I didn't go to the gym as planned. There was some kinda orientation on campus for new students and their parents. I knew the gym would be way busy, and I wasn't ready to deal with that many people. I went home and did a bunch of house cleaning instead. At least I was moving around.
Good news, though! While I was cleaning, I found my Yoga Ball poster!!! Ya kno, the one that explains and shows different exercises you can do! YAY! I also found the instruction packet for my resistance band. Maybe I'll start doing those in the morning, since I'm getting a little bored with my workout.
I'm watching the Crunch Cardio Salsa right now. (I always watch the DVD before I do the actual workout). It looks really hard... not for someone with no dance experience. I DID do some dancing in HS. I was in a few musicals that required light jazz moves, and I took dance as my gym elective my senior year. I think I can handle it if I did it a few times. I'm just worried I'll get too frustrated before that and lose interest in using this video.
I love my Biggest Loser Workout with Bob! But, I've been doing that same workout for over a month. :-( I wish I could find something else as motivating, but alas, so far, no.
My roomies told me yesterday that they would let me use the gym even though I'm not registered for classes this summer. I hope they are right. I would be nice to liven up my routine. I'm getting rather bored with the same video or walking.
I dont like to exercise in front of people, but I don't mind so much at the gym because its a bunch of people I don't know. I'm not a morning person, but that is the only time I have the house to myself. Its getting harder and harder to get up in the morning, and I feel groggy and unrested. I'm just NOT a morning person.
So, hopefully, they will let me into the gym and I can get some workouts in after work when I'm more awake... and sleep in for an hour and a half in the morning. :-)
Dieting has not been good. I keep feeling sick during most of the day, and then eating the wrong choices in the evening, and way too close to bedtime, when it starts to wear off. I'm thinking I need to talk to a doctor about this. I don't want to develop an ulcer or anything?
For now, I'm going to raid my kitchen for foods that are easy on the stomach and eat small amounts more often during the day.
Reason #4: Because I don't want to hide from friends and loved ones anymore.
My DBF started working back at his old job from two years ago. He had to go over there one night just to sign some paperwork, etc. And he wanted to know if I would come with him. I havn't seen Natalie (the manager) forever! I had to explain to Sean that I was too embarrassed by my weight gain, and maybe if I got close to where I was when we worked there I would visit.
Also, I have family on the west coast that I only get to see every year or so. My aunt said shed pay for a ticket out there to visit this summer. I had to make up an excuse not to go because I know my grandmother is sick... and I don't want her last memory of me to be like THIS. :-( Not to mention the comments from my aunt, who was a model at one point. Shes tall and skinny. I just don't have the courage to face that.
Something was bothering me yesterday. Something my roommate said to me. And this is one of the reasons why I don't like telling anyone I know about my weight loss efforts. I told her I was really excited because I lost over 4 pounds this week, and continued in my glorious rambling that I thought that was a LOT for one week, and how much easier it is for me to lose weight in the summer time. Her response was that it's because people lose water weight and get dehydrated in the summer. I could feel my once-lifted spirits instantly drop right off a cliff. Is it possible that all this rapid weight loss is from dehydration?
I decided to try and shake the thought out of my mind, and to try not to worry about it, of course. But it's sad that I can't find more support outside of EP with my friends and such. It makes me appreciate this website even more, actually.
I feel so judged, esp when its someone really skinny and tall like my roommate. My mother is the same way. Shes always been thin. I feel like she has no idea what I'm going through, and thus annoys me all the more when she tells me how she thinks is the best way for me to lose weight.
I'm trying to be positive, and its much harder with those kinds of people around me.
So, here is how my morning went. I got up, sliped on a pair of jeans because I have a new housemate thats a dude, and went down to the bathroom to brush my teeth, etc. I heard something in the kitchen and went to go see. It was my housemate. I was surprised to see him because its fathers day and I thought that noone would be around. As I was speaking to him, I started drinking water without even thinking about it. I then realized I didn't weigh myself yet and I ALWAYS weigh myself in the morning, after going to the bathroom, with my jammies on. I want to get an accurate reading. DOH I messed up by putting that water weight in my tummy.
So, I get on the scale anyways. Down .2 pounds! No. Way. I think. I just drank a bunch of water. Then I realize I'm wearing a pair of heavy jeans. I take the suckers off. 241.6! No. Freakin. Way. I can't believe it! I step on and off the scale a few times just to make sure. Same reading. No. Way.
But YES WAY! I can't believe how much weight I'm losing this week! This is too good to be true, I keep telling myself. I don't feel hungry and cravings are minimal. I've worked MUCH harder before with little results.
