Struggling...and a confession

I've had a hard time with wanting to eat anything and everything the last couple of weeks.  Again, I do great during the work day, but as soon as I get home...it's a free-for-all with the fridge and/or pantry.  I'm lying to myself about how much I've been eating, which is the worst thing I can do.  It's worse than having a "bad" meal or an inappropriate snack.  I've been having full on binges worth a good 500-1000 extra calories...sometimes more.  And then, because I'm taking Alli, I get horrible stomach and intestinal cramps and spend way too much time in a place I'd rather not.

Aparently, there is some part of me that doesn't want to let go of the weight.  Some part that can't cope as a healthy normal-sized person.  I need to find that part and deal with it.  Everyone I've ever told thinks I'm crazy, but I'm sure that hypnosis sessions will help.  I have Wendi Freisen's Zen of Thin program, and when I use it faithfully, the monster that lives inside my head behaves itself.  I need to figure out a way to carve out an hour for myself every single day...without interruption...when I'm not exhausted.  Unfortunately, the girls have been giving me a hard time at night...not going to bed when they're supposed to.  I would love to be able to do the sessions during my lunch hour, but I'd get in trouble for "sleeping".  Even though I'm fully aware when I'm in trance, it looks like I'm asleep.

And on top of all that, I'm making Christmas cookies this weekend.  Why?  I dunno.  But since I've already committed myself to the task I have to follow through.  The girls will enjoy making the mess.  I'll just have to put everything in the freezer as soon as I can.