Week 10, Day 5 - I'm Killing Myself
Harsh title, but so true.
I've been struggling with many bouts of sabotage this week. And every single one of them has come from myself. How can I get over this fear that I simply cannot describe? It has become painfully clear that I am afraid to reach and get under 200 pounds. I wish I knew the answer as to why.
I have my monthly appointment with Dr. Seberger today. I hope to have a frank discussion with him. I won't see a loss on the scale this week...in fact, I'll likely be up a bit. It's not the program that isn't working because when I actually stick to it, I see results. But because this inner beast has launched a full-on attack, I haven't gotten anywhere. How do you overcome the fear? How do you beat that monster into submission? How do you succeed in the face of self-defeating thoughts?
This is why I need a diet coach...a sponsor...someone to help me talk through my issues and get to the root of these destructive behaviors. I've come to accept, though the help of my OA group, that my weight isn't my #1 problem. I need help with the cause...which, for me, is eating every time I feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.