mom. Despite the thoughts I had last night of perhaps not being one, I just realized I am :) At least most of the time. I am feeling a bit fragile and vulnerable right now, after a night of almost no sleep because my baby boy had such a fever, was itching all over and in pain...... I did all I could for him and eventually he was able to sleep, but before that I again had to put the cream in his eye... poor soul, he knew what was coming so he tried to close his eye. Which meant I had to force it open to get the stuff in. Then just held him close, told him he was such a strong, courageous boy and that mommy was sorry but she had to do it in order for his eye to get better.....
I just spoke to my hubby, wanted to let him know how things are over here and just hear his voice to hearten me up. And he actually thanked me for taking such good care of our children :) Which made me realize it's not "just to be expected". I have gone quite a way beyond that these past few days and again I have seen I will do anything to make my children get better. Even if it means having to be a little mean to them in order to get the medication in. There's just no other way about it, baby boy is 26 months old and doesn't listen to reason about his eye.... :)
And then my mom actually just told me she would not want to do it..... and that she admires me for pulling through with this. She would if she had to (don't we all) but she is glad she doesn't have to do it. In fact, she is travelling away today and won't be home till Sunday. Just came to take my big boy to playschool, to save me the trip of that.
I have already called in at work to say I won't be there till next week. No way around it, baby boy needs a full time nurse and he needs me. That will have to come before work for now.
Sorry about this non diet post, I just had to "write it out". Needless to say I am not worried about my weight anymore. But do we ever realize how much we love our children? More than anything!!
nurse Betty!! My poor baby is so ill. Really, he's running a terrible fever still and is just covered in red spots all over. I really mean ALL over. Poor little soul. And he's being so brave and plucky about it all. Doesn't whine at all, cries relatively little and hardly scratches. He does want mommy all the time, so nursing him is pretty much all I do right now. Thankfully, my big boy is a darling and made my life very easy today, even if I couldn't do much for him. Was stuck holding sweet little Adrian all the time. And now he went and got a spot on the white of his eye. Which is pretty dangerous. So I will have to torment him 5 times a day, putting anti-viral cream in his eye, to protect it. At least now I have a reason to be thankful for my herpes simplex infection in my left eye. Firstly, because I know enough to know it's something to worry about and that has to be treated. And I know how to treat it, too. Hey, I started putting cream like that in my own eye when I was 9 years old. So I know how to do it. And I know how it hurts. Terribly. It's really bad and I feel so sorry I have to inflict this on him. But I am doing it to prevent worse things from happening. So, in being terribly cruel to my baby, I really am being a good mom, doing all I can to keep his eye from being permanently damaged.
Needless to see, everything has to be put on hold while I get him through this. Workout and diet along with the rest of the stuff. It's simply not something I can work with right now. Darn, I am crying............ well, guess that had to come sometime. To be quite honest, I am very worried and frightened. And pretty much on my own. This did have to come up before hubby came here, didn't it. Right now, I feel so small and helpless. But I am not letting this get the better of me. I have stood tall and strong through so many things in the past few years, I can manage this too.
Do send some good vibes my way, will you? I sure can use all the support I can get right now!
Off to watch my baby now. He sleeps in my room, which makes it a little easier.....
chickenpox!! Geez, is it ever going to end!! My baby boy had been in a bit of a bad temper lately, and I was beginning to think I had a changeling there.... well, on Saturday night he was running a high fever and starting to get some red spots. Poor baby has the chickenpox. Badly. He is getting SO MANY new ones today.... *sigh* And I bet that since my boys spend a lot of time together it is just a matter of time untill the big boy gets them, too. So I spent most of yesterday with my baby boy in my arms, poor soul, he's really pretty badly off. I did get around to doing a 25 minute workout last night though, which did feel good and today I am making my "miracle soup". And I stuck in there and didn't buy any sweets, though I was badly tempted to do so.....
Thankfully tomorrow is a holiday here in Iceland. But I do fear work won't see much of me for the rest of this week, as my mom's going away on wednesday morning............
Speaking of which, she's babysitting for me now for a couple of hours, so I better make the most of those to do some work!!
Everybody says it should be, anyways, being friday 13th. But I say it's going to be a good friday. I feel good, even if TOM finally did arrive today..... I guess it's all a matter of how you look at things. After cramps and partly pms for days now, I am just very happy over the prospect of this whole thing being finally over in a couple of days!!
