NUTRITION! NUTRITION! NUTRITION!

WHHYYY????

Ok so I had a great week last week.... and this week I thought would be good also but boy was I wrong ....and the kicker is I don't know why it wasn't good.  I worked out harder this week than last.  I did an hour spin class for the 1st time Wednesday and my butt is still sore from that!  I was good with my food no wait....I was great with my food.  I do have Aunt Flo visiting but that shouldn't matter if any thing it should have been worse last week pre Aunt Flo.  I want to cry ...I want to give up....... 

This is such a hard time for me because in 2002 I joined WW and lost 39lbs. making myself 260. I sat at 260 for 3 months without a budge. For the life of me the 250s were unobtainable.  So this is HUGE for me as a mental goal to know that I can not only get to the 50s but keep going.  After last weeks numbers and the great week I'd had I felt for sure that the 3 lbs I needed was going to be there this morning.   But what 264.2 !!! An almost 2lb gain ...UGGGGHHHH !!!!  Dena (our secretary) makes the best desserts and she always brings them to work and it was brownies (fudgy brownies) last week and I didn't have one not even a nibble.  This weekend it's cake and want after weighing in to go devour it. Why???? If the scale had been nice I wouldn't have even considered it but with the scale being evil I can't get it off my mind.

I know it's not suppose to be about the scale but honestly for me it is .....It's not the health or the feeling better (cause let me tell ya I've been working out since August and I don't feel one ounce stronger or better).  I need support.  I'm kinda upset at the hubby too ...he never seems to be encouraging. Yeah he goes what can you eat when we decide on supper but he doesn't ask about my loss or tell me I look good without prodding.  He knows I'm so close to the 250's and what a big deal it is to me. (I told him if I lost the 3lbs this week he'd hear me screaming at home...I work an hour away.) and now here I am not close at all any more ....actually so very far away....5lbs. that's a huge amount for me it could take a month or more.....and right now I just want to QUIT!

Depressed,

Rebecca

New Year's Resolutions????!!***

So it's the new year and I was wondering if you make New Year Resolutions?  I have but not in a few years and this year was no different but with that being said my goals for this year and last are different.  Last year I was waiting to having Gastric bypass; I put my life on hold almost waiting for.... my new life. When that fell through I was depressed. It took alot for me to admit that I would do that...that I WANTED to do that and that it was where I was at that point and time.  Anyway that fell through in April and it took me until June to understand that I had to rely on myself. So in mid June I began my journey of weight loss and here I am 50lbs lighter and working my butt off. LOL

Still I'm not where I want to be.... I wanted to be 250 by the time we went to disney and that was Dec13th. Now it's almost 1 month after that and still not there.  However, before Disney I was put on thyroid medicine. This has been the 1st week I've gotten to work out as normal since the kids are now back in school .....so I'll get to see if my medicine is helping me loss weight. So we'll see on Sunday.  I worry though my diet hasn't been the best so if you read this please say a prayer for my non-New Year resolve and for a good weigh-in.

Rebecca

Off Track!!!!! Help!!!

The past 2 weeks or 3 I've been cheating......A nibble here , a nibble there, a couple of chips, some icing...UGGGGHHH!!! I need my resolve back.  Everyday I say ok let's get back on track ...nose to the grindstone....and yet I end up failing.  WHY???  I have still been going to the gym but let's face it that can only counteract so much ...I know you have all seen what 30mins to an hour on those machines burn, right? Not nearly enough in my opinion.  My goal of 250 by Disney 12-13-07 is swiftly fleeting and I know it's impossible at this point.  I've had such a rough time the past 1 1/2 losing and I know that is the source of the continue slip toward quiting.....

I DON"T WANT TO QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Do you hear me self ...I AM NOT QUITING!!!!!!!!!   God has blessed me with this weight loss so far and I'm not going to take that gift for granted.

It's a new day and I'm going to make it a good one........Heaven help me!

Rebecca

Fat March

Ok so I just finished watching the finally of FAT MARCH.....anyone else love that show?   Any as I said earlier I started back to the gym last week and even though Mondays are extremely hard for me (I work 2 16hrs shifts Sat/Sun back to back) I went to Zumba class tonight.....and the scale here at home is still creeping up.....ARRGGHH!!!  So tomorrow I vow to still work-out but I'm also going to write down what I eat and the calories and carbs and stuff and see where I end up.....I don't think I'm high ...could be too low ....who knows (nut. says I burn 2200 calories a day just existing) I know I'm not eating that. God I pray that you see my strength and determination and guide me through this ......mold my body to be a temple for you.......

