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Name: MotorcycleChef
City: La Crosse
Region: Wisconsin
Country: United States

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My Weight Loss

Height:	162.6cm
Start weight:	234.00lb
Current weight:	223.00lb
Goal weight:	125.00lb
Lost to date:	11.00lb
Remaining:	98.00lb

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May '12

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Really Simple Syndication

08/02/2009 05:20

I'm NOT lame!!!

It's Saturday night, and I'm snuggled up with my computer and all of you. I should be out drinking it up with my friends right now, and they have let me know that tonight....repeatedly.

But I can't. I'm creating new patterns. They get that. But why can't I come out for just one? Or stick to light beer? Or drink some hard stuff with some diet soda? Or maybe be the designated driver...?

BECAUSE I CAN'T!!!!

Give me a few weeks. Maybe by then I'll be strong enough to face my social demons. I want to go. I don't go out that often, but when I do, I have a good time...too good. I don't want to have to worry about how many calories each beverage contains. I don't want to have to think about what I'm eating at one of those late-night dives.

Right now I can't afford to head down that road. Past history has told me that I might veer off and never come back. It's just too soon.

I'm not lame. I'm learning. Oh, and have a drink for me.

Posted By: MotorcycleChef Add Comment | Comments (4) Top

08/02/2009 05:00

Repositioning

I get tired of sitting at my desk typing on my laptop. Well, actually my legs start to go numb and my knees hurt if I start to sit too long in one position. That's the curse of having too much weight crushing down on too many nerves.

So I adjust. I toss my chubby legs up on the desk and position my laptop where it was intended to go...on my lap.

There's just one problem with that...my fat stomach gets in the way of the keyboard, and I have to keep sliding it away from my torso and more towards my knees. Until it slides back down again. Then I shove it forward again. It's a neverending battle between my desire to type and the computer's apparent desire to disappear into the folds of my belly. It must have a death wish. Most things that approach the belly get sucked into its gravitational pull never to been seen again.

It's ironic that simple day-to-day activities create mini goals for me. I now have the desire to shrink my stomach just for the pure pleasure of typing on my computer without struggling against gravity.

Plus I think I'll buy myself a new computer as a reward for being able to see it while I'm using it.

Posted By: MotorcycleChef Add Comment | Comments (1) Top

08/01/2009 17:37

Sweat. It's time.

I've been putting it off. I avoid it like the plague. Controlling my food intake is actually easier.

Yep. I'm talking about exercise.

I need to do it. I know that. I just don't wanna!!! (That was said in a really whiney voice BTW...) Whenever I start a weight loss journey, I always put off exercising during the first week. I justify it by telling myself my body needs time to adjust to the calorie deficit. That actually sounds reasonable and sane. But it also justifies my laziness and flabby butt.

So it is almost Monday...my weigh in day and beginning of each new week...and the day I need to start the sweating. I know I can do it. I found myself accidentally taking a walk with my mother yesterday...three days before the dreaded E-day... And once I start a routine, I find that it gets easier to move my butt every day. It's just that first one stares me down like a gunfight set back in the Old West.

I'll get him right between the eyes.

Posted By: MotorcycleChef Add Comment | Comments (0) Top

07/31/2009 18:27

Stop eyeballing me!

It could be my imagination, but I really think that my scale is watching me. Every time I walk by the bathroom it looks away as if it weren't watching... Of course that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.

I've decided to only weigh in once a week. I know that weight can fluctuate greatly from day to day, so in order for me to keep positive about the numbers, I am avoiding the scale until every Monday morning at 6 am.

But this first week is torture. I want to know. I need to see. Is this working? Am I losing?

I think I hear my scale whispering to me from the other room...

Posted By: MotorcycleChef Add Comment | Comments (2) Top

07/31/2009 06:28

The step is small, but the victory is big...

Depsite my best efforts to keep myself and my fridge wrapped in bubble wrap to protect us from the outside world, I received an invite to go out to dinner that I really couldn't refuse. I couldn't. So here it is only day 4 and the temptations were swirling around me.

But I survived.

I skipped the slushy goodness of the strawberry margarita that my friend ordered and sipped my diet coke. Small step. I bypassed the cheeseburgers and the fried shrimp and the ooey gooey chicken quesadillas and ordered the cobb salad. Small step. I drew a line through the middle of the salad so that I would take half of the monstrosity home. Small step. I actually only ate the half that I had intended to and put the other half in a box to take home for tomorrow.

Victory.

