ShaaazzzaaaM and a Double Daaaaamn!

I broke out of the 200's!!!   Holy freeking cow.  I cannot believe the day has finally arrived. 

Today is the last day of year 2 of battling my way down the scale.  Yes, it was March 17, 2006 when I made my first visit to the South OKC Jenny Craig center and started this agonizing journey.  I've lost 40 pounds...many of them time & again.  This time though, they're gone for good!!

Wow!  Just...WOW!!!

I am totally floating on cloud 9 this morning.  Since Tuesday, I have lost 5.0 pounds.  Hot Damn!!  And I still have 2 more days until my weekly weigh in.  There is going to be some celebrating when I do.  I'm usually all calm, cool, and collected...no matter if I've lost or gained.  That's my Phlegmatic personality.  The Sanguine in me is gonna break free for a while.

Watch out world...thin n' fit Deb is coming back!!

Week 11, Day 2 - Go Me!

I suck at staying off the scale.  Curiosity gets me every stinkin' time.  So I've been on it every day.  So what's the verdict after 3 days on phentermine?  I'm down 3.6 pounds from my Tuesday WI to and even 200.0.  I'm gonna break into ONEderland TOMORROW!!  How exciting is that?? 

Aside from 3 grapes, I haven't strayed from my eating plan since Tuesday.  That hasn't been an easy thing for me to do in the past.  But it has seemed rather effortless this week.  The counceling session I had at the center on Tuesday keeps playing in my mind, and I can't shake it.  Not that that's a bad thing really.

I also remembered to bring Beck home with me for the weekend so I keep up with my daily readings and "assignments." from the book. 

Week 10, Day 7 - This is Insane!

It is 11:45 and I am still wide awake.  The craziest thing about it is that I've been up and going since 4:15 this morning.  I woke up at 4 and tried to go back to sleep but couldn't...so I just got up.  I get up at 5:00 anyway, but it's this late night thing that gets me. 

I knew I'd be staying up late tonight getting ready for my first jewelry show tomorrow night...it's here at the house.  However, I've been done with everything I need to do for that since about 10.  I got to spend an entire hour doing my nails.  That was nice actually.

I'm doing great food-wise today.  Totally stuck to my plan except for having a late "lunch."  I had to go to a networking meeting and forgot to take it with me, so instead of eating at 11:15, it was 1:45.  Oh well.   I wasn't that hungry...just started to get a bit of shakiness on my drive back to work.  Okay, not the best timing for that!.  Obviously, it didn't kill me.  The part of my brain that says "No, you don't really want that" is in control at this point.  I really hope that continues!  I'm through Day 15 of Beck's book...which means if I hadn't been dieting I would have started today. 

Guess I'd better try to get some sleep.  Tomorrow is going to be a long day.  So much to do. Just nothing that can be accomplished with the girls sleeping.  You know, like vacuuming and picking up their bedroom.

Week 10, Day 6 - Let the Phen Begin

I started taking phentermine today.  I really don't know what to think...on so many levels.  I started out the day scared as hell because of the side effects I was reading.  But it ended up not being so bad.  I have been jittery most of the day.  I had a hot spell this morning around 8:00 that lasted for about an hour...then I was back to being my normal cold self for the rest of the work day.  I've been more clumsy than usual.  Have had to really concentrate to not drop things as I'm walking.  It sounds like a lot of people have to force themselves to slow down in order to speed up.

I've had 3 liter bottles plus 2 12-oz glasses of water, 2 12-oz cups of coffee (i'm back to strictly decaf tomorrow!!), and a Diet Dr. Pepper.  I'm not done drinking yet either.  I'll have at least 1, probably 2 more 12-oz glasses by bedtime.  Think I'm getting enough liquid?  Gack!!

This afternoon when we got home, I emptied the dishwasher, played outside with the girls, and then made dinner.  Used a new marinade/stir fry sauce that I got at the center yesterday.  It's d'Oni Moondance Marinade and has 10 calories per Tbsp.  I did a stir fry with chicken and frozen veggies...turned out quite yummy and just a little bit spicy.  I also got a Caribbean Splash marinade that I'll try tomorrow.  Yay for new flavors.

Great thing is that I haven't even thought about having anything else to eat...except right now while I'm writing about it.

...And 2 1/2 hours later...
I got sidetracked playing with the girls and then putting them to bed. It was 75 today, so we spent almost an hour outside after dinner.  Yay!!  Too bad a cold front is already moving in.  Tomorrow's high is 64...and rainy.

Anyway, I still haven't had anything else to eat.  Even though my stomach feels a bit hungry,  I'm doing well to ignore the feeling for now.  I will have a sugar free pudding cup once I get the girls asleep.  Right now they're refusing, but I simply don't want to fight them any longer.

Week 10, Day 5 - Post Weigh In Update

I'm feeling better - at least less demoralized - after my appointment this morning.  I went in ready to tell 'em all off and quit.  It's a good thing I have an S personallity or I would have gone through with it.  Instead, I'm sticking it out.  The doctor urged me set a goal that has no event relationship.  So I settled on 194 instead of the 199/200 that I've been aiming for.  It's a little arbitrary, but who cares.

