Yeah! This is becoming quite a good habit, really. Earlier, I went grocery shopping and I was really hungry (never a good idea). So, while I was there getting diapers, chicken breasts and other good things, my gremlin started again. "You just got your permanent contract today, you deserve a celebration, get yourself a nice bag of sweets and some soda and just enjoy the evening." NO, gremlin. I am not doing that. Instead, I did my workout with Leslie, and added 20 minutes of upper body and tummy workout. Gosh, that hurt. But it was good. In fact, I felt so much fitter and stronger today. Obviously, the workouts are starting to pay off. Today was the 4th day this week I worked out, and I feel really good!!
I am replanning and rearranging my goals right now. I travel to Germany for a week at the end of August. And I want to be able to go shopping...... so I have my work cut out for me untill then!!
Instead of getting sweets all week, I am going to go tomorrow and get myself a cute workout outfit. All my sport things are so old and worn out and outdated, it's awful. ANd like Tatums mom, I do like to be cute at the beginning of a workout :)
Dear little gremlin, you are not getting the better of me. I may have my soft moments of weakness, but those are luckily getting few and far between, so you are staying in your bottle for a bit now.
Really, temptation is everywhere. And all the time. I got a permanent contract at work today and really feel like celebrating. My gremlin shouted from his bottle that I better get a nice bottle of soda and some sweets and enjoy the evening. And I will admit that I was tempted. Quite a bit to be honest. But I didn't. I did allow myself a yummy yoghurt and some raisins. And a session with Leslie. Yeah! :) Already getting easier, as I get stronger! So, I think today counts me 1, gremlin 0!! :)
And I want to thank you my friends, for picking me up and making me strong. Being honest sometimes hurts and is a bit hard to do, but having pals like you to stick to me and build me up makes it worth it. And even if it sometimes means I have to admit a tiny defeat, it's worth it. So thanks for being there for me!! Having such support really makes getting up and at it again ever so much easier. And I feel better already, eating cleaner!
After 2 really rough weeks and fighting and often losing my gremlin, my weight is up. Quite a bit. And my gremlin was actually calling from his bottle that I should just not log it. But that would be not sticking to one of my goals, which is being honest to myself. So, there. I know some of this weight has to do with my baby boy keeping me awake half the night. It's also got to do with being silly and eating bread. I just should not do that. Tiny things like that. But I am fine. It's ok. I'll take it as a motivation and just dig in again. I still have a couple of days to make my goals. And I am determined to meet at least 4 of the 5 as best I can!
So, gremlin, the fight is on again. (I am tired and that always makes him stronger). But you are not getting out of your bottle today. No way!
Today has been in some ways a bit of a roughie.... my back still really hurts, which tires me out no end. Getting through the day at the office was a bit of a strain. And also, I have been eating a bit wrong in the past few days and I can feel it.
BUT when I had to go shopping for a little something for dinner, I won a victory over my gremlin again!! I actually had a bottle of soda in my hand and was headed to the sweets part of the place when I thought "hey, I don't even want that!!" So I put back the soda, and only bought some juice, wash powder and stuff for dinner!! Yeah!! Also, after getting the boys ready for bed, I did my round with dear Leslie. Gosh, it was hard, I was actually trembling there for a bit. But I did do it and I feel great.
And now I am going to grab a painkiller and get myself into bed. Tomorrow will be a good day!
Yup, that's right!! I took a square look at my gremlin and told him that he was not going to beat me. So, last night I had a really early night, got a good night's sleep and this morning, the world was again a better, brighter place and my gremlin again safely tiny, tucked away in his bottle with the cork in!! True, he's not happy, in fact he is grumbling quite a bit and I can tell that he's trying to figure out ways to get out. But I feel confident that I have him well away now. For the moment.
Because it is a constant struggle, isn't it? And always about good choices. Good food choices, sleep choices, exercise..... what have you not. And it's good. Good choices are great. They make me feel happy, they give me strength and confidence. So, again, I am working on those good choices. A happy face and a happy soul. And it's so good to see that with practice, it becomes easier all the time. I really can do anything I want.
But still, baby steps, in order not to overdo everything! Tomorrow I am going to start a few little changes to go along with the changes I have been making in the past few weeks and months.
I love the new serenity that has come to me in the past two years. I slip, I fall.... and it's ok. I just get up again, wipe my mouth and tackle it again. Because I am just human. I'm me. And I am great just the way I am. Sure, always room for improvement. When I think appropriate. But also, I am "fab" just the way I am.
Oh, I have to get this in. I watched the 10th cycle of America's next topmodel. Yes, I did. And really enjoyed it. And I am THRILLED that Whitney won. I think she's great. In some ways, I see myself in her. If anyone wants to know what I mean with that, go ahead and ask. :)
I love her saying from the first part. And I am going to write that down here to remind me. Because it's true!! "I have breasts, hips and a butt and I am so proud of these things. That's me. And anyone who doesn't like it can go suck an egg!" Allrighty!! Soooooooo true! :)
Had a fun thing happen to me on Friday. I was nicely dressed up in a really nice skirt (have to get a pic in here of that), some nice boots, and a pretty turtleneck in the perfect pink color for me. Good hair day and all. I was at the airport, assisting with a training unit for our "drug-dogs" - even got to be "carrier" for a while. It was really weird to know I had real co-ca-ine in my pocket. And I was glad when it was gone. In any case, I was really enjoying myself and I must say, I was looking darn purty that day. Well, there I was, tippling along in my high heeled boots (that's one of the things I love doing now. I am 6 feet tall and I wear high heels. I am tall anyway, so why not be with a vengence. Besides, I have pretty nice ankles and legs and heels do soooo show that off :) ) laughing and just enjoying life. And I ran into an ex-boyfriend. Who's a prick. But who cares. In any case, his eyes almost feel out and I don't think he believed what he saw. I have changed for the better and that was a nice proof. So, I just laughed, gave him a real sparkly look (really, I felt bubbly and sparkly that day), grinned chummily and went on. We had to do another round and he was still there, still with his chin on the floor. HAH!! :)
This may sounds childish, but even at 31, little triumphs like that feel good. Very good. I could be very uncharitable now and say he is not so lucky and doesn't look as good as he used to do........ but I won't.....
