My wake-up call...

Everyone has a wake -up call. In fact, most people have many. The problem is realizing that you are having one and taking advantage of the opportunities. Actually I think we get a bunch of mini wake-up calls, things warning us of impending doom if changes aren’t made. Then when we don’t heed those warnings a major wake-up call will occur, drastically changing someone’s life forever.

Well my wake up call came in June of this year, on my birthday. That’s when I found out my biological father passed away. I was doing some research for my mom in the social security death index; when for some unknown reason, I decided to type his name in. What a shock that was for me. I had just spoken to him the year before, which actually made me feel worse. I had kept telling him that I would try to come visit him soon.

I felt terrible, I wish I could have at least visited him once in my adult life or at least my daughters could have met him. I just couldn’t though; I had so much anger and resentment towards him but most of all I couldn’t get over my embarrassment of being so overweight. I just couldn’t let my dad or his family, see me this way. They had all only known me as this really skinny child. I had been like that until I turned 17, then things changed.

I actually wouldn’t have thought this would be a major wake-call for me, because I just didn’t know him that well. The next day though something just clicked in my head and I thought, “Damn, this could be me in a few years.” 

I don’t know what the real cause of his death was; I never really got contacted by his family. I know they are mad at me for not visiting him. I believe though, what contributed to his death was the fact that he had diabetes and heart problems. As far as I understand he had been overweight for a long time, they even had to amputate both of his big toes because of the diabetes.

My aunt had told me that he lost a lot of weight, to help fight his diabetes, but I guess it wasn’t enough. He was only 61, way too young to die by today’s standards.

I think what scared me the most was that I was already starting to get the symptoms of diabetes. Besides the normal back aches and pains, I had other problems. Between February and March of this year, I had gained 25 lbs. I had ballooned to a total of almost 300 lbs. I just couldn’t believe it, but I was in denial. Until of course the symptoms started happening.

I was tired and cranky all the time. In April I started having lots of female problems, and my asthma had gotten worse. It was so bad that in May I developed pneumonia. I started feeling like I always had to go to the bathroom, I was hungry all the time, I was itching a lot too. Although I was having all of these issues I did have one bit of blessing, but it came in the disguise of a curse.

My HMO decided that we poor folks weren’t paying enough for the doctor’s in our city and that in order to keep our regular doctors; we would just have to pay through the nose. I couldn’t afford this with three children, so after switching three times, I finally found one (of course, she was located in another city!).

This doctor was wonderful she listened to all my problems and fears and decided right then and there that I needed help. I was speechless, this was the first time that I had actually had a doctor do something about my weight. Now don’t get me wrong my previous doctor was wonderful. He was really a great doctor, in the ten years that I saw him, he knew how to fix almost all of my physical ailments, except of course my weight.

Every time I brought up the subject he would suggest the newest weight loss craze. One year he told me to do the Atkins Diet. I felt so sick after the first two weeks, but I pushed forward. After a month though, I gave up and gained the weight I lost plus more back. Then the next year he told me to try Weight Watchers. This was good for a little while because my co-workers did it with me, but after a few months we all gave up and of course all the weight I lost plus more came back.

I think the biggest thing is though, if a person is not ready to make a commitment, then nothing will really work for them in the long run. I believe this is what really changed within me. I thought about his death and how in a few short years that could be me.  Once you cross a certain point, sometimes there is just no way to come back. What would happen to my daughters? How could I be so selfish, only thinking of myself and my desires for food?

So this really kind and wonderful new doctor knew that I needed help and although she said that she didn’t like prescribing these types of medicine, she felt I needed a push in the right direction. She prescribed me two months worth of Phentermine.

At first, I was fearful, that this medicine would get my hopes up and then do nothing for me or that I would become addicted to it (everyone said so), even the side effects sounded bad. In the end, I gave it try and the first whole weekend was bliss. I never once felt a hunger pang; I didn’t even have my normal thoughts of food. My eternal obsession with what was I going to eat for the next meal.

It was the greatest weekend ever, but by Monday I guess it lost some of its effectiveness. I started having the hunger pangs again. The good thing though, was that they were so mild, I barely noticed them. I was able to get myself on a regular schedule that I followed religiously. I had even started exercising the week before.

My co-workers and I would go to the gym at lunch and spend an hour there. This kept me very motivated! I thank them so much from the bottom of my heart for not stopping and going even when they didn’t feel like it.

Even when I had to change the times that I went to the gym because my daughters went back to school, I didn’t stop. My friends can’t make it in the morning (they do try to go with me in the evening), but it doesn’t bother me. I don’t have those fears anymore that people are looking at me and talking bad about me. I just don’t care. Maybe it’s because of my mp3 player, it virtually blocks out the world and I love it. 

So, now I go in the morning after I drop them off at school and then again in the evening after work. I just have to get in, at very least 60 minutes a day. It doesn’t seem like much, but I am reaping the benefits. It has only been a little over two months and I have lost 35 lbs. I’m ecstatic and oh so positive!!! Life is great!!!

The best part was that right before 4th of July, I had bought blue jeans to go down to visit family for the holiday and I didn’t notice till I got home and tried them on that they were a size two small. I mean I tried really hard, but could not get the zipper to zip in anyway, there had to have been at least a two inch gap. Imagine my surprise when I tried them on a week and half ago and I had absolutely no problems pulling them on or zipping them up. It was the greatest feeling ever.

I’m just so proud of myself, for finally making a change. People keep telling me that I am looking good and asking what diet am I doing. I tell them I’m not dieting…I just made a lifestyle change. Dieting in my opinion never ever works. It has been the best two months; I honestly feel that Phentermine is a god-send.  The only bad thing is that my medicine ended last week, I just wonder how this next month will go, but I'm still thinking positively.

Wow, I didn’t imagine that my first real blog would have been so long, guess I had a lot to say. I really enjoyed this experience it was nice to get it all out…even if no one ever reads it. I think I will have a lot more to say…so stay tuned.