No More Weighting Around

It's time to stop making excuses and start kicking butt!

My Profile

  • Name: Stardust
  • City: Trenton
  • Region: New Jersey
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 175.3cm
Start weight: 295.00lb
Current weight: 230.00lb
Goal weight: 180.00lb
Lost to date: 65.00lb
Remaining: 50.00lb

My Calendar

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May '12
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My Photos

Before After
Really Simple Syndication
12/17/2010 22:00

New Beginnings

Well, folks, it's official! I'm coming out of my self-imposed EP avoidance to announce that E & I are expecting a baby.

Yeah, I know. No one is more surprised than we are.We found out 2 days before Thanksgiving, but waited until we had our first OB appointment December 1 & saw family for the holidays to start spreading the news.

This has put so much into context: the insomnia, having the munchies, random weight gains (from bloating) and losses (from starting to burn extra calories due to the pregnancy).

Our due date is July 8, which means that any day now, the scale will start it's gradual upward trend for the next 6 months or so. For a woman of my size, the doc recommends a weight gain of 11-20lbs. I'm trying to stick to that goal. Gaining too much or too little could have negative health consequences for The Kid.

We're shocked. As in still are shocked. After all, for the past 15+ years, I've been told I likely won't be able to get preggo without drugs that will make my body ovulate. And we were on the Pill. But, hey, that saying "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" might have a literal significance here. When this little life happened, we were planning my grandfather's funeral, considering booking a cruise and talking about what kind of wedding we wanted. I can now blame my preggo-addled brain for suggesting that we just elope. (E's response "You're hurting my soul by your lack of romanticism here.")

So, going back to those plans, mine are needing some serious renovating. It was a good thing that my winter/holiday training plan was as simple as it was. I didn't have energy for much more. But in the spring/summer, I planned to train for a few 5ks and another Sprint Triathlon. That won't be happening. Instead, I'm practicing the "listening to my body" thing and balancing it with "listening to my brain" and following good health guidelines, because the urge to park my ever-expanding ass on the couch is all too tempting sometimes.

I'm no longer running (preggo fatigue and achilles tendinitis kept me out of running shoes, but I am walking, ellipticalling and spinning. I'm also really emphasizing strength-training and stretching. If my belly is going to pop out, I'd at least like to attempt to distract people with Michelle Obama arms.

I'm excited, but we're also so freakin' nervous. Dude! We're having a baby!


Posted By: Stardust Add Comment | Comments (6) Top
10/19/2010 17:00

End of an era...

Sunday I found out my grandfather passed away. He was very ill and has been either in the ICU, a regular hospital unit or the nursing home for more than a month now, fighting acute COPD, so as painful as this it, it was for the best.
 
The nursing home has 5 cats which are mostly solitary creatures hiding in quiet corners in the lobby or napping on pews in the chapel, but they are known for visiting those who are about to pass. A friendly feline version of the Grim Reaper I suppose. Most of these cats visited my grandfather's room within 24 hours of his death. My mom shooed one away saying "Go away! We're not ready for you yet!" My aunt sat with one on her lap for more than an hour Sunday. Another one slept the afternoon away in the courtyard under a tree next to my grandfather's window.
 
A few hours later, he was surrounded by family drinking (yes, the nursing home let them bring in booze! Friday night they had pizza & wine night!) and joking and telling stories and playing cards. He turned to look at my grandmother and just stopped breathing.
 
We are all just plodding along now. The wake is Thursday, funeral Friday. I love that his legacy (importance of family) is living on: I think my cousins, siblings and I are getting together for pizza and beers after the wake Thursday.
 
I have been asked to do the eulogy. My mind is both blank and overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings and memories. Hopefully, I'll wrangle this all together my Friday and give him the eulogy he deserves and one that will comfort my family.
 
