I have been a member on EP now for about 2 years. I have gotten so much support and positivity from this site, and I will always be grateful for the assistance it has given me on this weight loss journey. However, I'm pretty disappointed that there hasn't been more control of the spammers that are posting advertisement blogs 20 times per day. Many of my friends have left the site, and I'm sure for many of them, that has been part or all of the reason.
It's definitely not what it used to be...
I have started using spark people. My spark page is: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=FINDINGME10
I will likely still post weights here because I like the trackers and the graphs, but I don't know if I will keep updating my blog here. If anyone has a spark people account, I would love if you add me as a friend because I would like to keep up with everyone who has supported me and been a part of this journey.
I hope everyone keeps on this journey towards better health!
It's been a good 2 weeks. I'm back on track with eating and working out. I don't have classes right now, so I've been trying to get a workout in during the morning in addition to walking with hubby and the dog in the evening. I'm trying to get strength training 2-3 times per week and alternating cardio like step aerobics and tae bo the other days. It feels like my body is getting stronger. The scale seems to be stalled out for the past week, but the week before, I had a big drop, so I'm trying not to get too frustrated. My body seems to hold onto water, and then I'll have a 2 lb drop in one day, so I can't get too caught up with the numbers on the scale. I have been writing down my food in a journal, and measuring everything, so I know exactly how many calories I'm getting. Patience...I keep telling myself.
One thing that I can tell a difference in is my fitness and my confidence. I feel a lot better about myself, and my body feels more healthy and strong. I have been really enjoying being active again, and I think the athlete that has been trapped inside is starting to re-emerge.
I'm in this for the long haul, and I know it's not going to happen overnight, but everyday, I'm getting healthier, and if I stick to it, I will enter 2012 at my goal weight and healthier than I've ever been. I'm feeling optimistic about the future.
I hope everyone is having a healthy and happy week!!
Today, I'm officially down 43 lb from when I started this weight loss journey, and even better, I'm just 2.5 pounds away from Onederland. My goal was to reach it by the end of May, which I will be a little bit late on, but I'm not feeling bad about that. Most likely I will be able to reach it within a week to 10 days, and I'm really excited about that. It will be the first time I have a 1 in front of my number in over 5 years. Even more importantly, it means that I'm getting more healthy and more fit every day. AND I'm almost 1/2 of the way to my goal!! I am hoping to have a lot to celebrate over the next couple of weeks.
I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day!!
"Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm." - Harriet Lerner
I have been reading this book called: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, and this quote really spoke to me. I have lived for a long time with a lot of anxiety about the future, about what career I would like the most, whether I'll ever feel like I measure up, etc. And often my anxiety leads to a sense of paralysis, hopelessness and depression. I have a tendency when something small goes wrong to slip into thought patterns of "Nothing ever works out. Everything is bad. Life will never be good..." and on and on.
I have also noticed these same patterns in some of my family members, and it is really disturbing to me because I know exactly how harmful these thoughts can be.
When I read this quote, I realized that though we do not have the power to control everything in our lives, we can control our reactions. If something bad happens, I can say, "That really sucks, but it doesn't mean that my whole life is bad." I can stop the negative spiral before it gets out of control. I can analyze whether the negative thoughts are accurate, and I can replace those thoughts that are inaccurate with one that is more factual.
This approach has helped me to cultivate a deeper sense of calm and optimism. And I'm trying to portray that sense of calm when members of my family are stressed, anxious, or feeling really low. I am still sympathetic and empathetic, but I try to remain calm so I don't get sucked into the anxiety spiral. I think that I've noticed some of the calm rubbing off, and then we can have a discussion about what are the next steps to take, without being so overwhelmed that it feels like all is lost.
Just as I wouldn't want to spread an infection, I don't want to spread negativity, anxiety, or pessimism. So I'm working hard to cultivate calm, optimism in my own life, so that is the attitude that others "catch" from me.
I finally had a good weekend, and I'm back on track with both eating and exercise. I feel like Onederland is within my reach by the end of the month, and I cannot wait to say goodbye forever to the 200s.
Now I'm going to try to get out and enjoy the sunshine today!!
...obviously talented people just use their gifts for mayhem and destruction.
Last night, I was online, just doing some light reading before I went to sleep. I only went on a few sites that I normally visit. All reputable - like facebook, msn, etc, and suddenly my internet closed and I started getting fake security messages. Trojan infection!!!
Grr, it took me about 2 hr of trying and reading last night and another hour today to get my computer back up and running, infection free. I have had to deal with these infections before - once at work, and twice at my parents house, but every one is slightly different, so it takes a ton of time every time.
I have anti-virus software and anti-malware software on all of the computers, but I'm thinking of spending the extra $$ and getting something stronger that prevents the infection from being downloaded.
I don't understand why these people - who are obviously talented programmers - would want to spend their lives causing harm and destruction to others. How sad...to contribute only negatively to society is such a waste of a life.
Maybe the internet security companies hire them to put out these trojans and worms because if there weren't threats, they wouldn't have a business....not likely, but sometimes I wonder.
Anyway, all seems back to normal for now...so I will hope it stays that way.
