Instead of Going Postal, I Went Turbo
I'm still angry about my elliptical, but not seething like I was yesterday. I called Champion customer support this morning. The woman I talked to was nice (i have a feeling they've had lots of calls about the Lamar equipment), but could only deliver a message to her supervisor. She took my address and phone number. Honestly, I'm not expecting a call back anytime soon. I'll call again next week...when they're swamped with problems. Insert evil laughter here. 
I did get up this morning at 4:20 to work out. Last night, I decided to do the short Turbo Jam (20 minutes) instead of the bike. So that was nice. Early, but nice. I think I'm going to get up at the same time tomorrow to do some meditation/prayer/therapy. Of course, if I start that habit, I'll have to go to bed earlier and start eating breakfast before I go to work. Not entirely bad things either. BUT...one thing at a time. The slower I make changes, the more likely I am to stick with them.