Tomorrow

How come tomorrow never gets here?  I hear myself every evening.  "OK, tomorrow I'm going to do this."  But tomorrow never gets here.  I'm a huge procrastinator.  I know what I need to do.  I know that I can do it.  Why does my brain convince me otherwise?  Does this mean I really don't want it?  I don't know at this point.  Will I be happier at 190 lbs?  Again, I don't know.  As I write this I can feel myself getting pissed off about it.  I wish I could shut my brain off and not think about anything for a minute.

I'm frustrated, but this too shall pass.  I just hope it's soon.

New Balance

As I put on my New Balance shoes this morning before I went walking, (for the first time in I can't remember when) I thought just about that.....balance. 

My wife (the incredible shrinking teacher) has been on an incredible weight loss journey for the last 3 months and she has done an amazing job.  I, however, started out great and fizzled out.  I have maintained somewhere around 225 which is better than the 241 I started out at, but not where I want to be.  I have enjoyed some great highs and suffered through plenty of lows during this period.

Thinking of them has made me realize something I already believed to be true, but with more conviction today.  You're never as good as your best day, but you're also never as bad as your worst.  I need to remember this in a major way.  Somewhere in the middle is where I need to be.  Not emotion-LESS, but on an even keel. (sp?)  It's not easy for me, but today seems different.

So, I'm going to work on it.  Balance, that is.  I'm going to try to keep things in perspective.  I'm going to try not to obssess.  I'm going to try to not get depressed, but also not overly excited about any one thing.  Maybe, with this in mind, I'll be back on track working toward the healthy body that I know I need and deserve.  Not just for me, but for my family as well.

I hope this finds you well and in good spirits.  If not, tomorrow is a new day and I know you can start it off with some balance.

Poor health and desire

For the last month I have done nothing to get myself into better shape.  I would like to be in better shape and, at times, I feel motivated to take the necessary steps to do that.  But then my desires kick in and I choose to eat whatever I want instead of what I should eat.  I kicked the Dr. Pepper habit for a month, but am back on it like I need it in an I.V.  So I say I want to be healthy, but my actions don't show it.  I know what to do but allow myself to give in anyway.

My doctor recently ordered some extra blood tests and an ultrasound of my abdomen because I had an elevated level of ALT (alanine-aminotransferase)  The norm level for most is between 10-35 and mine is at 59.  I have done some research and there are some who even say that 10-58 is average which would really put me at the high range of normal.  I do have some abdominal discomfort just under my ribcage on the right side which would indicate a possible inflamation of the liver. Most of the information I have read points to a "fatty liver".  There are things you can do to improve your situation in these cases.  Mainly, lose weight and avoid foods that increase the workload of and already overworked liver.  Simple, right?  You'd think so, but I still have amazing cravings for sugar (chocolate and Dr. Pepper...my favorite pastimes)

I'm writing this to get it off my chest and hopefully seeing it in writing will help it sink in.  I want to do the right thing, but I also don't want to feel like I will always have to do without the things that I enjoy.  Living a longer healthy life with my family is important to me and if I could ever get past the feeling of being deprived I know I could succeed.

So, the tough love, no nonsense approach would tell me to suck it up, quit whining and do what you need to.  But, the other guy in me tells him,  "This is bullshit........shut the hell up."  *sigh*,  Somebody get me a Dr. Pepper.

In the Minority

O.K., I'll get to my title topic in a minute.  But first, I'm back again.  Finally!  I have been maintaining my weight around 223-226 for the past few weeks and haven't tried losing any.  It's starting to affect me, though.  I'm starting to feel sluggish because I haven't been exercising.  So, Monday begins a new start.  I'll keep you posted.

 I'm starting to feel like a minority.  I'm not pretending to know what it feels like to be oppressed or discriminated against.  I'm not, nor have I been.  I'm just starting to know what it feels like to be the minority.  I'm not complaining, merely stating a fact.  I'm a white middle class man, so how could this be?  Well, I'll explain.

 My wife is a teacher.  My son just started Kindergarten.  In their school there are 3 male teachers.  (you guessed it, one of them is the PE teacher.)  I joined the PTA and went to a volunteer training session.  There was one other man there and he didn't look like he wanted to be.  He left early.  Now this really doesn't bother me, but I do feel as though some of these women are wondering what the hell I'm doing.  It's not normal for the Dad to be involved in the child education.

