As pretty much everyone knows this week Heath Ledger passed away. Usually a celebrity death makes me think "oh isn't that sad" and on I go about my business, this one however made me go "Oh shit". You see I couldn't get on with my business because a billion thoughts raced through my head, he was exactly the same age as me, he was a parent like me, he was an Aussie like me. Being faced with mortality immediately makes you realise that life is not about wallowing inside yourself it's about learning to love yourself and shine that love onto the world. My being overweight has not just affected me it has affecte my husband too (I refuse to go out with him on dates as I am sure everyone is staring and let's not go anywhere near discussing the discomfort of movie theatre seats) and my son (I don't take him out as often as I should because I again am afraid of other people gawking). Let's be honest when you are diagnosed morbidly obese and don't do anything about it you are chosing to die to soon. I want to live for myself and for my family.
Now then another touch of reality hit home when my husband was called into work on friday (his day off) it turns out that his boss lost his grandson just after six on friday night, that brave little boy finally gave in to the cancer that riddled his body - he was six, my son is five. I cannot imagine what those parents must be going through and I prey that I never have to.
So now I am making this choice I will no longer take my health half seriously, I will no longer put my weight ahead of my child and I will no longer neglect my husband because guess what I'm a pretty lucky woman.
MY LITTLE GOALS
EASTER 2008 = FIT INTO MY WEDDING RING (BEEN MARRIED 7 YEARS AND HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WEAR IT FOR ABOUT 3)
Tonight my husbo was called in to work because his bosses grandson lost his fight with cancer. That precious little guy was only six. What is happening in this world that children are taken so young? I no that questioned can't honestly be answered although some may have their theories, it's just all too much.
Next Sunday the 3rd we are going on holidays and to be honest I really feel like I need it. I need a moment to breathe properly again because I suddenly feel as though I am suffocating.
Food wise I did really well today I even got in some exercise.
I don't know why but I have been feeling quite unmotivated. I just can't be bothered, I think about exercise and then I think about something else.
I have had a big wake up call this week, with the death of Heath Ledger. Generally I feel untouched by celebrity deaths, I didn't personally know them so while I might have a moments sadness I usually get over it. The thing is Heath Ledger was Australian, a parent and the same age as me. When people your age die it's a big shock. I'm not even 30 yet, it's just not supposed to happen. You kinda feel like you've grown up with him you know he was on Aussie shows when I was growing up, I'm a big Home & Away fan and Heath's character took Sal's virginity.
Well I don't really have too much news right now, life is plodding along nicely and I'm greatful for that.
Have decided to splurge on a new haircut today, it's been awhile since I did something just for me so I died my hair black over the weekend and will have it styled this afternoon. Oh and I have been cleansing and toning and moisturising my face and it's much clear and I have been in touch with Undercoverwear and will get a catalogue to order nice clothes from sometime this week. I think I need to feel good before I can properly change the way I look and for me it will be nice to get around in nice clothes rather than holey ones. You see I always figured why buy meyself nice clothes when I'm a fatty-boom-batty?
I am definately positive that this year will be my year to sparkle!
At what point does a wellness program become unhealthy?
I'll tell you, when people create insane expectations for themselves. I have recently joined a forum that is linked to the program I am on. The program is working really well, I am totally happy with that HOWEVER I feel that some of the users on the forum are in an unhealthy place when they get incredibly upset if they ONLY lost 2kg per week. It's unrealistic and I believe this is how eating disorders begin.
I lost 0.9kg this week and incredibly happy with myself yet a girl who lost 1.5kg is very disappointed - what's going on here? According to several Doctors I have spoken to it is healthy to lose half a kilo a week and if you achieve that you should be proud.
I am attempting to work out how to delete myself from the forum as I have found it disappointing. One of the girls who expects to lose at least 2kg per week and is very angry when she doesn't told me I was the one being negative? Ummmm, What?
Ok well it's weigh in tomorrow and to be honest I am not confident that I have lost anything infact I most likely have gained. I have found that I really can't talk about it too much but I think I'm just gonna write it all down here.
Last year I fell pregnant (twice miscarried both times) with a precious baby girl. My husband and I have been trying for 4 years to conceive for a second time so we were over the moon to learn I was expecting. We chose the name "Daisie Fayth". Sadly after a particularly stressing phonecall which upset me incredibly I sadly miscarried her. Well, Daisie would've been born this week well today the 16th. My heart has been hurting all week and I just haven't been looking after myself.
I am promising myself that for the sake of my son I will look after my self and my health because he is who my heart beats for.
I am really enjoying writing on this blog that said I have no doubt that sometime in the next week or so I will lose interest and only write occasionally so let's take advantage of my addiction whilst it lasts and talk more about me......LOL
Alright so my 8th wedding anniversary is on Christmas Eve 08 so my goal weight is 70kg, if I can lose a kilo a week then I can thrill my husbo - even though I thrill him anyway LOL....
Breaking it up like that is pretty awesome and seems achievable instead of worrying about having to lose 49kg I think instead focus on this week I need to lose only 1kg.
Gosh I hope I make some friends here who will be happy to share their journey with me.
I told my Nan today all about my new weight loss program and the results of my first weigh in she was super excited and incredibly supportive. You see since I was diagnosed 7 years ago with PCOS I have tried so much to lose all this weight I have tried so many different things and have spent a fortune but this is the first time I was told that the program would cater for my ovaries.
My Nan has so much confidence in me she has told me I could chose an incredibly expensive outfit that she will buy me as soon as I reach my goal weight.
With so much support and encouragment I am positive I can achieve my goal.
lethargic
