I've been a good girl today and as well as walking round the shops all morning I came back and took the dog for a lovely run along the beach! And, AND, I have the bikes in the back of the car to go down to my mates with my daughter to ride around the golf course. I am dreading it somewhat - I find the bike seat , how shall I say this??? Somewhat painful! It feels like I am perched on a spike to be quite frank! I don't feel the strain in my legs at all but I know my backside will feel like it's been booted by a cow tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too strenuous as the golf course is quite level so it should be a nice run! Might give me a chance to work out the damn gears as well!!!! The last bike I rode before this one didn't have any gears at all!!!!!
Sill on plan, but it's really easy to follow so it's no hardship. BF and I did enjoy a bottle of red wine last nigh. It was lovely and very relaxing as we sat and chatted and laughed. Mind you we do that anyway so we didn't actally need the wine but it was tasty - lets face it water can get a bit boring after a while.
Talking of water I am still managing to consume copious amounts of the stuff without too much trouble. Not missing other forms of drink too badly, and I actually really enjoy my herbal tea. Hopefully I will keep increasing the amount of exercise I do every day and it will become just a part of the day. I need a new attitude to it really - because every thing I do that exerts myself helps me burn calories and helps me lose weight!
Still I am glad of one thing - Noone knows me where I am going!!!!!
It really is , in my case, a case of mind over matter for so many things. Especially exercise. The plan is so easy to follow it gives plenty of time to analyse other aspects, more uncomfortable aspects of your lifestyle. I am conscious of how much I sit down. I am trying to not turn the telly on as I have a habit of just watching it. The problem is the house is ok at the mo and there is nothing pressing needs doing - so I may start planning the front garden as it could do with a bit of a spruce up.
My holiday plans look like they may fall through, so I will have to rethink my summer if that happens - could be time now to redecorate my lounge! We'll see.
Well I set myself a wee challenge for today and I did it - basically it took me 25 mins there and back and once round the park. I walked fast enough to get out of breath and a little sweaty, so fairly brisk! My face is puce and my calves are twinging a wee bit so I obviously exerted myself! So all in all a good start.
Not weighing 'til next Monday. I prefer fortnightly weigh ins. I don't think I have lost anything this week, but after being on antibiotics (which totally screw up your system) and fighting off this infection I am not too worried ( I am still coughing up green chunks and have a nose full of snot! ). I know I have stuck to the plan, I know the plan works and I know that it will start shifting the weight again.
SO - the challenge is what to do for the rest of the day. One load of washing is on the line, another ready to go out and I will hoover down stairs! That'll take all of 15 mins. I have a 'disabled' son up stairs with an injured knee ( not much wrong with it in my book but Docs will check it out later and a day in bed will bore him rigid enough to beg to go back to school tomorrow!)
So - tomorrow's aim is to do the same walk - but quicker!
Todays totally unrelated obscure quote is :
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. - Aristotle
Not much doing today! Haven't had any problems sticking to plan, and not even too bothered about cooking. Knowing I have to be at least a little bit prepared is helping. I take out meat the night before and then I know what I am having for dinner - leaves the gaps for temptation very small. Plus if I forget Indian take out is always an option, and as that is my absolute fav food that's no hardship!!!
Not confident I have lost weight this week, despite sticking to the plan. Everything still feels the same , whereas BF is still visibly shrinking before my very eyes! Tonight he put his uniform on and I noticed his trousers are actually hanging off him at the bum and round the front! Incredible. So if he is losing eating the same as I am then surely I should be too????? But still I am precipitating a scenario that hasn't happened yet which is silly! I may leave weighing tomorrow and go for the fortnightly weigh in I planned - though I have a feeling curiosity might get the better of me.
Tomorrow is E DAY! That's for exercise. I am going to walk to papershop and back for a Daily Telegraph - not my paper of choice but it has free horrible history cds in it for the kids!!! There is a different one in every day so that should get me moving this week!!!! I might even be very good and walk the first bit with my dd so I will be out early get a bit of exercise then I can come home and have breakfast in peace!!!!!
Rox is threatening to go bike riding with me - She has a new bike! The last time I was on my bike it almost killed me, not because of the muscles hurting but because the seat was so narrow it felt like I was sitting on a wire - and barbed wire at that!!! I couldn't have humpy loving for a few days I tell ya!!!! Surely nothing is worth that sacrifice!!!!! I need an old Miss Gulch saddle, that would do the trick, then I could but a black cape on and ride round the town going "I'll get you my pretty - and your little dog too" !!!!! Imagine the fun!
