My skinny mother called the other day to tell me she gained about 10 pounds, and the doctor recommended that she start walking and cutting her calories. She said she'd like to start weight watchers. I give her a big one for starting NOW rather than 100 pounds in, like I did. Obviously, she can't become a member to just lose 10, so she asked if I could get her some info so she could do it on her own.
I looked through my diet materials stash and found all my old weight watchers booklettes, member books, and points trackers. I couldn't help but look through all the books... to the past 3 times I've tried and given up. Some things brought back bad memories, but some things give me hope.
The first thing I looked at was my member book from the last time I did weight watchers. According to this book, I did it for 10 weeks, and within that 10 weeks I gained 2 pounds. YIKES. I thought back to how FRUSTRATED I was and how I cried after everyother meeting.
I found a little notebook with grocery and goal lists, etc:
stay on program no matter what
walk to the end of the block and back at least once a day
get to the gym once a week
continute with set goals
Well, I didn't stay on program after 10 weeks. I do walk to class instead of walk, which is 4 times a week, which can pretty much check off the second item. I don't go to the gym once a week because I don't belong to a gym anymore. Not too bad, I guess. Then I found this: "What I've Accomplished So Far"
Fat free milk cheese instead of 1 or 2%
More soy, less red meat
frozen yogurt or ice pops instead of ice cream
less eating out, more cooking at home
eating a "real breakfast" (not just poptarts)
I pretty much still do all these things and it's been more than 2 years. I still eat out pretty often, but not nearly as much as I used to, but that was more for finanial reasons. Still, there are a lot of lifestyle changes going on there. Here is the 3rd thing was was in the little book: "Longer-Term Goals"
add activity to daily lifestyle
get smaller meal plan at school
track more than just weight (clothes sizes, waist inches, mood)
keep journaling
find other things besides snacking when stressed about studying
I havn't really done the first one. I don't go to the gym everyday or schedule in walking in the morning or anything, but as I said, I started walking more to class which is a start. I DID get a smaller meal plan at school... the next year I got the second smallest and this year I got the very smallest meal plan (so I don't eat crappy cafateria food every day). Next year I'll graduate so I won't even have to eat there anymore! Yay! The 3rd one I definately do track my sizes and inches regularly now, although I don't track my mood. The 4th... well, I'm here arnt I?! The last item I have been struggling with BIG TIME this past week or two. I'm basically just riding out the wave because this is a time that is SOOOOO stressful it's so hard to stay focused, but I'm still going.
There was one other thing that I noticed while looking through my old WW stuff. The points trackers. I was shicked when I realized the first week I'd be perfect and then after that my trackers were rather BARE. Like, I'd only track half the week and there were days were I didn't finish writing my points or just didn't track AT ALL. Absolutely every time I did WW it was like this. I'm so GLAD I kept these!
So, now is the time to make new lists. This post is so long, I think I will save these lists for later. Good reflection day, but I really should be studying. Just one more weekend left, and I'll be a graduate!
I didn't make it to my WW meeting last night... I'm okay and everything, but I got into a car accident on the way to my meeting.
It was raining and when I tried to stop at a red light, I hydroplaned and slid right into the person infront of me. I don't think I was going fast... I was already slowing down... and noone was hurt, thank god. I feel SO bad for the other driver and her daughter, and technically it was my fault, although I keep trying to placate myself... with no avail... by telling myself that there was very little I could have done in a situation like that. I still feel very guilty. Not to mention stressed out with the paperwork and such. I hope my insurance doesn't go up, but it probably will. Great timing. Just when I am totally BROKE and final exams. I hope to find a second job as soon as my first two finals are overwith.
Anyway, I'm going to try to make it to the WW center just to get a weigh-in and new food tracker. I'm not sure if it will be open or not, but I need to pick up my car at the shop anyways... afterall, it is on the way to the center, so I might as well pick up where I left off.
I didn't get in contact with my friend to keep me accountable past mid-week... but I did make it farther than I did last week. I didn't start slipping until Thursday night. What happened was that I was driving back and forth from my parents house to my house because my lawnmower broke and I had to borrow theirs. My lawn looked like a JUNGLE. Anyways, I was using my mothers mini van and realized I left all my WW stuff in my purse, locked in my car, at my parents house. That's when I slipped up.
I was so busy this week between finals, trying to find a d*mn lawn mower that worked, and Relay for LIfe.
Relay went pretty well... much smoother than past years.... and I still havn't counted how much I walked. I'll update later when I check my pedometer. I was soooo TIRED and sooooo SORE the next day because this is an overnight walk so my team hardly got any sleep. I devoted yesterday to recovery and got 12 hours of sleep last night. MUCH needed. Now that that event is over PHEW I need to get back ontrack with my diet and finals.
