been busy

So I have not wrote in a couple days. I have been soo busy! Amiya turned one on the 3rd and we had a lil party for her. My sister was here from NY so Its just been a crazy week! But I did lose a total of 6lbs so far! So I am at 264 YAY me!!!! I know I could have done better but with my sister here and us going out and Amiyas party with cake and bbq food it was hard but I think I did pretty good!... Well I just got back from the gym so I need to go shower!

family

Gosh I know I am responsible for what I eat but when ever I am around my family I eat soooooooo bad...my sister is in town from NY and I have ATE SOOOOOOO much! I dont know why... I do so much better when I am not around my family. Sometimes I wish Amiya and I were the only ones in NC and my mom and step dad still lived in NY. I dont know why I am like that but I like to be alone ya know. I hate my family all up in my business.. and part of me thinks when my family is around I kinda get depressed a lil or something and eat cause I dont want to deal with them.. I dont know its just how I feel ... SInce my sister came I havent worked out in 2 days! and its like I shouldnt sstop bettering myself just cause she is here ya know.. hopfuly tomrorow I do better. jus cause I feel off for one day doesnt mean anything.. as long as I get right back up on the horse =-)

Good day

So I have been going to the gym, only for 2 days now but already I am feeling better about myself.. I woke up this morning and felt GREAT! I know nothing has changed on the outside but darn it Im feeling good on the inside! I wish I started this awhile ago, Cause I havent felt this good or had this much energy in a couple years..  I can only imagine what I will feel like in a couple months when weight starts coming off!.. I feel really excited about this journy Im about to go on. I just know I will stick to it! A yr from now I will be a whole new me.. hopefully 100lbs liter! I think thats a realistic goal 100lbs in one year? what do you all think?

Sleepy

So I am finally home and able to really post. I have been trying to lose weight basically all my life. I have always been big. In 2004 I moved from NY to Wilmington NC and for the first time I was in control of what I ate. My family was still in NY so I was the one who did the cooking and I really took control for a little while. Until my best friend moved down then I lost site of what I was trying to reach I gained all 30 lbs back then moved back to NY and got prego and gained 50 so here I am 70 lbs from what I started ( cause I only lost 10 after having Amiya and that was almost a year ago! ) Well I am ready now I am ready to take control of my life for good. I need to for Amiyas sake as well as mine! I have had alot of things that really opened my eyes. For one I went to a fair and was to big to ride a ride.. how embarassing I had become one of those people I used to look at and be like how did they get that big.. Now thats me it was a sad dad ( not saying there is anything wrong with big people!!!! Just I was in denial that I had become so big I couldnt ride a ride at a fair! but the most hurtful event that happened which opened my eyes completly was me and my boyfriend breaking up.. I know what your thinking omg that dogg, Im better off with out him if he didnt love me for me and what is on the inside.. well he did! He had no problem with the way I looked. EVERY SINGLE day he made me feel loved and beautiful. But I didnt love my self so I thought there was a catch for him to love me.. I wouldnt allow him to love me I would pick fight after fight and then eventually he couldnt deal with me anymore.. and the day he left I realized omg I need to get a hold of myself because this is going to be a never ending cycle of me running guys off becuase I dont even love myself. And the thing is I really think he is the one, or was.. SO  that is what really opened my eyes which is a bad thing that it takes a fair and a guy but there are also other reasons which are very important.. I just want to be a good role model for my daughter I want to be able to play with her run with her hike with her.. and damn it I'll admit it I want to look good in normal jeans designer jeans I want to be able to go into any store and not worring about if they have plus size I want to dress my age! ..

well enough rambaling  So today was the second day of working out and eating healthy although dinner wasnt too good I ate veggies but had to pieces of chicken breast.. ya know the ones that come in its own package for single serving well I had 2  but hey its a start I did 3 miles on the eliptical so slowly I am working my way in there. My sister is coming from NY tomorrow to visit ( oh yea I moved back to NC when I was 30 weeks prego FYI ) so Im not sure if I will go to the gym or not tomorrow but we might go to the zoo this weekend and its a 5 mile hike if you go through the whole thing so that counts right??

UGHHHH

This is my 4th attempt of writting my first blog it never saves!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am at work and dont have time to keep rewriting this darn thing! SO this is going to be brief and I will update more at home.. My name is Morgan I am 22 and weigh in at 270 WHOA~ I know.. I want to get down to 155 or like a size 9/10 I have alot of weight to lose but I am READY! All new online weight losing buddies are welcome, however I do have a daughter who is biracial half black and white so if you are a racist person you can jus leave my page!