Oh, I feel happy. It's a good world to be in, I am on the right way. And I will get to my goal. In a way, I really am at my goal. I am happy with myself. So there.
is sometimes really hard. Especially when a few things come together. The boys have slept poorly, which consequently means that so have I. I got up in a bad way this morning, so my back really hurts and I have some sort of a tummy bug.... but still crave the craziest things. All the time. Geez, that gremlin of mine is the size of a house just now, and giving me a hard time. So tonight I am going to have an early night, go to bed and sleep properly for once and tomorrow will be a good day, with my gremlin again reduced to tiny and safely put away in his bottle!!
What a wonderful weekend!! I absolutely loved getting away for a bit!! And going to one of my favorite places in the whole wide world made it even better! It is so nice and quiet there, the farm is a bit out of the way so you really get to be on your own.
The boys had such a wonderful time there. Of course they did. Got to meet so many different animals! There are heaps of cows there, a few sheep and brand new lambs, too, sweetest little things in the world. Beee-yew-ti-ful horses, a very cute dog and the barn cat. Which kept to itself, much to our disappointment. It was so nice. Of course they at first were a bit scared, simply because of all the new impressions that were everywhere, but they quickly got over that and very much enjoyed their surroundings. I have some wonderful pictures of the three of us getting to know Elding, a beautiful, very patient horse! :) They were really impressed and liked all the animals a lot, but did have a bit of respect for them. Which is good, I prefer that to running headlessly towards any and all animals anytime! They didn't want to try and sit on the horse..... that was a bit too much and I am sure they will feel more up to that the next time. But when I got on it's back, my baby boy went completely wild and wanted to get on, too, to make sure nothing happened to mommy :) Sooo cute!!
It was a good weekend foodwise, too. I did eat a bit more than usual, not much, though, and compensated that completely through the extra movement I had.............
We have a really fun day today at work. This week was a sort of "clean up"... which means that when we had a bit of time, we reorganized our offices, got rid of papers we don't need etc. And today was a rallye, everyone had a theme. The law department (mine) had Christmas. We had a Santa and everything!! Went really well and we were all happy with it. But I wore my nifty, pretty boots. The whole day. And now my feet REALLY hurt!!
But I have reason to be happy. First, I have walked a lot (we visit the others to see their work, too), I didn't have any of all the temptations that were lying around and believe me there were MANY of them. And it's been so fun! Things like that really bring people together!
So, after a bit we're going to a BBQ, hosted by the boss. The best theme will get a price etc. Going to be so much fun. I plan to have a bit to eat, I've hardly eaten all day so will be in good order.
And tomorrow, my boys and I go to a farm for a visit :) GOing to be SO much fun!!
Ok, folks, today is my official weigh in day!! And I AM going to log the weight I got this morning, even if I know it mostly has to do that I could hardly eat yesterday because of nausea. I don't care. It's too great for that!!
91.5 kg's!! What does that mean?? It means a loss of 2.9 kg's since last week - that's 6.3 lbs, my dears!! WOW!! So now my "american" weight is 201.3 lbs!! It also means that I have reached my 10%!! Which was at 91.6 kg's!! It's taken a very long time, but I got it!! And I finally got my weight below 92. Which is really huge for me!! So I am a very happy camper, even if I realize that I will hardly lose anything by next week or may even have a small gain. But still..... yay, me!!
it never ends. Seems I caught some sort of an extremely funny bug again. A tummy-fever one. Which means I feel sick to my stomach all the time and am running a bit of a temperature. Astonishingly low, actually, when I think of all the bone-aching and cold flashes I am having right now. I really feel quite miserable. But at least it´s an explaination to why I felt rather poorly this weekend. I just felt sooooooo tired all the time and actually fell asleep around noon yesterday!! I had planned to work out in the evening, but around 6 pm decided that was just not going to happen. Made dinner for me and the boys, yummy roasted chicken and salad. Almost as soon as I had finished eating I felt SO SICK!! Thought it would all come back up. So got the babies to bed as quickly as I could and went to bed myself. At 7 pm. Was asleep before it was 7.30 pm!! Gosh, don't know when that last happened. Woke up a bit after 4 am, shivering with cold and aching all over. I still got myself to work this morning, but had to give up at 3 pm..... wonder if I will make it tomorrow. Probably not.
On the bright side, I have 9 days on my OP account. YAY!! Sickness is doing no harm in that direction, at least, as I have to force myself to try and eat at least something. So 2 bananas, some yoghurt, a little salad and a few raisins are what I have eaten today. Not much, but all I could get down.
I am already feeling a bit chippier, so I hope to be able to start doing something for myself in the next couple of days!!
And I had a beautiful mommy moment just before I logged on to write this post.... :) My big boy, MK, couldn't fall asleep, as it's really bright here very long now (almost 10 pm and still daylight outside). So he came over to my bed for a cuddle and a chat. We just lay there for a while, singing some songs together and then he'd stroke my face and say: Mommy, I love you. You are pretty. Awwwwwwwww, trust an almost 4 year old to find just the thing to say!! :)
And tomorrow is weigh-in day. That should be exciting!!
