, and although my stomach was mad at me for eating things I don't normally eat, I feel like it was worth it!

Back to my main point. Third, I want to start doing more activity, so keeping calories burned will also help esp because I'm on a really low cal diet and I don't want to starve myself.

Anyways, if anyone has a good journal that they use to track calories and activity, please let me know cuz I'm looking to invest... :-)

friends don't know me anymore

I went to the student center the other day, and I havn't been there for a few months, and I knew I'd prolly run into some old friends. I was there with my housemate, Greg. So, when my friend Matt walked by our convo was like this:

Matt: Hey Greg!

Greg: Hey

Me: Hey Matt what's up?

Matt: Oh! Beth! Hey! I havn't seen you for a while... it looks like you've lost some weight... I'm sorry I didn't reconize you at first...

Earlier when I was waiting for Greg to get out of class in the science hall, I was the only one in the lounge area, playing with my PSP, and my friend Will walked by, and sat near me, and he didn't say anything to me. He MUST have seen me, I was the only other person there! I didn't feel like socializing, so I just let it go and continued with my PSP.

Did I really change THAT much that people don't reconize me?

Dreams and Sleep

The food dreams have come back. Prolly cuz I went on transition. First, I had a dream I was at my Grandmas old house in Medford, and I had to eat but I didn't have my optifast, so I went through the cubbords. I saw a protien bar that looked exactly like my optifast ones, but when I looked at the nutrition facts, it was like 300 calories! I then realized the bar was HUGE. I also saw all these homemade chocolates... and I thought to myself, I might as well eat those, but I really shouldn't, but I caved and had a peice anyways. It was a dream about caving in, and about my throught processes and fears about straying from what I want. It starts with "just one" and then snowballs.

I had another dream about two days later that there was a storm comming. I was in an office building, about 3-4 stories high. There were people hiding in the basement. I knew that either we'd all die or be stuck in that basement until someone found us. I took a risk and traveled up the elevators to the top floor. There were large windows that spanned the whole wall, and I saw the city and the large funnels of the tornadoes outside. I knew they would hit us any minute. I took a trashbag and started going through peoples desks and the kitchen area, loading food into the bag, thinking we'd need it if we were stuck in the building for a while. But, as I was stuffing the bag, I was also stuffing my mouth... with all kinds of things... but I specifically remember eating cheese and crackers... I think I figured that if I was gonna die, I might as well. In reality, I would HATE to think that stuffing my face with all kinds of food would be my last request. I wouldn't want to go that way.

Yea, I kno, my dreams are really vivid... I could have written more details but I got the gist of it, I think.

Speaking of dreams, I have been having trouble falling asleep again. It started sometime after Christmas. I was going SOOOO well durring the school year, and it makes me wonder if eating the "real" food has anything to do with it, because although I was still on full fast after Christmas, that was when I got sick and was eating food to keep down medications. I'm also thinking that I've had soooo much energy during the day. Maybe if I started working out really hard, I would use it all up and tire myself to sleep? I have no idea, maybe I really am turning into a REAL night person. I can't get to sleep until 3-4 in the morning on a consistant basis... but the real world runs on a different clock, so this is a problem for me. I am also wondering if this is effecting my weight loss, which has slowed down considerably this week.

So many what ifs. I think too much.

Proud of the DBF

I'm really proud of the DBF. When he found out I was on transition, he immediately wanted to celebrate by going out to dinner. I was like uh... no... tisk tisk. Why not? He says. BECAUSE I'm not starting that again. Thats not part of my lifestyle anymore, youre gonna have to get over it, besides, it would be so much nicer if you cooked for me! So, we went to the grocery and got fresh chicken, zucchinni, salad, and peppers (peppers are one of the only vegetables he'll eat... and I'm so proud of him for choosing a vegetable alternative to the zucchinni he doesn't like). We went back to his moms and he cooked a healthy dinner (under my supervision he he). It turned out really good! His mom said she was impressed and even though we only ate veggies and plain chicken, we were all full in the end! I was so proud of him. I'll have him trained in no time! LOL! :-)