Well, THIS is what I get for ignoring this blog and working 3 jobs during the school year: I've gained almost 20 pounds!  TWENTY.  I'm heavier than I've been in almost five years.  And this week, the week before summer school starts, I tried to go hiking on a trail I'd done a couple times about 2 years ago and I thought I was going to DIE!

 

Wake-up call!  :(

 

I'm discouraged and disgusted, and I hate even thinking of setting a goal, since I haven't actually met one for my weight in 5 years, but... I need to.  I'm humbled and embarrassed by even writing this; I hate it; I hate my body right now; I hate my lack of endurance and pep. 

 

So... summer school starts tomorrow and maybe that will actually HELP get me back on track.  No more vacations or trips planned (one just got cancelled, and even though I was quite disappointed, it's probably for the best).  Just time to get on track, to work out regularly, to eat AT HOME, to do better... 

 

Last summer: 216lbs

Last time I weighed in: 228lbs

Current weight:  247lbs. 

 

GOAL:  By Christmas --> 200lbs... 

 

That's still quite "obsese" for my 5'3" frame, but it's back to where I was 5 years ago.  Back to having more hiking endurance.  Back to not looking disgusting in EVERYTHING I wear... 

 

<sigh>

 

Wish me luck--and pray!

Yesterday evening, before playing racquetball, I rocked-out the squat/leg-press machine! 

 

220lbs for 25 reps, 4 sets each.  220lbs x 100!

 

So...  yeah.  Felt GOOD. 

 

Upside: 

--Stronger legs and hopefully less knee-issues later on!

--Since I've been building up to that level for a couple weeks, my legs aren't even sore this morning.

 

Downside:

--I have a weigh-in on Saturday, and my weight INCREASED almost 2lbs! 

 

That's okay.  I'll take kick-butt legs over a couple pound "weight" loss anyday.  :)

Maybe some cardio for the next couple days will help...

How is it possible that I've actually GAINED 2lbs this week?  I started exercising again, being quite careful of food portions, and I have this amazing new motivation with a finite goal in mind.  

 

So....naturally, I've GAINED weight.  Yuck!  

 

Maybe it's just so I started the New Year out feeling a bit less cocky...?

 

Word of the day:  Persevere!

Anybody remember the biblical story of the Prodigal Son?  How he proudly goes away with his inheritance, squanders it, and ends up having to humbly grovel back to his father for mere survival?  Well, that's how I feel tonight by re-starting this blog.  For the 2nd time. 

 

I am the Prodigal Dieter...  And I'm too ashamed to come back, but I feel like I have no choice.  In the past 3.5 months that I haven't written, I've GAINED back about 10lbs of the weight I lost during the summer.  I am embarrassed by that.  But I also realize that the ONLY way I stay on-track is to track the progress, and when I stop tracking progress--either because of busy-ness or shame or frustration--I get WAY off track.

 

So... I humbly return to this blog.  And I pray for a 2nd second-chance. 

 

-------------------

 

Ugh.  I just worked out for the 1st time in a while--I had a rather heinous, completely unexpected kidney stone and had to deal with that and the surgery thereafter--and though I feel shaky and weak, at least tonight was a start.  Maybe someday I'll conquer the "Balance Ball DVD Workouts."  Not today, but never if I hadn't started today, right? 

 

*I promise to update my weight DAILY, for better or worse.  Exceptions only apply if I'm out of town.

 

This weekend held WAY too much food (due to birthday and pre-divorce outings for a couple different friends) and I dread weighing-in tomorrow morning.  I'm semi-frustrated with how slowly this weight is coming off--or not coming off, as the case may be--but I am still quite determined to keep going. 

 

Part of why I've grown to dislike Sunday evenings is because, as a teacher, it always involves trudging through papers to grade or lessons to plan or just work to do in general.  Sometimes it feels like the pending smoothness of the entire week rests on the preparations I do on Sunday night.  Yuck!  No pressure, right? 

 

So..., tonight I simply remind myself to reflect, to not give in to stress-eating temptations, and to just take it ONE day at a time.  Or, should I say, one Quiz at a time--since every single time I grade a bad one, I want to eat chocolate! 

I just got home from my very first ZUMBA Fitness class, and GOOD GRIEF... What an experience!

 

I've often wondered how many calories I could burn if I just went out dancing all night, since often after an all-night Salsa-club fest I've been sore the next day.  So, apparently tonight my question was answered:  Zillions!  At least, it feels like zillions. 

 

The Zumba instructor might be all of four-feet, seven-inches tall, but she is ALL Energy.  A bouncing, shimmying, sashaying ROCKET of energy with a headset-microphone and a boombox.  I've always loved to dance and have prided myself in the past on being able to use my ample hips for at least something good: Latin dance.  But tonight, I looked like a complete SPAZ!  It was fun, don't get me wrong, but I literaly aplologized to the ladies behind me for what they were having to look at during the duration of this experience.  NOT quite as Spritely as I thought... 