Even though I kinda blew this week, I want to have a great two days anyway. My first idea is to go grocery shopping on Wednesdays, which is a day I don't have classes and where I start to falter. Having the NEW healthy foods in the house will rejuvenate me for the rest of the week. I also want to get more of those FRUITIES man, those are AWESOME. I would chew on those while I study and its better than gum cuz I still feel like I'm eating candy. So, those are a must this week.
My new goal is to make it past Friday this week. One step at a time.
I wrote a post yesterday and then my computer turned off or something weird, so I lost it, and then I was too busy so I couldn't get back until now.
Things have been crazy with school. I was up until 3am last night trying to get work done. BUT I did go to my meeting yesterday... and I was up like 3 pounds! Unacceptable! I has this idea in my mind (last week) that I had to concentrate on SCHOOL and GRADUATION (and not worry about anything else including tracking my diet). I decided that this was a poor attitude choice, because if I'm gaining 3 pounds every week until graduation... thats almost 10 pounds. *hands in the air* Lesson learned!
I spoke up at my meeting for the first time and said that there was this problem area for me with finals, and we talked about things I could do durring this hectic time. So, after my meeting I went to the grocery and got a bunch of prepackaged foods and things I could eat that don't need cooking, etc:
Smart Ones
Lean Pockets
Bagged Salad Kits
Fat Free Yogurt
String Cheese
Apples
Already cut-up Carrots
Already cut-up Melon
Frozen Veggies & Steam Bags
Mini Bags of HealthyPop popcorn
Some of this stuff is expencive, but I had coupons on a lot of things and saved 7 dollars, resulting in a 50 dollar bill, but heck that's the price you pay for convience I suppose. (Usually I prepare my own "frozen" meals, and cut up fruits and veggies on my own, but I just don't have the time this week for everything, so I'm cutting corners here and there).
The other thing I was concerned with is that a lot of those frozen things have SALT but I figure that it's only for a few weeks and it's better than gaining so much weight! I will have to drink lots of water to flush it out but I WILL BE OKAY. This is the start to a brand new WEEK!
Speaking of which, I find that the 2-3 days after my meeting I do fairly okay, but then I slack later on in the week. So, I think I need to find someone to keep me accountable around Wednesday/Thursday just to check up on me. I have this friend, Jena, who used to do WW. She graduated and now lives pretty far, but I think she wouldn't mind a phone call once a week... we need to keep in touch anyway! :-)
Thanks for the posts durring the week. You all know that I LOVE to blog, and if I could I'd be updating everyone every DAY and going around posting on everyone else's blogs, but as I said, FIINALS are CRAZY! Actually, this is the time when I need the support most of all, and I really need to thank everyone here for that little note here and there... really keeps me on track!
Ok ok ok... I went to my meeting on Monday. I couldn't believe how COOL weight watchers has gotten since the last time I've been there. Its so official looking! LOL! They have multiple scales all lined up in a row with little cubbies and posters and merchenice. They computers track your weight... LOL! I was impressed because the meetings I went to before were really oldschool.
My leader seemed pretty cool. I liked that she was pretty young, like me. She seemed really knowledgable and she seemed to know what she was talking about. At the end of the meeting I went to her and told her my situation how I did WW in middle school and now I'm back to lose the college weight. She said that I was just like her and the very same thing happened to her. So, that was pretty cool. The only thing I didn't like much about her was that she was very FAKE. Like I felt that she was putting on a performance the whole night. I guess it comes with the job? But the good outweighs the bad, and it's really hard to tell at this point. I don't want to judge too early.
I have been having a hard time sticking to my points. It's not that I feel hungry at all. It's an emotional thing, I think. It's hard going from LD to a food plan because the choices are everywhere! On a LD, if you eat, you messed up. Now, if you eat, you can pretty much fit it into your plan... to a point. It's day two I ate almost all of my flex.
Normally when things get to this point, I go grocery shopping, but I have very LITTLE money right now and the money that I DID have I just put into a savings account to keep me form spending it.
I'm starting to think I'm getting a little depressed. I'm coping the best way I know how. I get up in the morning. Step one. UGH I majorly lep in, missed a class, and got about 11 hours of sleep. But at least I got up at all on a day like this. The weather has been nice. Open a window. I need that light and breeze is healthy. I write down all I need to do that day in order of what to do them in. Including eat breakfast, go to class, check e-mal, etc.
As I go through my day, I need to refer to my list of what to do, otherwise I get DISTRACTED. Like, I will litterally sit there and do NOTHING and then I snap out of it and I'm like WHERE DID MY DAY GO? My housemate said that sounds like Adult ADD (he has it). I wouldn't be surprised because my mom has it real bad. I would like to get tested, but I have no health insurance. This isn't the first time that someone told me that they thought I had ADD, too.
I always thought it was APD (Auditory Processing Disorder) and I also have generalized anxiety disorder. My mom keeps harping me that I should be on medication, but I keep telling myself that I don't need it... I hate taking meds and I can't afford them.
