I've told all my family now that I have PCOS and high blood sugar and need to be careful with my diet. Everyone is very supportive and thinks it's great that I am willing to follow my doctor's diet recommendations (we have a few people in the family with diabetes that do not eat healthy and suffer for it). This weekend we are having a big cookout at my dad's house for the 4th. There will be between 15-20 people there and lots of food. Today, Tara and I baked all the junk food that I had left in the cupboards; 3 cakes, a pan of brownies, and a peach cobbler. I am taking them to the cookout with me for everyone else to eat. That way they won't go to waste but I don't have to eat them! I'll send any leftovers home with family. I stocked up on diet sodas and bottled water to get me through the weekend without drinking alcohol or sugary soda. I'm going to do my best to skip starchy foods and desserts and stick with grilled chicken and a salad at the cookout. And I'm still going to have fun watching the fireworks and visiting with my family and friends! I'm determined to live a long and healthy life with children sometime in the not so far off future. This is just the first step!
The results from the first biopsy that I had done came back negative for cancer. Yay! I do have to have a minor surgery to have the rest of the growths removed and they will need to be tested as well just to make sure, but it sounds like I probably don't have cancer. I'm very relieved! I do, however, have PCOS. I will need to start eating a lower carb diet and get my exercise in every day to improve my insulin sensitivity. I also have to take some hormones and possibly, pending more lab results, some blood sugar lowering medication. Overall I am bummed out about having PCOS, but I'm grateful that I probably don't have cancer. The lifestyle changes that I will have to make to treat my PCOS are things I needed to do to lose weight, anyway!
I have been researching some of the health issues that I am encountering and have discovered that they all have one common link; obesity. Cancer of the reproductive organs, infertility, PCOS, and diabetes are all things that are possibly wrong with me (will find out tomorrow at my doctor's appointment). All of these things are directly related to obesity. The horrible symptoms, complications, and the frightening treatment procedures for these diseases have me terrified. I can't quit thinking about it all. But what is worse than not knowing and being afraid of a possible diagnosis of one of these diseases is the feeling of helplessness. For the past week I've been feeling like a victim; like my youth has been stolen from me and my life is over before it has really even begun. Tonight I have decided that I'm not going to be a victim anymore. There are things I can do to treat, manage and prevent these diseases and I'll be damned if I don't stand up and take responsibility of my health. This truly is my turning point. I can't stand feeling this way and I'm not going to any longer. I'm going to make an appointment with a nutritionist and I'm going to continue my work at the gym. This weight is coming off and I am never going to look back. No matter what I learn tomorrow from the doctor, I'm going to take it head on and beat it into submission.
I'm scheduled to go back to the doctor on Tuesday, June 30th, to have a sample taken from my uterus to test for cancer. Also on Tuesday, I should have the results from the small growth that they already removed from my cervix. It's scary to think about, but at least we are making some progress towards finding an answer. I just want to know one way or the other what I am dealing with here.
In other news, we leave today for our float trip! My husband and I, along with a few friends and family members, are going to float the Iowa River tomorrow morning. That means tonight is a road trip night! It's about a four hour drive and we actually have use of a vehicle that will hold all six of us plus our luggage. That means we will all be able to visit and laugh and have a good time on the way up. It should be a lot of fun and hopefully it will work to get my mind off of all the medical stuff for a while.
Now for something weight loss related! I've missed a couple of gym days because of all of this crazy health stuff I've been dealing with but I should be okay to go back today. If nothing else comes of this experience, at least I've learned that nothing is more important than my health. I want to be here and feel like I have a lot of living left to do. I'm not going to jeopardize my health by eating junk food and being lazy any longer. It's just not worth it. I have a whole new outlook on weight loss. It's not so much about the number on the scale now, but it's about reallychanging my lifestyle to become more healthy. I think a big part of my health problems right now stem from a poor diet. Insulin and hormones and the like are easily influenced by the food we eat and mine have gone crazy and caused me a lot of grief. But can I blame them? Not really. I've been feeding them crazy juice my whole life! Things have got to change and now I have a great motivator. Hope everyone has a great weekend!
I was not expecting what I learned from the doctor this week. Apparently I had a growth on my cervix and more up in my uterus that could be cancerous. I am waiting for the biopsy results from the growth they took from my cervix and will probably have to have an outpatient surgery to have the rest of them removed from my uterus sometime in the near future. On top of all that, I probably have PCOS. I'm getting the blood work done today and after I get those results I will get some answers. I was nervous to go to the doctor, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be dealing with the word cancer. Nothing else seems so bad when it's up against cancer. As long as I don't have it, anything else I can deal with. Now I'm just waiting around going crazy until I hear from the doctor's office.
