More About Me

When I originally posted a few years back, I did not write much about myself, so I will take the time to introduce myself now (particularly since I "friended" some Floridians, teachers, etc.).

I am 27 years old, and I have been employed at the same school as a fourth grade teacher for six years. Obviously looking at my age and seeing how many years I have been at my school, this is the only school I have been employed, and I am content. Without a doubt, also, I have watched my current students grow up since they were in kindergarten. Prior to that, I graduated from Flagler College in St. Augustine in April 2004 with a... very high GPA. :) 3.8, or something close to it. I've always been an overachiever, but that's a positive attribute!

Since I was a kid, particularly around age ten, I have had low confidence, and sometimes it gets the better of me. Particularly since the new year, I have been determined to become a stronger person who takes more risks. Since January, I joined a good church (I struggled in finding one since "coming home" in 2004), rode three roller coasters at Busch Gardens (which I have not done in quite some time, for some reason), improved my friendships with some people, and am now determined to become a healthier person. By the standards of many people, I am not overweight, yet I have encountered some health issues and need to remain at a decent weight.

In childhood, I was always an average weight... unless I count the second half of third grade where I seemed overweight by just looking at pictures. (I then went through a growth spurt, thank goodness.) I think I went through my most difficult weight period in adolescence in eighth and ninth grade where I had gained 20  pounds in one school year. I was tormented quite often, and it was far from easy. However, when I lost weight in tenth grade, it was not in the best of ways, and even though I looked great by eleventh grade, I had not eaten as much as I could have. Luckily I never went as far as some have gone. In college, though, I gained some weight, and I gained even more after entering teaching.

Needless to say, I love my job, but I am learning that I have to take care of myself as well. I have worked really hard this year, though, harder than ever because of stringent standardized testing and being the grades 3-5 teacher advisor at Scholastic (http://blogs.scholastic.com/classroom_solutions).

This is where you can find me (mostly teaching-related):

• http://teachingvision.org
• http://msjasztalsfourthgrade.shutterfly.com/
• I am also on Facebook; let me know if you are on there, also. My e-mail is: ilovetoteach4@hotmail.com

Challenging...

I know the last time I posted was last January, but so much has happened since then. A lot of personal things for the good, yet I am back at the weight where I began three years ago (or basically, at 162). That calls me to start on a whole new journey, considering health issues.

For the first two days, I have worked out for 20 and 16 minutes, respectfully, with today's workout being a cardio workout with some kickboxing. Yesterday's exercising regimen was Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds. Both workouts challenged me in different ways, and it energized me to an extent.

My target weight is about the same as before: between 130-140 pounds. I feel I can definitely achieve the target weight by the end of 2010 if I work really hard, and I also feel I can lose at least 10-15 pounds by the end of the school year (2 months and 1 week from now). There is this part of me who feels ashamed, yet it's understandable why I have gained weight: a lot of pressure in my career. Being a teacher is not as easy as one believes, particularly with SB6 being passed in Florida to the national courts. I am a diligent, hard-working woman (and the grades 3-5 teacher advisor at Scholastic.com), but I do not feel like I am doing enough for myself, that I am focusing so much more on being "successful" in the workplace. Part of me is devastated that I gained every pound I lost three years ago, but I oddly feel 50 times more determined now than I did at that time. Back then, I lost 26 pounds in two months, and I worked to eternity to achieve my goal, but I would be content now if it took longer and I found ways to keep it off.

I am going to begin visiting a personal trainer every two weeks; I believe his name is Ruben, and he specializes in helping people with health issues. It has been a goal of mine to learn how to use exercise equipment and feel energized about working out in general. I really want to be better at jogging and perhaps participate in a marathon in the next year. My ambitions in 2010 have been greater than in any other year, so I know I will achieve everything and more if I just think positively.

It's been since 2006...

All Right...

I am at 151 and am doing pretty well. I think I am getting back on track. I haven't had many changes, yet I will be able to get back to the treadmill again.

