Yep, I did it again.   My son and daughter tried out for and were picked to be on teams that were tough to get on.  So what did I suggest?  I suggested celebrating with ice cream sundaes!   Why did I do this?  Besides the fact that I'm lactose intolerant...why is food the first thing we think of when we want to celebrate?   I won't even go into the whole ice cream part, but why is food a reward?  Why is it used  celebrate? 

I've been programmed my whole life to think this way...we all have.  Every major holiday is a feast.  Every birthday is cake and ice cream and FOOD.  BBQ's in the summer....all about the food and the drink.  Now I'm trying to reprogram myself to not think of food everytime I want to celebrate and I'm not doing so great obviously.  ice cream sundaes.  UGH! 

My daughter was the only smart one in the bunch because she said, "mom this isn't healthy."  and I didn't listen and I went to bed 1/2 an hour later with a stomach ache.....LOL!  

Well, I would like to say that I learned my lesson, but I did this before about 6 months ago and said, I was never going to have ice cream sundaes for dinner again, and here I am.  WHen will I learn?

I didn't mean to, but darn it, I am so busy that I don't have much time for anything lately.   After this week, I won't be teaching an afterschool prep class, so I'll be a little less stressed out.  I just really worry about the kids doing well on their state exam and am feeling responsible for their success and failure.  UGH! 

I'm still eating well. My exercise has dropped off a little bit, but that's mainly because of lack of time and energy.  I've been having trouble sleeping, so 4-5 hours of sleep isn't cutting it.  I need to go out and just be.  Just to forget my days and my life for a night. LOL!  I think a girls night out is called for.   I can't even believe March is over 1/2 way over.  Where the heck has the time gone? It's nuts. 

I have to go get my daughter now, but I wanted to pop in and let you all know that I'm just really busy.

I'm sick.  I've got a wicked head cold and fever.  I've just been sick since Wed., but before that was really busy crazy(think that's why I'm sick now) It's just job stress.  It's really crazy.  All these people think that being a teacher is easy and all, but it's not.  I'm teaching a ELA(english language arts) portion of an MCAS prep and it really is a lot of pressure.  I also feel that I, personally, am performing a big test because I've been told that my Principal wants to see what I bring to the table.  So I feel that everything I do is held under a microscope.   I know I can do it and I know in my heart of hearts that I am meant to do this.  And I want all the kids to succeed and do well and I just don't think that my time with them is enough.   It's just really tough to teach kids how to find a main idea in a reading selection when they can't read every third word in the story. 

Ok, enough of that....onto the great wide world of weightloss.  I didn't make 10 lbs. like I thought, but I came close.  8 lbs. I lost 8 lbs in the month of Feb.  I like this not weighing myself business.  I actually had a happier month because my mood wasn't affected by the number on the scale.  I'm going to take these 8 lb and RUN.... I'm going to aim for at least another 8 in the month of March and I'll take more if I can get it.  I know the 90% of this weightloss is by me being a lot more active and not cheating.  LOL!  Imagine that? 

So if I keep up with at least 8 lbs a month...in 3 months I'll be at goal.  Woot Woot!  :) 

Just that time again.  Add to it the kids home for vacation all week, car troubles and TOM...I'm feeling GREAT!  UGH!  My tween is having some girls over in about an hour and I'd really just like to crawl up on the couch with a blanket and sleep all day, but I can't.  They want to bake.  I want to say NO because my kitchen is in a shambles...everything is cleared off the counters so I can tile the backsplash, but my car broke down on Tuesday and you know all hell breaks loose, so it didn't get done.  Just counters cleared off.  SO much for a having a week to get projects done before going back to work. 

SO my insides feel like they are being torn out, I have a headache the size of texas and will shortly have a houseful of 5 kids.  Can I run away?  Seriously?  UGH!  So it's like 4 degrees out.  So I can't even send anyone outside.  I can't even put the dogs out in their kennel...so I'm going to have dogs, cats and kids up to my eyeballs. FUN! FUN! 

On the weightloss front.  I haven't stepped back on the scale so I don't know how much I've lost or if I'll even make it to 10lbs by March 1st...it was getting close before, but who knows.   I'm not going to be upset about it if I don't get there, at this point I'll be happy with any kind of loss....I just want it to go down consistently....that's it. Even if it's 1 lb a week, just keep going down.  Not much to ask for right? especially after all the effort I'm putting in, right? 

Well, I need to go switch laundry....

Well, yes I have one. :)  My dd.  She's in fantastic shape because of all the sports she does, but she's uncoordinated and we get the giggles. LOL!  So we were doing this other video....Bellydance yoga.  It was a good video until the part when the instructor started working her buns.  OF course we laughed during the belly workout because her stomach looked possessed, but it was a good workout, but the buns part. OMG I had tears running down my face.    I found it on youtube, but I can't figure out how to embed it.  I did it with tutorial, but it won't work.   It's right here....youtube.com/watch   of  course the music in this video wasn't in the workout video, but even without it, I couldn't do it without laughing.   I hope that works for  you all. LOL!  We were laughing so hard I called my dh into the room to watch it and he says, 'nothing about that is sexy...that's just freaky."  LOve him.