Today is my doctor's appointment. I'm nervous! I don't want to go. I feel like I already know what they are going to say. "You need to lose weight!" Yeah. I know that. Why am I paying someone to tell me that? Plus they stick needles in you and stuff. Creepy! But I guess there are some things in life that you just have to do. I really do need to get some answers about some of my health concerns and I feel like the more I know about my own body the better I can take care of it, and that essentially is the reason that I want to lose weight in the first place; to take care of my body and be healthy! I'm just going to drag myself in there and keep my fingers crossed that I'm not going to be diagnosed with something terrible. Wish me luck!
I've decided to follow my trainers advice and cut back on carbs. I know this approach works and if done right, it can be healthy, too. The plan is to eat some good carbs like fruit and dairy products in small portions to avoid getting bored with my food. My diet will mainly consist of lean meat and vegetables. I'm going to count my calories, too. I think this plan will work for me in addition to my workouts. If I am creative I know I can come up with satisfying meals for myself on this plan. I'm really going to miss pasta but I will live. Everything will be okay!
I've been going to the gym consistently and am getting great workouts in. But somehow that isn't helping me lose weight. In fact, I seem to be gaining weight. I stepped on the scale this morning and it says I'm up 2 pounds since I started at the gym! What the hell? It's frustrating because I know why; my diet is still not good. I'm just eating whatever I want and it has to stop. I wish that I could just exercise to lose the weight, but unfortunately exercise alone isn't working for me. My body insists that I have to be miserable and deprive myself of the foods that I love in order to lose this weight. And no matter what anyone says, dieting is deprivation. You can say that you can include any food you want to eat in small enough portions, but when you're counting calories you want what little calories you can have to fill you up. I'm sorry, but 1 freaking bite of cheesecake for one hundred zillion calories isn't going to fill you up- just waste a bunch of your precious daily calories. So you must deprive yourself of things in order to make a diet work. What's worse is that I've been told by my trainer that I need to lay off the carbs, especially in the evening. I hate laying off the carbs! But deep down I know that I probably should. Not just for weight loss, but diabetes runs in my family and I'm scared that I'm going to get it (or that I already have it... I'll find out this week at my doctor's appointment). Cutting back on sugar and other unhealthy carbs is what they recommend for diabetics, so I'm thinking that it's probably a good idea for me, too. On a happy note, I did manage to drag my husband into the gym yesterday for a trial workout. Guess what? He loved it! He really enjoyed getting sweaty and lifting weights. He ended up joining the gym with me and he has an appointment tomorrow to be evaluated and get a fitness plan ready for him. I think it will be great to have him on my team. I need a super supportive living environment to keep me going on this weight loss journey. I have tried the will power thing and it just doesn't work very well. I can control myself for a few weeks, then I end up splurging on junk food. I need the junk food to be out of my house and out of my life! I need to think of an eating plan that I can live with and that will work for me. I haveto lose this weight. I went clothes shopping the other day at a plus sized clothing store and none of the shirts look good on me. It is so depressing to have to buy something just because it's the only thing that will fit on you rather than buying something because it looks cute on you. I can't even find a bra in my size anymore! It's officially time to lose this weight. I absolutely refuse to special order my clothing off the internet because I'm too fat to shop the racks at Lane Bryant. I REFUSE!!!
Our air conditioning is broken right now and it is HOT in here. According to the thermostat it's 91 degrees in my house. I am dripping with sweat and feel like I've been on a treadmill for an hour and all I'm doing is sitting here. Thank god the air is getting fixed today! I have to wait around for the air guy to come and fix it. I was considering letting that be an excuse not to go to the gym today, but they are open until 11 pm and I know the guy will come before then. Plus it feels good to exercise regularly and I don't want to skip a day. Well, that's all for today. Hope everyone else is staying cool!
I've been working really hard at the gym. Every other day I go and do my strength training and cardio workouts. Today I kicked some serious butt on the treadmill. I have previously only been able to walk at a speed of 3 for any extended period of time. Today I bumped it up to 3.5 for part of my workout and burned around 200 calories in half an hour! Yay for me! I sweat my butt off, too. All this work at the gym makes me want to give healthy eating another chance. I really want to buckle down on my dieting so that all the effort I'm putting in on the treadmill and with the weight machines doesn't go to waste. I'm ready to see some results!
Plus it feels good to exercise regularly and I don't want to skip a day. Well, that's all for today. Hope everyone else is staying cool!