Teaching is going pretty well... just the second half of the year can be very difficult, and especially after spring break, but my students are still meeting expectations. They are very excited about the upcoming field trip!

But overall, I am beginning to get a higher opinion of myself again. :)

Conference

Attending a teaching conference does not do much for your weight journey at all! One night, I ate a lobster feast, and the next night, I ate from the buffet at Sizzler. We all need food, and I was starving both times, but it probably wasn't the best choice I have made. I still weigh around the same weight, though; I haven't lost any more yet.

Spoiled by Strawberries!

My neighbor just brought over six containers of strawberries from the Strawberry Festival in Plant City, Florida tonight! They are absolutely delicious! Who has had strawberries from Plant City before?

Oh, and by the way, who has stopped by a Fresh Market before? They have several healthy options. Just stopping there encourages me to eat better. :)

Training...?

My aunt has been in town for the last half a week, and she is teaching me a lot about jogging. She is encouraging my father to get in a mile of walking a day at the park- I have joined them twice so far. For some reason, I am getting more and more energetic, though it hasn't been long since I have begun looking at life more positively.

I even told a student I want to participate in Relay For Life this year if there is still time or next year if it's too late to register now. I don't believe I have ever felt encouraged to do anything like that before... but now I am seeing a better future for myself.

A lot on my mind

I ate a little more than I should have today. I had two strawberry desserts, some chicken, a salad, and a Mama Celeste pizza. Though that's not the worst amount of food to eat in one day, the chicken was fried and the pizza wasn't the best choice, either. The salad was delicious... and the strawberries were very healthy, but the cream and small circular pound cake pieces were not. I can admit, though, when you have had a passing in your family, your weight and health goals may not be the first thing on your mind.

Attending the fourth funeral in my life was very difficult- the first was when I was five in 1987 for my great-grandfather, the second time was in 1998 for my (step) great-grandmother, the third time was for my Uncle Ted in 2003, the fourth time was for my close friend Keith in 2004, and the most recent was today. My grandmother passed of femural cancer, and it was difficult because I was the last one to see her face before the casket was closed. I stood there like a curious eight-year old, wide-eyed, and probably frightened enough because I had never attended a viewing and seen anyone close a casket, in that matter.

So food... wasn't my first thought. However, next week I have a week off from teaching. Besides attending to my home, going to St. Augustine to see students from internship two years ago, and supporting my family in general, perhaps I will be able to get the physical activity and healthy meals in that I need.

I thank all my new friends for supporting me here as well. I don't have too many people to really support me when it comes down to my health, so it's good to have the encouragement from here.

Strawberries!

I feel this incessant craving to open the refrigerator and grab the strawberries, whipped cream, and shells from the grocery store to make a second delicious dessert! But I am thinking... one was enough, Victoria, and you don't need to be stuffing your face!

THEN I think... one strawberry, just one strawberry, because they are nutritious, yet I know it'll turn to two and then to ten.

I am taking bereavement from work these next few days, and I'll have to occupy my mind. I keep wanting to eat, but I... can't eat these foods  that get me in the long run. Especially WHIPPED CREAM and SHELLS.

On top of that, teachers always have delicious foods available to them. It seems like the food is more readily available once you decide to follow a healthier way of eating.

Has anyone ever opened the refrigerator and closed it many times before? Or are you tired of seeing everyone at work eating around you, knowing they are as stressed as you are? Then your co-workers proclaim, "Oh, you NEED to de-stress. Why don'tcha just get a brownie? One brownie can't hurt you." Then with a sheepish grin, you take the brownie and feel like you weigh two tons afterwards.

My mind is just spinning right now.

My Testimony

Before I really talk about my struggles with food and exercise in recent years, I wanted to post my testimony. It's also at http://www.thegreateststory.net, my domain. Posting this will help you understand who I am, maybe a little bit more.