Day four is coming to a close, and that leaves only three days before I weigh in to see how the first week has affected the evil, evil scale. That is my mini goal within my mini goal...one week at a time. Each weigh in provides a new opportunity to make progress. Each weigh in is a new chance to make better choices the next week. Each weigh in is another nail in the coffin of the old, bad habits.

Each weigh in is a new chance for victory.

Posted By: MotorcycleChef Add Comment | Comments (3) Top

07/30/2009 17:35

Socrates says, "Know thyself." Great. What good does that do?

When I was a teenager, one of the phrases my brother and I used to say over and over was, "I know". My dad HATED it. But we knew everything then, of course.

I've been down this road before. I know that losing weight takes a lot longer than putting it on. I know that there will be temptations and pitfalls along the way. I know that I will see the numbers go down and then hit plateaus that seem to take forever. I know that once a month I will gain water weight and want to eat everything in sight. I know that I can't hide at home and count calories or carbs or fat grams forever and that I must seek food beyond the safety of these four walls. I know that unhealthy foods don't magically fall into the grocery cart. I know that I eat when I'm stressed or procrastinating or overwhelmed or sad or lonely or bored.

I'm bored right now. That's why I'm here. If my hands are busy striking the keys and sharing my thoughts with the diet cyberworld, they can't be shoving food in my mouth.

So here I sit thinking about all the things that I know about my diet history. I can lose the weight. I've done it before. I've counted calories. I've counted fat grams. I've counted carbs. I've exercised like a madwoman. I've lost a lot of weight with all of these methods. I've also put it all back on and more when I went back to my usual habits.

It's like having a puzzle but you can't figure out how the pieces fit together. I know I need to change my habits permanently. I have to create new patterns instead of falling back on the old ones. But the old ones are so comfortable and comforting. And so much easier...

So why is this time different? Because it has to be. Because I'm tired of being fat. Because I'm tired of being tired. Because I'm tired of my body hurting all the time from carrying the extra weight around. Because I said so.

And I have all of you out there. You are listening. I know you are. You share my struggle. You understand my pain. No matter what part of the weight loss journey you are on, you have been where I am...or you are here with me now.

Today is day four of the beginning of my new life. Welcome, and thank you for being a part of it. Your advice and support are encouraged.

But, I know.

Posted By: MotorcycleChef Add Comment | Comments (3) Top

07/28/2009 22:35

Is this the end? Or the beginning?

Six months ago, my life changed irrevocably. My dad died suddenly of cancer. I was and probably still am in denial about the finality of it. I miss him. My heart hurts when I think of him.

I did what I always do under stress...I ate.

A few weeks later I met someone with whom I fell in love. This changed my life again. It was sudden and unexpected and one of those things you read about in books, but at 37 I had given up on finding. Yet there it was...that soulmate thing staring me in the face.

I did what I always do when dealing with big life changes...I ate.

A few weeks later I quit smoking. I know it's bad for me. I know it's expensive. I know it's disgusting. So I quit. Cold turkey.

I did what I always do every other time I quit smoking...I ate.

So now I'm fat. Again. I've been here before. I'm not at my highest weight again yet, but it's only a matter of time. I need to change. I need to change everything. I need to change my eating habits. I need to change my exercise habits. I need to change the way I deal with things in my life that I can't control.

So now I'm here. I'm spewing my random thoughts into cyberspace, hoping to find...what? A sympathetic ear? Some semblance of control? Peace of mind? Someone who knows what I'm going through? Or maybe all of the above...

I am a chef. I love to play with my food. I love to eat food. I love to plan food events. I love to cook for others. I love to travel and find great restaurants. I read about food. I study food. I dream about food. This does not bode well.

But as a chef can't I make diet food taste good? Yes, I can. But it's just not the same as going to a Chinese buffet and eating until you have to undo your belt. And it's just not the same if the burger juices don't mix with the mayonnaise and ketchup and melted cheese and drip down your chin. And it's just not the same if the breading on the fish doesn't crunch just a little as you cut it. And what good is a chicken sandwich without melted cheese and bacon and sauteed mushrooms?

Ugh. I'm drooling now as I picture my signature turtle cheessecake.

So where do I go from here? Is this the end of my culinary exploration? Am I forever forced to consume healthy alternatives to my cardiac-killing favorites? (sigh)

Or is this the beginning of a new chapter in my cookbook? Will I find gastronomic satisfaction with the likes of lean meats and steamed vegetables? Will I finally be able to toss aside the shackles and free myself from my self-destructive overeating? Will I find a new outlet for my stresses?

Today has been good so far. Let's see how tomorrow goes...