This is a preliminary tribute to him:
 
With this, I think also comes my last post on EP. I'm sure I'll still pop in every now and then to check on my friends, but I've been enjoying the honesty and openness of my other blog: http://downsized76.wordpress.com/
 
So, if you want to pop in and say hi, please stop by.
 
-tina/Stardust

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10/05/2010 22:43

no dice on the new job

Oh well... it wasn't meant to be.
 
I didn't get the job (internal position/promotion) I applied for here. Neither did my colleague. They went with an external candidate and it sounds like the fact that she's working on her PhD (we're not) factored into the decision.
 
Bollocks! I'd love to continue my education and get a PhD, but I'm still paying off more than $30,000 in loans from my Master's degree. And I've already paid off more than $15,000 in loans ($10,000 from my undergrad and $5,000-7,000 for my masters).

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10/04/2010 17:59

It feels goo-oood!

Well, tonight's dinner plan (Crock Pot beef stew) was hijacked when my brand new 5 month old Honda started spewing coolant on the passenger side floor, so E and I have decided to go to the dealer together (in case I need to leave my car overnight--but fortunately they're open until 9pm) tonight and go to dinner at the Outback. I've appropriately planned my day and my Outback meal so that I can possibly even get a miniBlizzard at DQ or at least a dipped child-size cone. Win!
 
For the record, the Outback has a 6oz steak special. I'm getting that, steamed green beans and steamed veggies--no butter or seasoning on any of it--for a grand total of 315 calories! A mini-blizzard is another 320 calories, I think, or a dipped cone would be 220.
 
The rest of today's eats:
  • Breakfast: Fiber One English Muffin with 1/2 TBS Smart Balance, 1 egg (over easy) and coffee w/2TBS organic half and half.
  • Lunch: a delicious spinach salad w/2 walnuts (chopped), 1 TBS Trader Joe's balsamic dressing, 1/4 c. roasted mushrooms, 1/2 c. roasted butternut squash and 1/2 oz of goat cheese (crumbled). On the side is 2 cups of a cauliflower/parsley soup puree and an apple, picked fresh this weekend.
I had planned a morning snack of a small apple and 1 TBS of peanut butter, but I was in meetings and didn't have time to eat it. 150 calories saved! Won't need an evening snack since we'll be able to have dinner around 5:30ish.
 
Workout wise, it's a rest day.
 
Yesterday was a truly decadent and relaxing rest day. I woke up early to get to the morning spin class (a full hour), but then I came home, showered, got back in my PJs and lounged on the couch reading, catching up on Top Chef with E and just chit-chatting with him before he left for work. It was so needed. Due to the stress, I think I sometimes MAKE my schedule busy because it feels good to be productive, but lately I've felt less productive. I've struggled to remain focused, I haven't been reading as much as I'd like and my recipes that I tried out (in an attempt to stay busy) flopped because I was overtired and inattentive.
 
I decided to break that habit yesterday. I will be doing the same next week (I have a 4-day weekend the 14th-17th).
 
It feels good!
 

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10/03/2010 01:21

Week in review

The week was a more manageable roller coaster through the end:

1. fresh baked cookies--seriously, RIGHT out of the oven--threw me for a loop on Friday. I've decided to allow myself ONE cookie on Fridays from now on. If they're fresh out of the oven. It will save me from eating one daily Monday through Thursday and two on Friday.

2. I dislike running while I'm running but I love how I feel when it's over. I slept in today and skipped my planned run in the morning because I had other commitments, but when they were all over and when E left for work, I left for the gym. Ran 1.5 miles. Walked another .5 mile. Then hit up the supermarket so I can be lazy tomorrow (well, except for that 9:30am spin class).

3. I'm down a half a pound. Proof that I don't need to follow my diet perfectly, but as long as I'm mostly committed to it, I'll do fine.

This week's menu:

Sunday: healthy nachos (FF refried beans, extra lean ground beef, guac, FF Greek yogurt instead of sour cream, LF cheese, tomatoes, scallions, baked chips)
 
Monday: most likely a trip to the Outback because its near the place where I need to get my car serviced (a 2010 car and it's leaking coolant on the floor of the front passenger side).