Dh has been home for 2 days and the kids and I are off for Feb. vacation, but he's such a bad influence.  Now I KNOW they say that if you're really committed no one can get you off track and you shouldn't blame anyone for falling off track.  I want that person to live with my dh.  He's something awful.  We fight about this all the time and he says, "You can say no."  UGH yep, I can, but it's constant. 

I cannot wait for warm weather to come and stay.  I live near a giant resevoir and there are roads and paths surrounding the water and that's where were always went riding.  There wasn't any dogs to chase us, no cars and barely any other people.  It was fantastic.   I can't wait.  Dh was even talking about it and now that the kids are getting older, this year is even going to be better than last year.   C'mon spring.

Hey!  Is KFC a part of being healthy?  LOL! No seriously.  OMG I blame my dh...blame him.  He's such a bad bad man, convincing that it'd be good.  UGH!  He just doesn't get it sometimes.  Usually I have pretty good self control when I'm in the ZONE, but damn....a girl can only take so much.  It started yesterday when we ran out of the house early in the morning and left without breakfast....and were on the run from practice, to practice, to Little league sign ups, etc..and then we were starving...then dh says in front of all the kids, "Let's get Dunkin' Donuts..honey, do you want a bagel?" Ummm no, you big dufus head...  so I say, "No, just a coffee."  so he gets the kids all sandwhiches and I get a coffee.  then we have to run to the store for birthday presents, then I'm STARVING.....and he says, "Honey, let's get a bucket of chicken from KFC!"  OMG then the kids start cheering, "YES!!  I want chicken!!!"  and then I'm kicking myself, why didn't I just say yes to the bagel then I wouldn't be so hungry and say YES to KFC.....omg.  SO I ate KFC, just the chicken, pulled all the skin off, but still I ate it and have been in the bathroom all morning.  

I know I can't blame him, but it feels good to blame him.  LOL!  I know it's my fault for not planning very well and not insisting on healthy choices.  gah!  But in my defense, he just doesn't get it.  He knows I'm working out like a madwoman and eating right and really trying to lose weight and he comes home with chocolate, candies, ice cream, cookies and then ASKS me if  I WANT ANY!.  OMG yes I want some, but I can't and stop asking me.  It's everyday... "Hey hon?, want some cookies? DO you want some ice cream?"  He did this before when I started...he started bringing temptation food into the house and it felt like he was constantly taunting me with them.  I don't know why he does it....and he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, but dude I don't want junk food! 

Anyway....I know I said I wasn't going to look at the scale until the end of the month, but was freaking out about the whole KFC fiasco, so I HAD to look.   Let's just say, that it's looking like it's going to be around a 10 lbs loss....TOM is due this week, so who knows if I'll make it to 10, but I'm so close I can taste it. LOL!

I'm turning the corner. I can feel it, I don't even know if I can describe it.  It's that gung ho feeling I had when I finally decided that I was fat and needed to do something about it and NOTHING was standing in my way.  I'm there, but it's different.  Different in that I'm positive everyday, I know I'm not ever going to go backwards, I feel it with every inch of my being. I'm going to make it.   I do it by self talk, by making positive affirmations, and remembering all my NSV over the course of almost 2 yrs now.   I need to constantly remind myself where I came from, how far I've come and how CLOSE I am to where I want to be.  I think it would be great if all could post a list of NSV (non scale victories)that have made our day, changed our outlook, kept us on program, kept us away from the ice cream, cookies, etc.

1.  The biggest on for me, was shrinkng out of Lane Bryant stores and being able to shop in any Misses department...no more was I exiled to the land of "Plus Size".  The day that happened, when I realized I wasn't plus sized anymore, was indescribable.

2.  My kids can hug me and clasp their arms around me.  My youngest was 5 at the time and it shocked him.  He said, "Momma, my hands can touch!"

3.  I don't fuss and fidget with my clothes anymore.  No more tugging on my shirts or stretching them out around my belly.  No more.  It doesn't matter anymore because I don't have a muffin top. 

4.  The unexpected attention from the opposite sex.  Now I do not look for this, but I get it.   It's as simple as a man holding a door for me because previously people would let it slam in my face, even if I was holding one of my kids and it's gone as far as me being out with my dh with our friends and another man asking me to dance in front of my dh.  It was uncomfortable, but when I was heavy, I had "free willy" yelled at me. 

6.  I can touch my toes without my stomach getting in the way and it's not in the way during "other" times either. LOL!  No more slapping bellies. LOL!