What's going on? Is my body just going along with me? Can I just lecture at my body, "Hey, body, stop fooling around! Lose those pounds NOW or ELSE!" and it just graciously abided?
But in all seriousness, I really think this is a combination of getting control of my aniemia, and taking that new medication makes me eat less. I'm really greatful, and I can take anything I can get. And I HAVE taken strides to eat better, doing the MyPyramid plan. It just seems too easy for some reason.
I must admit, I'm one of those people who weigh themselves practically everyday. I don't MAKE myself get on the scale, but the scale calls to me every morning when I wake up. I guess I could understand why certain people hate getting on the scale, and why people have urges to skip their weekly... or sometimes monthly... weigh-ins. But not me. I really don't understand myself sometimes. *shrug*
Reason #3: To prove to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.
I think losing weight and reaching my goal is just about the most impossible thing I can think of to accomplish. I'm changing my attitude as well as my weight. Losing weight isn't just about my health or my appearance, but self-worth. I think this is the most important aspect for me while losing. I want to feel good about myself, and I want to accomplish something GREAT that no one could possibly miss.
Today I'm down 2 more pounds. Hopefully it will stay off the scale till Monday, which I'm considering my official weigh-in. :-)
You would think that something that makes you so happy, so proud of yourself, and so worthwhile would be much easier. It's weird how losing weight is so difficult, and it is SO tempting to go back to old habits. I don't understand why this happens. I feel sooooo much better about myself when I'm doing the healthy stuff. You'd think that would be rewarding enough! But thats not how it is. Its more like an addiction. Once you are an emotional eater, you always are, and it will be a struggle for the rest of your life, no matter how much happier you are without comfort food. I just have to keep reminding myself of how happy I am without it. How much happier I am doing the right thing.
-----------------------------------------
I think I took off 1.5 of the pounds I gained last week. I'll have to see if it stays off come monday, and its not just a water weight issue.
Yesterday was a bad day. I don't know what happened. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was late to work... and I didn't want to leave with wet hair, and I was drying it when the cercut (sp?) breaker went out or something. I didn't have time to find out what went wrong. My hair was a mess and I was so aggrivated. I pulled my hair back as well as I could with half dry hair. I hate the way my face looks with my hair back. I wanted to rip that pony tail out and finish drying my hair. I am THAT embarrassed by my fat neck. But, I ran out the door.
Later, I found out I forgot something for lunch. I don't get a lunch break because I work part time, so I had little options. I ended up drinking as much water as humanly possiable. By 5 oclock I was feeling TIRED... maybe even sick. Oh, man, it was a BAD IDEA to fast for the day! I came home starving and ate a bunch. I'm not even sure how much I ate, and I didn't keep track.
Then my roomie said she was going to walmart and wanted to know if i wanted to come. I said yes because i dont have a car and i really needed some groceries. BAD IDEA AGAIN! I was having all sorts of sugar cravings and bought a lot of snacky foods. Oi! I started feelling those muchies comming on around 10pm... and got some carmel rice cakes... but ate like 4 servings. OI!
I'm not sure about the damage I caused. It might not have been that bad calorie-wise because I didn't eat that morning. All I know is, I never want to do that again. I felt way too out of control.
Bad day yesterday. I'm going to try my best to make today a good one.
I noticed a few people on EP writing a list of reasons why they want to lose in each entry. I think this is a really good idea, so I'm going to start up my own list.
Reason #1: I work up a sweat just getting ready in the morning for school/work.
This is a big confession for me. I'm really embarrassed about it, but I'm going to talk about it anyway.
I hate getting ready in the morning. I take a shower, climb the stairs to my room, dress and put on my make up, and blow dry my hair. Then I wonder why the heck I even bother taking the shower because I always manage to work up a sweat from just that! I always put the AC on high in my room and have two fans blowing to make sure I don't get too sweaty. I have to use really strong deodorant. I used to use Secret Platinum, then that wasn't working well enough, and I stole a stick from my boyfriend! That didn't work too well either. They finally came out with that Secret Clinical Strength, and that works... under my arms only. I sweat a lot on my head and neck, too.
The point is, I just hate it. And this is the first reason on my list to lose weight. I need to get all this extra fat off my body so I'm not so darn HOT all the time. :-(
I didn't eat enough food today. I always get sick to my stomach. I have this love hate relationship with my medicine. I hate it when it makes me feel icky, yet I love it because I'm eating less. Whats a gal to do?
