I had a very weird WW weekend… I think the theory that doing a little overeating once in awhile helps that metabolism… b/c I definitely had a day or two (ok maybe three) where I went over points.. not HUGELY… but probably by about 5 each day… and I weighed myself today and I had lost 3 lbs. now that is not official weigh in by any means, four more days… but I wanted to see what kind of damage I had done… and it seems that if I keep the metabolism up.. I will lose on this very tough week! That would be awesome (now I know its possible the weight hasn’t set in yet, or I was down water not weight… all sorts of excuses for why my weight was down… but I am going to deny all those and work hard until Thursday to keep that number what it was!)
My company is moving into a new building two weeks from today and using an entirely new inventory system, so we are all stressed out and overworked. I don’t mind being busy all day, but I do mind the bull**** that goes with it! Oh well.. I have promised myself that I will have a good day today and I wont be tired, worn down, or negative. Happiness is entirely a self decided thing.
My sister leaves for her study abroad semester in and I think I might eat my life away that weekend… I am NOT ready to say goodbye to her for 4 months… shes my baby sister, not someone old enough to travel to by herself. L Oh well.. I guess that is part of growing up huh? Well growing up sucks! (she leaves labor day weekend)
Oh I found a cool treat… 1 point per serving… the broccoli/cheese frozen side dishes by Green Giant. You literally throw the bag in a pan, melt it all together until its tender and then eat yoru face out! 1 point per serving, you would probably need two to be full…. Add that to a breast of chicken baked… and you have a great dinner that is only 6-7 points! I might have eaten that like 3 times last week! J for those who live alone, it’s a great meal to make too much off and fridge for the next night of NON cooking!
I have been tired lately... when I was sick for the past few years it made sense to be tired, but i have been told that all my symptoms are gone now.. so why do i remain tired! i also have lost my "drinkie drinkie" goodness... i dont enjoy being drunk or chugging drinks with people for hours. i feel like a failure to all 23 yr olds for this... like since i just graduated college i should be loving bars, drinking, drunkeness, all that jazz... but its expensive, tons of calories, and wears me out for that night and the next morning... it doesnt seem worth it.
oh well... going back to work and having a good day doing it! i must! i really must!
I love teaching... love it. BUT the career change and possibility of hating it and not being able to get back into my old career scares me... im not even sure I want to do what I am doing forever.... i dont know what I want at all!!! I just love teaching, have a bachelors and can go places with that... and am a little bereft where I currently am.
My boss asked me if I really wanted to move yesterday... and I was like, well yes. He said that if someone asked him if they could offer me a spot should he say yes... i was like.. well yes. and then he looks at me and goes, "we really need you... really bad" and I totally appreciate the sentiment but he has me doing something I dont want to do, has not given me a timeline when that will end, and takes advantage of that all the time. I know I know... I need to sit back and realize that in the real world you haev to do something you dont like for a little bit to get something you do like. well... i dont want to!! ::tantrum::
anyways.. i had this green giant broc and cheese meal las tnight that comes frozen and is just heated in a pot and then eaten... 6 servings to a bag... and each serving is 1 point! holy cow!!! with the chicken that came out so good, it was a great filling meal that kept me below points when i was sure I would blow them after the toll house ice cream sandwich i ate 1/2 off and felt bad about for hours!
softball games tonight.. and then trying to get some sleep and circulate some air in the apartment of mine! heat wave in the city, with no trees and tons of cement... makes nights really really hot!
Weighed in today and was down another 2.8 pounds and that feels sooooo great!
I didnt exercise yesterday beyond normal activities and I was staying within points easily until I had the BLEU CHEESE INCIDENT! -- I was having a large salad with good low point ingridients and my fallback is my obsession with blue cheese dressing and my unwillingness to try anything else. Usually its not a problem as i just use a much smaller amount and all the poitns are in the dressings, but last night was a major lesson learner. I turn the packet around from Ken's dressing from the store salad bar and realize it has 23g of fat.... WTF?!?!!?!