Rebecca

Nose to the Grindstone!

Well I officially started back exercising this week (Wednesday) with going to the Y.  (Although we did go tubing Monday....it was great!) And now my scale is not cooperating.  It's going up, up, up......and I'm ready to throw it out the window.  Now let me say that I don't go by this scale for official purposes cause it flucuates (I go by the one at work I officially weigh every Sunday morning) but I did cheat and weigh at the Y yesterday which has got to be fairly accurate cause it's a weights scale (old-fashioned but it get the job done) and it is up also......ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!  

Ok so this morning I really debated on going to the Y cause the scale was depressing me......I mean I have been busting butt....I worked out Wednesday (1st day back mind you) for 2 hours.  Yesterday I did weights and Today (Yes I went. :)    ) I did 35 cardio and condensed version of weights. And where is the scale today ...UP....even more.....

I know I know you'll are going to say it's about being healthy not the number and I agree but darn it "I CARE ABOUT THAT NUMBER"  Go ahead call 'em tell them to bring the straight white jacket" Cause I'm going  insane !

Anyways, Ok I've been trying to lose weight for several months now and a couple of weeks ago I find out that at Work they are going to do this Biggest Loser challenge anywho who wants to sign up from Sept 1st - Dec 1st.  $5 a week or $60 total and the winner is determined by most LBS and inches Total Lost....  I WANT TO WIN SOOOOOOOO BAD!!!!! So of course I jumped on that bandwagon!  Anyone know if me being larger or me having already been dieting puts me at a disadvantage???? Any tips ????

Oh well, that's my rant ; Wish me luck !

Rebecca

Getting use to it

Ok all so I should have went back and filled in the missing months story but I haven't had time so I will give a little history here and move on ....and maybe soon I will find the time to go back and tell the tale. 

Well since my last post the hope of Gastric bypass is a distant memory  (employer excluded coverage) and I kind of feel into a funk after that gained back the few pounds I had lost and gave up.  But about 2 months ago I was telling myself " you got to do something".  Well I just happened to hear from my husband about this woman we know that he saw at the store that had lost 70lbs (watching how much she eats and not eating white flour and sugar) I found that interesting and easy enough. Also that same day I had picked up a magazine Woman's World and it was talking about KimKims and so I took the timing of those too things as a sign and started on my new journey the following Thursday. 

Almost 7 weeks ago I started "low carbing" it.  The 1st 3weeks I lost 5lbs a week it was great!!! Hard but great.  The I hit a stall no weight loss ..... the next week ..... no weight loss actually a  3/4 lb gain!!!!! I was so hurt and upset but I didn't give up.  Although my motto became "if I'm not losing any weight I at least want a piece of bread w/ that" But I DIDN"T EAT ANY BREAD!!! (gosh I've not had bread in 7 weeks tomorrow....Ordering in resturants has been interesting)  So last Sunday (my weigh day) I go to weigh and I'm down what I had gained plus another pound.  I wasn't thrilled but I was glad to see it move in the right direction.  I don't know that I could have held out had it not moved.....(Uggghhh I hate being weak)  Anyway I have higher spirits this week and I feel confident that this Sunday things will pick back up again.  Ya know it is getting easier to eat this way.  I'm just like everyone else I have my moments.  Anyways stay strong and be true to  yourself!

Rebecca

Feeling Discouraged

This is Rediculious! It's been 2 months since I saw the Nut and 2 weeks since I talked to her and she said she had just finished one from that day...You know it's not even the fact that it takes soooo long but the fact that no one let's you know what is going on I remember from the PAVE class that the RN said you won't make any friends or earn any points calling or coming by the office AKA Don't Call Us We'll Call You...But they don't call you ...you are left hanging I believe in being your own advocate no one cares more about your welfare than yourself but in this case I feel if I do advocate for myself I will be chastised or put off or even worse out!  I work in health care I understand busy but I also understand losing a report or results, misplacing a folder, or forgetting something....so you have to be an advocate for yourself! When I was talking to the Nut at the Support group meeting she was even talking to herself about she can't believe that the RN doesn't have that report (someone elses) she should have gotten that months ago and that she needed to go and check on that that it didn't make any sense why she didn't have it.  See things happen! Also another patient at SG's hubby came up to me on the way out and wanted to know if I had BCBS (I guess he had hear me talking to the NUT) He told me that his wife had started the process last June and finished all appointments by the end of July and was just now getting a date because he took matters into his own hands.  He called BCBS and got the approval and then called the RN and told her to call and then he called the INS back to see if she did and SHE DIDN"T so he called her again and told her what to push and who to talk to and she did and 2 days later she got the approval letter and a date.  And if he had done that she would still be waiting. and normally I would think no way but after my experiences I believe him. This is absurb ..I'm working out and eating better and getting no where fast. I've lost very little weight and I've been to every SG meeting since November.  And you know what everyone at the meeting is nice but that is just it no one has really befriended me and trust me I went out of my shell I mean I put myself out there and made a point to speak and try to connect to everyone I had previously met on OH and I got the "Oh hi nice to meet you" and that was it.... Some of these people meet and are instantly friends going out after group 4 and 5 peps I just want 1 please and Thank you.  I don't know what to do I'm spent really.  I really feel like giving up. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Rebecca