Tuesday: shrimp noodle bowl

Wednesday: out to dinner with a candidate interviewing for one of our positions. E will have leftover shrimp noodle bowl.

Thursday: beef stew

Friday: I will be out to dinner with another candidate. E will have leftover beef stew.

Saturday: wedding

Sunday: cauliflower soup and spinach salad with roasted butternut squash, sunflower seeds, craisins and balsamic dressing (maybe some goat cheese too)

If I can't get my car serviced Monday, we may just move up cauliflower soup to that day.

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09/29/2010 14:03

Mission & Commitment

There’s something that I noticed about my grandfather this weekend: he works with purpose. He clearly feels like crap and is tired and weak. Always a quiet man, his voice is a fraction of what it was. He has lost his taste for food and lost his passion for playing cards–a family tradition that’s been around since long before I was even born.

But he still does it. He eats with a mission: to get the strength it will provide him. He plays cards with a mission: to keep his mind sharp. Does he want to do it? No. In fact, we asked him several times throughout the weekend if he wanted to play cards with us and he turned us down repeatedly. When my aunt noted that reading the paper and playing cards will keep his mind sharp, he seemed to ponder that for a bit before suggesting we play cards after his therapy appointment Saturday.

He played with purpose. We played Skip-Bo and he was more focused than any of us. If there was a Skip-Bo (wild) card on top of the pile, he always remembered what number it was replacing and could play off it without a hitch. I always needed to peek at the card under it to remind myself what it was.

As I’ve struggled to stick to plan in all of this craziness and worry, I’ve been reminding myself of this mission and commitment. It would be easy to be indulgent. For my grandfather, that means allowing the sickness and weakness to win, to not fight against it. For me, that means fighting the urge to consume mass quantities of coffee, committing to avoid desserts at lunch in the dining hall, forcing myself to perk up enough to get my scheduled run in and avoiding the mindless tendency to comfort eat.

Lunch right now is my biggest battle. Monday’s entailed a pastry, yesterday’s involved a chocolate cookie… I’m contemplating packing a lunch since my ability to avoid the stuff that isn’t good for me isn’t working right now. Today I’m going to eat on my own and bring my Chi Running book so that my focus is on the book and my eyes and hands aren’t wandering over to the dessert station.

The good news: I’m logging. Yesterday, I was at 1410 calories. 110 calories over my calorie goal. Sugar and carbs were too high. (BTW, that Cooking Light pork and apples recipe was delicious–I substituted center cut pork chops for the loin since that was what was on sale.)

So, what I’m missing is my mission to be healthy and fit. Time to keep my eye on the prize.

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09/27/2010 17:50

Roller Coaster

My grandfather was moved to a nursing home on Thursday for rehab. It was a miracle and the entire family was elated (although a little nervous about the care he'd get in this nursing home). The weekend prior, in the hospital, the doc had the nurses move my gpa to a private room and set aside a family room for relatives to stay or nap in overnight. He did this because when he did his rounds and saw my grandfather's condition on Friday, he didn't think he'd still be alive when he came back through on Monday. He was. And he got stronger.
 
So by Thursday he was ready for the nursing home. There were some medication mix-ups (not the right breathing treatment--the one they gave him made him anxious--and no sleeping pill prescription and no order for PT as expected) but it was all worked out by Saturday. Saturday, he had his first therapy appointment. It was just my sister and I (and later my dad) watching him as he practiced first flexing his ankles, then outstretching his legs, kicking his legs to the side in a standing leg lift and then finally walking. His O2 level dropped to the 70s (very bad) so they had him sit, focus on breathing through his nose and within 2 minutes he was back in the 90s (very good for him). It all seemed to be going well.
 
I actually started thinking that he would be out of the nursing home before the 20 days that they said he'd be there and I definitely started thinking he had several more months before we started worrying that his passing was near.
 