The Journey I Have Taken

I encountered many difficult trials growing up. Testing my faith and my character, these trials I had to face molded me into the person I am today. Without these trials, I would probably not be a fraction of the person I am.

In elementary school, I was ridiculed quite a bit, and that worsened as I moved on through the junior high years. In kindergarten, teachers tried to diagnose me for special education because I would rarely sit still and I would rarely follow directions. I was the only student in my kindergarten class who could read, yet I was disruptive and a difficult student to have in class. The first kindergarten teacher I had did not have much patience, and she felt because of the difficulties I faced in non-academic development, I could possibly be held back a year. However, I went on to first grade. Despite what my first kindergarten teacher felt about me, I succeeded in first grade and had a teacher who accepted me despite my delicate condition. Her support helped me to become a diligent learner, yet it was very difficult for me to make friends because people judged me by the fact I rocked back and forth. The constant movement was something I could not stop, and it had a stigma on me for many years of my life. I walked around very self-conscious, timid, and probably angered that I could not be "like the other students". Third to fifth grade was particularly difficult because I moved to a new school and most of my third grade class didn't think I had any feelings. I talked differently, I walked differently, and I stood differently. I may have been as "smart as a whip" according to my parents and teachers, but people pushed me around because I was a very easy target.

In middle school, I spent most of my time trying to find myself and fit in. Sixth grade was a year I would like to forget for the most part. I remember trying to wear chokers and different clothing to try to blend in better, yet nothing I tried really worked. My parents were also incredibly strict on how I dressed because they did not want me to fall into the pressures of that very impressionable time. I did not really make any life-long friends until the end of middle school, when I began to open up and look past my insecurities. That year, I was very involved in school; I was Beta Club vice-president, a member of the Future Homemakers of America, and a member of the Brain Bowl Academic Team. I made straight A's almost the entire year. When I went on to state and national competition for Future Homemakers of America, my confidence shot up... yet I still did not feel I had ALL THAT SIGNIFICANT place in this world. That year, I gained a significant amount of weight- twenty-five pounds, to be exact. As for my spiritual strengths, I really didn't have any; I walked around telling others I didn't believe in God. My parents made me attend church and go to Catechism classes, despite the fact everything the Church tried to teach me went in one ear and out the other.

In high school, I got into even more and literally bit off more than I could chew. In freshman year, I joined Student Council, French Club, and Thespians (drama). I also joined the musical and got into a much older crowd. Though I still wasn't the most popular by high school standards, I definitely was more popular than I had been before. I was still self-conscious because of my body; I was not svelte by any means. That year, I also encountered a situation where I really liked someone and he really liked me back, yet by the end of the year he would not come near me because he found out I was a practicing Catholic. After going through my dealings with him and with other people in general, I recall in sophomore year when a friend began telling me I was overweight and I began believing every word she said. The incredible nightmare of my sophomore year of high school was losing all the weight I had gained- and more. Yet when I had gotten down to a weight I thought was more "acceptable", the friend still told me I was overweight, and I had a really life-changing fight with her. I told her I did not want to develop an eating disorder, though I came incredibly close because I rarely ate or took care of myself in the few months I was forcing the weight off. In junior year of high school, I thought I found acceptance when a "popular" guy asked me to the Prom during a Woodrow Wilson movie in American History, yet I realized I did not have full acceptance when he wanted to dance with many others at the prom. I had this incredible new look going on in comparison to freshman year of high school and before that, yet it did not provide me the love and acceptance I pined for. When I got even more into my looks in senior year of high school, I got more popular than I had ever been, yet I look back now at who I was in that time and realize I did not have all that strong of a faith in God. I was secretary of the Student Council, a section leader in the All-Women's Choir, secretary of the Spanish Club, and a member of National Honors Society, Beta Club, Spanish Honors Society, and Thespians, yet... was I really thriving? I had a key role in organizing the Homecoming Week and was involved in the senior skit for Homecoming Week... yet did I really have the confidence I needed to get by? I had above a 4.0 GPA twice that year, a 4.3 to be exact, yet I was not really a person who ever prayed, or sought out a higher power, because I had found power in the social circle of high school. People still narrowed their eyes at me, people still pointed at me every once a while, and people still asked themselves, "Well, how did she get elected to a Student Council office?".

