I'm feeling like complete crap right now. I keep trying to follow some sort of healthy eating, and still no weight is coming off. I seriously do not know what it is! I've been writing down everything I eat, and still no success. I'm hoping that by the end of the week I will see some changes, and I'm trying to stay positive. I suppose it just sucks when you put all you have into something, and it backfires. I know this is the most awful time to try and lose weight, but I still need to. I'm still 198 and I have been stuck here for a year--I want to get to my goal in 2009!!! I really really do!!! Wish me luck!

 Ok--so I'm  about to do some stuff for school, but I just wanted to write down some stuff. I've been considering adopting a clean eating lifestyle. I need to fully commit to what I'm about to do. For the past year I've been bouncing between different weight loss methods, to no avail. I am discouraged because I feel like my body is betraying me. No matter what I do, nothing changes. I can eat perfectly for a week-two weeks, and nothing--not even a pound. Instead--I go up! I'm frustrated, need some help. I am disappointed with myself.

I'm about to read some books on how to develop a better body image--how I see myself. Maybe tomorrow I'll buy one. I need to become more positive with myself. I treat myself well if I lose weight, if I don't I'm a bitch to myself. I just put up my "Before" Pic, and I'm disgusted.

Gotta do homework...post again tomorrow--at some point.

 So!!! I haven't posted a blog in awhile (thanks Steph!) But I wanted to say that I have been working out everyday, and writing what I eat. I'm so happy--my back and legs are sore from all this working out--getting my abs tight, my legs smooth and my booty round and perky! I have a very specific goal in mind. I don't want to be skinny--I want to be muscular, but curvy. It's hard to explain. I'm running out of time right now, but I'll post tomorrow!

 Feeling crappy today. My belly is getting bigger and bigger...and I'm not pregnant so that's not good. I am having such a hard time making healthy choices. I really need to take the time to focus and begin a new regimin where I eat healthy and workout. That's what I need to do--more cardio, better food.