Saturday afternoon, my grandfather's roommate had a lady visitor who came over in a wheelchair, escorted by one of the CNAs (nursing assistants). My aunts and my grandma were there with us, playing cards, trying not to giggle when we realized the roommate was having sex! Good for him, although it would have been nice if he remembered to shut his curtain all the way.
 
Later, my aunt and I went to her car to get a fan because the room was warm. As we walked back, my grandmother was out in the hall, visibly upset, crying and motioning to us to hurry up.
 
My grandfather appeared to have what looked like a stroke. At first it seemed like a Bell's Palsy attack, but something wasn't right, so he was transported to the ER. This was just before 6pm. They took chest X-rays (because he's still struggling to recovered from pneumonia) and a CAT scan to see what the problem was. They thought it was one of three things:
Bell's Palsy attack
a mini stroke that's caused from lack of oxygen to the brain
the cancer spread to his brain
 
It wasn't either of those. Instead, it was a "significant" brain bleed likely caused from a fall sometime between late July and the last week. He's fallen a couple times, and although he's never hit his head, the jarring motion is enough to cause the brain to bleed in the elderly.
 
Don't call him elderly though. He says "I'm only 82!"
 
He has about an inch of blood pooled in the front right quadrant of his brain. Because the brain shrinks in the elderly, this is less significant than it would be in someone who is in their 30s, but it's still serious.
 
The hospital consulted with the neurologist on call in Hartford and by 10/11pm, he was on his way via ambulance to Hartford Hospital. They evaluated him in THEIR ER and didn't get him to a room until 5am (why they couldn't just do a direct admit is beyond me!).
 
In the meantime, I brought my grandmother home and we sipped a black russian as she cried and told me how much she loved him and how they met. She gave me a mini lecture/pep talk on relationships and how Evan is perfect for me and how the whole family loves him and there's nothing they want more than to see us happy together. Around midnight, we went to bed--with me in the spare room where I slept on overnight visits as a child--but I could tell she wasn't sleeping well without him there. In the ER, in his sleep, he reached out and grabbed her hand. 59 years of marriage and they are still madly and deeply in love with each other.  
 
 
Even my mom was in tears when she talked about how heartbreaking this is for my grandmother. (These aren't even her parents--they're my dad's.)
 
Yesterday as I was driving home snarfing down donuts, we learned his options were to have surgery to drain the blood and relieve the pressure or just let it be. He decided to leave it be. The consequences of surgery would just lessen his quality of life and since his symptoms of the bleed are relatively minor. Besides, he's dying. It's time to get him strong enough to go home which is where he wants to live his final days. He wants to sleep his last few weeks/months at my grandmother's side. He wants to be comfortable.
 
He is dying a long, hard, painful death and I don't like it. Not one bit.

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09/27/2010 14:34

Finally! A Loss!

Welcome to our regularly scheduled Sunday Monday post! First, some business: I've been out of town, a little unexpectedly, for a 4 day weekend visiting family in Connecticut. As a result, I wasn't home for my regularly scheduled weigh-in day so that has been rescheduled for this morning.

I'm thrilled to have logged a full 1 pound loss. Especially since I've spent the past 4 days on the road, in a nursing home or in the hospital, including a "let's send Dominoes to the ER waiting room since we're starving, and it's almost 8pm." (For the record, they DO deliver, but it wasn't within 30 minutes and it didn't come with the plates and cups they promised.) More on my grandfather and his health later this week... it's still very much a watching and waiting game, but there were some significant new developments this week. I am overwhelmed and still trying to wrap my head around them.

