I have been having a great time on vacation this past week with no scales and no thought of a diet other than trying to eat consciously, which sometimes works. And my attitude and eating have been pretty good for the most part. The only bummer was when we went shopping at the outlets mall and I had to try things on. For the most part I have been pretty positive that my wieght loss is going in the right direction but the truth tends to come out when the dressing room door closes.
THe problem with not fitting into a 14 is more than just the fact that I am bigger than I have ever been. It's more than the fact that I never thought that I would be in the position to be better shopping at a plus sized store. I end up feeling almost embarrassed for squeezing myself into my old clothes these past few month. I mean I put on a size 10 skirt not too long ago - did I just look like a complete ass? Is the roll at the top of my jeans bigger than I think. Have I just been kidding myself into thinking that this all is working and walking around with fat hanging out all over? Is it better to be in deluded bliss or bite the bullet and buy clothes that fit even if it means going up a few sizes?
Happily today i found a very cute dress that fit very well and was only a large - so the delusion continues.
I was already to write about how it was ok that I hadn't lost weight - there was a lot going on this weekend and at least I didn't gain weight. But I guess I will have to scrap that because I lost 2 pounds! How great does that feel? I can't even tell you. I feel like it could really work this time and I'm not just psyching myself up, I am actually seeing results.
Well, time to get back to work - I want to see results again next week!
Part of me can't believe that this is actually working. I know that I am probably eating less than last week, but it feels like such a small change and yet everyday I feel better and better. For some reason counting calories is working better for me than counting points has.
I woke up this morning feeling really hungry, which hasn't happened in such a long time. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be really hungry instead of emotionally hungry. Granted I was up at 6 am and I am just eating now.
We'll just take it one coffee at a time and one day at a time. But if I can keep to losing 2 pounds a week, I am in for a fabulous winter!
So what did I learn today? I am not someone who exercises in the middle of the day. I had planned to do my Wii while the kids slept but my energy just left me. I think that in the past I would have gotten discouraged but today I just took a nap and then did it after they went to bed this evening. We also got 2 walks in so I am feeling pretty good about the day.
With the way I was sweating and my arms were burning I'm not exactly sure I will be able to move much tomorrow - but the ache will be very satisfying! I have to say that I love my Wii. I thought that I would like it but I didn't really expect to be this committed 3 months later. The Sports Active game is so great - though the Wii fit was a good transition back into exercise.
I'm feeling positive and more than just hopeful, which is nice.
I think my biggest concer moving forward is the upcoming vacation and kitchen renovation. The vacation should be ok. Since we are going to rent a place on the beach, we will have access to a kitchen so we won't be eating out like crazy. But we are redoing the kitchen mid-July and I am worried that it will not only wreck my eating habits but put off my exercise. I mean I love my Wii but I don't see doing it with a bunch of sweaty men walking around my house. I guess that the challenge will be to be creative - and maybe get to the gym....
I unapologetically hate that losing weight is such a task for me! Unfortunately or fortunately I had several friends who were having their second child within weeks of when my daughter was born. Since she was also my second child it was very nice to have people I already knew well going through the experience and our older children play together and it's all very Norman Rockwell. Hasn't it been fun to watch how they lose their weight in mere weeks while mine holds on tight to my waistline? I've spent the last few months entertaining myself (or deluding myself) by thinking that I was losing it just a quickly. Sure the scale hasn't moved in over a month (except slightly upwards) but I have been toning up haven't I?
Well pictures don't lie and the large ring around my middle is obvious even if I chose to overlook it. In truth I don't blame those other girls for losing weight - I have no idea what they do when we aren't together - but I do wish that it would just melt away for me. I wish that I could just wake up one day and fit into the next size down.
I think that the time for wishing has officially passed and that it is time to get down to business. Yes the Wii Fit and Sports Active have been fun but it's time to really use them. This is a priority for me. So today starts a new 30 day challenge and a new mindset.
I will weigh 145. I will get into my size 10 Burberry pants. I will be active and eat well so my children will be active and eat well. I may get discouraged but it won't stop me. If I can get through the 9 months of morning sickness and 2 crazy labors, I can take the next 6 months to change myself. I can't promise that I will always be sweet but I will be real - this time there is nothing to hold back.
After all - If I can do it, maybe my kids won't have to!
