fat fairies took another 4lb on Saturday, they are being so kind to me, so that's 15lb in 3 weeks, and I'm in no way gonna slow down because some people might think I'm losing it too fast.  I have been putting the leg work in quite literally, clocking at least 20 miles on the roads a week.  That doesn't include the gym work!!  I have been eating all my exerise calories aswell, which is between 3000 and 5000 a week, and I am thoroughly enjoying it! 

I felt shin splints today after a 7 mile walk, my old trainers have just had it, must get some new ones on Saturday at RunnersNeed where they analysise your gait on the treadmill.  Hubby said he would get them for me, yay!!!

Baby emily doesn't mind the long jaunts, she is asleep for most of it!! 

Someone said to me yesterday that my 'fat'will come off eventually as it is just baby fat, wel I jokingly said that it is actually foodfat.  After a while I came to the conclusion that it is actually mummy fat and if I just leave it to magically melt away I will be waiting a long time.  I walked another 7 miles yesterday bringing the weekly total to over 20 miles, The fat fairies also came overnight and took away 4lbs of fat, it was there when I went to bed!!  In the 2 weeks  I have been using weightlossresources.co.uk I have lost 11lb, so to say I'm floating on cloud nine at the moment could be true.  My new gym trousers were also delivered and they fit like a glove, in a size 18 so I feel like I am back in the real world clothes shopping wise, still got 2 bulging suitcases full of size 12's an 14's though so a long way to go, but when I start seeing results I start to really enjoy the challenge, and the attention and praise I get from other people suits the attention seeking part of my character.

I have been good this week so far if you can call trying to repair the damage from the weekend any good.  been going to the gym at o6 30 every morning, tracking calories and enjoying food, did a tescos shop to get in some low calore grub so I am prepared for some munchies, I shouldn't munch them all in one go though!

hat's what hubby said to me earlier this morning, pity about the rest of me though eh?  have been up since 04:30 this morning english time as the baby needed feeding, then I went to gym at 06:30 bck bt 07:45.  Have not been able to go upstairs and lay down yet as we are getting the windows upstairs replaced and there are workmen everywhere, roll on bedtime, hopefully I won't break the calorie bank!!!

It stated off going to the gym-fine-but an oldish man at the gym tried to make a joke that my baby wouldn't like the water  (he was going swimming)as he motioned with his head towards my expanded abdomen.  I just looked at him and wondered about him really, what made him say that.  I thought well at least he thinks I'm pregnant and not just fat, which I took as a compliment, ha ha ha ha.  

IIn the evening I felt even more down as my weight was brouht sharply into focus.  I went to the family planning clinic and they weighed me, I was shocked as I held my breath as the scales just about recored my weight, the highest number was 20 stone and the needle stopped short of the 19 stone mark.  Stupid stupid stupid scales.  they weighed me 1/2 a stone heavier than the home scales and I thought that if they weighed me when I was at my heaviest at 19 stone 13 lb it simple would not have been possible.  Off to the weighbridge. 

Hubby cooked some delicious food when we all got home and up until that point I had been good on the diet for an imminent weigh in, but I caved in and had some curry and rice and fried veg.  Don't get me wrong, I feel I am still in control of eating and losing weight as I am counting the calories, but it is just daunting as to how far I have got to go both scales wise and inner journey wise, how many times have I got to think about walking way from food, how many times have I got to throw myself into the gym routine with blind faith that it will work?

This week is also one of the worst times to start a diet as I am having my period and I am feeling fat and bloated, usually in the first week a biggish loss is expected but it has been slow to get started this time.  Yes I do weigh my self everday and that's not gonna change, at least I know I'm not putting any weight on.   

I'm feeling sluggish and didn't go to the gym this morning am just thinking of getting my trainers on and going for a walk along the greenway, about 5 mile round trip.  Should burn a few calories.  Feel like my period is due aswell, getting the cravings, back and belly cramps and (most importantly) moodiness aswell.  This is the first once after giving birth 8 weeks ago and due to get my implant tomorrow, hopefully the implant will balance out the cravings and moodswings.  Really hope so as I really don't like feeling guilty after eating too much  then worrying about doing more exercise or eating less the following day. 

today i walked about 7 miles, to ilford and back and to the school 4 times and back.  got some nice food from m&s aswell.  i regret letting myself get like this again but analysing it it was almost a concious decision to cover myself up with fat again.  the pregnancy was the cover that i needed while i stuffed on cheese sandwhiches etc, i hadn't handle life very well when i came out last time how the heck am i supposed to handle it though?  with my face in a vat of ice cream?