Not only that but i was already halfway through the second packet when i found this out.... BREAKS MY HEART!
But... i got on the scale this morning, saw the fantastic loss and ran with it! it sure helps the spirits when you see double digit loss and a loss on a week you werent sure would come... woot!
I am up and down right now.... in good spirits but worn out, have energy for a bike ride but mentally exhausted, good spirits about work, but feel limited socially....
I did get a call from my boss today that said we are getting a big order from a customer I followed up on... so I feel really good about that!!
I need more friends! I have this very busy life... usually. I work 10 hours every day, mandatory 7-5 AT LEAST, and then i come home mentally exhausted and need to do some exercise.. thats another hour at least. at that point its 630 and i go to bed around 930 in order to stay sane for the next day at work. how do you have solid relationships socially if you have no time, are constantly fighting to keep up, and need to fit in a good dinner, exercise time, and whatever personal errands have to be taken care of b/c i work all day! How do you meet people!?
Well I play softball, but the way to socialize is going to bars afterwards... but bars means points and no sleep! so i play, but dont maintain consisntent friendships... i have alot of iffy friends and a limited number of GOOD friends... and I have boyfriend. this battle never goes away... i think ill just have kids to meet "play time" buddies! lol KIDDING! for now anyways!
this weekend brings another bike trip through the park and I think we are biking to the inner harbor too-- i love biking to places that we are stoked about.. it makes the ride seem shorter and the destination worth all the effort!!
GOOD NEWS PEOPLE.... GOOD NEWS.... I AM TOOOOOO SKINNY FOR GASTRIC BYPASS!!
NOW BEFORE EVERYONE FREAKS... I WASNT REALISTICALLY CONSIDERING IT BUT I HAVE RESEARCHED IT AS AN OVERWEIGHT PERSON, WHO HASNT! COME TO FIND OUT PEOPLE COMMONLY HAVE SKIN FOLDS, MULTIPLE TUCKS AND NIPS SURGERIES AND HAVE AHISTORY OF LOSING HAIR AND BECOMING ILL FROM NOT HAVING ENOUGH NUTRIENTS IN THEIR DIET.
IF YOU CAN DO IT AND DO IT RIGHT... THEN YOU WILL LOSE THAT WEIGHT... USUALLY ABOUT AS FAST AS SOMEONE FOLLOWING A DIET... 100 LBS IN A YEAR. I HOPE I CAN STAY ON PLAN AND LOSE THE WEIGHT WITHOUT HELP, BUT ITS REALLY NICE TO KNOW THAT I AM BELOW THE SUGGESTED WEIGHT RANGE AND BMI INDEX TO HAVE IT DONE... THATS A PLUS RIGHT?
A HAD A COWORKER - SITS NEXT TO ME IN A SMALL ROOM THAT FITS 4 PEOPLE AND A DOOR! ANYWAYS... SHE HAD A FRIEND SHE SAW ALL WEEKEND WHILE SHE WAS HANGING OUT WITH HER HUBBY'S BAND THAT WENT HOME AND HUNG HIMSELF SUNDAY NIGHT. IT WAS HORRIBLE TO HEAR AS SHE SITS THERE AND SOBS RECOUNTING HOW HIS GIRLFRIEND'S 12 YR OLD SON FOUND HIM HANGING WITH A BASS STRING THAT QUITE POSSIBLY DE-CAPITATED HIM OR WAS CLOSE TO DOING IT.... I KNOW ITS NOT KOSHER TO GET ANGRY AT SOMEONE WHO IS DEAD.. BUT IA M ANGRY!