In weight loss news, I decided to do a few low carb/high protein days to get back on track here. I'm thinking 2 days, and then back to my normal, balanced 1300-1500 cal plan. Everyone on my Biggest Loser family challenge has been struggling a bit, and I'm hopeful that if I can get back on track, it will inspire my other family members to do the same.
Once I can get through the cravings days, then I don't want the sugar as much, and my sweet tooth can be satisfied by fresh fruit - YUM!!
I was looking at the calendar today, and I have set my goal for the month of May to reach the one-hundreds (Onederland). I am back to my pre-vacation weight now, so I would have to lose about ~7 pounds to reach it, and as of today, there are 3 weeks left in May.
It's a do-able goal, but I'm going to have to be very disciplined. Since I've been back, my workouts have been great, but my eating is still not the healthiest. Therefore, I'm going to start writing everything down again, cut out the processed sugars, and start getting my fruits and vegetables again.
I'm determined to reach Onederland. I haven't been there in 5 years, and this time I'm going to take up permanent residence there!
Due to the craziness of finals and then going on vacation, I did not have a chance to post in a while.
I've stepped on the scale since returning from the vacation, and I know I gained a couple of pounds, but I'm just focusing on getting back on track.
Vacation was wonderful. We went to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee and North Carolina and we did tons of hiking. Unfortunately, we ate all of our meals out, and my food choices were not the healthiest. However, I'm back, refreshed, happy, and back on track.
I have read many times that the happiest people are those that are able to count their blessings and feel grateful for what they have, and also people who describe themselves as optimists.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling depressed, I think it's really hard to focus on my blessings. I always feel grateful for my family and my husband, but that feeling is often overshadowed by crushing sadness and darkness.
However, I have been climbing out of the darkness of depression slowly over the past few months and I feel like there is light in my life now. A few days ago, I felt a warmth wash over me as I was thinking about how lucky and blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life. My husband is my best friend and a huge source of emotional support. He has always been there for me 100%, even at my lowest points, and I feel so blessed that he is in my life. I also feel very lucky to have such a large, close knit family. I know that at times, my family is stressful, but overall, I am so happy to have so many people that love me, support me, laugh with me, and share so much.
I have often looked at things in a very negative way - and I'm hoping that is changing. For many years, I have berated myself for choosing the "wrong" career. I put countless time and dollars into the schooling, and I really did not feel fulfilled (and that lack of fulfillment contributed greatly to my depression.) Yet now I can look at it as a learning experience. I feel lucky to have the opportunity to go back to school and try something new, and those experiences have made me stronger, more caring, more compassionate, and have given me skills that still allow me to help my family and friends to live better lives. Maybe some optimism is starting to shine through...
I'm certainly not suggesting that all of my struggles are behind me. This past week was extremely stressful. However, I'm trying to let go of the negativity that threatens to pull me under when I encounter a challenge, and instead try to rise up and meet the challenge head on. I also am working on keeping things in perspective. One bad grade does not mean the world is going to end. Having to take an extra class (or 5) does not mean that my life is over or that nothing ever works out, it merely means that my timeline has changed, and who knows maybe that's a good thing because it will give me time to really see if this is the path I want to be on.
Finally, the last thing I have been working on is trying to accept and love myself just as I am - right now. Not once I have the career of my dreams, not once I'm thin enough, not once I'm contributing enough to society, NOW, TODAY!!
I have been listening to an audiobook called The Gift of Imperfection. It's written by Brene Brown. This book has really touched a chord in me. I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember, and I have felt that if I could just be perfect than I would deserve love, I would be worthy of having friends, of belonging. However, I have discovered a sad lesson - I cannot be perfect, but unfortunately, that led me to feel that I was not worthy of love, of friends, of belonging - and that touched off a spiral into a dark place, where I felt like all hope was lost. Slowly, I'm learning that I do not need to be perfect to be worthy of love, and it's helping me open up more to others - to share who I really am, not who I think I should be, and I'm excited to discover who I am on this journey.
This journey that I'm taking is about so much more than weight loss. I'm changing on the inside as well as on the outside. Not only is there an athlete hidden inside of me, but there is a happy person that wants to grab life and savor it that is struggling to get out. I finally feel like I have the courage to let go of some of the control, to risk not being good at something, so that I can experience all that life has to offer.
I just presented my big semester project, and I think it went well. So incredibly relieved to have that behind me. Also talked to the professor about the exam last week, and he looked through and saw that most people were confused on the same question that I was, so he gave us another chance to do that problem and turn it in tomorrow (after he explained what he was looking for), so now I understand what to do, and I'm feeling better about that exam.
Also, in my other class we are going to have a take home final, so I won't have to study as much before hand, and hopefully I can get it turned in sooner and start my break early!
And last, but definitely not least, the scale finally moved downwards. It had kind of been stuck for almost 2 weeks despite the fact that my eating was on point. But today, I woke up to a 3 lb loss! YAY!!!!! So I'm feeling like life is back on track, and I'm going to make it through the next week and a half, then another semester will be out of the way - and I will get a break to recharge my batteries.
Plus the sun is out today - time to go enjoy it!
I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day!!!