 

I really enjoyed it, though.  Good music, good attitudes, and a GOOD workout.  I can't wait to see some results--both in improving weight-loss and my dance "skilz." 

I swear, I'd probably have lost 12 pounds TODAY alone if fussing at teenagers burned calories...

 

Having been sick with a cold for the past couple days, I missed school yesterday and had to call a substitute.  For some reason, even though I've taught for 8 years, I somehow thought my students would behave and do the work I'd left for them.  How ridiculous I must be! 

 

So today, still under a vague cloud of Sudafed, I gave them quite the tongue-lashing.  I didn't yell--that's not my style--but in fact did what I believe was quite a lovely job of making them feel remorseful by my stern disappointment.  Doesn't work on every kid, but this year's crop of heathens seems to have responded well to my lamentations.  I guess we'll find out next time I'm out if they really meant it? 

 

Oh, how I WISH that chastising children all day (or at least the first 10+ minutes of each of my 6 class periods) had the magical power of burning up calories!  I'd look like a supermodel by Christmas...

As this first week of a new school just ended, I feel compelled to relay some of the comments/situations I've encountered with this fresh batch of precocious 7th graders:

 

Scenario #1:

For starters, here's an EXACT transcript of a telephone conversation I had with a little girl in one of my classes on Wednesday night:

 

<phone rings>

Me:  Hello?

Girl:  Is this Ms. K______?

Me:  Yes.

Girl:  Hi.  This is _____.

Me:  Okay.  What's up?

Girl:  Ms. K______, we've been talking...   And we don't think it's right that you're playing around with alcohol.

Me:  Um...?  What are you talking about?

Girl:  Well, on Monday you told the whole class that you were gonna go play with alcohol, and we just don't think that's appropriate.

Me:  <stunned>....

pause...  I said I was gonna go play RACQUETBALL!

Girl:  What's that?

 

*Oh my GOSH, this conversation had me FUMING.  While it's kind of funny now, it was NOT funny at the time.  And I scolded the child for perpetuating rumors based on lies and warned her that she had better go FIX this problem.  I guess it's good she called me, though?  Maybe she'll grow up to be an AA counselor? 

 

<sigh>

 

Scenario #2:

Another situation involved my boss coming to me with an irate mother and a weeping little boy, S___, both of which accused me of being "mean," and wanting the child moved out of my class on the 2nd day of school:

 

Boss:  Mrs. E feels that you and her son have a personality conflict,

Me:  Oh?  Well, I'm sorry to hear that.  What's the conflict?

Mrs. E:  You are too hard on him and give off a negative vibe.  And the comments you made to him yesterday were completely inappropriate.

Me:  Negative?  Gosh, I'm sorry.  Could you at least tell me what comments I made to you S___?

S___:  <immediately starts crying>

Mrs. E:  See!  He's too upset to even say anything!

Boss:  Well, it's okay.  He doesn't have to say what Ms. K said to him.  I'm sure it won't happen again.

Me:  Can I ask when I said these things to him?

Mrs. E:  Yesterday.  He came home crying after school because of the things you said at the end of the day. 

Me:  Yesterday?

<thinking... thinking... checking my attendance book>

Me:  Um, S___ was ABSENT yesterday.... I didn't even SEE him yesterday.  How could I say hateful things when he wasn't even in my class?

Mrs. E:  Well, you must've found a way!

 

*It was all a big, fat LIE from parent and child, but I still got blamed.  Awesome...

 

Scenario #3:

On Friday, after the "drama" has dissapated and the balance was restored to my classroom, my students took a quiz:

 

Student:  "I didn't have advanced English last year, so I was really nervous about this class.  But today I realized that you are like an actual teacher, who like teaches and everything, and you're not just gonna leave us all out here on our own.  It's gonna be fine.  Thanks, Ms. K_____."

 

:)   And THAT scenario, my friends, is the one that made this week worth remembering, made my lesson plans for next wek come easier, and made me NOT go eat a zillion pounds of ice-cream afterward.

 

Hooray for a much BETTER start than last year! 

 

 

 

 

My advanced English class curriculum is mostly comprised of nonfiction WWII literature, so I can't help but relate a tiny bit on this night before school starts back to how the soldiers on the shores of France may have felt the evening before D-Day.  Now obvoiusly I am in no danger tomorrow--even though it Is middle school--but I do understand the dreadful feeling of anticipation and worry.  And more than that, I understand how important it is to pray.  My grandfather was a soldier during D-Day, so I'd like to think he did the same before his big day as I have been doing all day today (in between laundry, updating my HW website, watching a British movie, and making a homemade margarita).  Ultimately, the only thing that will ever ease nerves before a big D-Day is prayer...

 

I pray for my students, that they will come to school refreshed, ready, and willing to cooperate.

 

I pray for my coworkers, that they will be confident, prepared, and competent.

 

I pray for myself, that I will be pleasant-yet-firm, prepared-yet-flexible, and professional-yet-personable.

 

And I pray, above all, that my students will see Him in me this year, and that I will see them through His eyes....