Quote of the day - very apt for anyone who knows me or my mother and totally unrelated to healthy eating ( except I keep going on about it! )!
Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Little things first ... I managed a whole meal this morning with my kids. We chatted, shared news and actually could have been mistaken for a family off a pithy American sitcom as we were so congenial ! I cooked a lovely breakfast/brunch, we all sat round and despite the usually moans about 'things not tasting right' from my dd (who worries me greatly in her attitude to food and her body!) the meal was an actual pleasure. I have to say I took a deep breath before I sat down and told myself that no matter what happened I was just going to ride the storm and keep my cool. The kids didn't bicker ( which made me wonder - do they respond to my attitude towards the dinner table? If they can sense I hate sitting there then perhaps that's why they play up so much at meal times???) and I actually enjoyed my breakfast. My son commented on how well Bee was looking these days and how he seemed 'more lively'. I shall have to pass that nugget on to him when he comes round later. The pair of them also said they thought my face was thinner - Remarkably no matter what I do people ALWAYS notice my face!
Now for "Stepping up the Pace" -
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. - Mark Twain
I saw this this morning and thought - that pretty much sums me up - AT THE MOMENT! I am pretty inactive and I can make huge excuses for it, about time constraints, being poorly, being too tired and so on and so forth but the fact of the mater is perfectly clear to me - I AM TOO DAMN LAZY! I used to be a 4 times a week to the gym girl. And as a result I was a healthy size 14 (us 10). My sedentary lifestyle has not only impacted on the size of my arse it has made me lethargic in the extreme and this has got to stop! I want to get this week end over with (the weather is foul just now) and then I want to get up with the kids ( instead of going back to bed with my book and a cup of tea to enjoy me time!) and get the lead on the dog and head off! It doesn't have to be far - 15-20 mins will do it. If the weather is shitty then I can put on an exercise DVD - sheesh I have enough of them sitting there! At the end of the day, when all is said and done and the eggs in one basket have been hatched and counted exercise just takes up a small portion of your day. Friday I was picky, because I was BORED! My housework was done, I had nothing to do so I sat and watched movies on Sky!!!! I should have got up and out! My problem is also that once I get into a book I want to sit and read it for hours, Doesn't matter what it is - I've just started Victoria Glendinning's "Leaonard Wool: A Life" which I already conceive to be "un-put-downable" so I am going to have to force myself to leave it alone and get on with shaping this rather ungainly and unattractive body into some kind of shape!!!! No point losing the weight if I am going to end up with folds of unsightly skin now is there? Still I am just nearing the end of my 3rd week of the plan so I don't feel too bad. It takes a while to get into the swing of it all. And I have to say this plan is easier to follow than any other I have tried.
The marvellous thing is it is family compatible. Kids don't need low fat diets, they need low sugar diets and since starting I have been very careful to not buy in the usual crap food that we were chowing down on. My kids now eat more fruit and veg, they don't snack as much (because there is no crap to snack on and funnily enough they haven't complained) they are drinking more water - as the diet dizzy stuff is a complete non starter in my house these days! They are having good wholesome breakfasts ( no sugary cereals either , it's whole grain or porridge or wholemeal toast) - so it is having a beneficial impact on us all.
I can't believe how up beat I feel on it. Since the first 4 days when it was truly gruesome, I have maintained a very balanced 'happy' mood. I feel positive and energised and that has to be a good good thing!
I am still amused by some comments on the other website - you would swear we were cutting out food not just carbs with all the 'concern' it has raised about our well being! Seeing as this diet was devised to combat diabetes and heart disease ( yes !heart disease! for all those mithering about saturated fats ) it can hardly be damaging to our bodies now can it. Still it is all said out of concern and caring I am sure so it's not worth getting annoyed over. It is still never-the-less amusing.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE PLAN OF ACTION FOR NEXT WEEK IS : MOVE IT ON UP, MOVE IT ON OUT, DON'T EVER STOP IT!!!!!!!!
Isn't it incredible how memories come flooding back when you are discussing something completely unconnected.
This week has been a week where I have been analyzing my habits. Oh and I had plenty of habits to analyze that's for sure!
Rox posted today about her lunch time disappearing sandwich situation and one memory in particular came flooding back.
One thing about this plan is you should not do anything else when you are eating. It is recommended you sit at a table with a knife and fork and enjoy your food. Now I have an aversion to sitting at a table. I am a tray on your lap type of eater, in front of the telly, computer or reading a book! So for me to sit and eat, no distractions, is quite difficult. So I started to ask myself why I hated it so much when it dawned on me. The dinner table when I was growing up was a scene of conflict for my family. If it wasn't me getting into trouble for not eating what was expected it was my parents having a huge row about something else. One distinct memory is a Mexican stand off situation I had with my Dad whilst we were living in Canada.