I think my entire life changed for the better when I was accepted into my first choice college, Flagler College in St. Augustine, Florida. I was accepted as a student in November 1999, as a second-semester freshman in the English Education department. Knowing I would be moving four hours away, far from everything I had ever known, I resolved that I was going to change even more. Yet everything stopped when I attended the Franciscan Youth Conference for Catholic young adults in Covington, Georgia in July 2000. I felt Christ's presence and apologized to Him for avoiding Him for several years of my life. I then made the decision to attend Mass regularly, pray as often as I had the opportunity, and make friends who would affirm my faith.

The first few months of college were a challenge. My roommates caused me a lot of grief, and I also caused them a lot of grief. After one roommate moved out, things changed for the better, and I became a little bit closer with the one roommate. Yet I was involved in an organization that was greatly pressuring, a group of people who did not know anything about the Catholic faith and wanted me to convert out of it. They tried all they could in their power to change my heart, yet my heart was growing and I refused. I was also a member of Catholic College Fellowship, which was an affirming group of people. There I met my first best friend Allyson (out of two best friends I met in college), yet we did not strengthen in friendship really until February 2001 on the Catholic Student Union retreat and April 2001 on the group's camping trip. I was so grateful to have found someone who shared my values and my experiences.

In sophomore year of college, I began a relationship with a young man I met at the Franciscan Youth Conference the year before. Our relationship would last a little less than a year and a half. In that year, I also met Heather, my second of my two best friends I met in college, yet our friendship really did not strengthen until that coming fall when she was a sophomore and I was a junior.

At the end of my junior year and right before my senior year, the over-a-year relationship ended with my boyfriend and I became even closer with my best friends. I think the year in which I grew the most was my senior year because I was taking classes that challenged my thoughts and I became involved in a Theatre class that really challenged my character. When I became involved in a situation that challenged my moral way of thinking, I realized how strong in Christ I really was. When I was assigned to a second grade classroom for my internship in November 2003, I realized my life was to change even more because I had never worked with second graders before. I also had rarely worked at the school I was assigned to, yet God told me I was meant to be there anyway.

The last semester of college was a really beautiful time in my life. I appreciated every student that I had the opportunity to teach. I was flourishing because my insecurities by then were way behind me. When my boyfriend had broken up with me, I became a much more affirming, appreciative person than I ever had been. I became a GREAT FRIEND. All the work I had to complete for internship challenged my creative talents. That time in my life was very rewarding, and I became much closer with my parents. When I graduated from college on April 24, 2004, I knew the challenges I faced in my life were well worth it.

I almost did not want to leave St. Augustine. The four years in St. Augustine had changed me so much that I was afraid to see what my hometown had become. When I came back to interview for a teaching position, I was pessimistic on whether I would be hired. Yet when I interviewed with my current school, I felt a strong presence of angels around me and God telling me in a really clear voice, "You have found your calling. THIS is where I want you to stay. THIS is where your hopes and dreams will be fulfilled. THIS is where you will change lives, yet more than any other life, yours will be the one that will change." I was hired on the same day, accepting a position as a fourth grade teacher.

There are not any words I can use to describe how much I love my students. They are my life-changers, my miracles, my legacy. They are the faces that I will remember when I retire from my profession. They are the stories that make me think back to when I was young and I was pining for acceptance. Because I had a difficult time growing up, I never cease to tell them that they can go anywhere they want, can do anything, and can impact as many lives as they desire.

Without Christ, I would be nothing. He has driven me to reach farther beyond than I could ever have imagined. I know I have been through a lot in my life, yet as I said, without those difficulties I faced, I know I would not have discovered the strengths I had.