A week in..

..and I've lost 3lbs :) I'm so impatient though. I just want to be 9 stone NOW! And it's so frustrating because three weeks ago I was 10 stone 5 and now. after three weeks of bingeing. I'm back up to 10 stone 11! Oh well.. I'd like to say 'lesson learned' but you know, I'm not entirely sure it is! I've been up and down within the 10s for ages and ages now. I really need to try to push on through to the 9s..

Exercise has been plentiful this week which has really helped with my mental state. I really do think that, for me, exercise is the best medicine :) I've also stuck to my points (weight watchers) so all in all things are looking pretty good. And actually, I'm feeling pretty good. What a difference a week makes eh? :)

Am just off to a spin class so that should set me up for a good Sunday!!

Trying hard to get out of the over-eating cycle :(

So it's been days, if not weeks, since I cooked a proper meal or ate anything other than comfort food. I don't know what to do. Every night I go to bed thinking that tomorrow will be better. It never happens.

I'm always too full in the morning to face any exercise. So I say to myself that I'll go later. By the time later comes I'm feeling to blue about my inability to do this, and I eat again. A lot.

I'm so sad. I just want to stop. I'm booked onto a Body Pump class tomorrow and it's so important that I go to this. I know if I have a good, energetic, healthy day I will be able to have another one. And another one. It's just getting that first day under my belt.

So I guess that in order to get to my Body Pump class at 7 o'clock tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to make sure that I go to bed NOT full. Then I'll wake up hungry, go to Body Pump and come back home for a nice healthy breakfast. That's the dream. Come on, it can't be that hard to fulfil SURELY!!!!

Things to do today then.. Clean and tidy the flat, do all the washing, get all the chores done. Tomorrow I have a quite day so tomorrow is for me to kick myself into a happy place. My life is so happy at the moment. All that's left to do is to lose this 2 stone!!!

I'm off for a big glass of water :)

x x

Starting again..

Well, here I am again. I literally have lost and gained the same one or two stone so many times. I'm so fed up of it. In the past I blamed life. Things were tough so I ate. But everything's different now. I'm so happy it's ridiculous. I have a lovely boyfriend.. a lovely home.. a lovely job.. I go on lovely holidays and I lovely friends and family. So why do I still wallow in this fat mess of self pity and sadness?

I'm a Weight Watcher and proud of it. It's a great plan and has worked perfectly for me - when I stick to it!! Unfortunately I'm a terrible emotional eater. Happy, sad, tired, lonely.. whatever the emotion, I find a reason to eat. Which is why the Points plan works so well for me. You can eat what you like but you have an allowance of points. Consequently you are unable, really, to over-eat. In theory!!

My downfalls in the past have been.. succumbing to my binges and therefore surviving on zero point foods for the rest of the day. I find it impossible to get out of a binge once it's happened. The next day I feel so guilty and full of hate. I feel full so I don't have breakfast. Then suddenly I'll feel starving (and it really is 'suddenly'! I'll have woken up full but then half way through the morning get an overwhelming feeling of emptiness..). So I eat. And if I choose the 'wrong' thing then I carry on eating. And eating. Until I'm bingeing again and I'm stuck once again in the cycle.

So. What I need to do is this.

Eat regularly - don't allow myself to get too hungry.

Eat moderately - don't allow myself to get too ful.

Drink lots of water - I'm terrible at this. I just don't get thirsty!!

Eat a balanced diet - don't survive on zero point stuff in a bid to accommodate the bingeing.

Exercise daily! I'm totally fine with exericse. I'm in the fitness business! I'm telling you, if I didn't have an eating disorder I'd have a body to be envied! Unfortunately this is not the case!!!

Look after my skin - I have very dry skin due to lack of water.. and very spot skin (around my chin..) due to hormones!! I have herbal remedies to take so I MUST take them! I'm rubbish at taking them! I either forget or I'm too lazy :(

Um.. I think that's about it for the moment! I will be doing some high intensity training in the morning, followed by a good breakfast. I feel really motivated to bash this problem on the head! I'm 30 for goodness sake! I wasted my 20s being sad and miserable about my weight.. Don't let me waste my 30s as well!!!!

x x