I had been given beans on toast for tea and my mother and father had long finished theirs and I had barely touched mine, I was pushing it round my plate ( point of fact I was probably not hungry) but the fact I wasn't eating 'good food' and was 'messing about with it' ( A cardinal sin in our house!) caused my father to get very angry. We sat in a Mexican standoff type situation for nearly two hours. The end result was I cheeked my father and he ended up dragging me from my seat in order to give me a solid thrashing, he had even taken off his belt. My mother (luckily) caught hold of me, stood between him ( he wasn't just seeing red, he was seeing the whole rainbow by this stage) and me and intervened, grabbed my coat and took me out for a walk. All this over a plate of beans on toast! That was just one example. I could tell of hundreds more. Food was both a symbol of love (being Welsh you feed up those you love) and conflict. In all the years since I have never realised why I was so loathed to sit round the table as a family. My subconscious obviously balked at the idea of it because of past experience!
I am trying really hard to sit at the table, on my own, to eat my breakfast. I figure if I am on my own then there is no risk of conflict. I don’t read the paper, I don’t even put the radio on. For now this is the only meal I can manage at the table. I still eat my lunch on the sofa and my dinner. But I figure one meal at a time. I can’t face trying this just now because, ironically, whenever we try this as a family my dd ends up driving me insane, as she doesn't like formal dining and plays about with her food and is always last! Having revisited that memory of when I was 7 yrs old ( my dd is 9) I am hoping I can break my feeling of irritation with her and start to see that for her food is no big deal. I've already stopped trying to force feed her potato, which she loathes. I thought it was necessary for a balanced diet - now I know that it isn't. She doesn't like it so now I don't even put it on her plate. This plan is having effects throughout the family and it is only week 3.
I am enjoying the camaraderie of the thread on the other website I use. It is really helping that quite a few people have fancied doing the plan also. It makes you feel as though you are in it together. I am lucky in that respect as Rox has always supported me (as I do her) and it definitely help, especially when you have a bad day and just need a friendly voice to say it is going to be better tomorrow. Leece has been a gem – emailing and such like. In fact every little word of encouragement is worth it’s weight in gold and certainly hits the mark as far as I am concerned!
Right having revisited something painful I think I need to redress the balance and think of something positive. I am an optimist by nature and can’t bear the thought of too much negativity. I am also a firm believer that what is past is past and there is no point is dwelling on it forever. I don’t need therapy because my Dad had a foul temper and low tolerance threshold that’s for sure, but I do think it’s essential to remember life is all about balance, for every 3 things bad in your life you can usually think of 6 things good. And one thing I have always been lucky in is my friends and family. I have never lacked for love and affection and this far outweighs a few uncomfortable situations growing up.
So – my PMA thought for today is: Dare to soar - how successful you are is determined by your attitude.
The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half. - Fyodor Dostoevsky
I like to think not actually. I think that whilst we may form habits we are still able to change them.
I don't believe in the adage that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Yes, actually you can. It may take longer and more perseverance but you can definitely do it!
Otherwise - there would be no point at all would there!
Today I feel fine, a little tired. But I have cooked my self a gorgeous breakfast. I am not a fan of sausages so today I skinned mine and made them into little patties instead. They were much yummier. I fried my eggs and bacon and after years of grilling bacon to a crisp it is nice to actually taste the flavour in it! Whilst I was eating it I thought back and realised my appetite is shrinking, I no longer think about snacking between meals and I now look forward to my meals more (even though I struggle to find variety at the mo tbh. I am hoping that will come with time). My Friend Rox sent me loads of useful links for finding recipes too - which is great. It' that kind of support you really need when you are struggling!
I can actually see Bee diminishing before my very eyes. Admittedly, as he says, he has more to lose than me, but I am slightly envious that there is such a dramatic change. It sounds incredible but every day he seems thinner! I don't think things are happening quite as dramatically for me but then we are all different.
I haven't started exercising yet, which I know is what kept me at a size 14 before. The gym 4 times a week does eat into your life but we can all make time for other things so I suppose it is a case of making it a priority. It was great when my little girl went to playgroup - I used to spend the entire time exercising! It never seemed an issue. Now the very thought of it makes me shudder! I did think about getting an exercise ball and giving the neighbours a laugh but we'll see. My back is niggling today after all the lifting, shifting and bending of yesterday's exertions! I strained it week or so ago sorting out my daughter's bedroom and it's been tender and a bit liable to flaring up since then. So going to rest it a bit today. No point pushing it to the point of no return eh?