7.  Not being invisible, in general.  People strike up conversations with me everywhere.   I don't know if it's because I'm more positive and it shows, or what, but I'll be in the grocery store and people ask my opinion on a product...weird.

8.  My dad told me he was proud of me.  My dad never tells me he's proud of me for anything.  I've grown up with a feeling of not being good enough, but he's struggle with his weight most of his adult life and told me that he knows how hard it is to lose weight and that he's proud of me.

9.  I think the most important, is my self confidence.  I am not afraid of standing in front of a crowd of people and giving a presentation, I'm not afraid to dance with my son at the Mother Son Dance, I'm not afraid people will be looking at my fat rolls.

10.  Most important.  I LIKE me now.  I like that I'm not trying to hide.  I'm living my life.  I'm not putting things off anymore.  I've realized that life is way too short to not do something, just because I'm not the "right" weight.  I will not live with regrets.  I like who I am now.

During the week, I am so strong and do everything perfectly.  Weekends come and temptation, in the form of family, is all around.  Let's go out to eat, let's have ice cream for dessert, let's have THIS for dinner.  I love going out to eat, but c'mon there are better places to go than where they want to go. I cannot at this stage of the game, buckle and eat fried food.  They begged me to go to the Mexican restaurant....so me being good got a salad.  I swear there was maybe 2oz of chicken breast on it. WTF?  and lettuce(iceberg) and a sparse sprinkling of other things(2 cherry tomatoes, onions, a couple carrot slices, etc) I ate it, but how is that a meal?  It was in the entree section.. It was probably the size of the salad that you get before an entree.  SOOOO dissappointing, but everything else was breaded, or  covered in sauce and God knows what else.  UGH!  I'd rather go have a nice steak than go back there again for a while......I wanted fajitas, but didn't want to eat the guacamole and sour cream.   And I've been making my own different meals for myself....and what do I do?  I steal the kids food. LOL!  A bite here and bite there as I'm serving them.   That's terrible.

The no weighing is going good.  Better than I thought.  I thought the scale would be taunting me every time I step into the bathroom, but nothing.  I do not want to be dissappointed, so I don't step on it.   I got over my addiction when I started stalling in this weightloss.   I was addicted when the lbs were melting off of me at the beginning.  It seemed no matter what I did I lost weigh every week....and then SMACK!  Right into the wall called plateau.  LOL!  I'm cured.  I hate the scale and won't be addicted anymore because even though it has the power to make me happy,  it hasn't done so in a LONG time.  LOL!

Oh before I forget, I got a belly dance DVD from Netflix.   Oh what fun, but my old body can't move that way very well. I think if I did it consistently it would and it would reshape my abs a bit. LOL!  My dh thinks I'm crazy for even doing it.   Yah, he's going to think I'm crazy when I get the strip tease video.  LOL!

That's right, you heard me.  I'm not weighing myself until the end of the month. :)  I know, it's not like me..seeing as I had that addiction to the scale a while back. LOL! So no scale for me.  I do not know how much I've love in the last week, but I know I've lost weight.  How do I know you ask?  Well my jeans won't allow me to bend over without showing crack.  I know nice visual, but it's the truth.  My jeans are not "baggy", but they are loose in the waist and slip down my bum.  Isn't that loverly?  I was watching the Superbowl and leaned forward and my dd pulled down my shirt and said, "Mom, crack is bad."  She's so silly.she takes after her mom since I always say, "Say no to crack." under those circumstances. LOL!    Apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.

So yeah, things are going back the way they were supposed to.  I'm not exactly sure why things are going my way, since I've been up and down, up and down for a LONG time, but hey, I'm not going to argue and I'm not going to change anything.  Keep going, Keep going.  Keep riding this train all the way down to the 150's. 

Hopefully this will post....my stupid computer(Old laptop) isn't working right.  *fingers crossed* I'm not ignoring everyone, I just can't post without my screens closing....ugh! 

Imagine my surprise to see birthday wishes. LOL! So I went and checked my profile apparantly I need glasses more than I thought because it says, Jan 27and my birthday is Jun 27.  Sorry, not that I didn't love the birthday wishes.  I'll just save them for a few months. :)

My week has been going really well, and this weekend didn't throw a wrench into it for a change, which has made me feel successful.  I think I'm going to make some ham soup because I have left over ham from the other day and I know that no one is going to eat the leftovers....so ham and potato soup sounds good.

I got my first shipment of Netflix DVD's in the mail yesterday, but I just checked my mail today.   I got the Firm:body bootcamp, a yoga one, and a belly dancing one.  LOL!  We'll see.  I'm excited though because I'm tired of the ones I have and if I find ones that I really like from netflix, I can buy them at the store.

But I'm ready to get this done.  Ready.  Winter takes a toll on me and I'm not going to let it swallow me.  I'm going to get it together.  I will not be fat this summer, I'm going to get the rest of this weight off by my birthday....my real birthday.  LOL!