What have I done!

Going up ?

Well my weight is anyway. I am half ok with this and at the same time not ok with it at ALL. I went to the gym today. UGH I am already sore. Thats what I get for not working out and eating healthy for the last 2 months. I have been struggling with this eating thing for some time know. I think once I lost the weight I told myself it was ok to pick up some of the old habits But we all know thats how I became overweight in the first place. Lots of Bad choices.... I have lost a lot of muscle tone, UGH!!! I am going to get back on track...

Year in review

Boy I cant believe it has been one year ago that I started my weight loss journey. If you would have told me that I would feel as good as I do right now in this moment I would have told you... Ya right. But I feel amazing. I have lost over 55 pounds. Holy cow! Can you believe it? Sometimes I cant wrap my little brain around the fact that I did this. But I did, and I am so pround of myself and who I have become. I have far more confidence than I have ever had  I ask myself how I was able to finally lose the weight and often I have no real answer. The answer is in the BB program. Move more and eat less. It really does work. I started slow, no deprevations with food, slowly I cut out the soda and the fast food. I still eat out and I will have a soda now and then. I was eating the other day and I am amazed at how fast I get full, yes full. Its funny because in the beginning I would just go to bed, I was hungry and it was easier to just go to sleep. Sad but true. I remember crying when I would pass the mirror in the kids rooms, this weight I thought would never come off. But slowly it did. And for that I am forever greatful. This journey has been a hard one, but one I never want to do again. Being overweight for a decade has been long enough, I choose to live the rest at a healthy weight. I wish everyone struggling with weight issues all the best. May each and everyone of you find the weight that makes you HAPPY!

Not in my favor

Brother, was this weekend a eating nightmare or what?

Man I am a eating machine Saturday was the worst. I ate a  normal breakfast but from that point on it was a total Train wreck. Lunch I had Arbys with a soda, then I had a concrete with recess cups, and pizza for a late afternoon snack, and dinner well lets see; went out to Tuckers a great steak place and had yep Filet  with veggies, and for desert you guessed it Cheese cake YUM!!!! I thought honestly you already wrecked today so you might as well end it with something YUMMY. Sunday was no better witha BBQ and monday more of the same. I was really shocked when I stepped on the scale to see 130.6... Why is it when you eat lord knows how many calories you lose weight? I have been up and down with these same 3-5 pounds? Two days ago I was 131.6.....

I'm going to get a picture of the new dress choice. Thanks for all the comments on the last one. I was just not comfortable with tlhe back of the dress and the shortness of it either. The new one is more formfitting but with a GQQD pair of spandex underwear I think I can pull it off. Party is Saturday for the Graduate and Graduation is on the 3rd. Not much longer. Sad and happy all at the same time. My baby has growup so fast.

I'm a BIG CHICKEN!!!!

Well I chickened out... With the dress that is.. I just could'nt bring my self to wear it. I did make a different choice though. At least I found something else to wear.UGH... Will I ever be comfortable in my own skin?

I asked my mother if she was interested in forking over some dough for a tummy tuck? She just laughed. Does she not realize I am so serious.? I have always had a hard time with the Body Image thing, but when if ever will I be happy, Enough already.  Things I think about:

Can I lose weight : did it

Will I ever be happy: wasnt with the weight now not happy with whats left.

I now I need to focus on what I have changed in my life, and stop with all the negative thinking. I wish it was easier .

Doing what I say.

I am trying really hard to keep a promise to myself. I have done Si6 2 days so far this week . Wed I walked and went to the park with 2 youngest. I had a great time. We threw stick in the water and just strolled around. It was a calm evening which I welcomed with open arms.... I need more of these in my life. Eating is more on track but not with out some waivers.

I'm going to keep a calander of my workout, I forget things. Crazy life that I live and all.

Bring it Debbie/ choices and changes

Lately we have been talking of choice, and alicia has posted of choose to change. So I was wondering how much of a change can I make in 10 days? I know 10 days is not a long time and honestly I have made zero attempt in the last month. So no more Procrastination...... I just finished SI6 and yes Debbie kicked my A**. I did have to start with Start it up witch is the first in the series. But I made the CHOICE to do it and I DID IT.

The reason for a change in 10 days, well remember the dress and Graduation party. Its in you guessed it 10 days.

My choices are

SI6 5 days a week 

Eat healthier

Drink that water

Get to bed earlier

Put me FIRST ( when at all possible, I am 7th in line.)

 Upper body and abs. I hate my apple shape, I wish this was easier to get rid of. After years of being overweight I am left with extra skin and well lets just say things are not where they are supposed to be.

I have that lovely back flab, jello arms, front BUTT and these thighs. This is what I choose to change. I will and can so do this...... After all I have come this far and never want to turn back.

happy dance @ Dress Barn Advise needed

Yes I was doing the happy dance.... I need a graduation dress for my sons Graduation which is coming soon. The 3 of June to be exact. Anywho my mom and I went shopping for food and party supplies. I suggested we go to the Dress Barn to LQQK for a dress. I was leaning towards a sun dress since it will be outside and @ night. But what I ended up with is a different story.

So I made some choices Ok alot I picked up 8 different dresses all sizes 8-10. To be honest I thought the 8 would be tight. I found one I really liked and my mom is like its really to big, me and my poor body image was like no its fine. Mom is like lets just try the 6 and see, me not so sure but I agree. Well people it fit..... And YES I was doing the happy dance in the dressing room of course. So did I buy the dress? NO.. I was feeling so full of JOY and excitement that I went for the dressier dresses. Now lets just say I am still not 100% comfortable with my decision but I do like the dress I picked. I showed DH to get his take. And he likes it as well.  I know you all will be honest with me so please tell me what you think.... Is it sutted for me? Am I going to LQQK silly if I wear this? Or should I just NIKE and DO IT? I will have to post the pictures to my album for my computer does'nt allow me to post to my blog. I tried to find it online but no such luck. And lets be honest here too I am not a MODEL... Just a real life mother of 5.

open house

My sister had an open house party... I attended and people are like OMG you look great, how much weight have you lost. How did you do it and so on. I should feel proud at what I have done with my body. But I still feel like OMG what if I gain weight back???? I do not want to be the 85% that gains the weight back. But with my track record lately I am sure to be down that road again and soon. I need a push...  I now I can continue this healthy life style.. And I will put me first and continue on... After being a MOM of course.

Not AGAIN

Ok so I had a plan and again the plan was kicked to the curb...UGH!!!

It 's not enough that I Screw myself, but now I have help....

I had to take a 2 hour road trip with my husband and 2 kids. Now let me say it was far better than cleaning house and SI6. But I need to get back in the game. I keep saying tomorrow I will eat better, tomorrow  I will be more active. Tomorrow I will go to the gym. Tomorrow never comes. Lets stop saying thing that I know will NEVER come tomorrow. Remember:

A sure way to remain unchaned is PROCRASTINATION!!!!!!!

Maybe if I keep seeing this I will start living it as well.