I haven't planned todays food and there is very little in so it looks like I may be forced to go to the supermarket - I HATE FOOD SHOPPING!!!! But I am not sure we even have salad so it is definitely high on the agenda.
Cravings - NONE! I am missing nothing. My Diet Buddy Leece told me that she normally wakes up in the middle of the night craving chocolate but after just one day on the diet, she still woke up but didn't have the craving - she ate cheese instead. This plan really hits you in your weak spots. It's great.
I am really enjoying not drinking as well. I am not missing alcohol. In fact I think I had felt it was obligatory to have a drink in the evening - it was what really grown up people did. How pathetic. I don't need that sort of crutch in my life. So there is another plus.
SO far it is all pluses ( although I am obsessing about how many times I poo!!!! but I am sure that will pass as well.) I am also trying to fit in a variety of veg still hazy on what I am allowed veg wise but unless I've been told NO then I am having it! I figure that at the end of the day how much difference can the odd pepper make.
PMA thought of the day! If you an succeed at failure you can succeed at Success!
RIGHT! Lawks-a-Lummy I have sorted my wardrobe our into sizes, put all the clothes that fit back in and vacuum packed all the too small stuff ( FOR NOW) - I have three large size vacuum bags of clothes! I have realised I DO have stuff I can actually wear just now - even for a night out! (That was a bit of a revelation as most of it was squished in the dark recesses of the closet so I could never find it! 8)) I have realised I NEVER have to buy another pair of black trousers as I have several pairs in different styles in every shop bought size!
I have stuff I really want to wear again! I now know where my sense of style went - it was as I moved into a size 18! Everything up to that point I actually LIKE and bought because I liked it - NOT BECAUSE IT BLOODY FIT AND I WAS DESPERATE!!!!!!!!
New resolution - no new clothes until I have dropped comfortably into a 16. Goal a 14 - I was like a rake at 14, looking at the clothes I can't believe I thought 14 was BIG!!!!! They look minute! And at 5ft 7 I can't afford to go too thin.
I did unearth a pair of size 12's and my god I must have been emaciated to fit into them (they were pre ds who is 13! and YES I was too thin at 9st 4lbs!). It was very reassuring to know I would be happy at a 14. Realistic goals and all that!!! :D
Greatly healing this sorting and throwing stuff out!
The kids rooms are next - and BF is on a mission to get bin bags to dispense the unwanted items to Oxfam!!!!!!!
I have taken some pics of the aftermath of the empty wardrobes and will upload them on my blog later!
THAT day has dawned - the day were I 'sort out' my wardrobe!
I moved into this house just over 5 years ago after an acrimonious divorce and a svelt size 14 (and I thought I was overweight back then too). I unpacked all the clothes I was wearing, continued to wear them, until one day a pair of jeans were too tight. I then popped to M&S, bought a near pair and thought no more of it. This continued for the next few years. I was busy settling my kids into their new lives, sorting out my head space and forging a new life plan for myself by returning to University full time, as well as enjoying my new found relationship with a big hearted man who loved his food! The trouble was I loved my food too - and after the stresses and pressures of the divorce and in the tender loving arms of my new beau, the last thing I worried about was a few extra pounds! The trouble was those 'few extra pounds' became 63 extra pounds. I weigh more now than I did when I was full term with both my children.
However, Denial is a wonderful place to set up home, the rent is cheap and the food is good! The problem is that one day Denial will no longer be big enough, you will have to sell up house and move to somewhere where you can start to smell the roses!
Today I have emptied my closet. It was rammed to the gunnels with clothes - so how come every time I opened it ( well both of them actually, double fitted and cavernous I might add) I would find I had NOTHING to wear. Nothing? Amongst that lot - surely there must be some mistake??? But it is always the same - I stare at a man-made mountain of clothes and still struggle to get dressed. So, in order to avoid the hidden truth that I have put on so much weight that I can no longer wear any of my clothes I resort to the stretchy tracky bottoms and baggy BF Tee's, which not only feel comfortable and perhaps slightly too big, but don't restrict my eating either!!!! No waistbands! ( You'll find them easily enough once you move to Denial, there is a stockist on every corner!)
NOT ANY MORE!!!