The Waiting Game-Feb 07 Virtual Me

Ok So I've done all the appointment and now you guessed it the waiting game....

"Headed , I fear, Toward a most Useless Place.

The Waiting Place....for people justing waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting."  Dr. Seuss

Oh do I loathe the waiting game.  I have no patience!!! Help me Lord! My NUT they say takes a long long time to turn in her report...I've seen some that it has taken 3 and 4 months... UGGGHH!!! Lord don't let it take 3 months cause that messes EVERYTHING up!!! Let me explain....That would put me at April 2nd and I HAVE TO give my boss a months notice putting me at May 2nd and that will never work because every week from mid May thru July there is someone in my department on Vacation. Please God make her mind sharp, her fingers swift, her interruptions few, other obligations small and give her an assistant if that will help...I volunteer!!!  Well I have been working out 4 days a week and that makes me feel good but not seeing great results. I want to be in the best shape possible for my surgery only problem is I usually faulter about 3 months into something if I'm not seeing results and I'm seeing very little at this point so I'm afraid that on their time scale I won't be ...Some days of course my thoughts are more positive than others. I'm so excited I can't wait and Nervouse too. I've never had surgery before.

Oh I passed my test so I'm now qualified to do the job that I've been doing for 7 yrs now (Officially LOL)
Hugs

Rebecca

Excercise Tests and Measurements-Jan07

So I went to the Nut on the 2nd and had a Body Composition Test and to My Surprise I have 138.8 pound of lean muscle!!! Yeahhhh Me! But I also have 176 lbs of fat UGGGGH! But I knew I was fat right or I would be on this journey. However, I was pleasantly surprised to have that much muscle and It motivated me to get my BUTT moving.  I got off my Butt and got back in the Gym (YMCA) I went the next day and have been going ever since I go Tues-Friday and I count Sat and Sun cause I work 16hr shifts and that is definitly more exercise than I normally get. My rest day is Monday.  I have missed 2 days so far and alas I already have regret.  I wish I had taken my measurements prior to starting the exercise. Because the scale is not kind to me it has only moved about 6 lbs. Which isn't great but I think my Butt is flatter. My DH says my Butt is flatter but I want smaller not necessarily flatter. So today after a week of saying that I need to measure I finally did. Those measurements are the 1st on the chart.

Ok so the excercises I've been doing are 30 mins on the elliptical and sometimes the weights.  And my kids are in swimming lessons so I swim twice a week.  I'm not new to the Y I've been going for years  on/off and I always feel like the odd man out like people are looking at me going "WTH is she doing here" and like that they are average or thin and belong and I don't. Not everyone but some...and for those of you that don't go for that reason let me saw this : Who Cares What they Think! The Gym takes your $ just as easily as theirs and trust me alot of them are less dedicated to being there than you are and besides you are doing this to make you healthier and you are letting them win by giving them the power to making you feel inferior.  SO my advice is GO GO GO !!!

Ok so I saw the surgeon on the 12th and he said I'm a good canidate and with my insurance BCBS it's pretty much a guarantee for approval WOOOO WHOOO! Honestly I thought I'd bee on my way to surgery by now I had all my medical records sent and I had the Crazy appointment a month ago and the Nut like I said on the 2nd and so it's been 2 wks since seeing the surgeon and I'm wondering why I'm not getting a call saying my stuff has been sent to insurance for approval. Patience Patience PATIENCE  ...Oh well support group is tomorrow and I'll ask the Nurse Coordinator then. Also on a personal note I'm a CT TECH right...well I have to take my certification test tomorrow also and I'm SOOOO NERVOUS...I've been craming like mad and freaking out so send me good vibes and say a prayer for me.

Rebecca