My scale keeps being a brat. It seems to be completely stuck and I COULD let that get to me, but I won't? Why? Well, first, I have been a very good girl all this week, watching what I eat. I have been making very good choices foodwise and that really works for me. Also, I have been working out. I did day2 week1 of C25k yesterday and I LOVED it!! I really feel great and think this is going to work for me really well. :) And now I all of a sudden, even if my belly is blown up with water and TOM, really feel a difference in my clothes. So taking my measurements at the end of the month should be good! Yay!!
Hubby gave me a nice surprise yesterday. He called me and told me he'd gone shopping and gotten me some really cute tops. Yay :) Now, I know many would get real nervous at that, but my hubs has such great taste and a good eye for what suits me well!! So I am really excited, the things he described sound so good.
And I got my tickets for my trip to Germany at the end of August. Ok, so it's work, I will have a conference to go to for 3 days, but I will also have time to myself just to relax - along with permittance to go SHOPPING!! So guess who's all motivated and wants to get her body rocking over the next 10 weeks! :)
I just noticed I have been a bit quiet lately. It doesn't mean that I have slowed down or anything. Quite the contrary, actually!! On Tuesday I did my first session of C25K - and did it well!! I felt a lot better than I thought I would. Obviously, my workout with Leslie are starting to pay off!! THis week I have also been watching my food after falling very badly last weekend, eating loads of sweets. So because of that and because TOM is still lurking but won't really make an entrance, my weight stayed the same between weeks. I am ok with that. Mainly because I can see so many things are going on with my body right now, I am getting a lot firmer and stronger and that makes such a difference!! And as soon as my hormones get back to normal, really watching my food intake will probably get easier!
Today will be day 2 week 1 of c25k. I actually finally got my act together and started using the fitness room we have in the basement here at work. It's great!! I look forward to going again. Slowly working on getting a good workout program up and running for myself.
My hubby will come soon!! He has booked his flight for July 8th and is coming to stay!! We are all so excited!! I actually made a plan for the boys where they tick off a day at a time to see when daddy comes :) It'll be so great. And he's going to go and buy me something tomorrow. I hope the outfit I want will still be available. I really would like to have it....... tell you more about it soon!
Better get to work now......... will visit everyone as soon as I can!!
My gremlin got me yesterday. Pretty badly, too. I was PMS-ing like wild and therefor had a bad day of it yesterday. I felt tired and icky and I got angry and/or irritated SO quickly all the time... *sigh* But TOM is quietly knocking at the door this morning and I already feel a bit more like myself again. Not quite but I am getting there. And in a way I am happy it's PMS. I would hate to think that grumpy woman of yesterday, who was having a bad hair day, a bad eating day... just a bad day, period, was me in a regular state. It wasn't. Isn't. It was just my hormones that got the better of me for a while there. And I am so glad they are subsiding a bit right now.
On a happier note, I took my mom and the boys to A, a town about 50 km from Reykjavik, to visit my brother and his family and see their brand new baby boy, born last thursday.... :) Just getting out of my flat and away for a bit did me a world of good. I had wanted to go there for ages now, but never made it because of sickness, work, fatigue etc. But now I finally did and we had a great time. The boys loved playing with their cousin, who's 5 years old, and I took my niece, 10, shopping for ingredients for waffles (she really wanted some). She got to find the things and pay (big thing at that age) and when we went back, I quickly jumped to say hi to my former german teacher and ever since friend, whom I hadn't seen for years! It was great to see her, and we plan to "really" meet in July, when she gets back from the Fijis! (gosh, would I like to go!!).
Well, after baking, my mom getting curtains done for the bedroom etc., the two of us went to the hospital to visit my SIL and the baby boy. He is ADORABLE!! Such a sweet baby. Made me want another one.... almost.... I'm good for now, even if I don't know what I will feel like in 2-3 years :)
Just writing all this out is helping me. I feel better already and am glad that part of the monthly ordeal is over!!
I put up a couple of new pictures 2 days ago. Sadly haven't written since then so I thought I would explain them a bit. 2 of them are new pictures of moi, I thought I would check and see if I had changed in any way. Well, I actually think there is a bit of a difference since April. My hubby was quite delighted and says I really look different. Which is great, it motivates me to do even more! :) And shows me again that a number isn't everything. I don't weigh very much less than I did on the older pictures, but I do think there is quite a difference.
And who wants to be a number, anyway? I mean, we would hate not to have a name and therewith an identity, but be called some number. B205. That's not something I would like to be called. So why should we define ourselves so much be a number on the scale. That is important, too, of course, as it shows us whether we are within a healthy weight range or not, but it should not mean the world to us. I find staying away from the scale really helps with this. And I am determined to not measure myself untill the end of the month. I have been working out a lot and well and I look forward to seeing the progress I will have made by the end of the month.