As I piled the clothes on the bed, not only was I shocked at the sheer volume, but also at the range of sizes. There was dust on the shoulders of some of them as I haven't been able to wear them for at least 4 years! I plucked off the rail one size 14 (US 10) summer skirt in Lilac, with a beaded hem - held it up and gasped. It looked tiny. I remember wearing it, I remember its fit and feel, and I remember thinking that I was overweight back then too! Now I would die to be in that skirt! It hung there on the hanger like a paradoxical beacon of despair and hope. Despair that I had grown out of the damn thing in the first place and hope that if I had once fitted into it ( and not that long ago) that I could fit into it again!
Some of the clothes I have left behind on my Obesity Odyssey are to die for gorgeous! Not only did I leave my slim self behind but I left my stylish self behind too. Now I don't have a clue what to buy or what to wear - this fat body doesn't really deserve nice clothes - it deserves utility clothes!
So I am not faced with a huge mountain of clothes -I can't sleep tonight if I don't deal with them - which I have to sort through and store until such a time that I can fit into them again. I will keep one outfit out in each size to hopefully mark my progress - they will be my PHASES outfits!
I have a feeling 3 vacuum pack bags just isn't going to be enough!
So today's goal is the wardrobe. Tomorrow's is joining a gym! I will get there, I will beAT this. It is week 3 I am losing weight, I am feeling empowered and I am taking positive steps along the road!
.........AND IT FEELS GOOD!
Thank you for the support and comments on previous entries - it really does help. I've been receiving some negative feedback about the plan I am following on another website I use and tbh it is making me feel a little dejected. I know it is said with good intentions and to prevent disappointment but it really isn't what anyone needs to hear when they decide to take positive steps to change in their life is it????? Luckily I have a wee pal, who has just started on the same plan and she rang this morning and gave me a wee boost!!!! Thanks Leecey you are a star!!!! It was what I needed when I needed it.
I did weigh this morning but no change since Saturday, which is not a problem as if I hadn't had a sneaky weigh in on Saturday then I would be elated! BF stayed the same too!
Was really surprised at the lovely comments from old friends and new and I am planning to explore the blogs. I have to say the front cover weight loss pics are fabulous and a real incentive to get going. I've asked BF to dig out the pics he has of me when we first met six years ago. It has only been since I went to university that all this weight has piled on so I am determined to get it off again! I looked bloody good back then!
Today I am feeling rather ambivalent to food. I could have happily foregone breakfast and now I have had it I am feeling quite full. I am pottering about my study sorting out my files from my final years studies, making room for next years masters stuff. It all hinges on the funding I know, and what a lottery it is, but there is no use in being pessimistic about it all! Look forwards and think upwards.
I was planning a wardrobe sort out later today too - I'll see how I get on with the study! As I type BF is valeting my car for me! Bless! It's only taken me 6 years but I think I have finally broken him in!
Right - somebody crack my whip - I need to get stuff done!!!! That's the trouble with blogging - IT TAKES OVER YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!
Added : I have had a meander through some of the blogs on here and I am really chuffed that there are quite a few success stories! It is good to see that it can be done. Before and after pics can be quite shocking. I've seen a few and you would hardly recognise the women in them as the same person! I just want to be a success story! I really do.
I don't feel the strain in my legs at all but I know my backside will feel like it's been booted by a cow tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too strenuous as the golf course is quite level so it should be a nice run! Might give me a chance to work out the damn gears as well!!!! 
The last bike I rode before this one didn't have any gears at all!!!!! 
So all in all a good start.
I need an old Miss Gulch saddle, that would do the trick, then I could but a black cape on and ride round the town going "I'll get you my pretty - and your little dog too" !!!!! Imagine the fun!
I cooked a lovely breakfast/brunch, we all sat round and despite the usually moans about 'things not tasting right' from my dd (who worries me greatly in her attitude to food and her body!) the meal was an actual pleasure. I have to say I took a deep breath before I sat down and told myself that no matter what happened I was just going to ride the storm and keep my cool. The kids didn't bicker ( which made me wonder - do they respond to my attitude towards the dinner table? If they can sense I hate sitting there then perhaps that's why they play up so much at meal times???) and I actually enjoyed my breakfast. My son commented on how well Bee was looking these days and how he seemed 'more lively'. I shall have to pass that nugget on to him when he comes round later. The pair of them also said they thought my face was thinner - Remarkably no matter what I do people ALWAYS notice my face! 
THAT day has dawned - the day were I 'sort out' my wardrobe!
Luckily I have a wee pal, who has just started on the same plan and she rang this morning and gave me a wee boost!!!! Thanks Leecey you are a star!!!! It was what I needed when I needed it. 