I feel so out of sorts today so this is going to be a very whiney post but I feel like I need to get these thoughts out of my system.
First of all, I slept very poorly. I managed to get to bed before midnight but then my sister called my around 12:30am. I suppose that is the downside of using my cell phone as my alarm clock. After our conversation, I had a hard time falling back asleep. I had been planning on waking up @ 6:30am but when my alarm went off I felt way too dead. I finally woke up around 10am b/c the kids were clamoring for breakfast. What a terrible mother I am, having them wait so late into the day.
And waking up late just messes up the whole day, all that time wasted, grrr. I had to take DD to the ped b/c she has some sort of UTI. So another kink ino my schedule. Then had to get her prescription. Went to Meijer b/c I figured I would pick up a few other things. While shopping DS starts being very whiny and irritable b/c he was hungry. Really I think he is old enough to practice some self-control and patience. He was so annoying.
i've been tracking my food with Spark People. It's a bit of an eyeopener to see how I eat waaaay too much and i eat too many unhealthy foods.
I feel so crunched for time. So much stuff I want to do and I just manage time so badly. Obviously waking up @ 10am doesn't help. I really need to get this place cleaned up. The messiness is depressing me.
I've noticed that I just feel tired and rundown a lot. Never feel like doing anything but reading or playing on the computer. This is not good.
I wish I could get my kids to play outside w/o me. It grates on my nerves to have to go outside when I have so much to do inside. Will i ever get stuff in order?
Recently I noticed I have quite the spare tire around my waistline. This is NOT good.
so I've decided I'm going to walk it off somehow. I'm going to do daily walks on the treadmill.
I want to start waking up early and going to bed earlier. I've been staying up til 2-3am and feel so dead the next day.
Hmm, I thought I had so much more to write about but now I am just a blank.
I need to start taking better care of my health. Need to
get more quality sleep
drink less soda
eat more veggies and fruits
eat less junk food
be more active
exercise more.
I feel tired and rundown a lot and it's no wonder really with the way I treat my body. I feed it sugary, fatty junk. I don't get enough sleep or exercise. I am aging myself at a rapid pace.
The spare tire is very worrisome. Belly fat is dangerous.
going to get out the ipod now and take a walk. I'm going to try to track my exercise and eating too.
Is pretty amazing. I've been watching So You Think You Can Dance, and wow, people can really do some great stuff. And also I read a success story in Experience Life magazine of a woman who lost something like 200 lbs and now runs marathons. It took her four years but wow.
I did exercise today, 30 minutes on the treadmill. I did a few minutes of jogging but mostly walked. Have decided that for now I'm going to focus more on increasing activity than changing my diet. I know that changes to my diet are necessary but I can only take things one at a time.
Lately I've realized that I'm not doing a good job taking care of my health. I've just been eating junk (and eating my kids junk), not doing any sort of consistent exercise.
And I'm feeling it. Feeling fat, soft, lethargic. I see photos of myself and honestly I am horrified. My face is so big and round. And I look so OLD.
So I think I'll try being more aware now. Start upping the physical activity. Eat less junk. Small changes and go from there. I toyed with the idea of trying Weight Watchers again but that just made me feel so tired. Just not up to that.
So much to do. Only so many hours in the day and I waste so much of them being online. I've got to limit the unnecessary surfing and concentrate on actually getting things done.
House is a mess. I wonder if I'll ever get it cleaned up.
I feel terrible, sluggish. I felt so much better eating the WW way. So why do I torture myself so? Why do I no longer want to do WW. It was great in the beginning. What changed?
My laptop is dying. It's the power jack. I'm so annoyed. I cannot live w/o a computer. So I want to get a new one before this one goes completely kaput. I've backed up most of my stuff, so that makes my feel a little better. I'm going to get a desktop. I can't deal with the short lifespan of a notebook when I don't really need the portability. This notebook is about 2.5 years old. I really don't have the $$ for a new computer right now so I know I should be looking at something modest. But woe I am attracted to techy things and have been looking at computers online with big hard drives, tv tuners, media center xp operating system.
Okay, let me think about what I really do want
at least 100GB hard drive
flat screen monitor
ethernet
sd card reader
dvd burner
speakers
I suppose processor speed should be a consideration but I have no clue about that stuff. I'm going to Costco tomorrow to see what they have. I wonder if buying a refurbished computer is a good or bad idea.
I debated about going back to WW this morning. I thought about giving it up altogether. but in the end I went and, no surprise, I gained 2.2 lbs. All my unchecked eating is catching up to me. So today I am getting back on track again.
I keep thinking about how the program does work when I stick to it. And how much better I feel by eathing healthy foods and by not overstuffing myself. And yet why did I let myself get off track? Plus my blood glucose readings have been creeping up. Not acceptable.
I know one problem is that I haven't prepared enough. I didn't have enough veggies on hand. And I had too much junk food easily accessible. Plus I think I was getting tired of what I was eating. I will try to eat a more varied diet and perhaps I won't get as bored.
This morning I bought a 5 week WW prepay plan so I committed myself to four more weeks. DH thought I was nuts but I just can't give up now. I haven't even hit my 10% goal yet.
I missed my usual WW mtg on Wednesday and instead went today. I thought for sure I would have gained b/c I had eaten so much and so poorly this past week. So I sort of cheated on my WI. I did my WI in the morning before I ate anything at all. So I think it's not really accurate. Plus the 2 pieces of tiramisu I had the night before hadn't had the chance to catch up with me yet. I think it is better psychologically for me to have the loss even if it's not quite an honest one. Gaining tends to kill my motivation.
I think I'm going to try to go to a meeting next Sat too. I like the leader better. His meeting is more like what I thought a WW meeting would be like. My Wed meeting is kind of dry and quiet. The Sat leader got me feeling good about WW again and I've been tracking points again.
My dilemma is when should I start my WW week? Should I start again today? Usually I start on Thursdays. I might was well change my week to start Saturdays as this is the first day I've tracked points in several days.
So according to my WI, I am at 162 even now. And wow, that sounds like a lot, which motivates me to stay on track. To think hat at one point I weighed 176.8! I've lost almost 15 pounds! The problem for me is that it doesn't seem like it. I don't think I look any different. My clothes fit better but I don't think I look any better. Just means I need to keep losing more weight.
I'm going to have to brace myself though for the possibility that at my next WI I might have a gain. I made some pretty poor choices that are bound to catch up to me.
Or maybe they won't. Maybe if I exercise regularly and stay OP, my days off the wagon won't register.
At the meeting this morning the leader said that we have to Work it in, Work it off, or Work it on. I thought that is so true. Meaning we have to make the food fit into our plan, or we have to exercise it off, or we end up gaining.
I just don't know if I want to continue with Weight Watchers. I'm feeling too restricted by it. Now I'm being stupid. It did WORK when I stuck to it. The problem is not WW. The problem is me. How do I get back on track?
I've noticed that I'm falling apart b/c I'm eating out more with friends. It's hard for me to stick to my plan in social settings. Tonight we had dinner with friends at their house. We brought tiramisu from Costco. Um, did I need to have 2 pieces of it? Nooo. But I did. Must move on.
I can feel myself resisting WW. Why oh why? Was it too restrictive for me? Is it too time consuming? Too depressing? Must remember that I did lose. I'm going to go to a meeting tomorrow. I was unable to make my usual Wed mtg. It's not going to be a pretty WI.