The last picture I put up is one of me with my boys.......... I really like that. And they are so sweet and cute. Proud momma! :)
I decided to do my official weigh in today, instead of tomorrow, because I am now joining sweet Gwynn on her challenge to put the scales away and only weigh in once a week. I had thought about a whole month (yup, my second name is SUPEROPTIMISTIC) but I think a week will do it. So, my weight is 93.4 kg's. I am fine with that. Firstly because I can feel lots of that lacto... whatever in my legs from working out and I know that I weigh more when I start working out again. Then, thanks to the feature on my scale, I also know that water is up and body fat is down. From 33 % to 32.6%!! Yay!! So, I will later be logging my official measurements here, too, and I will only take those in a month. Following my goals for a whole month will show a huge result!
Anyway, inspired from TatumsMom's cool reward system, I am changing mine around. I also plan some sort of a treat for myself for every week I stay strong. Haven't quite decided what, but music does sound good.
For a first month following my goals, I will get more workout clothing. I felt GOOD working out last night in my cute new outfit! For a second month, I am not quite sure, but for the third month, I get to go shopping!! I am getting a surprise summer bonus sometime soon, and since that was unexpected, I am going to take the money and put it on a seperate account, to use for me only :) May sound selfish, but I do deserve that.
That's good, isn't it? It's a new month, and there are new goals to be put up and met again. I am really extremely proud of myself for having met almost all my goals for the month of May. And the exercise one is easy to explain. My health and the health of the boys just didn't allow it. That's another lesson learned, I guess. Keep the goals obtainable. They should be reasonable and realistic and something I can actually manage to do. So, this is what I am setting up to do this month:
1. Lose 2 kg's. As I am now 93.4, that would be 91.4 kg's. Anything more would be a huge bonus, but 2 kg's in a month is a healthy thing and absolutely something I can reach.
2. Lose 4 cm on my body, I don't care where. I have my numbers logged in from yesterday, and may put them in here later. Still have to get this written or the post will be gone.
3. Eat good and healthy. I just feel how much better I work and feel when I eat what's right for me. Which especially means cutting down on yeast, flour etc. Gets me rid of headaches, too, so........
4. Be happy, smile and be positive. About everything. :)
5. Be again totally honest with myself. That's worked so well for me this month, and has done me so much good!!
6. Exercise 3 times a week, anything beyond will be a bonus.
7. Start on C25K.
That's a lot of goals. My, my. But they're all realistic and all good. And since I went and splurged on a really cute running outfit yesterday. Honestly, it's SO nice. I will have to get a picture to put in here. I guess I'd better make use of that. I look forward to it. I have been feeling so fit and well in the past few days and I want that to continue!!
I also have a long term goal..... My 32nd birthday is in 6 months and 2 days. By that time I want to feel really well, be healthy and strong. And that's doable, too!! In 6 months, I can make huge changes.
Another long term one..... I want to feel so good about myself that I can go shop for some nice things when I go to Germany at the end of August. That's 3 months away, so I better get at it.
Oh, and one more thing. ALWAYS remember that I am "just" a human, and I can slip and fall. Just have to realize that and get right back at it, and not let it drag me down. That, too, has worked wonders lately.
So, here's a happy me, looking forward to a wonderful month of June!
and an overlook of my goals for this month. I am VERY happy to say I have met my goals!!
1. Lose 2 kg's. Starting weight was 95 kg's, I now weigh 92.8 so I met that. And I know I am a bit too heavy, because I have been working out a lot this week and so the lacto-acid in my muscles makes me very heavy.
2. Lose 3 cm. I am happy to report an allover loss of 5.5 centimeters. Spread all over my body, but it's there! Yay!
3. Be honest to myself. I have been. Very much so and I am proud of that. I have owned up to giving in to temptation and higher weight due to that. And that's helping me SO MUCH!! Hiding away and pretending nothing had happened just makes things worse.
4. Happy and smile. I have done that, pretty much all of the time. Yes, I have. I am being honest, remember? :) I really have done very well on that, too.
5. Exercise 3 times a week. That's the only one that's been a bit of a problem for me. Because of lack of time, the children being sick, myself being sick etc. But this week I got in 4 units, so that, also, is getting better! :)
So, looking back on this month, I am really happy with what I have acchieved. Especially looking at the fact that I put down those goals on May 5th, so haven't even quite had a month to reach them.
And they help me! I feel so much better already!! Just imagine how great I am going to feel in another month's time! YEAH!!
So, today, I am going to figure out my new goals for a new month, and will share them here!