 But, education is important, and I want my son to know that.  In fact, I've been doing some type of formal training or another, including college work, for the last 20 years of my military career.  Now, I'm a full-time student.  Guess what?  It has been my experience in classes that women outnumber men about 2 to 1.  Clearly I'm the minority in my little world.  Again, I'm not complaining, just stating fact.

 So as I was thinking about all of this recently, my wife asked me if I had or was going to blog anytime soon.  Now this is just a guess, but I'll bet there's a 90% chance that if you're reading this, you're a woman. (my apologies to the one guy other than myself to read this;-)  So, does it really matter?  No, but I'm going golfing tomorrow just in case!

Back on track

I told you in my first blog I wouldn't stick to this writing thing.  But, after a short vacation here I am.  I'm down to my lowest weight since I don't know when and have lost a total of 18.6 pounds since the incredible shrinking teacher and I started this.  (Great news, she is also at her lowest!!)  I haven't obsessed about this during the past week, so I'm feeling good about that, too.  The one thing I need to do is get back into a workout routine.  I only exercised twice this past week, but I have kept my calories pretty much in check.  I realize that for me to continue losing weight I'll have to continue working out on a regular basis.  Other than that, things are good. 

ho-hum

I am pleased with the lifestyle changes my wife and I are making.  I don't feel like I'm depriving myself of anything, but I can't seem to shake this blah feeling.  I know it's because I'm bored, but that doesn't make me feel any better.  I just retired from the military after 20 years of service and have decided to go back to school.  So, I am on break until school begins in late August.  Not only am I bored, but I'm letting our change in eating habits affect what I do throughout the day.  I'll postpone something in order to eat sensible or at a certain time.  I'll be glad when it turns into something I don't have to think about all the time and just comes natural.  One of the things I'm trying to get away from is obssessing and I don't feel like I'm even close.  I weigh myself everyday.  I know I shouldn't, but it's almost an instinct when I get up in the morning.  My long walks (3 1/3 miles) have now become my short walks and I have increased my long walk to about 4 miles.  Sounds like I'm obssessing again there, too.  But, I do feel good when I'm done walking.  I cannot let this control me, but I can't go back to my old lifestyle either.  It seems my wife (the incredible shrinking teacher) and I are both "all-or-nothing" kind of people.  I can't speak for her, but somehow I've got to fix that.  That's it for today.

Golf at Phantom Horse

Short but sweet.....Played probably my best golf yet yesterday and shot a 102.  If we had played Traditions or Great Eagle I'm sure I would have been in the mid 90s.  The course was nice and the service was excellent.  Four and a half hours of golf also helped me drop 2 1/2 lbs in one day.  I think thats too much, so I'm probably not going to exercise today or I'm going to increase my calorie intake today, I'm not sure which.  That's it in a nut shell.  Later.

Exercise

I didn't walk yesterday because I developed a blister on my right heel.  I did swim laps in the pool, though, but didn't log it in as an activity.  Maybe if I swim laps longer I will.  My foot felt better today, so this evening I walked again, but only for 28 minutes.  I don't want to obssess, but I feel like I have to keep it up or lose motivation.  Tomorrow I'm going golfing at Phantom Horse Golf Course.  I've never played there before, but I hear it's really nice.  The last 2 rounds of golf I have played were a 99 and a 100.  Both on the Arizona Traditions course.  I feel good about that because those are my 2 best scores ever.  This new course looks tougher, but I'm going to try to stay under 110.  If I do that, I'll be happy.  I just have to read this log after I'm done to remember that's what I decided.   :-)  Anyway, I'm as surprised as you are that I'm blogging.  My second entry and I wasn't sure I'd ever make a second one.  If anything, it's good (&cheap) therapy.  Maybe I'll blog again tomorrow and share my golf score.  Honey, if you're reading this, I love you and think you're beautiful.  Bye for now.

Hello

O.K., I have to be honest, I doubt I'll keep a blog going on a regular basis.  So, don't hold your breath.  My wife, Lisa and I have changed our lifestyle and just finished week 2.  We limit our calories to 2000 calories or less.  Sometimes I even struggle to get to 2000, so that's a good thing.  I have been walking 5-6 days per week approximately 3 1/3 miles each day.  My goal was originally 5 days, but I feel good when I do it, so I have unofficially changed it to 6.  We started on June 8th, 2 days after my 38th birthday, and I weighed in at 241 even.  As of today, I have lost 11.4 pounds and 1% body fat (according to our scale).  So there it is in a nutshell.  I'll check back in with my progress next week.  Maybe.