DID THAT MAN THINK ABOUT THE HAVOC HE HAS LEFT BEHIND? HIS GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HIM SATURDAY NIGHT AND HER SON FOUND HIM SUNDAY NIGHT... HE RUINED A FAMILY IN ONE WEEKEND. SHE WILL BLAME HERSELF FOREVER, AND THAT LITTLE BOY WILL TAKE YEARS TO GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF HIS HEAD. NOT TO MENTION EVERY BAND PLAYER WHO BLAMES HIMSELF FOR NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS UP, AND EVERY EVENT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO PLAY IN BE IN MOURNING FOR SUCH A HUGE LOSS. IS SUICIDE EVER THE ANSWER?!?!? EVER!!! I WISH HE COULD GO BACK AND REALIZE WHAT A HUGE IMPACT HE HAD ON THOSE AROUND HIM AND THAT IS WAS NEVER BAD ENOUGH TO HURT THOSE YOU LOVE AS BAD AS HE HAS.
OK.... I COULDNT SAY THAT OUT LOUD, SO I SAID IT ON THE BLOG OF LIFE!
GOING TO EAT A CHIPWICH NOW... MAKES DINNER A LITTLE THIN... BUT IM STOKED ABOUT IT ANYWAYS!
i dont have much to write about today b/c i wrote alot yesterday... but i am having an iffy day emotionally so i wanted to get some writing in. im doing great, just having a tough slow day and need a pick-me-up!
im tired, probably from the biking i did yesterday... an hour! woot!! i get 14 points for every hour i bike because i ride mostly uphill and pump my legs constantly and i love seeing that high number! i also am not eating those points so i have alot alot of exercise points unused! woot! woot!
i watched hells kitchen last night for two hours in bed and my eyes are rotted out of my head.... they ache from computer, tv, computer, tv... save me!!
i am eating chili now, and have been trying to keep the metabolism up and working all day... staying within points and then taking it easy tonight in the 110 degree heat index!
so.... today was a day where i just had to filter out all my feelings and throw them up on the blog to be rid of them! lol. i think it keeps my co-workers happy, at least i hope they have noticed the difference!
i have a funny story... my lover boy got off work at 430 and came over with the mission to install the kickstand and fill his bike tires so we could ride after work. well when i pulled on the street he was filling those tires like a semi-pro and only needed a little help! so cute! the best part though... we get done and we come back inside and he tells me that he couldnt find a wrench so he pulled out ONE coin of EVERY size and attempted to see which one would work for all the screws he had to loosen. lo and behold right there on my counter is a line up of coins... one has some knicks in it... guess what the screw was DIME size! lol. (why he needed a wrench and not a screwdriver... good question!)
i am pretty worn out from the day... spent all day being mentally worn down from work and watching my eyes wither away as i have been starting at a TV, book, or computer for about 70 hours straight. i think my eyes are permanently sore from all the bulls**t i have to look at! lol. then i came home and biked for an hour with the lover, and it was an awesome workout! AWESOME! we biked for an hour and stopped halfway through at an italian ice stand that just quenched that sweaty thirst (graphic i know)... and then we pushed much harder than saturday and had way better attitudes about it. my thighs are sore, my body was sweaty as hell and he went home happy because of our great workout... id say SUCCESS!
i really do think i have the best man on the planet.... he came over to bike with me, stayed for an hour of beauty and the geek and even cuddled with me while we were both sweaty.... anyone who can hug/kiss me when i look like the tornado that is me after a workout, is a man that truly loves me! not to mention emailing me throughout the tough day, and the smile on his face when I get home.... cant wait until i get to come home to that every day!
i am pretty worn out, but i got a call from my sisters best friend and she snt answering, so im worried about her. i vowed to take every call seriously and make sure i follow up until i know that she trusts me to be there for her, and to not panic if she is upset until she can get a hold of me... it will take some time, but it means alot to me to have her trust.
im all showered and snuggling in my bed with my kittens, yes im the cat lady, but if you saw these two kittens.. youd snuggle too! (one is in my shoes box, under my hanging clothes peeking around the closet door waiting for snuggle time).... i tihink ill keep them!
here is to a great monday... the right attitude.. .and waking up sore tomorrow... woot biking!