Training: Training is going well--of course, I expected it to with such a gradual start. I'm settling into my schedule and working it around other commitments fairly easily. For example, I made sure I left work on time so I could sneak in a run before bringing the cat to the vet Monday. And although I didn't wake up early enough to run before getting on the road Thursday, I did commit to doing it at 8pm after a day of travel, visiting my grandfather in the nursing home and a late dinner with my mom. I did skip my run this weekend, because my calves were still screaming after running in toning shoes and changing my form a bit Thursday, but I feel about 90% back to normal for today's run. Thank you all for the running advice last week. I'm still reading the comments and working on integrating some of them (outdoor runs! foam rollers) into my training plan.

How my body feels: TIRED! I'm not sure if it's the training, some stress in my life right now or what, but I actually tried to take a nap Thursday--that's how tired I've been. I am NOT a napper. After this weekend's craziness, I may give myself today to have an extra rest day and run tomorrow instead.

As a result, I STRUGGLED to do my meal planning when I got home yesterday. I just didn't want to do it or think about it. Fortunately, I got the new issue of Cooking Light in the mail this week and I DID feel like laying on the couch flipping through a magazine. Before I knew it, dinners were planned and the grocery list was done. It seriously took all of 15 minutes after reading that source of inspiration.

Diet: This has been a ridiculous struggle. Some of it is the fatigue. Some of it is just me not getting my head in the game. Fortunately, Thursday's and Friday's diet (despite a stop mid-drive to McD's for a small hamburger and small fries for lunch Thursday) was much more on target. Unfortunately, Saturday and Sunday's stress resulted in the consumption of 3 slices of pizza, 2 donuts and a bagel with cream cheese all within 24 hours.

Now... on to the future!

This week's training plan is very similar to last weeks, only with my mileage increasing a bit. Monday & Tuesday's plans are interchangeable, depending on how tired I feel by the end of the workday today (if this morning is any indicator, today will be a rest day):

  • Monday: Rest
  • Tuesday: 1.5 mile run & strength
  • Wednesday: 45 minute spin class & abs
  • Thursday: 1.5 mile run
  • Friday: stretch & strength (maybe 45 min spin class)
  • Saturday: 1.5 mile run & strength
  • Sunday: 45-60 minute spin class

Dinners this week:

Weekly Goals:

  • meet the same ole nutritional goals (1200-1300 calories, 50% of calories from carbs, 25% from fat, 25% from protein, 5 produce servings, 2 dairy servings, 25g fiber, sodium under 2200mg, 8 glasses of water)
  • Log food. Daily! No excuses! (I didn't do this ONCE last week)
  • Lost 1-2 pounds
  • Follow the training plan
  • Minimum 7.5 hours of sleep
  • Read daily

Posted By: Stardust Add Comment | Comments (1) Top
09/23/2010 03:15

Total inspiration--you MUST watch this

Now that I'm done wiping the red hot ugly tears from my cheeks, I share with you one of the best videos I've seen in awhile. THIS is what YouTube was made for (Well... this and hilarious Kelly videos).



I'm gonna go back to blowing my nose now...

Posted By: Stardust Add Comment | Comments (5) Top
09/21/2010 13:52

My chubby cat

Last night, E and I had an appointment to bring my our (I have to share her with him now!) 9 year old cat, Prunella, to the vet for a check-up. It had been far too long since her last wellness check and she's gotten significantly pudgier in the past year (and less active), so it was definitely time.

My cat was a drama queen--caterwauling and hissing practically at the sound of the vet's voice. Both the vet and the vet tech were wonderful--even doing part of the exam in silence so Pru would be less freaked. I should have warned them that she considers belly touching an invitation for war. They couldn't do bloodwork because she was so feisty and, as the vet said "someone could get hurt." 

For a pretty placid cat, she's quite aggressive sassy when she needs to be.

Sadly, I can no longer use the "you're not fat, you're fluffy" description of my cat. She's a whopping 14.6lbs and should be between the 12-13lb range. I'm not overfeeding her. It's just that typical cat food (I use a mix of ScienceDiet light and mature cat formulas) is too high in carbs. So now my cat is on Catkins.

We're weight loss buddies!

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