Not cool.

Wow... saddness... not fun.

Work is way stressing me out.

The guy I really started to like decided to get back together with his ex-girlfriend.

I want to lose weight faster than I am but I can't.

Life just sucks right now. Just please let me keep losing weight.

ick.

So, last night... although I was EXTREMELY tired, I went downstairs and turned on one of the digital cable music channels, the dance/techno-y one, VERY loud and jogged on the treadmill for 20 minutes then danced my ass off for a while until my legs gave out. :D Was quite fun.

Now, hopefully I can make myself do that again tonight.

The exercise is doing good... I just need to eat right. boo. It's too hard.

gah.

So, I have been very active here lately! All my friends and I have been getting together and playing football. I am... yes I... have kicked some ass. I have been doing goooood! 3 touchdowns made by me the other night! woo! and I've earned the new nickname the "Clindozer" My last name is Clinard.. and when I am on the field I am like a bulldozer.. get it?! hahaha It has been wonderful!

And I lost 7 more pounds! Yay. My eating could be much better though, I must say....

Well.. I am slooooowly getting there. I watched Just Friends or whatever it is called. Funny movie... where he's really fat in highschool and loves this girl but they are "just friends" Then he moves away and loses a lot of weight and is uber hot. I want that to be meeee. I want to lose a shit ton of weight and look hotdamn sexy. Then go out and find everyone I loved in highschool hahaha. Oh man. Well.. I must go. I think I might run on my aunts tredmill tonight. WOO for Exercise!

Horrible.

Wow. I really have done horrible. I can feel it. I've been putting off updating this because I just can't get into the hang of anythings. Except drinking water. I have done great on that. Haven't had a soft drink in so long.. don't even want one! But I know that this takes more than that.

I've stayed pretty busy here lately.. the last 2 nights I have went out with friends and made myself be very active. We played football last night, I scored a touchdown, which made me feel awesome. But then I come home late at night.. not being able to sleep until I wind myself down, so I get on the internet. Then I eat :( I need to make a set time that I DO NOT eat after.

ahhh.. I just want to lose this belly weight... I can keep my fat thighs and arms.. I just want a flat stomachhhh.  I need to find a way to kick my own ass and get in gear. I bought this cute pair of shorts the other day.. they don't quite fit.. but I did that on purpose.. so I have a goal to slim down to fit in them. Well.. goodluck to me.. I will need all of it that I can get.

OH MY GOSH.

I did it. I weighed myself.. and I don't know if the scale is broken or what.. because I am now at 278. That's 12lbs lost.. I was not expecting that at all.. I feel gooood. haha

one week later..

So.. it's been one week since I started this thing. That first week was hard.. I couldn't get into a good routine. Except for only drink water.. which I am proud of. :D I need to pick it up though.. get in gear.

I went on a.. I don't know.. I guess you could call it a date last night. We really went out as friends, though I really do like this guy. We drove all around went in some stores, tried on insanely gawdy sunglass and went to a coffee shop. Sitting outside at the coffee shop though I got the feeling he was checking out other girls.. which totally suuucks. I have had this feeling before.. and wish for one time someone would have their eyes on me. blah. So, I am going to remember this date throughout this whole thing, and whether is kills me or not, sooner or later this guy is going to have his eyes on me!

Well, I haven't weighed myself yet.. I need to, but I am scared to.. so I think I will go work up some courage. I just need to get this huge stomach off. and the thighs.. and tone the arms. if I get that done I will be perfectly happy.

Thank you!

First off, thank you to everyone showing their support. You all are amazing and I hope you have terrific results in what you are doing.

Now, to tell you a little about myself. I have always been bigger than most of the people my age. My moms big, my aunts are big, my grandma's big.. I come from a big family.. the only thing is, is as far as I know they were skinny once. Which makes me worry.. I've always been large.. is it even possible to be small? or average? I wouldn't know how to act!! Most of my weight is in my stomach. Yes, the horrible "apple" shape. I would much rather be "pear" But yes, it's in my stomach, the worst place to have a lot of weight usually! and I have rather large breast and no butt at all... I wouldn't say my hips are slim or my legs are slim.. no no no. But my BUTT is FLAT. Which makes my body look even more odd.

I've contemplated maybe using some kind of diet pills to help me along the way.. haha I am just afraid that I am going to be toooo weak. Trim spa maybe! It worked for Anna Nicole, along with all the many lipos and lifts and tucks probably, which I cannot afford. I don't want to have rapid weight loss though! Because I am afraid of saggy skin!!!! I DO NOT WANT SAGGY SKIN.

Anyway.. I already know my first step is cutting out sodas. Sticking with water and fruit juices like apple and orange juice. I've done it before and did really well, but then thought.. hmm.. one soda won't hurt, and it all went to hell after that. Also, my best friend Rosalyn, who is too skinny for her own good, goes to the Y everyday with her mother, she has some passes. I might go with her and get my own membership sometime. Maybe she can encourge me even though I know I can never/will never be THAT tiny. haha But it's like my own personal beautiful skinny girl picture that you hang on your fridge to remind you of what you are trying to do everytime you open the door. Except for mine walks around and works out on the tredmill next to me.

Well, I am out of here to eat a healthy lunch and try to walk around a bunch, it's nice outside.

Goodluck everyone!!!

Weight Loss

Ah.. the wonderful subject of weight loss. It sucks, really does. Because I can't seem to do it. I just can't stick with a diet. I need support, someone behind me on this, but I don't and I keep failing which sucks even more. Sooo.. My this blog can be my support.

I will do this. I need to do this. I need to be happy. We'll see what happens.