So, I have this St.JohnsWort stuffs that I used to take when I was kid after my dad died. I had some really BAD effects from it... but I shoudlnt' have been taking anti-depressants that YOUNG and I want to go back in time and SLAP the person that told my mom to give it to me (because now I know that giving those to a child or young adult can lead to suicidal thoughts, etc. just makes it worse). So, I'm 23 now, so I'm thinking I should give it another go, and I'll make sure to tell my boyfriend and housemates about it so that if this gets worse, they can tell me and I will get off of it.
That was a long post. I think I really just needed to get that out.
I'm following my points this week and this weekend I'm going to my "first" meeting. I'm very interested in learning more about the Core Plan because when I used to do WW they didn't have it.... we did this savings/banking of points thing and the points tracker looked similar to a check book... that was awesome because you can record your stuffs without people noticing much.
I admit I"m worried about doing WW because I can't sucessful everytime I did it. There are some things that I don't like about it. For example, I'm a weigh-in every day person. I don't obess about it or anything. When I weigh in every day I feel that I know my body better and it makes the weigh in more of a habit so I know exactly when I start to gain. I have my reasons.
Also, I don't think a goal weight of 134 is good for me. The website MADE me put a goal weight in THEIR "healthy" weight range chart. I wonder if I can get a doctors note or something? Most of the time when I tell people that I want to lose another 50 pounds they think I'm nuts because I already look pretty natural at 200lbs, even though I know this is still an unhealthy weight for me. I may have to lie about my heigh to make up for some of it.
The reason why I'm so worried about my official goal weight in WW is because I hope to be a leader someday. I love to help people and I think a job in this area would suit me, but I'm more of a psychology person... not nutritional person. I don't want to go back to school or anything, and if I could be a WW leader that would require minimum training. I would love to teach the kids most of all... being an overweght child on weight waters and all.
In other news... I really want to start the c25k program again. My life is really hectic right now. As some of you already know I have an anxiety disorder. I havn't had a panic attack for months now and I just barely almost had one the other day. I thnk I fought it off or talked myself out of it I'm not sure... I felt it comming on and I guess I delt with it. I should just take the freakin meds maybe I would be able to handle my life better.
Good news is that today is FRIDAY and I'm gonna get things DONE this weekend and not sit in my room all crazy like staring at the wall. HAHA!
Maybe I'll go to my mom's today, though and watch Biggest Loser on TiVo! They are so lucky (my siblings). They belong to a gym and have a treadmil in the living room with TiVo and comcast... they can watch workouts on there and stuffs! Grrrrr I'm soooooo broke! OKOKOK... getting distracted. LOL! I'll update later....
So I havn't been posting much lately. At first it was just because I was so busy with spring break and then midterms. In reality, I was starting to get off track and making excuses again. I kept telling myself that my weight was just fluctuating and that I didn't gain... and if I ever went above 210 and stayed there for more than one weigh-in that THAT would mean a gain. Well, it happened. I need to take a long look at what I'm doing and where I want to be.
I knew the liquid diet thing wasn't going to last forever, and I told myself that worse come to worse, I'd go back onto Weight Watchers again. I've been on WW before, about 3 times. The first time I lost 45 pounds (that was when I was 15). The second time I didn't really stick to it or commit. The third time was two years ago I did it for about 3 months and didn't lose any weight and I was so frustrated that I quit. At least now I know that if I'm on WW I won't GAIN. I think that would be good enough for me... for now. I just need to get into a routine and get things set up.
I'm not going to beat myself up about this and I'm not going to wait for a major gain to get back into the swing on things. I still believe I've learned so much and have developed better habbits dispite my small gain. I just have to stick to the habits I"ve created and work on new ones. I just have to keep going and keep at it... through the ups and downs.
My plan is to go to my optifast maintenance meeting at Jefferson tommorow DISPITE all my schoolwork and crap... and then I'm going to sign up for a monthy pass to weight watchers so I can go to as many meetings as I want. I'll have all the tools I need and no excuses. I'm going to keep reading the Beck Diet Solution. I'm focusing on habits here, not really weight loss.
Thanks to everyone who kept in touch with me even though I wasn't posting much! I hope to be on here for often, even if it's only for a quick blerb.
I havn't been posting much, but I have been online to update my weight and skim over some friend's blogs. First it was spring break and I was at "home" and now it's getting to crunch time with school so I can't post as much as I would like.
Things havn't been anywhere near perfect diet-wise but I'm still trying, and I won't give up. Excercise-wise I havn't been following my c25k, but I have been walking to campus instead of driving. That will have to do for now because I've been staying up late studying and stuffs so I don't have the energy to get up early to run. I will figure out a better way soon enough.
I hope everyone is having a fantastic start to the spring season! Before you know it, it will be summer and time to face the dreaded swimsuit!