I HAVE HAD A BAD MORNING... WHY YOU ASK? B/C I JUST FEEL FORGOTTEN ABOUT...
MY FAMILY LIVES IN INDIANAPOLIS NOW... WHICH IS ACROSS THE COUNTRY FROM ME HERE IN MARYLAND. THEY MOVED FROM VIRGINIA, NEXT DOOR IT FELT LIKE, TO INDIANAPOLIS ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO AND IT HAS BEEN TOUGH. MY SISTER IS LIVING UP THERE UNTIL SHE GOES OFF TO STUDY ABROAD IN 3 WEEKS AND THAT IS EVEN TOUGHER.
IT FEELS LIKE THEY DO STUFF TOGETHER ALL DAY AND THEN I JUST HEAR ABOUT IT EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS... MY SISTER GOT A REPRIMAND AFTER HER VERMONT HYSTERICS AND I HAD TO CALL HER TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT. ITS LIKE THAT EXTRA CALL, THEY FORGET WHICH IS NATURAL..... AND I JUST FIND STUFF OUT LATER IN TIME AFTER ITS ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
I GUESS THIS SPARKED FROM WORK YET AGAIN FORGETTING ABOUT ME B/C I DONT SIT IN THE SAME PLACE AS EVERYONE ELSE. I DO TWO JOBS, ONE IS VERY INDIVIDUAL AND ONE IF AS PART OF A TEAM, BUT B/C OF DESK USAGE I SIT IN A CLOSED ROOM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OFFICE. IT GETS REALLY TOUGH B/C THEY FORGET IM ON THE SALES TEAM AND DONT INCLUDE ME IN OUTINGS, MEETINGS, GOSSIP, OR LITTLE EVENTS. I HAVE TO BE COPIED ON EMAILS B/C I WAS FORGOTTEN AND I HAVE TO BE TOLD OF STUFF AFTER THE FACT WHEN I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON. I KNOW STUFF WILL CHANGE B/C IM MOVING DESK ONCE WE MOVE INTO OUR NEW FACILITY, BUT I WAS FORGOTTEN FOR A MAJOR MAJOR MEETING TODAY AND IT JUST GETS OLD HONESTLY. IM IN THE SAME BUILDING, THEY SEE ME WALK BY EVERYDAY, WHY IS IT SO TOUGH TO REMEMBER IM A PART OF THE TEAM?
... spent the entire weekend with my boy and it was wonderful. Friday night we did "date night" and went to his favorite restauraunt and spoiled ourselves... definitely ate too much but i refuse to lose out on special occassions or feel guilty about it... it was one night and it was worth it!
Saturday we got up around 10 am and packed my bike up in the car and drove out to Dick's Sporting Goods and spent about 90 minutes buying him a bike, a bike rack and tweaking mine. We spent a good 20 minutes putting that rack on my car, loading up teh bikes, and sweating our butts off at high noon in 99 degree weather. WOOT!
Even better... we drove those bikes to a bike trail near the airport, loaded up our water bottles, and went a biking! The trail is 12 miles long and that was our goal, but realism set in quite fast. My boy's tires werent filled up as we thought so he was fighting an uphill battle the entire time and after about 3 miles, it got to him. If i had someone who was PUSHING me, I would have gone about twice as far... but I would have been hurting in the end. With the miles there, and the time back with just enogh breaks to get water... it was a solid 6 miles and a good hour on the bikes of pumping constantly... so I felt good about it. I dont care if we didnt hit our big goal, and dont care that we both had some "in shape" realizations, we got off our butts and took our bikes to a trail and tried it out. THAT is success! I refuse to think down about that at all... so here is too mastering that trail by december!
I ate ok on Saturday... did my absolute best not to COUNTERACT those (14) points I had just earned.... but I know i for sure went over my daily limit. Sunday want fantastic either in the food department. We had a lazy day and didnt do anything other than snuggle, watch TV, and read.... and i didnt really WATCH myself in the food department. I didnt do gluttony, but i didnt stay within points.
