starting my life

I am 28 and I literally have nothing of my own I live in a trailer that is not mine, I drive a car that is not mine, I don't have a job to get anything.  I have hit my highest weight ever in my life.  One of my best friends came to visit me and we had always weighted almost the same.  She had started losing weight and now weighed 20lbs less than me.  I just remember standing on the scale in shock.  I have avoided mirrors buying clothes looking at myself at all.  I don't see myself when i do look in the mirror its just an empty shell.  I look in my eyes and see such a sad person.  I have been the big girl for most of my life.  I have had friends all around me that have lost weight.  I was so angry when they did it and i would not.  I can lose the weight i know i have the knowledge and tools to do so but I do not.  I have made the first step and have dropped 5lbs in doing so.  I still have some things in eating that I need to change like smaller meals more often.  I need to start working out because once I do I really enjoy it.  This is the first step and this is the time to change my life.