Holding strong....

 At my current weight.  Even though last weekend was two graduations and Mother's Day... and if you know southern families, you know we love to eat bad food on special occasions.

Life's looking up at the moment.  I started a new part time job, I have a place to live next year that's not the run-down apartments I'm in right now, and everything seems to be going smoothly in an odd way.

I think God is letting me breath a little after the horrendous year... and letting me experience things that I haven't in a long time.

I really don't think I have anything else for you... I wish I could put words of wisdom up here, but let's face it... I'm in my 20s so I'm not wise by any means.

Grace and Love ,

Paula

You begin to wonder

Had you just not eaten certain things this week... would you have lost weight?

I know I'm stress, which is why I had a .6 lb. gain (I know, not even a pound... but at the last 5-10, EVERY pound matters).

But I thought through my week again.  I was pretty good, but I don't know. *Shrugs*  And another week BEGINS!

LIFETIME!!!!

 I MADE IT! Woohoo! @ 157 lbs. and hopefully still going.   I only have 5 more lbs. til I reach my personal goal... but I'm still going to keep up my meetings.

That's what's gotten me through so far.  It's the only place where EVERYTHING is positive.  There is no negativity in that room.  It makes the outside world a little brighter for me when I walk in there because I know no one will bring me down.

It's been a journey... The new journey is to refocus who I am mentally and try to get comfortable with my "new" skin.  I'm slowly, but surely going to do this.

And thanks to everyone who's left me a comment.  I look forward to them  every week just to let you know.

That's all for now.

Grace and Love ,

Paula

14 Days and Counting...

 If I can hold under 160 for two more weeks... WW is free.  That's really all I want right now.  I want to stop paying money.  LOL

I had to miss the meeting today  because I have a final presentation due on Monday for one of my classes, papers to grade, a lecture to prepare, and another paper to start... Yay for the end of the semester! *shakes head no*

Other than that, life is going pretty smoothly.  I have a month to prepare myself to move out of my apartment and then remove in August.

I'm slowly, but surely working on this whole self-esteem issue I've had since I've started losing weight... the whole "I still see myself as the 252 lb. girl when I look in the mirror" deal.  It's a little frustrating because I want to see the "thin" me, but I don't think that's possible yet.  I have my moments to where I think I feel awesome and then other days to where I don't feel good about my body at all.  I guess that comes with the territory.

But I think that's what WW wants you to do.   After you hit goal, then you start working on the whole psychological factor of it and you don't have to worry about paying for a weight loss program.

I feel awesome right now mainly because I seriously thought I was going to gain this week because I missed weigh in last week for a wedding (which I OVERATE... but I monitored myself for the rest of the week like a freakin' hawk....)  And now there's the whole water weight issue again. BOO for being a woman.  LOL There's a man in my meetings that's dropped 45 lbs. in 3-4 months... and he even blatantly said "I know it's a lot easier for men to lose weight..." I think he was just trying to get on the estrogen's good side in the room. 

I think that's all my ramblings for now... I have to get started on this presentation soon and some translation for a German class.

So with that in mind... everyone keep going, don't give up and DEFINITELY don't lose hope.

Grace and love ,

Paula

Water weight and emotions...

 So I didn't add my weight last Saturday because I didn't really get online.

But because of water weight (guess why BOO) I had gained two pounds.  it sent my emotions into a frenzy because I had hit goal the week before and all I could think was "I CAN'T do this to myself anymore... I CAN'T gain this back."

I know what you're thinking... "2 lbs... pssshhh I'm trying to lose 50 lbs."  But when you've reached past what you wanted initially, you start to beat yourself up over little things.... My starting weight on this thing is 170 lbs... but what people don't realize is that I used to be 252 lbs. in high school... I've been on yo yo diets for I don't know how long and it started to depress me that I was getting nowhere.

Then I did the 3 hour diet (Jorge Cruze)... and my metabolism went through the roof!  What I realized is that the restrictions he gives you IS the core plan for weight watchers... you just eat it every three hours to trick your body.  It worked...  After the first 15 lbs or so was gone from walking everywhere on campus my freshman year of college... I lost another 50 just by doing this three hour ordeal.