Weekends are the toughest, and b/c i dont journal those points in the computer... i usually just mentally calculate and sometimes can be WAY OFF! (especially when it comes to chips of any sort!)
I have until Thursday to work those calories right back off and i have fallen for biking and getting that heart rate up, so i am optimistic!
Personally.... the weekend was good on other fronts too. Setling into a good place with the boy, fighting those young adult battles together, and bringing our paths closer to one. We talked about marriage alot this weekend... scary I know! Its funny b/c when I think about marrying him... im STOKED! But when i think about marriage in itself... I feel 12! Way too young to have a diamond on my finger and a mortgage, even though I am a pretty typical marrying age... lordie!
NO... he hasnt proposed, and no he wont be for another year at least.... we both talked about how we need that time for ourselves and to dig out of the young adult holes... but we are doing that together. who knows what the future brings... i just hope it brings more of the boy! I would post for hours on my internal commitment struggle...but i think its part of being my age in a long term relationship. its not unnormal and its not scary.... im not being pushed into anything, im not pushing anyone into anything, and my life is growing WITH someone--the rest will work itself out.
Everything happens for a reason.... and eventually it will fall into place at the right time. Its not a religious belief, its a belief in the dynamics of humans and society.
here is another week... lets cross our fingers for a good one!
p.s. - the salesman i am gaining accounts from is back today and he has this attitude that really leaves me confused on hwo to talk to him and with him... so im thinking another human interaction lesson will begin soon--and im a little leary. hopefully i get this one right!
1) i put money into my savings account... and havent been able to do that for a year... i might finally be catching up with real life!
2) i was given more responsibility at work and im excited about the new job duties
3) i have a great weekend planned with the boyfriend and it includes tons of exercise
i want to discuss how proud I am of two very smart and beautiful ladies... TS and MN. MN has had a really really tough few months, nothing someone that young should ever have to even consider, and barring a few bumps has kept a smile on her face. humans are allowed to make mistakes and i think sometimes people forget that.... i think its really important that people forgive themselves and remember that its very much normal to make mistakes or to have obstacles in life --- and to give yourself a break once in awhile.
i have so much anger towards the people and events that hurt MN and soemtimes i find it difficult to step back and not react vehemently towards these strangers for hurting her. i live in this world that from my point of view is basically good, and i look into the world that she sees and it breaks my heart that its not the same. it breaks my heart that someone so beautiful and so giving has had to deal with these horrific aspects of humans.
i have encourged these two ladies to blog and i really hope the release will heal their hearts... whether it be therapy, blogging, or self-forgiveness.... i wait for the day that i see a true smile on her face and know that nothing inside is hurting her.
work: i got more accounts today for sales, which is uncommon b/c my main job title is estimation. i am stoked because i have been pulling to make the switch into sales and being that i cannot be replaced right now... i have been able to do a little of both and it feels great. i just hope that customers and salesman think I am doing great also.... here is too being busier and doing more of what i love!
going biking on saturday... on a 12 mile trail and im way excited about it!!! i have never biked 12 miles, but its fairly flat mroe than half of the time so its my goal to finish it. even if i have to take a break or two. im stoked about being with my love, exercising to make myself more in shape, and enjoying the outdoors and beautiful scenery. its like the three greatest things combine! WOOT!
holy moly.. i just found myself telling another woman the same stuff people told me about weight loss.... difference... i believe it now!! i think those life changes might be comign into effect.. they just might be!
having a crummy day today and feeling low and exhausted... nothing to do with weight and everything to do with getting back into "non" vacation mode.
i have just under 10 lbs.... im STOKED!! 10 lbs is a child at birth, a weight that is kinda heavy, and it makes me excited. i FEEL lighter! no.. im working on that 10%... next short goal! :)
