05/02/2011 20:28
A little about me to get started
Ok, I am gonna start from the begginning. In March of 09 I found out I was pregnant. I was very excited, I had been wanting to start a amily since I found out my cousin was pregnant 6 months earlier. I had my daughter in November 09. After she was born I was in a happy daze, weight didnt seem to matter very much especially because 3 weeks after I had her I had already lost 20 lbs(half the weight.) I was doing pretty well with my eating, I was drinking plenty of water and most of the time i would just eat subway or yogurt. Then I plateaued with my weight. I stayed at 160 for about 4 or 5 months. In August I went back to college for my M.A. Everything seemed to be fine, I really wanted to lose more weight but I wasnt obssessing over it. By September or October though I had really started putting the weight back on and I was starting to feel pretty depressed about my weight. I think it had to do with the fact that I was happy and content with life so eating what I wanted didnt sound like a problem. Now to the present...I am at the exact weight I was at 9 months pregnant, with no baby in my belly. I can't hardly stand to look at myself. I honestly see this disgusting person. Somehow, the fact that I am disgusted with myself actually makes me eat more. I go back and forth in my head with the logical person who tells me what to eat to be heathy and to exercise, and then the fat person who tells me if I just eat baely anything I will see the results I want in the time I want to see them. I am not sure what to do but I know I need to make myself happier.. I have a wonderful life and its time for me to feel comfortable enough in my own body to enjoy that life.