Then WW happened... I started with my pal Lauren.  We just wanted to lose more weight (because at that time, I had went from around 180 lbs back up to 195 lbs and I did NOT want to be over 200 lbs. again).  My sister had lost a LOT of weight doing this on her own (but that's not the good way, her weight teeters too much for me... I need reinforcement, that's why I <3  my meetings).  So I ended up hitting the 160s when I started on WW in NC (they're WW International)... then I moved to TN and the entire state is Franchise owned... I loved my etools too much and decided to give doing it on my own a try... yeah, I gained weight and ended back up at 175 lbs.

Then I decided, franchise or not.... I need WW.  And lo-and-behold... I've lost the 10 lbs. I gained last semester and then some. :-D  I just hit the 150s... Woot woot 159.6!  I haven't seen this weight SERIOUSLY since like first grade.

I know this is like my entire weight loss story for the past 6 years... but still.  It helps to just let it out sometimes.

So future plans for weight loss:

I want to feel good about myself ALWAYS *I still look in the mirror and see the 252 lb girl from high school... I'm working on this....*

I want to feel physically okay.  This one's not as difficult to conquer, I already feel fantastic physically compared to how I usually felt.

I want to lose 100 lbs. before my 10 year high school reunion.  I have 7.6 lbs to go to accomplish this and I have 4 years to do it.  I think this is feasible... it's just doing it and KEEPING IT OFF.

I want to see what putting on single digit sized pants feels like... that's never happened to me...  though I think I would be completely fine with my body if I stayed a size 10.  I think for someone 5'7" that's reasonable.

Lastly, I want to keep doing this for myself so I live longer and experience life to the fullest.

I think that's all I have for now.  I'm pretty drained. LOL

Grace and love ,

Paula

GOAL!!!!

 So I OFFICIALLY hit goal today!   Now to hold it for six weeks and I'm set.  WOOHOO!  My Spring Break just got AWESOME!

Grace and Love,

Paula

90 POUNDS!

 So today, I hit the 90 lb. mark on my weight loss since high school.  (I know it's been almost six years since I graduated high school, but that's always been my reference point).

I was so ecstatic today.  :-D  I weighed in and looked down at what she wrote and saw 161.0 and just went "PRAISE JESUS."  I am now officially one pound away from goal... then I have to keep that for six weeks and I get to go to WW for free!

I'm so excited, and not just because of the weight loss.  I feel GREAT nowadays.

I had a friend tell me "I liked the way you looked better when you were 20 lbs. heavier... but you know what? I feel good, and that's what counts.  It doesn't matter what I look like.  I'm not constantly depressed anymore, and I have WAY more confidence in myself.  That's what really matters.  Even though I love that friend dearly, I could care less what other people thought of me.  The main reason for that is because when I started losing weight FOR REAL, I wanted it to be FOR ME and not for someone else.  It's amazing how rewarding it feels when you do overcome an obstacle.

Okay, so that's enough of my ramblings for now.

Grace and Love ,

Paula

Meetings.. :-(

 I haven't been able to stay for my meeting in the past three weeks.  I go and weigh/pay and then I have to leave because I've felt grotey for I don't know how long now.

But I did lose this week, which is nice... but I still don't feel well. :-(

Ah well... I guess that's it.

Grace and Love ,

Paula

Sick this week...

 But I still managed to exercise....

Went for a 3 mile walk last Saturday to clear my head and I felt good afterwards, but I ended up catching something on Sunday.  I did exercise once this week other than the walk to try to force the nastiness out of my body.  I feel a lot better and I'm not as stressed out as I was last week.

I'm trying to destress more this semester.  After last semester and the 10 lb. weight gain... I think I'm doing okay.  I just have to get back on the ball.  I will HAVE to exercise tonight.  I'm probably going to do some kind of aerobics (I <3 Richard Simmons... I know it's cheesy, but I like oldies music).  :-P

Other than that, I'm working on a paper and realizing how AMAZING strawberries and blackberries are. (No points WOOT WOOT! AND I get in a serving of fruits and veggies!)

Grace and love ,

Paula

Gain... :-(

 1 part stress *had a paper due this week* 1 part bad eating *blah, let's not even get into that..* 1 part not journaling my food *I'm an idiot* = 3 lb. weight gain.

The fact that I think I'm catching the flu doesn't help.

No one ever said it was going to be easy... time to try again.  As I sit here eating 0 points worth of strawberries.

Grace and love ,

Paula