He also gave me a prescription for phentermine...yes, even after we discussed my mental issues.  I promised to try it for a month and see what happens.  I picked it up on the way home from work and will start it tomorrow.

Oh, one more thing.  I'm putting my scale away in an incredibly inconvenient place for the next week.  I've been better about not weighing every day, but I'm going to have to put it in a place too bothersome to get it out when I want it. 

Will it help?  I dunno.  Guess we'll find out next Tuesday.  I had to change my weigh in day permanently.  Last week I got invited to join a business networking group and they meet on Thursday during the time I'd been doing my center visits.

Week 10, Day 5 - I'm Killing Myself

Harsh title, but so true.

I've been struggling with many bouts of sabotage this week.  And every single one of them has come from myself.  How can I get over this fear that I simply cannot describe?  It has become painfully clear that I am afraid to reach and get under 200 pounds.  I wish I knew the answer as to why.

I have my monthly appointment with Dr. Seberger today.  I hope to have a frank discussion with him.  I won't see a loss on the scale this week...in fact, I'll likely be up a bit.  It's not the program that isn't working because when I actually stick to it, I see results.  But because this inner beast has launched a full-on attack, I haven't gotten anywhere.   How do you overcome the fear?  How do you beat that monster into submission?  How do you succeed in the face of self-defeating thoughts?

This is why I need a diet coach...a sponsor...someone to help me talk through my issues and get to the root of these destructive behaviors.  I've come to accept, though the help of my OA group, that my weight isn't my #1 problem.  I need help with the cause...which, for me, is eating every time I feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Week 9, Day 7 - Deb Asks for Help

I'm still reading Beck's Diet Solution bood, but I find myself temporarily stuck with the assignment for day #6...FIND A COACH.

It is incredibly difficult for me to ask for help.  I am always more than willing to offer it, but I somehow feel like I am intruding and being burdonsome if I ask for help myself.  This is me getting over it, sucking up my pride, sinking to my knees and begging.

Would one of y'all be my "diet coach" and/or accountability partner? 

Week 9 Weigh In

I had to go in for my weigh in a day early again this week.  I'm spending all day tomorrow at the Annual Wichita Women's Leadership Summit.  I've been to the last 2 and really enjoyed them.  Planning to do a buttload of networking.  Hope to get a couple of Park Lane leads from the day.  I'm going to make up some business cards tonight since my real ones haven't come in yet. 

Anyway...the weigh in went well.  I lost 2.2 pounds this week, which put me at 203.0 official center weight.  I saw 202.0 BAN on the scale this morning!  I am soooo close to 199 I can taste it.  Of course, I've been saying that for several weeks now and haven't managed to make it.  I WILL make it either this week or next.  I have to have that faith in myself.  A no sabotage mentallity.

Week 8 Weigh In

I came home today to a clean(er) house!  Yay for hiring people to do the dirty work.  And a big thank you to those of you who do it for a living.  I abhore cleaning, so this was a big treat for me.  I'm going to have them come out every week.  I know that after awhile, the house will be in good shape...and stay that way with regular upkeep.  They put all of my junk in a couple of plastic totes (the 33 gallon size) and I'm about 60% done with sorting and putting everything away properly.

My weekly weigh in was at noon today.  I'm up 0.4 for the week, and I'm not complaining a bit.  Considering I was home and on my regular routine for less than 3 days this week, I'm perfectly happy with it.  Next week I'll lose another 3 pounds...or more.

I'm getting nervous about my date tonight.  He's running late getting to town, so I have more time to hem and haw than I thought I would.  I'll take the girls to the sitter here in a few minutes then come home to change...as soon as I decide what to wear.

Week 8, Day 5

Wow!  I've not been here in a few days.  The weekend in St. Louis was really great.  I'm looking forward to the June convention in Minneapolis.  Things will be so different by then...in a lot of ways.  The least of which will be that I'll be inching closer and closer to my goal weight by then!  It's 4 months away.  I should be able to lose another 35-40 pounds by then.  Wheeeeee!!

As far as food is concerned, I'm not unhappy with the choices I made.  I did stay away from the concession stands 99.99% of the time.  The one purchase I made was a bottle of water.  Yup, that's it.  However, Friday was not the best day for me on the road.  I had some cashews, a few Doritos (which actually made me sick), and a Subway sandwich for dinner.  Should have skipped the first 2 completely.  Saturday I had all my planned food, but the dinner option was nasty pizza or nothing...I had 2 small pieces, but it didn't agree with me at all.  Sunday was much better.  I stuck with my food all day and then stopped at a grocery store and got deli meat and fresh veggies for dinner.  Then it was back to "normal" yesterday and today.

I'm weighing in a day early this week because I have a date planned for tomorrow night.    While I'm planning to stick to my plan, I know there's the possibility for weakness.   I'm actually not looking to see much of a loss anyhow because TOM and his friends Bloaty and Grumpy unexpectedly stopped in to visit.  I'll be happy to maintain last week's loss.

Waiting to see what happens.